Archive | April 2010

Realizations – patience and perseverance

My version of patience and perseverance in which case before I came to understand those two terms my relationship with them was on a scale of 1 to 10 say at 4.5, being on the higher side of the lower part of the scale, which I could say is coupled by the fact that I at least have faith and optimism.

Well in the dictionary, they say Patience is : “Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness.” “Tolerant; understanding: an unfailingly patient leader and guide.” ”Persevering constant.” “Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.”

Perseverance on the other hand is: “To remain constant to a purpose, idea, or task in the face of obstacles or discouragement.”

I am not trying to spoil my c.v by saying that my levels of patience and perseverance are low … hehe well, I happened to find out or realize how important it is to have those two qualities. This also requires faith, because it’s putting your all in something that you are not so sure will succeed or will go in the direction that you want it to. There are chances of it failing.

“It’s a case of see the glass half full and not half empty kind of thing.”

How I happened to realize this two things, is by going through a rough patch, I shall not narrate it, considering it could be quite a small thing to others … don’t want to leave you saying “shiiish and she’s complaining” … I shall just leave it to your imagination, where you could put your own situation into this I know what you are thinking.

Anyway, I had reached my dead end, you know making wrong decisions, having fears that I couldn’t fathom, expecting to be understood while I can’t understand myself … that kind of dead end. And there is one thing I was asked that left me thinking, eeerrrrr!!! Are you patient? Can you just persevere for a little while? Can you think long-term instead of short-term?

First of all, I want to thank whoever asked me this 3 questions, because out of all the questions I have ever been asked those were the three hardest questions to answer, let alone the exam questions you are left clueless, at least those ones you either did not read so you don’t know or you read and you just did not get it. But this is my life we are talking about… it’s you, they are supposed to be the easiest ones to answer.

Those questions, gave me a completely different view on things 360o , of course at first I was thinking “How can you ask me that, what exactly are you getting to?”

To be honest, saying it from my point of view, we are all attracted or moved towards things that are the easiest to get and/or are sure we will easily benefit from them (true/false?), no one wants to suffer at all. That’s why you will find someone rushing to where money is easily acquired such as Pyramid Schemes, get double your investment with no struggle at all, casino’s all you have to do is enter a coin and Kaching!! you could’ve won a lottery, Getting married to a rich person with no love or care just because it’s an easy life (or so you think)… where you will have a free car, house, clothes…bleh bleh bleh, while you sit around and do nothing(ok, maybe shop around for more things that you can get…lol), not knowing that the rich person who has managed to get all that money sweat for it.

Let me get to the point now, to explain better I likened this three patience, perseverance and long-term thoughts on the different aspects of life:

I likened this it to an Unborn child all the way to when the child is born and grows .

When a woman first gets pregnant, I will easily explain it if the pregnancy is a by mistake, that is you were not expecting it. What’s the first thing that crosses your mind? #Oh no!! #Should I or shouldn’t I keep the baby? #What to do? This is where you’re true test of character comes in, you’re actions at this point determine yours and your baby’s future. I respect mothers by the way, because when you are pregnant and you carry the baby in your womb for 9months that to me is patience and perseverance, it’s not the easiest of things to do, but it’s something you have to do. In between those 9 months it can be quite hectic, I shall not get into any gory details because I haven’t experienced it myself but at least i have seen. When a baby is born, it’s a bundle of joy, but besides the joy there are so many other things, the expenses, the expectations, the anxiety, the newness of being a mother all this requires those three things. You have to be patient enough to see the child grow, there are times things are thick – sickness, expenses, and through all this as a mother you need to persevere and see that all the obstacles are sorted to the end – mothers would work themselves out to see that their children lead the good life and you will need to think on the long-term, what is it that your child will eat and be educated with, the life you would want them to live.

I likened it to being new in a work place.

If I could ask? , I know everyone would want to get a very high paying job, become a manager or CEO of an industrious professional firm that is well-known, get all the benefits/allowances you can think (am talking entertainment, fuel, hefty hosing allowance not common ones like insurance). This time you are asking a fresh graduate from campus, and that’s what they actually want for a first job (talk of aiming high). I was there, and trust me that’s what I wanted as well…until I came to realize some thing called EXPERIENCE, you just don’t get there (say 1 among 1000 are lucky to … this being a guess), you have to have worked you’re ass to get there, know how things are run.. you rise to the top. “You have to climb a ladder from the first step, not the other way round.” You will be given work that makes you think, this is not what I studied to do, this is not in my calibre, trust me patience you will require, as well as being humble, this patience will lead you to being persevering and you will be able to grow in the industry. and if you are thinking long-term, the better because then you’re desires to become that manager and C.E.O will have borne much fruits and it won’t be an empty desire.

I likened it to a relationship

Again if I could ask, many would just want to have their cake and eat it? I mean, no compromising, whereby everything should fall into the right place immediately sounds to me like the perfect life. Funny, in a relationship there are two extremely different people … by different I mean, character, personality, looks, complection, fingerprints…lol the biggest difference, one is a male species, the other is a female species (oops forgive my terms). Both have to work to make things fall into place, you have to be patient with each other to be able to learn each other well enough, you have to be persevering because it’s not everyday things are going to be so rosy, many at time the thorns predominate. You have to think in long-term because am assuming this is the person you are planning to spend you’re lifetime with.

I likened it to starting up a new business

You know coming up with ideas is quite a very easy part because all you have to do is think and be creative, then comes the part where you’re implementing the concept. That’s the hardest. It’s good to teach yourself to appreciate what people have done because starting up a business is crazy (i haven’t started one yet, but even imagining it is just crazy in itself). You need to be patient while planning out your business.. the finances, the human resource, the infrastructure they all just don’t come, you have to work hard and sweat for them. Rough times where you have no money or the personnel are acting up or they are pushing you to the edge, you need perseverance. You need to visualize your business in future, that is, have goals and objectives that you’ve set to achieve in order for your business to grow and generate revenue and maybe give back to the community.

He(namewitheld) says telling me something is like opening a can of worms, clearly out of those three question came an eruption of thoughts from different perspectives.

With so much said, hoping you’ll even manage to reach the end … here, i found the following quotes quite intriguing:

“Try and fail, but don’t fail to try”

“Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did”

Signing Off — *Kawi*

Why did I get Married?

Why Did I Get Married

Just so that you know, I would really want to get married and have kids, have a great family, grow into it. The day i’ll achieve that then i’ll know i’ve fullfilled my purpose. Yeah that’s my greatest desire.

But the problem is that those people who have managed to achieve that make marriage sound like hell. I have never quite understood that. I know people would say am naive for thinking that marriage is a good thing that can really work. I mean I get that almost every other time. I know it ain’t a bed of roses. Considering relationships also aren’t.

Everything in life has it’s ups and downs including you’re own life, you know school, home, friends but when it comes to relationships it’s different because it’s you and another person involved, that’s what makes it much harder.

Different people handle the same thing differently.

You know more like you can kill a rat in more ways than one: You can use the rat trap, you can give it poison, you can hit it with a broom. Those ae just but a few.

The thing with marriage is that you both have different views about the same thing just like the rat example. Say the woman wants to use the rat trap and the man wants to hit it with a broom. And you have to choose one. It’s all about humility, who’s going to reconsider their views and choose the best one among the two.

Why did you get married?

If you cannot be humble enough for your wife/husband who is your world?

If you can’t respect each other?

If she isn’t the first person who crosses you’re mind when you are doing something?

If he/she isn’t the only one who gets all your love unconditionally?

If you can’t sacrifice one or two things to make you’re partner happy?

If your partner is not the only person besides you’re family who understands you for who you are and accepts you with all your flaws?

If you don’t mean the world to them…or they don’t mean the world to you?

That if you are given 60 seconds to collect the most valuable thing in the house, they are the 1st person you would pick?

To me that’s what marriage is, and no one convince me otherwise. I do respect marriages, I don’t get why someone would talk ill of their spouses. You had a choice, a gun wasn’t put to your face and you weren’t commanded to say yes or even to have a wedding in the first place.

Problems are there everywhere…even at work. It gets me why people who are married can’t sit together and have a decent talk…or would sleep in separate rooms or have a clandestine and never make their spouse feel like a King or Queen. I can testify that three quarters of married people frustrate their spouses: Disrespect, Lack of proper communication, not caring, silent treatment bleh bleh bleh. But once you get married, somethings should come automatically like forgiveness,

Am not saying you go sleeping around and you come back and expect me to forgive..that’s pushing it, or you beat me up and you expect me to forgive you again that’s pushing it. This being me, that’s like telling me GO AWAY!

By Forgiveness, we humans are not like God, you know. When it comes to the two I have mentioned above, they are a piercing to the heart #ThankGodforDivorce there’s no two ways about it. But other things should be discussed as grown ups? I don’t get it why guys don’t communicate … I mean it’s the easiest rule in handling things. It makes everything easy.

Anyway, I think before you get married, you should know what you really want. And If it’s not the person you’re getting married to then #NeverNeed.

If you’re married and it’s just not working out and you’re spouse is being a bitch or douchebag #Sorry I don’t want to have that.

If you’re married and you’re enjoying it and preaching positivity in marriage whether you’re on the rocks i.e experiencing the thorns on the roses or the beauty of the rose. You’re my inspiration and I just want to be like that as well.

“My Prayer is to be a the best wife and a the best mother to my husband and my family to be”

Signing out — *Kawi*

Road Rage

Thought road rage is only for drivers, wrong, passengers get the full experience of it. Especially if you travel by public means.

Road Rage -- Gets me charging like a bull

Yesterday, as I was headed home in the evening after an exhausting day, I walk to the stage and enter the matatu Public Service Vehicle(PSV). I’ve settled down on my sit and am just thinking, I can’t wait to reach home. The matatu environment is not the best. There’s the closed windows that makes it stuffy and there’s the loud bursting music that makes you feel like your eardrums are going to get perforated. Then the worst moment comes when in a 3 seater place the conductor forces a 4th person. And being in the evening some people just smell of serious sweat Hardworking Citizen and they are just rubbing against you. Anyway that’s not the big deal here,

The way the driver is driving is just it. Gosh, you would think he’s transporting cows to the slaughter room. I thought PSV’s have a speed limit of 80km/h this dude is doing about 100-120km/h on a road that should only be doing 50km/h like half the time you’re heart is in your mouth #TheTraumer Then he refers to the passengers as pesa. You’d hear the conductor say something like “beba pesa” — carry money.

To be honest I felt like if only I was #Makmende I would take the conductor and the driver and bang their heads together i mean like the way I would play a cymbal. Because all through the journey I’m cursing out, you know all the S words I can think of. Really, I would want to be having happy thoughts on my way home. Not thinking what would happen if we had an accident #BadThoughts.

The worst people to have a road rage with is the PSV drivers and conductors, because they just don’t care, they are either probably high on some drug or wondering how they are going to make money in the next round they are carrying passengers. By the time I came to realize this, I have alighted the matatu with some burning anger, Chimney like or say charging bull, venting out all the anger! Those guys are experts in Saddism, they can totally ruin your day.

The only medicine is Ignore, Ignore, Ignore until you buy a car. Involvement with them is just a waste of time and energy. It’s like arguing with a fool, don’t get me wrong I’m not calling them fools am just likening the situation, since it’s the same anyway…lol, you just end up looking like one of them. Which is not a good thing. On the contrary, you can wish them a lovely evening (turn anger into joy) … it’s a fulfilling feeling … I have tried it. Though it was uncalled for, am sure he was left thinking, okay, what did I do to deserve that :)


Today am feeling a tad bit indifferent and in the mood to break my usual friday rythm #TGIFridays. Considering that my answers to most of the questions were tending towards nothing really. Yesterday I woke up thinking it’s friday then I find out it’s Thursday in my sleep calculations. #VeryUncool but Thank God It’s Friday and we’re all alive and well :)The first thing that crossed my mind was the people that read my blog. When I was coming up with it, I didn’t think that it would be interesting enough for people to actually read it. Talk of lack of writing confidence. I blame it on my English teacher high school. So, being privileged with friends who also read it :) Thank you. The first question i’m asked is, are you not scared that people will get to know you through your posts?

Very good question? I have actually gotten time to think about it, and at some point it actually freaked me out, I write alot ok maybe not quite alot and maybe someone is tying to figure me out through my writing. I tend to think about stuff from different aspetcs. So, my final thought settled on, the purpose why we are in this world is so that you can interact with other beings— ever heard that man is a social being, then ever wondered why people do research and the likes or that social networks is beaming in the market right now – Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LikedIn, Hi5, bleh bleh bleh . So my answer to the question, is No I don’t mind people knowing me. Though this is a very small portion of me, that’s if this was used as a platform of knowing who Kawi really is.

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.”

My Funky Friday theme song

Chocolate High India Arie Ft Musiq Soulchild

I’m taken by anything that describes love in a good way. And this song takes me. *I’M ADDICTED TO YOUR CHOCOLATE HIGH*

Todays Inspiration Quote is

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ” ~ Marianne Williamson

Have a super FABULOUS Friday


Signing off — *Kawi*

I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

I’m Yours – Jason Mraz

I have seriously looked for this song. It’s a shame I didn’t know what it’s called. That being my other weakness where I never know the songs that are sang, leave alone the musicians. Considering I never get the words to the song unless I listen to it countless times. Yeah am that bad. And even then I still can’t sing along, maybe only to the chorus…lol hence the reason I shall never attempt Idols or Project Fame #Fail

Anyhow, Seriously given this song and a scale ranging from 1-10, I would give him an 8.99 would’ve done 9.99 but am being a bit cultured..hehe as in, the instrument..thats the guitar strumming *Perfect to an amateurs ears*, the voice variations throughout the song *Highs and Lows and the playing around with the vocal cord*, the words to the song *BLISS*, the video *Simple yet amazing, just makes me feel like going on Vacation*— I love everything about it. Used to hear it on Rick Dees and I get the goosebumps and every time I want to search for it on you tube I just go blank.

Signing Off — *Kawi*

Mind in the gutter

I couldn’t have been with you so long and you just slip off like that, I mean, surely that’s so unfair. So tender so young I started out with you. I think I was 17 clearly seeing I was even underage, You took advantage of the fact that I didn’t know what I wanted in life, my direction, my desires, my interests. I was totally green and naïve to the world. Okay, I brought myself to you, but instead of denying me of the chance and giving me excuses like you’re too young, or in experienced like everyone else would do, you whole-heartedly took me in. Our relationship went through up and downs thick and thin.

But we maneuvered through it. At some point I hated what you were doing to me, I was even wondering why am with you in the first place. You know the kind of parasitic feeling whereby am the host being chewed on by you, the parasite. Well, I never thought of leaving because I am a persevering person#ithink and I apparently work well under pressure, ok truth be told, I wanted to run away from you, because I was feeling like you’re not giving me enough, I did not know what I wanted with you. It’s like you were using me, not cool. You gave me so much pressure and made me anti social at some point, gave me sleepless nights, sometimes I would even forget to eat because of the stress you were giving me.

You know how someone would know what they really like about whatever they are having a relationship with. In this case, I could not specify what it is exactly I liked about you, yeah, I had you and everyone else saw like our relationship is a budding one. It was great in the outside. But in the inside I was clueless. Maybe I was just too young and inexperienced for sure. Everyone else seemed to be alright and in touch in their relationships. But as usual I try avoiding comparisons you never know.

Anyhow, from this relationship I learnt a whole lot. It made me grow in places I never thought I would grow, it made realize things I never thought will come to my realization. It made me who I am today. It opened my mind and gave me ideas. It taught me to be curious, inquisitive and exploring.

You allow us to have an open relationship, like you allowed me to see others and try them out without feeling jealous. I ogled at them and told you straight to your face and you were still faithful to me. You allow me to use ou with others and you’re still my main one. You’re very generous.

You’ve tolerated me for five years now, and still want to be with me, but I’m the one slipping away. I have now realized that, and you are just the other best thing to happen to me. So me and you till the end, thanks for the open relationship.

My relationship with INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY is now supposed to get back on track , I am starting to embrace it and I want to give back what  it has taught me all this years and how well it’s treated me. Well, PROJECT MANAGEMENT is my side kick ;) !

Signing off — *Kawi*

An Epiphany – Entrepreneurship

Since I’m always thinking, this has just come up in one of my thinking sprees’…yah, that’s what I would prefer to call it, for now, for lack of a better description. Anyhow, was just wondering if today I was to start my company #Entrepreneurship , what would it be ? what would it be about ? How will I run it ?

This is funny, I dreamt of the word Epiphany yesterday … lol, maybe it’s because a friend of mine #Suetiful who is in a way my English dictionary has used it quite a couple of times. On a serious note now, I actually experienced an Epiphany that would totally change how I view entrepreneurship and the whole starting up something of your own thing. Ok, I could be pushing it, but you know sort of the way Bill Gates started up the personal computer revolution, or how the warner brothers took over entertainment industry, or to the simplest the ‘mama mboga kiosk’ next to your house or the market woman sitting selling tomatoes or potatoes at the market.

In campus, I actually did a unit called Entrepreneurship skills, and everytime the lesson ended I would tell myself, “I wasn’t cut out to be an entrepreneur”, and I had every reason why. First thing, I did not know what it is that tickles my fancy, or say even if I did, I did not know how to tailor it into something concrete that can be turned into a business let alone bringing in revenue. Not that I have found as solution as I write but at least now I see things just a bit differently. It’s like I was on the head side of the coin before and now I am on the tail side..the complete change over.

Why is it that a woman who has not gone to school, cannot read and write, or even communicate well go to the farm, grow her tomatoes, potatoes and fruits, harvest them, transport them to the market, sell them to othe vendors or to customers like me and you on market days, make money and use it to pay school fees, and prepare her farm for another planting season. I think, what she has is determination, she figured out what she has and how she can use it to her advantage. It’s as simple as that.

Okay, I don’t have a farm and am not planning to farm … so let me give another example, there is this person who paints and his/her paintings are just purely awesome. You know, the kind you see and feel at the same time. If it’s the painting of a fisherman in his small boat in the middle of the lake, you can actually see and feel like you are seeing live (ok, that’s enough imagining), am just trying to emphasize on the goodness of his painting. Problem is he doesn’t know how good they are and so he doesn”t flaunt them and he undercharges for them, he doesn’t know anyone of influence

While there is someone with such ugly paintings but his/hers are over-priced and he knows they are not all that appealing , but he can convince people to buy them, he has the right network of people and channel through which to market and sell them.

See a problem between the two painters : There’s the really good one with no ready market and low prices and there’s the bad painetr with a ready market and high prices >> I know, this is pretty unfair and that’s how the world is. And that’s the reason I feared enterpreneurship right from the start. It’s scary in a way.

Normally, it goes like, use your talent. But now when it comes to Entrepreneurship it’s use your talent, to generate some revenue. That’s the hard part. How do you do that? There are quite a number of skills that the entrepreneur has, I know it sounds abit stupid to list them but trust me it’s important: Leadership skills, communicative skills, managerial skills, technical skills, conseptual, skills and analytical skills.

This is how after all this time I can put myself in the shoes of the entreprenueur and say the things that are important while thinking of starting something of your own. Knowing that everything starts with a problem or a need that people have or even the surrounding environment can just create opportunities.

One needs to Identify what you’re ability is (quite important), like what is it that you can do? , what are you good in? That thing that gives you avantage over others. i.e it could be you’re very artistic,or you can code well, or you’re good with numbers, or you have a way of convincing people to do things… get my drift

Then identify who is it that is interested in you’re talents outcome/deliverable …this is the market target market? if you make a product that is not needed by the market then it looks like you’re making it for fun or to just to satisfy your own desires (which is sometimes good and satisfying if you’re not expecting returns) , but I believe in most cases one wants something that can generate revenue or bring in some returns.

Check your finances, do you have money to be able to carry out all this. Like if what you do requires an office or material can you be able to purchase them? do you need to be sponsored by an external body this screams Proposals? Meaning you have to tell the sponsors how you are going to spend the money they are giving you in detail, the budget.

Get your documentations straight — Proposals, Licenses, Receipts bleh bleh bleh I’ve heard it makes ownership better. It’s like having land with no title-deed #Hectic and #Frustrating and it’s temporal. And I believe it sucks to put so much into something only for it to fail because lack of a piece of paper License

Then the next stage is how to get the product or services to the markets that you have identified – the whole package : Advertising, Marketing, Pricing (Valuing), Packaging, Delivery to customer – The whole deal has to be structured and be arranged, you shouldn’t sell you’re talent out of the blues — you never know it could be a gold mine that you are under-pricing. Like selling gold worth Ksh 200,000 at say Ksh 10,000 just because you hadn’t valued it.

The most important part is how you manage you’re finances: what do you do with the returns, do you drink and drain them all out or do you re-invest them. This is the determinant of your business. It’s the yes you’re doing great! , or no man! you’re tripping … ha!

Another important part is the network. Attend Seminars, concerts, conferences … and always have a card with what you do, what you can offer and you’re contacts >> In essence market yourself. Then you’ll be shocked how many people will be refered to you.

How could I forget :: use your friends as your guinea pigs especially if it’s tangible products or services. Their reaction will somehow give you an idea if your business is something or not. Also your human resource – that’s if you have any people you have employed, get their ideas … people have great ideas, just that sometimes they can’t implement them for one reason or another.

After breaking it down like this in my head… surely why again can’t I start something of my own. My only reason is that I haven’t found my niche in the business world. But am working towards that. Just that I hope the idea to be actualized comes on as soon as possible ASAP. I know my interest is generally people, I know that sounds awkward but yeah. Now what to do with this people…lol, another thing I love doing is explaining what someone is trying to say from ‘lay man’s term to ‘technical term’ and helping them come up with exactly what they want conceptually. Help build on requirements for systems mainly and design them in a manner that shows the inputs,outputs and the various processes involved (System Analysis and Design) — basically something of that sort.

Project Management is also another area am venturing. Am trying out on things that take me closer to the people in a technical sort of way. Since most jobs don’t really give descriptions of what I’ve mentioned I like doing as much as they say that’s what it is. I guess someday soon I will be compelled to start my own thing and do those two things: System Analysis and Design and Project Management.

And with this being my fuel #ihatequotes

“What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” – Tim Ferriss

“Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow.” – Steve Pavlina

“All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.” – Susan Jeffers


Signing off — *Kawi*