Archive | January 2013

25 Going On 26

I know I’ll be too excited to do a post tomorrow, so let me do it now as it’s become sort of a tradition. Still comfortable saying my age, but now that am tipping to the other side of the scale, I think I should start learning to be discrete about it. Until say 40 when am still looking young and not anything close to it. I am 25 going on 26, I don’t know what to write *cue in that Sound of Music song*. But really, I don’t know what to write but I need to write something. Let’s see, I think I will go with the few things I figured while at the tender age of 25.

Happy Birthday

I undervalue myself most of the time. You know how others get impressed by your achievements or doings but you end up missing the point, moving on and working a lil’ harder harder for more. Yes, I do celebrate my milestones, but then the excitement is short-lived because from that milestone there’s another one that’s supposed to be achieved. As I concentrate on what needs to be achieved next, I forget that this is how far I have come from and I almost just almost have everything that I need (resource-wise) to get me going. That’s a blessing.

Relationships are molded. No relationship comes already formed and through the process, there’s those bits and pieces that need to be beaten back for it to be in shape, it’s painful but once you’re over that, it becomes beautiful. Even roses have thorns right? Basically, you have to compromise and sacrifice a few things without losing yourself though. Learn to meet in the middle and accommodate each other, know which role is played by who and respect each other while laughing, loving and living. Yes, it’s work in progress, always is. That’s being submissive.

I am very defensive of myself. Sometimes, you need to hear others out. They see you from the outside, they’re not very subjective in their opinions of you, but objective in their judgement based on how they relate to you and how they know you. That’s one thing I’m struggling with. Accepting I am wrong, even when I don’t think I am..I mean who thinks they are ever wrong? *if you agreed with me, that’s the problem right there*. That’s being humble.

Make many plans, so that even if some fail, at least you’ll have a couple of others you’ve managed to achieve. Plans are also not cast on stone, so they can change at different times of your life and in different situations. I didn’t succeed in all the plans I had set out during my age 25 tenure, others changed too, but I am content and grateful for all the ones that came to be. That’s being honest and ambitious.

26 does sound like a super year. Especially if I think of it like those read-the-future-kind-of-people, it’s a double of the year we are currently in (2013 … so 13*2 = 26). Ha ha trust me to do that, sometimes you’ve got to imagine the light of the end the tunnel before you get to it. It gives you a peace of mind. So for this year, I expect things to double for me :-) . Point in case: I would like to graduate, get a salary increase, get a pair of 6-inch heels (though I know I will almost never wear them) or better yet re-stock my shoe rack and closet, get a bigger house, save for a car, those are just but a few that I know within my control, there others that aren’t but it’s the doubling year ain’t it? at least according to the theory that I just derived.

This moment looked so far and now it’s here. Last but not least, it’s also my boyfriends birthday, yeah on the same day. I know how awkward that seems and even feels now that the d-day is here *did I just make it sound like we’re getting married?*.

I would actually like to take this moment *how I sound like am receiving an Oscar or Grammy Award…lol too many moments of sounding like something today* to tell him ↓ and that he made my 25 worth the while. I hope it’ll be the same for the many years to come. ILY to Dions!

Amazing, Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my fellow Aquarians, keep on keeping it real, you know how we roll. Thanking God, for giving us another year to see his goodness and share it with the rest of the world.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

One of those Weeks

Ever had one of those weeks where you feel like the world is on top of you and not the usual “am on top of the world” feeling, boy don’t I miss it. Like all the forces *not dark ones though* are against you and those that are with you as you fight your battles, are at the far end of the sidelines shouting out your name and telling you “take it easy, you can do it, it’ll all come to pass”. While you are in the battle field, everything seems bleak, even when you’re trying to do everything right. Funny enough, what we tend to forget when we’re in any kind of battle is that we’re not perfect beings. I always forget that. I want to do everything to the best of my ability.

diamond-pressure

Such that even when am doing whatever it is to the best of my ability, I still feel like I need to put in more effort. Maybe it’s not nice, maybe it has errors, maybe I’m not that knowledgeable, maybe it’s just not right, what will they think, how will they find it and on. Perfect example is when handing in a document *my thesis* that I’ve done for a few months that’s a lie, I meant a few weeks and your supervisor has to review it as you stare blankly thinking, “I hope my research makes sense”…lol. I mean if it doesn’t make sense to him, how will it make sense to anyone else and there are deadlines to be met.

I had a very rough week, to say the least. Through it,  I came to realize that sometimes you’re the only one who knows/feels/experiences the pressure you’re undergoing. Everyone else, expects things to be normal or even better than normal. Those are the forces I was talking of, they all pulling you from every corner and you the hub has to be a diamond through it all. You know, still maintain your shine despite the being under all that pressure. Of course, sometimes you’ll break down when you feel like there’s just too much on your plate, I got there and you even wonder how you got there. Then again, I was like am a special kind of girl to have all that kind of pressure and still manage to crack a joke or two, converse, hand in my deliverables (I handed in my thesis research proposal *sigh of relief*). Once you make that 1st step, the rest is shouldn’t be rocket science. Yeah, I’ve given myself that “really?” look on your behalf.

This is the week I caught a bad ass flu, I lacked sleep, I lost my appetite, I felt so exhausted, I cried a lil’ bit here and there, I felt alone,  and like I had so much on my plate. No usual, take a chill pill and relax. Well, sometimes you’ve got to take it all in, work around your situations and come out a winner in your own way. Just never say “I cannot do”, because you can. Even when you do it your own way, that’s not the universal way, at least you tried. You have been put in your situation because one way or another you can handle it, it may not seem so obvious then, but it does sooner or later.

On that note, I defend my thesis proposal next week *cringe,  prayers please*, this one is one hell-of-a ride. How do people even get the motivation to do a PhD? Good Lord! That piece of document is pure stress. Now add work which is almost as crazy (since half the time I feel like am back to school handing in assignments and so on) and the other aspects of life.

Well this doesn’t sound like the “happy Friday” y’all are used to from bubbly me. It’s actually the best day of my week this week and am glad that I came to the realization that I was stressed to my toes and I need to take it easy. But who knows how to take it easy anyway? Well, at least I can now talk and laugh about it.

Diamond, Pressure, Oaks

In other very unrelated news, it’s my friends hen’s night tomorrow, whoop whoop! To make her last weekend as a bachelorette most memorable. Thank God for awesome mixes – here, that I am currently sit-head-bumping to as I write this post.

Live, laugh and love a little more and be there for those people who matter to you. It’s people who are there for you, not things. Blessings comrades!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Friday Fives

Thank God It’s Friday … Whoooptidooo! Friday excitements! It’s 18th January and clearly the days are not moving. Whoever said January has 90 days, you know something we don’t. I’m not complaining though! When February comes, I grow a year older and am not getting any younger *that’s been followed by a sheepish smile*. Been a while since I did a Friday post, let me break that chain. That would be a bad habit to carry in to the new year no?

So, how’s your Friday coming along? Have some unexplained excitement like me? Is the month dragging for you as well? Are you eagerly waiting for pay-day? Any of your friends getting hitched soon? Any birthday’s coming up? Are you alive, health and happy (even if it’s just for the moment)? Am sure there’s a YES for at least one of those questions!

TGIF, Friday

1. Oopsies!

Had the most random weekend last week, on Saturday I finally went to watch The Hobbit.  A.W.E.S.O.M.E movie.  So much for wondering what the fuss is all about, especially that I wasn’t a such a die-hard Lord of the Rings Fan, don’t judge me though am sure am not alone here. Plus I have not read the book. However, I have a question. Am I the only one who gets fidgety when watching movies especially in the theatres. I feel like the sits should have been a bit bigger and cosier. So am always shifting siting postures, removing the goggles, putting them on, looking for something to eat and so on. Then when I look at my neighbors, they’re all seriously concentrating O_O

On Sunday, I was supposed to go over to my cousins for a family meeting, then a friend calls that they need help. The help involves me, getting dressed up, made up and looking all diva’ish. Yes, I looked so glamorous it felt weird…lol and lots of poses and clicks. Felt like a model for a moment and so different from my usual self, it’s crazy! Don’t think I can rock that look though unless am invited for another random shoot and Muthoni does it for me again, it’s not an easy process. Can’t remember the number of things that I was applied, but it was fun. Once I get the pics, I’ll share. This one was from my phone so it does no justice to how I was looking.

make-up, Muthoni Njoba

Me in make-up courtesy of Muthoni

2. Weekly Crackers

Of bread and getting mold after it’s just stayed for a few days. We actually did an experiment and found out that, super loaf still holds the medal on keeping it fresh all week. All this other new brands of bread have got nothing on it. So if you’re a bachelor/spinster and it takes you a week to finish a loaf of bread, go for supa loaf.

Supa Loaf, Bread

LOL

3. Faves and Craves

Two more weeks to my (our i.e. the mister and I) first birthday together…’yaaaay n yikes’. You know the usual, what to get, what to do, where to go? That’s what I’m thinking. And one of my close friends wedding, which comes the following day after our birthday, cringe! Let’s just stay, I would like to see how we will handle this one, juggling events.

Cadbury, Chocolate

But who would mind some Friday chocolate? I mean anything to make a day a bit sweeter. Stolen this image from the Cadbury page, how can they make me salivate so early. I saw this before 8:00 am.

4. Stupendous Snippet

Read this on one of my friends Facebook status update, “Its funny how situations make us feel like the grass is greener elsewhere, whilst the grass that we’re not watering is what we had earnestly asked for because it used to be the greener grass that we’d eyed ages ago when we didn’t water the grass that we’re now seeing as greener!”

Grass, Greener

Grass seems greener on the other side, until you get there and you have to maintain the greenness!

Confusing huh, but makes so much sense. How we don’t put an effort into making better what we have. Then we look at other people and think wow, they have things going for them. Nothing comes easy, even when from the outside it looks like someone is having it easy, they’re are going through their own struggles to get there, they’re putting in effort to have things going for them. So in as much as the grass awlays looks greener on the other side, know that there’s someone watering it and maintaining it. Such that if you got that green grass you admire, you also still need to maintain it. Working at it and for it *whatever it is that makes you feel like you got it* never stops!

5. T.G.I.F Inspiration

Faith

To more laughing, living and loving. Let your weekend be nothing short of interesting, blessings!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Looking for Inspiration?

We look for all inspiration from what we do, hear, say, see ain’t it? Just like when we pluck an eye lush or see a lonely star (save for a shooting star) or blow the candle(s) on the birthday cake, we actually make that wish hoping with all our fingers and toes crossed that it will come true. At least I genuinely do. I met with my baby sister yesterday (though it happens every other day now that she’s doing something in the CBD as she waits to enter campus and boy isn’t she demanding…lol), a mid my busy schedule *cough cough* I can actually afford to say that without flinching, and I was telling her, “It would be nice if I could make lots of money without having to work so hard.”  Of course we laughed it off, I mean, like seriously?!

Inspiration is

Source

So after she lays down her case as to why I should take her for lunch, this was done in a professional way mind you, these kids. We go for lunch, chit chats and all, watch her gobble down everything ha ha, and when I go back to the office, I think of that statement I’d brushed off earlier as a joke. We actually do look for inspiration? In all cracks and crevices, in people and things both existent and non-existent. As we look for it, our hopes are raised for a moment there and we feel like we’re close to grabbing it or getting it right. Then something slaps us back to reality or gets us to strike that iron while it’s still hot. The thing with inspiration, just like excitement, is that it dies out faster than you can squeal, “yaaay”. So you really have to be with it, take it and use it before it escapes you.

How we cling on to that source of inspiration we have instantaneously connected with such that the moment it doesn’t appeal to you as had expected it to you end up feeling disappointed, let down, too expectant and all things related. Like when you get the slightest form of criticism you crawl back into your shell, or when no one gives a helping hand, you feel bad. It’s human, am human, it happens to me. It’s because you are depending on that source to give you the energy to start that thing you’ve been dying to do, or that thing that needs to be done but psyche to do it is negative, more like that spark that will start the fire.

But what’s a spark without a purpose or without anything to fuel it? It will eventually go off or just keep sparking and doing nothing. Give that spark life, something to make it develop into a flame or a fire. You are the one who decides what you want it to be based on what you want it to do. Do you want it to cook, warm you up, give light, burn stuff? That spark is your inspiration, it’s better when it catches you working, then it gives you psyche, and not catching you off guard because then it won’t be of use. It’s the spark that’s the source of inspiration for the fire that follows, and it has to work its way into creating a fire that will last long enough to serve its purpose. This could be by having enough gas, fanning or blowing it so as to expose the fire/heat.

Inspiration is not magic or some voodoo,  it’s there with you, you just need to cultivate it. When you look for it, chances are that it will elude you. So you just do your thing, find within you the energy or zeal to do what it is that you’re dying to do, inspiration will find you. I say this because many times, am caught in the endless search for inspiration, I want to sit there and still find it, of course that never happens. I find that I have to start the task then somewhere mid-way I am so in to it, that the passion and desire to get it done overwhelms me, I equate that to my inspiration. The people that help you while at it, give a hand or two, give you positive sentiments, criticism, that’s inspiration. The abstract things that you place your hope on while you do your task, those wishes, those expectations, the unfounded thoughts, that’s inspiration.

Inspiration

You don’t find inspiration, it finds you!

You don’t find inspiration, inspiration finds you! Feels like a Chuck Norris statement.

Inspiration has its source in the oddest of forms, but as long as you experience it. Isn’t that what matters? Besides that, is there something you’ve been dying to do and you just didn’t have that psyche for doing it? Now is the time to start, then along the way, Mr (Mrs). Inspiration will catch up with you.

Pink always wins me over with her music (kind of relates to what I was saying, but from another perspective) and weirdness. How do you like this one? Can you believe it’s just 15th January, how’s it that time is flying, but when you look at the calendar the days are dragging. Is it just me or have you made that observations? I guess that’s how January rolls, but we need to cramp its style sometime. Maybe 2014.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Happy Birthday Mum

Oh yeah today is my mum’s birthday and I’m thinking, “I had almost missed it”. I have to explain this scenario because it was hilarious. So we are in a meeting with my colleagues and we’re talking about careers and how one of my colleagues is in the medical field but she quit after some hear-wrenching experience during the 1998 bomb blast. And am here, saying how my mum is in the medical field and I think she’s been through it all but she has a deep passion for it. Basically she’s the family’s go to person when anyone has any problem health related and non-related, because she’s also a psychologist…yeah I know, she came as a full package.

So as we continue talking and am saying how I think being in the medical field is a calling, I look at the calendar on my laptop just our of the blues (1/10/2013), and I almost get a mini heart-attack…lol. Yeah, my colleagues asked me, “are you  ok, anything wrong?” and I go like, “crap, it’s my mum’s birthday and I almost forgot.” Of course I do the necessary, which in my opinion is one of my roles as a first-born. Call my dad to remind him. He never remembers any, whose dad does anyway? He deserves a trophy just for that. And here, we girls expect our boyfriends to remember every date, birthday, anniversary and so on. All the best, or just get kids (daughters) and have them be your reminders ideal solution for the men out there.

So, after making the necessary calls, I call my mother dearest. To give her the biggest hello and happy Birthday. And guess what? She had also forgotten it’s her birthday…hehe. That’s a win on my part, because then thank God the day had not passed and she won’t catch a feeling. So I’ll definitely make my arrangements to make her day beautiful via my sibling and dad. Then my part comes in tomorrow.

Mum, Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Mum

She turns 55, but you would never guess that’s her age, that’s a challenge to me. That no matter how old you are just keep your heart and spirit young and that’s just how you’ll turn out. Don’t let the complexities of life pull you down or make you feel any less. You are stronger than you know. She is the most amazing woman I know, how she juggles her roles is what totally gets me. She’s a super mum, best friend, doctor, teacher, nanny, chef, care taker, organizer, super wife and the list goes on.

I am who I am today because of the disciplines and lessons she has instilled in me and I thank God everyday for her. I hope she lives to see me and my sister get married and have kids, so that she can be able to take care of them just like she does us. I hope and pray that the clinic she is starting up, which is her current dream and desire, comes up, starts running and she can reach out to the community at Kahawa Wendani. Oh, if you live in that area, you’ll have the best clinic in your neighborhood, will let you know when you can start visiting.

Otherwise, this is the woman who means the world to me, Cla (baby sister) and my dad. Yeah, life would be upside down without you. You should see how everyone gets jittery when you say you have to travel, even if it’s for a few days. I hope I get to be half the woman you are when I become a mom sometime. I love you!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

New Year and Friendly Things

9th January, whoopsie, hope am not too late. Looks like the new year came with so much on my plate, that blogging came off for a moment there as luxury. Chasing up deadlines as with regards to my school thesis, am the last-minute kind of person but I’ve been meaning to change that about me. I think am getting too old *cough* to deal with that pressure, plus the so much at stake here, so I can’t take chances with being the extreme last-minute person that I once was.

Then there’s work, which at the moment is all kinds of depressing for me. I know, it’s probably just for the moment because of a task I’m expected to do *cringe* among other related things, it’s all rosy with the thorns pricking. Some fun aspect popped up out of the blues which is awesome, like a light in the middle of the tunnel. Let’s see how it all goes. Meeh! Such is work though, trying to be positive here *woooosaaah*. Besides that life is doing me good, other aspects of it are at the least tip-top.

The other day we were talking with a friend about the “best friend” concept. I know the best friend word has been thrown around but there are some people who actually live up to it and I’m most definitely not one of them. Though, I would have or since I’ve not, I would love to be a good “best” friend to someone. I can’t say it’s because I do not have friends, I actually have a couple who I could have as a best friend, just that the process of keeping has to involve so much commitment, communication, opening up and trust.

By this I don’t mean your spouse (partner/boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend) of course those by default are your besties because you connect in all those ways. I’m talking about just a friend who you touch base on almost everything that’s going in your life. If you’re happy, you call to say how happy you are, if you’re depressed they give you a shoulder to cry on and you say whatever it is without a second doubt that it will be the new news in town.

An excerpt from our said conversation went something like this:

Kawi: I find it so cool when guys have a person they call all the time when something pops up, good or bad ( that’s because she has that kind of friend and I find it cool how they do their thing, calling each other almost always, being open with each other, being there for each other and so on)

Friend: You actually don’t have someone you do that with?

Kawi: No. I just really suck at communication you know the frequent texting or calling, am not that open…

Friend: Like seriously O_O so who do you talk to?

Kawi: No one really, myself. I have friends for different things, mostly happy things. But no one I share with the whole package.

Alone

Friend: Gosh, as in no one. (then she thinks and goes like) But you’re close to your boyfriend…lol

Kawi: Well, yeah I guess. Actually he’s the one who gets the fair part of what goes on in my life.

Friend: It’s nice to have someone to tell stuff, of course other than your boyfriend, I mean a girlfriend who understands you and would be there for you through it all.

Kawi: … (conversation continues on to other things)…

Well, haven’t found someone who I’d feel comfortable going all “this is what’s going on with me at the moment” with or so I think. It all happens in my head where I try to sort it out all by myself with no one else’s advice or explanations, it’s easier. But then I got thinking, crap, maybe just maybe, you actually need someone like that. One could go crazy when you keep all things to yourself, you know, like having conversations with yourself crazy. Problem is that today coming across someone who’s genuinely nice and wants good things for you, you know, someone you can trust, at least try be open with, understand you and vice versa without looking at you from the sidelines is not quite an easy one. Maybe am way past that age of acquiring such a friend or maybe I have but am still too skeptical or not to sure how to go about it? Yeah, laugh at me, am also thinking it kind of sounds funny, but really.

Do you have a friend like that? Do you think it’s too late to get one that kind? When did you find your best friend(s) or what was the differentiating factor from the rest of your friends?

Best Friend

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.

If you have answers to all these, you need to tell-a-tale to some of us. Maybe we can learn a thing two. If you don’t, we still have hope right? At least we’ve realized there’s a void, good start. Super day comrades!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*