Archive | October 2013

The Big Chop

I chopped my hair. All of it. Ok, not the baldy-like chop, but more than 3/4 of it went down. I had been thinking about it for the longest time. This is me when I want something, I talk about it, like really talk about it. I talk about it to anyone who’s willing to hear. I create scenarios, see the pros and cons, get opinions (not that I take all of them in, but I listen) and all that comes with talking about it. It kind of helps me in making my decisions (good or bad, but I believe most are good). You know someone might know something I don’t, and I’m there plunging in to the same hole that they’re stuck in. Well, shows I’m not quite the risk taker, I try to mitigate them as much as I can, then take it up – different strokes for different folks. While at it,  I also talk about it to those who are close to me, to sell the idea even if it comes out vaguely. Then once I feel like it’s sold even without their knowledge, boom! Decision made – I do it. It’s good to know thy self.

black hair, chopped hair

Chop…chop…chop…because what’s a selfie-collage without a duck face.

Anyhow, with a different look, comes different questions. The first thing my hair-dresser asked me when I told him I’m booking an appointment for us to deal with my hair is, “have you been dumped” and “are you going through something bad”. Not knowing, that’s what everyone else will ask or imagine. I feel like I have to defend my hair chop. While the only reason I did it is *drum rolls* so that I can stand under the shower and have water run through my hair – true story. Plus I mean, I get to reduce on the ridiculous amounts of money and time I spent in the salon. It’s such a relief, you’re allowed to envy me.

Of course this whole process got me thinking about what the big deal in hair is. Now I can say, if only you asked me my opinion of hair a few months days actually back. It’s just hair. You cut it, then it grows, thank God. That’s a great gift by the way. The value or fear we put in our hair lengths is amusing. I was cringing at the thought of how I’d look in chopped hair. I was even saying if it backfires, my plaiting lady should be on stand-by then she could braid me long enough to conceal this look. I searched for my head shape and how people look when they have short hair I love my forehead. LOL. They all looked lovely, I think the thought of wanting my hair chopped had blinded me by then. Even on the streets, I was already seeing so many women with short hair do looking lovely, my mum topping it up.

Well, I feel good, really good. At least it felt good standing under the shower head and my hair touching water without me wincing. For those who know me, this is BIG, such a BIG and strange change. No one would have ever imagined me in short dyed hair, me too. It’s good to surprise yourself and others (waiting to see my folks reactions, my sisters was priceless, my boyfriend, he had to come to terms with in a very smart and loving way) once in a while. Now that the thought (which was becoming more of a burden and I was tired of carrying it around) has been executed and it doesn’t look bad, at least in my books. I can continue thinking and talking of other strange and unbelievable things I want to do, then they happen.

black hair, chopped hair

Rocking it short and natural!

PS: A tick off my unwritten bucket list.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

While Away…

Grabs door handle, slowly pushes it open and peeks into the room engulfed in darkness as the poor squeaky door begs for some grease and constant use. Inside, cob webs hang pretty like chandeliers and boy aren’t the arachnids and insects having a field day. It’s a party up in there, until the pooper pops in with the a dusting broom *sneeze…cough*. Dem! That was one-hell-of-a mound of dust!

woman-opening-door

You know when you’ve been away for a while, but somehow you want that when you come back there’s someone home still waiting for you. This is me hoping that there’s someone still here. I hope you’ve been well though? Sometimes life is just too fast-paced or almost complicated that we are unable for one reason or another to just chill out and smell the coffee or jot down a post.

While away, I was thinking about ‘anonymity’ or ‘getting yourself out there’. There are times you want to be that person under the rock. Living in your own world the way you know best. No one is looking at you or up to you, no one wants to know what’s going on, you’re just as private as you get. You want to look at the world, but you don’t want to look back at you. That’s being anonymous. Then there are other times, you want to be that person standing on the same rock. You want people to see you for who you are, for them to know that you’re there, look up to you for your strengths, look for you even. That’s getting yourself out there.

We tend to think that either of the two actions are linked to your personality. Like if you’re the introvert, you’re most likely into being anonymous and if you’re the extrovert, you’re want to get yourself out there. Well, I think it’s more about how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking of yourself at a particular time or moment, more than it is someone’s personality which almost a constant. At least I tend to think that of myself. If it’s personality wise, then I am an in-between-er, with a little more extrovert traits than introvert traits – then again, nah, that sounds so serious.

I want to ‘get myself out there’ when I am confident in myself, who I am and what I do. I can comfortably say it without having doubts in what I am saying, because I can always back it up with my actions. I don’t mind someone complimenting me or looking up to me, because if I were them, I would also feel the same about me. It’s me on a high, with the “I can’t take up anything that comes my way, just bring it on” attitude. And it somehow translates to my mood as well, that’s the day I’m all chatty, smiley, splashed with colour, you know just out there.

It’s like a woman, a pretty woman to be precise (not that I say there are any ugly ones). You know women with make-up, we put it on to make us feel a little more beautiful. It enhances some of our features or conceals some others, basically it helps us flatter ourselves. When you compliment a woman’s look with her make-up on, if she believes in herself, she’ll be take in the compliment and it’ll make her feel better about herself – if she could, she would conquer the world. But when she doesn’t believe in herself, she’ll think you just complimented her because she has make-up on and not because she actually really looks the part – she’ll go back to the mirror to confirm what you just said or there’s a possibility of some lipstick stain on her tooth.

The times that I want to be anonymous, is when I’m just flatly unsure of myself, you know not sure what I’m up to or about  - lots of self-doubt, kinda like the woman who goes back to the mirror.  I want to crawl under that rock and stay there until I can figure myself out. I don’t want people to see me for what I’m not, or something I don’t want be. I don’t want someone to look up to me where I’m also not getting it right, I want to get it right first or be sure that I’m on the right course. Definitely me on my low, I just want to keep to myself and share the least possible with people.

For a moment there I was trying to be anonymous and it’s not working. I miss being here, and now I’m getting out there again. For the one – two compliments on the snippets, thank you! It definitely made me think it’s about time I just gathered my wits, changed the music I was listening to (same playlist for a couple of days, OK weeks, maybe that another way I deal with my kind of low) and go back to sharing my thoughts.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Things Undone

With the current trend of the internet you wonder if there’s anything unthought, untold or unwritten. Basically, anything you try search for on the internet, someone has either thought it and searched it (because it would automatically give you options of what you intend to type out based on searches done before or what the database holds and goes ahead to ask you “Did you mean something alternative” if what you typed is not what they have), talked or written about it and if it’s doesn’t get weird enough, they’ve probably sang about it.

This got me thinking about things undone. What has not yet been done? Because most of the time we say, “don’t reinvent the wheel”. Any time you want to come up with ideas, strategies, policies, solutions … something, anything. Of course some situations have already been researched on and turned into methodologies that set the standards of how certain things should be done, in a certain systematic or procedural way. Then there are those things you can do based on your free will. Given that opportunity, you wonder how to exercise your own free will. You want to go back to the internet and see what others have done. Maybe borrow a thing or two, or more. Others will even opt to, you know, copy paste the damn thing, because free will – why am I re-inventing the wheel. It even makes you feel like what you’re thinking or what you just said is wrong or uncool, because someone else did it differently.

There are things that are not yet done. Not yet done, at least by you. Just because someone else has done something that you had wanted to do, doesn’t mean that you also don’t it for yourself or for others. The fact that you have gone ahead to it, that only, makes it different. You know that saying, “different strokes for different folks” . After all, great minds think alike ain’t it? But doesn’t mean that they execute the thought the same way. With all the people in this world, chances are that you’re not going to be the only one thinking what you’re thinking. The difference between you and the other person(s), is who actually does it and how they do it. God is a clever one, I don’t know how he created us to be so similar yet so different. It baffles me.

Many are the times I am sharing an experience with friends and they’ve gone through the same experience I have. The situations, circumstances, actions and outcomes might have been different but the thought that drove us to doing whatever it was, was the same. Nothing amazes me as much as that does. Most of the time I find it unbelievable. It’s like God is trying to communicate that you’re special, but then again you’re not too special to be going through something alone, good or bad. Everyone is given an opportunity to be, to be in their own special (different) way despite the similarities.

There are so many things I think, I say, I write and I eventually want to do. Nothing is special per se or really out of this world, most of them have been done by others, but when I think of it that way, it’s not motivating at all. So, I’m leading myself to thinking and believing that despite them being done by others, there are so many things I haven’t yet done. And if I don’t do those things, I will regret not doing them at one point or another.

Things Not Done

I just need to PUSH my self a little to the EDGE of the cliff because I’m sort of GLUED to where I’m currently STANDING and get the courage to JUMP and FLY, even though I am SCARED of heights or what the DEPTHS of the cliff might HOLD. Things have got to be done.

An almost similar post I had done earlier, Into the Unknown. As I was writing, I just figured this feeling sounds a bit too familiar. Like something I’d have thought, said or written before. It wasn’t such a far-fetched thought.

Signing Off ~~ *Kawi*