What Makes Up The Best Relationships?

“The best relationships are by those people who’ve been in the murk, together. Walked right through it and seen each other step into the light, together.” ~ Kawi

Technically, relationships are not easy. I always say that, because they are not. We want to make it easy, but the people in it are complicated. Generally, people are complicated, even those that say they’re not guilty. People are different. We’ve been brought up in different set-up’s and backgrounds, we have different personalities, we have different needs and wants, we see things from a different perspective and have our own standing opinions, which we want to be heard and believed, we have different principles, some or most of which differ. It’s crazy. Just think about it that way. Then these two people are supposed to love each other effortlessly and easily … no drama, no disagreements, and no differences, that’s impossible. Isn’t that the perfect relationship for you?

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

Let me burst the bubble, I’m sure many have before, but there’s no perfect relationship. There are no two people you can look at and say these two are the S.I Unit of a perfect relationship. Don’t go into a relationship thinking that it’s going to be perfect; don’t even try to make it perfect. Truth is, it can never be, unless you’re dating yourself. I don’t mean to be a pooper, I’m just being honest. When you get into a relationship, or you’re thinking of getting into one, be realistic. Be realistic with yourself and the person who you’re getting in to the relationship with. Realistic = Happy People.

In life, I love learning. In as much as sometimes it can be piercing, tear jerking and very humbling. At the end of the day, the lessons make you a better person, makes you see things in different light, and while at it, they make your heart lighter.

You see, in relationships, there are two people. Two people who live differently, because you’re your own person. You’re different in all ways except the part where you’re interested in each other. So how do these two people connect? How do they understand each other and know what the other person need and wants? What makes up the best relationships?

Communication

It’s key. Sometimes we make assumptions about the other person or want the other person to read your mind and actions and miraculously know what’s running through your mind. Unless you have special powers, that’s unrealistic. You need to talk to each other and understand where someone is coming from or why they are making this decision and not the other.

Zero Pride

Your ego, it’s big, it keeps growing. That’s how it’s meant to be, but for the relationship, it needs to be contained. You need to humble yourself. The moment you’re in a situation and you think of “I” before “other person”, that’s pride. Cancel that thought and think about “the other person” and then “I”. I learn this the hard way, but it’s a lesson worth learning. Sometimes I wonder, “why am I doing this and he also didn’t do this” or if he asks why I didn’t do something, instead of being apologetic and correcting that, I am like “why didn’t you do that for me as well.” Haha, you do that too huh?

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

Non – Judgmental

You’re in this person’s space and they’re in yours. The least you can do is let them be without looking at them with judgmental eye. They want to tell you stuff but you shut them down or over-react. Relationships are about extended friendships (like a friend but now with exclusive perks). The same way you’d tell your friend something and you don’t expect them to judge you is the same way it should be in a relationship. I don’t know why when we’re in relationships we become overly sensitive and tacky over anything your person says. The feelings are caught faster than a 737 take off, maybe we need to just calm down and relax.

Enjoy Each Other

Yup, just as it is. Involve each other in your plans, share your dreams and enjoy each other’s company. Introduce them to your friends and vice versa. Let them into your life and them into yours. It makes everything easier, because you won’t feel like you’ve been left outside the box and everyone is having a sick party inside the box. This world can be lonely, but don’t let it be lonely for the person by your side. At least not when you’re there.

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

There’s no winner or loser in your arguments or opinions. They all matter, so air them and hear each other out. It’s not a competition, you’re in the same team, remember. We forget this, I forget this. This is a reminder, let’s support and correct each other in love.

Thanking the boyfriend for taking us to a place where we learn these things together. Some of these things, you can never sort out alone. If you’re in a relationship, it takes two to tango.

Happy Easter lovelies, keep safe. Lots of Love, Light and Peace!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Simplicity Equals Functionality

Normally, I don’t go back to read on what I have written before, because it’s awkward reading what I’ve written. You know the same way it’s awkward listening to your voice. I don’t know if you find it awkward, do you? I already know I wouldn’t make a good radio presenter. I cringe when I hear my voice somewhere in an audio/video (not that it’s bad, don’t burst my bubble just yet, it’s just … awkward).

Anyhow, I decided to just go back and see what I’m usually on about and I figured I really underestimate myself. I still don’t think I’m really good at whatever I do. I’m confident I can do it, but that’s just about where it ends.  Looking back, I actually do say things that make sense even days and years after.

I forget what I wrote about, when I wrote it, why I wrote it and what I was going through when I wrote it.

Every post has its account. There’s a reason I decide to take a particular angle and not another or why one I decide to say this and not that. Maybe that’s why I don’t revisit them, because I go through a situation, learn my lesson and move on. But I have come to realize that most of the stuff that happens in most cases is not new. It’s the same old experience regenerating itself, in a lesser or a greater way. And the same lessons you learnt then, are the same lessons you learn now. Only difference is that maybe your maturity level has increased and you’re able to handle the situation better.

This could be anything ranging from family, friendships, relationships, career, personal experiences, or general life things. The posts are also a reminder that I’ve grown, even how I process things. I like it when people read the articles and interpret the story by themselves without trying to figure out why I wrote what I did or what drove that thought. I love it when someone can relate a story to their life and even more when it helps them through a situation. Many at times, I also look for inspirations from others through their books, blogs and conversations.

In other related news, one of my “new year” i.e. Birthday resolutions, was to make my life more functional. To me, functionality = simplicity. You can use sites such as OLX Free Classifieds to fix something or buy something that’s functional and reduce the clutter, then you have made your life a little simpler.

Kawi Snippets

That couch – got a carpenter to make one for me, can’t wait for it + the decor on there is just it … ideas). Fixed a cupboard my mum had handed down to me, now it looks fancier. Finally got a cooker – baking can become a reality.

For some reason, I like keeping stuff, but at the same time, I hate clutter and I value space. When I gave this some thought, I figured what I needed is functionality, hence the resolutions. Now, have yourself a lovely 4-day week and #ChaseYourDream.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

A Small Gift, Mini-Afro and Big Lesson

Of those gifts you receive and appreciate because its the thought that really counts, but at that moment you disregard it’s function. I’m sure you’ve received such a gift, no? It’s value is not felt immediately. You probably get home and stack it away in your closet hoping that it comes to be of use. Sometimes you just keep it because it’s a gift and it has some sentimental value.

Well, I don’t receive too many gifts, and especially not at random times of the year. This time, when I chopped my hair, my former colleagues gifted me with a metallic afro comb and a flower hair clip, that was a first. My hair was at base level, so the gift didn’t make sense then. I was all grins because it was a gift and which girl doesn’t love gifts? Whether big or small or if it makes sense or no sense.

Then my hair grew to mini-Afro level and my finger combing tactics were getting a little out dated. It just wasn’t working any more and my hair would get tangled up or look pretty untidy. Then one day as I oil my hair, stacked at the back of my made up “dressing corner” I see the that thing we can equate to “an oasis in the desert”, the metallic Afro comb. Then Arufeni’s wise words came to mind, “you’ll need this sometime” and the time was then.

Afro, Gifts, Blessings, Life Lesson

Moral of the story, sometimes we receive our blessings way ahead of time and they don’t make sense then. We have to go through a phase or a season for the blessing to reveal itself and make itself useful in your life in its time. Don’t trash or undervalue gifts given to you just yet. Receive them, keep them and give them time to mature. Give them time to bring value to your life, because that’s the intention of the gift-giver. While you receive physical gifts from loved ones, blessings are your gifts from God. That’s how he shows you some love, most times, it’s through other people.

Thank you Arufeni and Lydia, now I see the value of the comb. It might have been a small gesture, but it has taught me a big lesson.

Signing Off ~~~*Kawi*

Growing Up With Eczema

 Eczema is a term for a group of medical conditions that cause the skin to become inflamed or irritated. The most common type of eczema is known as atopic dermatitis, or atopic eczema. Atopic refers to a group of diseases with an often inherited tendency to develop other allergic conditions, such as asthma and hay fever. Source

I was just explaining to my friend how I grew up with a bad case of atopic eczema and I thought, maybe I should let you in on that one too. It all started when I was barely 2 months. That’s when my eczema broke out as my mum would tell me. It was dermatologist to dermatologist to figure out what was going on because I would have insistent rushes on my body. They established it was atopic eczema but none of them gave proper treatment that would cure the skin allergies. It got worse every time the weather changed or I wore certain kinds of clothing.

Boshori, Child Headgear

She told me how she once bought a cute woolen headgear (otherwise known as “boshori”). She was so excited to have it on me,  little did she know that my delicate skin was not so welcoming to certain cloth materials. As cute as it looked, it looked even cuter on me, but the itching was in excess and when she got it off, there was a collection of rushes on any part of my face the headgear had touched.

In most of my kid photo’s, my skin was patched, a little lighter here, darker there, rushy here. It was not pretty (at least that’s what I felt then), not on pictures and I guess not in person too. I think I plucked & hid so many pictures from the album so that my friends don’t see them and make rough comments or ask who that was. It reached a point after many appointments and many ointments, that she decided to take matters to her own hands. She’s nurse by profession, a good one at that. She did her concoctions and somehow, it worked for the better part of my life. It would heal then recur with seasons (when it’s hot, when it’s cold), environmental changes (occurrence of pollen, dust), food (we tried weaning off many foods – dairy, wheat, protein, but never quite identified anything I was allergic to), clothes materials (wool, silk, net). I had somehow already gotten used to it.

The eczema was mainly on my face and joints (back of my legs, on my hands, neck – technically, the rashes would appear anywhere but those were the most concentrated areas). How I handled it? I think I owe it to my mum because it would’ve easily been worse. She explained to me from a young age what eczema was and what it wasn’t. She told me it wasn’t contagious and it wasn’t a disease (contrary to what other kids would tell me in school). She told me it was allergy, allergy to certain things which we were slowly discovering together. Of course sometimes I would turn a blind eye to things I was told to avoid. Like when I was told to avoid eggs. I was that kid at birthday’s asking, “does the cake have eggs”, it was always yes, but I sneaked a bite or two. You can only deny a kid so much.

It became my way of life and I got used to it. When it recurred, I would apply the ointments then it subsides and life goes on. At some point, I used to thank God it’s eczema I have and not something else. I came to accept it. Even though at times when the skin gets dry & flaky I’d try conceal it. Sometimes I’d just expose and prepare myself to explain to anyone who asked why my arms have rashes or my face patches. It was the story of my life.

In high school, I got away with eating special diet and not touching dirty water, which meant I didn’t do difficult duties. Reason, I was “allergic” to them. I didn’t even have to get a note from the doctor as it was evident on the skin. I kinda used it to my advantage. By then I was so used to managing it, since I always had my ointments with me. Also lotions were a no-no, most of them were watery which didn’t get along with my skin. So Vaseline and it’s variants worked just fine. Make up, also a no-no, because I could easily react to the chemicals.

Then for some reason, I out grew it. The eczema cleared off. My skin color became even, no patches. There was no trace of eczema. Isn’t that miraculous? Sometimes I get a slight reaction and it bugs me. The small doses of it – from small rashes from reactions to the unknown, allergies (eye itches, sneezing), but they’re manageable and containable. Sometimes, I forget what it felt like to be that girl with heavy rash patches on my joints. It’s easy to forget, when you can pose for a pic with flawless skin or zero patches. I don’t take it for granted, because at one point in my life, I experienced the stigma that comes with eczema.

If you’re going through that phase, you’ll get past it, it’s not permanent and even if it is, that’s just part of who you are. Visit a good dermatologist (in my 27 years I’ve never gotten one that I can vouch for), get an ointment that your skin approves of (and that’s devoid of steroids or that you can apply systematically), an oil that blends with your skin and let it run its course. Don’t let it affect your personality or self-esteem. Those that love you, will look past your skin.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Kawiria Writes – Let’s Dream

This season we’re talking dreams, it’s all about chasing your dreams. This got me wondering what my dream is. This is some serious *excuse my French but…* shit. I don’t know what my Big *Everest* Dream is. Or rather I can’t say it out loud to anyone, which simply means, I don’t know. I have small goals, you know the 3 year, 5 year, 10 year plans – that cater for my lifestyle – career, family and status things. I know where I want to be and at what point but what’s that thing that everything I do, think and say, guide me to?

On giving it a little thought, I think it has something to do with writing or better yet blogging. I love it and enjoy it while at it. My mind wanders, and then settles. Writing takes me to some place, my little piece of nirvana, as I’d like to call it. It’s what I’d like to be identified with. Kawiria writes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to write a book. I am pathetic at sticking to a story line that’s longer than blog post, unless of course I have a blogook – A book that will be a collection of all my “to go” posts. But honestly, my unpackaged dream is to inspire through my life lessons, or life lessons learnt through others and put them into perspective. I may not be the most exposed or experienced person on earth, but I believe that there’s a reason for my existence don’t we all.

Blogging, Dream, #ChaseYourDream

Now what I need to do is package that dream into something that’s appealing and that I can say and make some sense out of. Something SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Bound. Right now it’s very vague. So Kawiria writes, writes what? Let’s work on it, that will be my personal assignment in April. To figure out my Big “Everest” Dream. Maybe I’ll be on a TED Talk telling you about my journey to realizing my dream. A girl can dream, so let’s dream #ChaseYourDream. Have you figured yours out yet?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Women Lie More and Better?

It’s definitely simpler to lie. It rolls easy on the tongue and gets you off situations fast enough but not long enough. We have our excuses why we do it, sometimes you do it to protect the people around us, to shelter them from any hurt that the truth may cause. Because, most times as it is or we assume it is, the truth hurts. We don’t realize that in the end, it really doesn’t, the truth actually saves you from getting hurt.

Ask anyone who’s been lied to and what they felt when they eventually found out they were being lied to. If you’re that person,what was your reaction? Mine’s always, I wish you had told me the truth.

It’s easier to deal with a truth than with a lie, because once you’re done and the person on the receiving end has reacted, that’s it for you. You’ll know whether it’s gotten you in trouble or everything’s peachy, the verdict happens there and then. On the other hand, when you lie, you’re always waiting for the truth to unfold and the outcome could be uglier. Most of us when in that situation (where you have to make the choice between the truth or a lie to cover it up), lying always seems to be the easier and better option.

20140401-171618.jpg

What made me think of this, was a programme showing on local Tv. I was flipping channels to see what’s interesting, then bam! Women were there discussing how women lie more and better than men. That would certainly would catch my attention. I’m no feminist who are they by the way? but hey, why such a serious accusations to the women folk alone. It was Alfajiri on K24, the discussion went on on why women lie more than men. Whatever they were saying sounded valid because I’ve seen it, heard it and many at times experienced it. At least they didn’t exclude the fact that men lie too, but it was an all women discussion, so they couldn’t talk on their behalf. Jimmy Gathu, was the referral on things men that popped up.

Women would lie for many reasons they said, plus they do it better. For fear of being judged wrongly, being rejected for who they are, to protect the ones they love, because they need to (you know, circumstances). They went on and on, they’re valid reasons, but I think they were lame too. Because lies, they’re not an armor. They don’t shield those things from happening. What they do, is just push you more to the edge of the cliff without your knowledge. The next thing you know, you’re hanging by a thread. The lies that once a protection, don’t even offer a cushion for when you hit the hard ground.

It always starts as subtle lies. Like, about yourself, what you do, where you are, where you live, who you are or that you’ll do something while you know that you won’t or your circumstances don’t allow you to?

What if something happens and the people you’ve lied to find out that you don’t live there because it happened that they need to come visit you without your knowledge or they wanted to surprise you say on your birthday. What if someone you lied to meets your friend and as your name pops up, they ask about what you do & they have conflicting information, just that one knows the truth. Or you lie you’re somewhere you’re not, and someone is asking you because they saw you. Lies need a follow-up, so you have to remember what you lied and stick to it. Isn’t that more frustrating?

In my honest opinion, I’d rather say and hear the truth than a lie any day. Sometimes I have gold-fish memory, so I’d rather not keep a record of lies in my file system, that’s my main reason. I’m not perfect or a saint, I’m not saying I don’t lie to cover my ass, I do sometimes, but now that I think of it, the truth keeps your heart at peace. Plus there’s some matureness that comes with it. It shows that you can trust someone because they are true to you.

Truth is transparency, it doesn’t mean you divulge everything about you or your life, it means that the information you give at anytime is real, it’s you, it’s who you are. Not what you intend to be, or wish you could be or maybe you could put that as a disclaimer as you give the information, saves you a lot.

Truth is honesty, being honest with yourself and those around you. Truth is realistic,  being real not only with yourself but also with those around you.

It was April Fool’s day, hope you weren’t fooled. I wasn’t, for once. The one day you’re allowed to lie and prank people hope you took full advantage of it unlike me. Great week ahead!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Do You Know What Happiness Is For You?

It’s been all things Foundation all day, everyday. For that reason, I hope that you’re coming for the walk this weekend 22nd March at Ngong Road Forest Sanctuary from 8:00am.  It’s going to be some good fun, we can really hold it down. Come for it, then let me know if you had a good time. If you don’t have fun, you’re probably boring *joke*. On a serious note though, the one reason I love this #SaveAMum initiative is because I can’t imagine a life without my Mum. I really can’t. She’s molded me. My baby sister and I are mini-her’s.

Foundation - Blog

I remember when I was growing up, we had our differences. She would deny me permission to go certain places and totally side with my dad on the NO’s. Although she did try to cover me up a couple of times when I fell off the wagon. Or make a big deal if I didn’t clean up my room or help the house-help clean up, to the point of waking us up after going to bed *or pretend to*. She was the morning alarm “Calls out Kawi. Once, twice … Footsteps! That was it,  I would be up before she twists open my door knob because, war!”. She would ask me about school, my dad was worse though, because I had to justify that I was reading and not just busy socializing with friends.

After those wars, she was my bestie. She’s the one I’d run to if I had problems in school, if I had an ache or itch (anywhere…lol), if I just wanted someone to rant to about anything and everything. She would always give me a listening ear. She knows all my friends even without ever meeting some because of all my stories. Through it all, she remains our root. She taught me and influenced the values I hold today. Of course I attribute it to my dad too, but her presence made it easier for him (especially that we’re 2 girls). I would like to #SaveAMum today so that another child can experience this kind of relationship, it’s heavenly.

#SaveAMum, Chase Group Foundation, World Happiness Day

Apparently, today is World Happiness Day. Who knew there was that one day we devote to happiness? These “World Days” never cease to amaze. Well, I’m not the happiest in the brood, but at least I don’t have a reason why I should not have a smile randomly plastered on my face, I’m blessed. No one has clearly pointed out what happiness is yet. Is it a state? Is it a moment? It’s got to be something. When you Google it now, guess the 1st thing that comes up? Yes, Pharrell William’s – Happy. His video shows a picture of happy, I would also be happy if I was in it.

Even if we don’t collectively have an answer, at least we can think of what we feel when we think we’re experiencing happiness. Some of the things that make me get that feeling I would say is “my happy” are:

Writing a blog post

Inviting family and  friends over to hang out or vice-versa

Love, light and peace around me

Accomplishing a goal

Eating delicious food

Good “Upbeat” Music

Beautiful Scenery  (give me a house at a beach front, I’ll be happy forever, promise!)

Lot’s of color on objects

Chatting about everything under the sun

Sharing a good laugh

Catching up with old friends and meeting new friends

Comfort in my space

Problem solving

Selfies

Nothing complicated really even the beach front. As long as these things happen, whenever and wherever they happen, I feel that dash of niceness. However, I think happiness is more internal than it is external and it’s experienced best when it’s felt and shared with others. Happiness can be anything you want it to be, as long as it brightens your soul and it helps you brighten another persons soul.

Signing Off ~ *Kawi*