Archives

A Small Gift, Mini-Afro and Big Lesson

Of those gifts you receive and appreciate because its the thought that really counts, but at that moment you disregard it’s function. I’m sure you’ve received such a gift, no? It’s value is not felt immediately. You probably get home and stack it away in your closet hoping that it comes to be of use. Sometimes you just keep it because it’s a gift and it has some sentimental value.

Well, I don’t receive too many gifts, and especially not at random times of the year. This time, when I chopped my hair, my former colleagues gifted me with a metallic afro comb and a flower hair clip, that was a first. My hair was at base level, so the gift didn’t make sense then. I was all grins because it was a gift and which girl doesn’t love gifts? Whether big or small or if it makes sense or no sense.

Then my hair grew to mini-Afro level and my finger combing tactics were getting a little out dated. It just wasn’t working any more and my hair would get tangled up or look pretty untidy. Then one day as I oil my hair, stacked at the back of my made up “dressing corner” I see the that thing we can equate to “an oasis in the desert”, the metallic Afro comb. Then Arufeni’s wise words came to mind, “you’ll need this sometime” and the time was then.

Afro, Gifts, Blessings, Life Lesson

Moral of the story, sometimes we receive our blessings way ahead of time and they don’t make sense then. We have to go through a phase or a season for the blessing to reveal itself and make itself useful in your life in its time. Don’t trash or undervalue gifts given to you just yet. Receive them, keep them and give them time to mature. Give them time to bring value to your life, because that’s the intention of the gift-giver. While you receive physical gifts from loved ones, blessings are your gifts from God. That’s how he shows you some love, most times, it’s through other people.

Thank you Arufeni and Lydia, now I see the value of the comb. It might have been a small gesture, but it has taught me a big lesson.

Signing Off ~~~*Kawi*

If You Want To Feel Rich

You know the interesting thing about life? I also don’t. Ha ha kidding, I do. It’s that at the end of the day it’s about your endless dreams and how you can make them happen. It’s about those people you care about and how you want to see them happy. It’s about you and how you can achieve your happiest state. You work to achieve something, something that will make you feel complete, an absolute of sorts. The other day someone asked what can’t money buy? That’s a difficult question seeing as some of us haven’t experienced extreme richness to know what exactly it can’t buy. But with the much I have, I can say those things I am pretty sure it wouldn’t buy me.

You know those things that whether you have money or not, you can still experience them. It’s not money that determines whether you can or cannot get them. Digress, I remember in the course of my first job, I was confident enough that I deserved a raise and off I walked to my ex-bosses office to request for one. With full justification as to why I deserved an increase, we chat away. He’s the kind that could talk you out of what you want and convince you otherwise. So to say the least, I was fully armed. His office, the battle field. Everyone knew that. By all means I deserved a pay rise, so I was going to fight for it. As we chat, he goes like, “Mercy, you know if I decided to start paying you a million every month today you would go crazy”. Ha ha, joke right and I say, “I would be happy with that. Maybe we can try.” Then being the smart man,  he of course tells me the story of how he started out and how he got to where he is.  You learn to manage the little that you have as it’s added in progression, not just pap! Otherwise you won’t get a hold of yourself. I see he was doing my parents a favour, parenting me at work.

Oh boy, I was just seeing my plea go down the drain, somehow disappearing in the horizon as he went on and on. The he goes, “I will add for you this *small amount* first then we see how you do, and you can come back *after this duration of time* for a review”. Not what I had initially asked for, but at least it was something to get me going then. This always gets me looking back and thinking how it is I survived with that money, somehow I did, comfortably. Now back to those things, those ones that make you feel rich even when you’re not money rich, those ones that money cannot buy;

Happy Relationships

With God, with your family, with your spouse. You can’t buy their love or affection towards you and vice versa. Their willingness to do things for you and with you when you need them to, when you don’t need them to or when you least expect them to. The respect that you hold for each other. It’s a world of competition out there, so having this people cheer lead for you and be your front runners. That at the end of the day, you have people who can be held accountable for you and you for them, this is a blessing, not a purchase.

Good Health

It’s by the Grace of God that you’re healthy. That you can do things that other people only wish they could or that you have features that others wish they had, even if just for a day. They may look simple and easy for us, but it’s a blessing that we shouldn’t take for granted. Walking, eating, talking, sleeping, pooping, thinking, hearing, seeing among other things. That you’re not sick and bed ridden. You could have the money to go to the best doctors in the world, but not necessarily get healed. So thank your almighty for good health and long life.

Time … A Really Good Time

Money can enable you to go to the most beautiful and tranquil of places and do things that you’ve only dreamt of. But chances are that you might not even have a good time while at it. It happens. You think this place could give you absolute happiness even if for a moment, then it doesn’t. It probably even stresses you when you think how much you’re spending and what you’re going back to or it could be the company, not withstanding the luxury provided. It gets you whining to no end.

It’s all about having a good time, a great experience, a genuine smile on your face and hearty laughter, the kind that stems from your tummy. Ain’t it? You can have a good time wherever you choose to go or be, not necessarily in the islands or desserts or five star hotels whose décor and furnishings are out of this world. If you can’t afford that right now, you can afford a walk in the park … it’s free. I know I’m pushing it *because I want to go to those islands, desserts and five start hotels*, but a really good time knows no place and no amounts of money. You make it, with what you have.

True friends

There’s the family that’s given to you by virtue of being born into this world, and then there are those you personally choose, your true friends. Money can’t buy you these ones and if it does, the ‘true’ in the ‘true friends’ fizzles out. The love, trust and commitment you accord this ones with and vice versa is miraculous.

The brain and mind

Oh your mind. That there is one powerful object, in case you were searching for super powers. Very powerful, I’m even thinking when people say it’s the heart ‘a bullet to the heart‘, I think they mean the mind. The heart just pumps blood and enables the brain to get blood and oxygen for you to remain sane. It’s the mind that thinks, hurts, feels, cooks things up, makes assumptions, loves and so on. The mind leads you to believing what you want to believe and helps you make your choices, good or bad, whether you have money or not. It’s the source of great ideas and innovations that eventually lead you to making that money.

Money can’t buy you brains, but it can help you make up your mind, when you have them. So the brains came before the money, unless you’re a trust fund baby, lucky bustards … lol

rich

There’s no better way to look at it. This will give you so much peace especially in your mind and help you put some things into perspective. Sometimes we get so drained trying to get rich, that we die trying. Because we see riches as just having money and lots of it, but riches do come in other forms too. What are some of those things you have that money cannot buy?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Caring Too Much … Perhaps?

Sometimes you care so much even when you are not meant to. Not that caring is bad, caring is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. To care about someone, to be cared for, best feeling in the world. If anything, caring is synonymous to love. When you care about someone and someone cares about you just as much or more, then that’s love, genuine love. Or at least that’s what I choose to think is one of the basics components which constitutes love. Caring is selfless, something you give not because it’s an obligation you’re supposed to fulfil or because it’s a duty assigned to you, but because you feel the need to and that the person you care for deserves at least that from you, they are that special.

care

I know you’re wondering where I am getting to with this, I am too. Was just trying to show you that caring is actually good, until it becomes bad. We people are known to care too much. Caring too much even for things and people who don’t really deserve it, people who don’t really matter to us, people who don’t really care about us and neither do we about them. We care about the wrong things from those people, we care not because we actually care for or about them, instead, we care what they think about us, what they say about us, what their opinion of us is or even whether what we do or say pleases them or captures their attention and if they’ll have something good to say about it or us. We even create the illusion that for us to be happy, we must please these people who we don’t really care about by doing or saying things that we normally wouldn’t do or say. We are not ourselves around them in the aim to please them, an extra price to pay for something you don’t need to do in the first place. Sounds familiar?

Not once or twice, I can say that I have tried to please those people who don’t care about me. Saying things I wouldn’t normally say, doing things I normally wouldn’t do, basically going completely out of my way not to be myself, all in the name of trying to make someone else happy. Someone who doesn’t recognize how much effort you have put in whatever it is you’re doing to make sure that they are happy or comfortable. Not being you bites you in the back when you’re very unaware. It’s the same people you try to please who will talk smack about you in your absence, who won’t be straight with you, who will be quick to say what’s wrong instead of what’s right to other people besides you. It’s like throwing a curve ball, you think you’ve scored a goal after a super strike only for it to come back and hit you in the face.  I must have reached a point in life I figured it’s always been about the people I care for and the people who care about me and no one else. The rest usually fall into place, they settle for what the ones you care about get.

Sometimes you want to carry all the weight of the world, but (un)fortunately you have only two hands with some inspiration from “Avicii – Wake Me Up”. I bet God had that in mind when he gave us two hands, you can’t start operating like an octopus. Basically be who you are, do what’s in your ability, be honest with yourself and to those around you, say and do what you feel because those who care about you or matter will definitely not mind and those who don’t care about you or don’t matter … well does it really matter now that they don’t matter? I think it’s a notion we have in our heads that everyone should like us for we who we are. Unfortunately now, the universe doesn’t play easy, so those one who don’t matter shouldn’t bother you, because eventually, they fade away. Difficult one but for an easier win, just know your people!

Care

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Fake Hiatus

Because technically it looks like I was in one but I really wasn’t. I was just a little lazy coupled with a series of blank moments. Oh boy, then I remember there’s blogging in my life, which happens almost all the time, but then I open a blank page and run out things to write or worse think I have lots to share only to start out and go, “nah, maybe I shouldn’t.” The title should have been a day in a bloggers life. We have so much to say, but then we have moments where you question yourself and what you are about to say. You start feeling like every-time you share something you’re exposing yourself.

Does it ever get to a time you just don’t feel like saying anything, you just want to go sit at the corner and see what’s going on around you and probably see if anyone will take notice? I remember it used to happen to me every once in a while when I was growing up maybe it still does just that I haven’t reviewed myself of late. I was the talkative one, but then it would reach a point I would want to take some time out, and consciously or subconsciously I would just retreat. It’s like I’m there but not really there, you know just be invisible for a moment. Maybe to see if there’s someone who cares enough to check up on me or give me stories as well. Such a tease, then of course chances are that no one really did and I get over my “fake hiatus” or “invisible” moment and  go back to my normal chatty self.

In this case, well, I was going through a phase and now I am back with a BANG! July was one hell-of-a cold month and it looks like it’s rubbing off on August already. August needs to shake that off, because my wardrobe and body can’t take it any more, I want the sun. Not the scorching kind though, just enough to keep me warm during the day and allow me not to over-layer clothes. Which is interesting because we human beings have our needs changing more often than baby diapers. One time we want the sun, then when it’s smack right in the middle of your forehead hot enough to fry an egg sunny side up, you want it to rain and when it rains cats and dogs with puddles all over, we want the cold, just the cold and now it’s cold, good grief, I want the sun.

It’s just like life. When you’re presented with one situation, you forget how the other one you were in used to be. And when the one you’re in doesn’t appeal to you as you anticipate(ed) it to, you want to get back to where you were before because you think it was better than what you’re experiencing now. In essence, you were probably looking forward to the situation you’re in just as eagerly. Life is  such a twist. With that, I think the reason God made seasons, is so that we learn to live with each of them.

Learn to persevere through the scorching sun and thunderstorms as well as be content when the suns comes out during the thunderstorm and the rain pops when the sun is scorching.

Other than the cold, I actually managed to try out a few things that I haven’t either done in a long time or just never done before this July, so it wasn’t boring either. At the end of the month when I look back, there’s a lot to smile about more than there is to frown about. Actually, I wouldn’t say there’s anything there is to frown about. God has been good to me, to us, I am more than grateful. Here goes;

Danielle Steel, Books, Good Reads

Gifted book mark by the parents I think during my very 1st graduation…I’ve graduated that many times. Love the message #TreasuredGifts

 A friend recommended the #3books30days challenge and I decided to take it on, easy *read difficult, very* as it sounds. I have done 2 books so far; Brida – Paulo Coelho and Danielle Steel – Big Girl, one more to go,  Lauren Weisberger - Devil Wears Prada ( really  looking forward to reading this one). I had kind of shelved my book (novel) reading because of school and the exhaustion it comes with but it’s like I am now getting my reading mojo back, slow but coming on.

Friends, Friendships, Hosting

The scarf is courtesy of FloEssentials (Facebook). Scarves are her thing, she ties them so effortlessly it’s amazing, while I struggled my way around with it.

Of friends discovered through other friends and turning out to be ah-mah-zing. You know those lose introductions that happen because the person I hang out with also used to hang out with her. Then a few years after, we somehow keep in touch and we decide you know what, maybe we should just link up and catch up. The world just leads you to the people who are meant to be close to you “the touch effect” and we decide to hang out and ta-daaaaa *if you’ve watched Crood you should relate* we’re just insync. They (my friend and the hubby) finally got us to do our first hosting, we feared at first (you think of all the things you don’t have, like serving dishes et al, you know the bachelor-bachelorette lifestyle) and they were the most comfortable and entertaining guests we’ve ever had *actually, the first*, now they don’t feel like guests any more. We ate, drunk, played scrabbled, poker and chatted the night away. They are officially our favorite couple friends, you know you’ve gotta have those. Grateful they found their way into our lives, or vise versa.

Nail Polish, Sunset

You see both rarely, that’s the relation. LOL. There could be no better way to describe me getting my nail polish groove on, but I did. I find it such work, you know the application process, the fanning of your hands for it to dry, the holding things delicately to avoid the much dreaded smudge. Oh but it definitely looks good on me as I type on my key board. I could literally type gibberish just to have a glance at my peach painted nails. I think that’s my motivation for now, let’s hope it lasts long enough to have me purchase a different color.

As for the sunset, I went to visit my folks on the weekend and on my walk I was engulfed by the beautiful view of the sunset. It even looked more beautiful when seeing it through that singled out tree. Picture perfect. If I had a Canon or Nikon camera, trust me this pic would have made it to Mutua Matheka’s wall paper Monday, but I didn’t.

So much more happened of course, but these were the ones I was able to capture, or do you want a novel? Nah. How was your July? Hoping it was great and you would have a thing or more to say about it. The best thing about today (very convenient that it’s 1st August), is that you know something you didn’t know yesterday. Better yet, is you are or will be able to do something you didn’t do yesterday or ever before. That’s the beauty of life, everyday gives you a chance to play it out a little or to a great extent differently from how you did it before. It’s very forgiving in that sense, it holds no grudges, only you do. Have yourself a blessed August.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

My Kind…

Of people. Those people you meet for the first time and you just gel in like you were meant to be.  All of a sudden it feels like you’ve known each other for a lifetime despite you being strangers not so long ago (seconds, hours, days). You have so much in common, so much more than you can comprehend. It gets surprising that most of the stories that you have and choose to narrate, somehow you relate because you’ve either been there done that or are doing it or  just because it makes so much sense to you. It’s almost inexplicable that even in things that you haven’t quite experienced and they have, you can still relate and sort of build a picture. You know the way you read a novel and think the writer had you in mind as they wrote. That kind.

Puzzle

There’s a void they fill no one else yet has. It’s like a puzzle, you know how each piece has its design and hole and there’s just one other piece that can be able to fill and fit its design and hole. These designs or holes could be one thing about us that this person needs in their life. Something that others can’t do as well as you would do in their life and somehow you’re just drawn to each other.

It’s funny how we could have a friend and we want to be everything to them or vice versa. Sometimes I’m being modest with words here, I don’t think it’s possible to be someone’s everything in as much as you would love to be. That’s why puzzles have pieces, and each piece has its function. Unless you really give yourself up and try to live someone else’s life, for you to be able to there for them in all capacities. There’s that one thing or few things that makes someone fit into your life, that piece. Something about their character or trait or ability, one that only suits a certain part of your puzzle which is your life. Then I thought of what “My Kind” is. At least 5 things that have drawn people to me:

Humour – You know those people who make you laugh, laugh and laugh again … despite the situation as it could vary from a not so bad situation to a very bad situation and there’s nothing much left to do. I think it’s what keeps most of us sane, if not all of us. Sometimes you need to laugh some situations away, you know where you narrowly escape due to the humor in your life. I mean, what would you do without some laughing? Or someone making sense of this life in a ‘not so serious’ way?

Non-Judgemental - You want someone who you’ll open up to candidly and they won’t look at you like “how could you” or “no, you just didn’t”. You want to just be you and have them accept you for who you are. Don’t we all look for that? Then if it’s something that needs some intervention or help, they can offer in whichever capacity they can.

Down to Earth – My other name was supposed to be simple, complex nags me, like you have no idea. So the moment I see complexity in a person, I want to take to my ‘heels’ (okay, flats since I’m rarely in heels…lol). I like people who don’t make other people’s lifes difficult. You work with what you have, bila ‘no’ pressure.

Realistic – “Head in the cloud, feet on ground” kind of people are my kind of people. Because then you’re sure that you can make whatever it is that you talk about happen sooner or later. Your ideas and opinions can help the current situation. These are the people who ground you when you’re busy flying away into the unknowns.

Self-Confident – Nothing says to me “good friend” than one who’s confident about themselves; who they are, what they do and what they want. Not bossy though, I can’t stand bossy, they get to my nerves. It basically means, you know yourself, you’re comfortable with yourself and you love yourself enough to accommodate someone else without feeling like you’re losing yourself or being a burden. You can help and motivate each other.

Maybe you could also look at what kind of people you get drawn to and why? That would be a good question to ask yourself for self-evaluation purposes. It was such a random one, this one. For me, it helps me understand the people who I call my friends a little better. You know the ones I have, the ones I once had and lost touch and the one’s I am gaining. Doesn’t make sense having so many people in your life and not knowing why they are there, ain’t it? That creates content for another post.

This one is my #ThrowBackThursday post. It’s taken me back yo! To you, you and you,  now have yourself an ah-mah-zing one won’t you? Your answer best have been a YES!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Of Friendships

Friends

Friends for a moment, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime.

“Just like a nice assortment of chocolates friends come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, backgrounds, religions, and cultures. You never know what you are going to get sometimes as you navigate your way through your box. There are many different friendships to tantalize the “friendship palate”.” Source

Friendship is a thing I believe that’s quite the big deal in our lives, although people like me try to down play it. We’ve called people our friends, best friends, best friends forever and the likes. For you to brand someone that, it’s because there’s something about them that you want to be associated with. There’s something about them that makes you want them to be a part of your life. There’s that saying that goes something like; “with family, you don’t choose, you’re given, but with friends, you have the free will to choose”. So your friends are somewhat the family that you choose, besides your God-given family.

As we grew up, my parents had their friends who we used to visit and used to visit us every so often. They would bring their kids over, or we would go to theirs, have parties and sleep overs. I didn’t know whether we were related or not and didn’t bother to know. As far as we were concerned my parents friends were our uncles, aunties and their kids our cousins. Somehow through my parents, they became like part of our family. You’d be surprised that if you asked me to name my real aunties, uncles and cousins and the family friends feature heavily in that list. There are some of whom I came to realize that we’re not related as late as this year.

Friendship is not a thing that we can just ignore, because like relationships they pretty much define us. It’s those people you communicate with, you socialize with, you hang out with. Those people who challenge you, who you share with your ideas, those people who level you up when you’re a tad unbalanced or irrational, those people who plant your feet back to the ground when your head is busy floating in the sky. They are special people. Not everyone can tolerate you, but friends somehow manage to. Friends are those people who could have talked about you behind your back but instead choose to tell you, because you’re their friend. They are those people who when you get that “can the earth open up and eat me up” feeling, they go ahead to show that their would be a void in their lives if that ever happened, and they help you try to solve the problem at hand.

Friends may not necessarily have all the money in the world to stand by you financially, they could not necessarily be the most connected people to help you get who and what you want, but they are the people with the biggest hearts. You’ve got to love hearts, because they’re not material. The mind could be, it could make you think of all the good things and bad things, but the heart is genuine and what it offers cannot be measured quantitatively. It doesn’t consider what one has and what one doesn’t have, it just goes for who that person is. It accepts the person as is, and strives to be there for them, help them be a better them, give them hope when all seems bleak.

Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I know friendship is somewhere up there in the hierarchy, but it almost also feels like a physiological need (the most basic need). A basic need that you shouldn’t have too much of, because I mean you just need enough of it to satisfy your needs, ain’t it?  So you don’t have to have a million friends. How would you even meet the needs of each one of those or vice versa? You would get so overwhelmed that idea of friends would infuriate you. If you really think about it, you find that those people who actually call your their friends or you call your friends are a handful. The rest, probably are just acquaintances or you know, something like part of your network.  Those, you’ve got to have many, millions so to say. People you think of because a situation has come up,  you need something from them or they just happened to cross your path. No? You’ve got to love all this people, they won’t necessarily always be there for you when you need them (and are not obliged to) but they sure do make the world a better place by all means. Someone may not be your friend, but they could be part of your network. I think that’s where we have a hard time drawing the line, then feel cheated when the network doesn’t play the friends role.

Also, some friends do have terms, unfortunately. Maybe that’s how it’s drawn up by the creator. There are those for a moment, a season or a lifetime. Life happens somewhere midway and those friends that you thought you will have forever somehow vanish. It could be as simple as slipping away as a result of distance, difference in lifestyles and so on or as dramatic as difference in opinions, arguments and fights over, for or against something. When the term for a friendship comes to a close, most of us find it difficult to let go *guiltily raises hand*. In essence, letting go could be the best decision you could make as a friend. It’s a loving thing to do when you see it’s not working out. Instead of dragging them along, just let it be. Things do change, people do change, friendships do change. It’s normal and less burdening, I figure. Then there are those who are there for a lifetime, I live for those. Isn’t it great when you meet someone or people you can grow with, have disagreements and different opinions but still agree or have level ground, have distance between you but still connect in every way and in future let them into your children’s life and have them confuse them for family! Dang!

I think the thing with friendships based on my observation is more of “just let it flow”. When it doesn’t work, let it be, when it works, let it be. Whatever the case, having a friend is a blessing from the almighty to us. After all, what would life be without them? Treasure them, love them.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Lose Yourself. Find Yourself.

Makes me want to start on with Eminem’s - Lose Yourself, although it’s in a different context, but hey takes you back huh?

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

—-

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. ” ~ Eminem

Sometimes we lose ourselves. Lose ourselves in our work, school, relationships, talents basically in situations. We lose ourselves trying to accommodate other things and other people and we forget that we also have ourselves to accommodate. We humans (based on the fact that I am one) were created to want to please everyone we come across. You want to make sure that everyone is happy with you, satisfied with whatever it is that you have to offer. And if they are not, you try your best to make sure that they do. Even if it means losing who you actually are to do so. It’s like your happiness is based on their approval stamp.

losing yourself

We lose ourselves in more ways than one. Through our character, our behaviour and our actions. Where you do things that you also don’t comprehend, things that don’t make you happy, that given a chance, you would rather not do it but the situation doesn’t quite allow or it just forces you to be that way. It’s crazy, because you see yourself leaving yourself, literally. It’s like you’re stretching your hand to reach out for yourself but you slowly slip away. When you realize that is what’s happening, you can either: Just confirm to it or decide, it’s about time you found yourself. Conforming to it means that you’ve let go of yourself, you don’t mind not being you. You’re comfortable being  what your situations expect you to be to please them. Even when it drives you nuts, you would rather go nuts, but make sure the people around you are happy with you. But deep inside, you crush, you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough, like life could be better than it is.

Lose yourself

When you decide to find yourself. Well, you step on some toes. You know what stepping on toes does, some forgive you and move on. Others react and dwell on it. You’ll probably never hear the end of it. They hate you for being you. But to be yourself you need to be able to defend yourself from the harshness (of the world) and be there for yourself always. It doesn’t mean that you’re going against what people expect of you really, it just means that your happiness, your comfort also matters. As much as other people’s matters. Just because someone doesn’t like you, your world won’t stop. Chances are that someone else loves (or will love) you to greater degree for being the same way. It’s a matter of balancing the scale…lol

You could have everything you need in life, but if you’re not yourself then those things wouldn’t make so much sense to you. And that’s probably the source of your happiness. That could be the source of your smile when all else doesn’t look so promising. If you’re not yourself, then you’re definitely someone else ain’t it? It means your own needs won’t satisfy you, because everyone has different needs. It’s a twist. Knowing yourself, your character, your behaviour  your actions is what keeps you sane. You over-do or under-do something and tell yourself, “Kawi, you’ve taken it too far, that’s not you”. You kiss ass too much, and you tell yourself, “Kawi, you don’t have to do that, just be you.” Actually, I think people like you better when you’re yourself. Just that they probably don’t tell you. I could tell you on their behalf. Because then they know that you’re the real deal, that you’re not pretending. That given a situation, this is how you’ll behave. So that someone doesn’t get surprised like, “Oh my gosh, I would have never though Kawi would do something like that.” This will allow me to love you for you or dislike you for you. Not for who you’re not.

losing yourself 1

When a situation pushes you to be someone you’re not, be there for yourself. Stand up for who you are. We expect others to be there for us when sometimes we’re not even there for ourselves. You’re your own V.I.P. Yeah, you deserve the red carpet, the V.I.P treatment. Don’t underestimate yourself. I do that sometimes as well, underestimate myself. I feel little, like I don’t have any impact in the life of others. And I let the voices inside my head convince me so. Then I thought about it figured that you deserve all the good things like the  other person next to you. You’re just as beautiful as the person next to you, if not more. You’re just as intelligent just as the person next to you, if not more. So don’t look at yourself and pity yourself or try to be someone else to please others as well as yourself. There’s a reason you are who you are.

Be Yourself

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~ Nora Ephron.

It’s Monday, there can’t be any better form of motivation than,“ just be yourself”. It sounds like a darn easy assignment. LOL. It’s the hardest. That’s all I’ll tell you to do this week.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Something. About. Me.

LOL. Strange way to start the post, I know. But honestly, it’s hilarious how ones life can change in a couple of days, months, years. It just depends when you’re struck by whatever it is that will create that change. Why I was laughing, because I was reading a previous post that made me cringe, then shake my head in almost disbelief. Like “I really said that, no I didn’t”, “how did I even think that”. If I was to write that all over again, the story has completely changed. You know the 360kind of change. It would qualify for a face-palm moment.

Then again, it shows that I have really grown. The fact that I can read something I wrote a few years back and it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was writing it. It’s amazing when something you did a while back gives you that feeling. That feeling of wow, I have come from far, to bring it closer home, yaani nimetoka mbali. I think of my first graduation, first job, my first house, my first relationship, my first blog post, the constant advisory lectures from the parents (he he they were of course almost one-sided, mostly don’t do this, don’t go there e.t.c) and these are the things that made up my foundation. They are what made me even know what direction to and not to take in life. At that particular time, it was all no big deal. It was just living life and doing what I had to do. Then as life went on, I moved into another job, I moved houses, I started dating someone else, wrote more posts. The parental lectures graduated to discussions (it’s two-sided, I give them my opinions, they give me theirs then I weigh them and make a choice). I’ve grown, still am. Little growing to big. It’s amazing.

That’s why I laughed when I read these posts. That one just covers the relationship perspective, there’s this one when I firstmoved out of home, then another when I graduated from my undergraduate and my first post on here. It takes me back, back to where I started out. I started out from down there, from knowing almost nothing about the world. I was like a cub let loose. For those of you who watch Nat Geo, you know how bad it is out there in the wild. You’re prey. Many await to feast on you, lead you in the wrong direction, give you false promises and so on. You are in charge of yourself. You make your own decision, right or wrong. No one is responsible for that but you. It’s crazy in a beautiful way.

To fend for myself, to face the world without the protection of the parents. That’s almost a lie though, because they are on my speed dial. I always update them on things, both good and bad. I always want their blessings in the things that I do or plan to do. Then there’s my boyfriend, he’s on the receiving end of all this I want to do this that and so on, so his opinions really matter as they’ll affect my decisions in one way or another. Then my friend(s), I have started learning to share things. I am not one to. I know it sounds unimaginable considering I am a chatter-box but surprise, there’s some mystery here. It’s like God leads me to people who will help in my venture for growth, the little experience I have gathered in different aspects of my life is through people. People I have known from the places I have been or people I have met in the weirdest of ways or people I have been introduced to. Super support system. You’ve got to love people.

Slowly I have been moving up, learning a couple of things while at it. The one thing that’s been my constant, though sometimes I tend to under-look it sometimes,  is that I strive to excel. I want to grow. The moves I make or intend to make are so that I can grow, so that I can make me and mine better. While at it, make a difference in the lives of the people I meet along the way or better the places I pitch tent in. I think what would make me feel unsatisfied is if I feel that I am not able to do this. If I feel stagnated, if there’s no sense of growth or there’s nothing I can do to make a difference. If I can’t do any of this, then why am I there or why am I doing what it is am doing in the first place?

That’s a little “Something. About.Me”. Also my very first picture-less post. Strange huh?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

February Favorites

We are allowed to extend our birthdays to the month, ain’t it? So that I can still say it’s my birthday month. Sometimes you have to look for ways to still remain the centre of attention even after your happy birthday haha trust me say that ADD much.  We’re just 9 days in to it but this is more of my birthday update. What I was up to. Am sure there’s some curious on lookers. This goes to my mental journal as my best birthday. Just how I’d imagined it. I am not much of a party person (okay that’s a big lie, I am sort of, but for special events, I prefer small and intimate).

February, Favorites

  1. He came to pick me up as I was working on that day and I planted a BIG kiss on his cheek *read lips* to tell him Happy Birthday. I’m being very modest here…lol
  2. I heart this girl. One of my closest friends.
  3. The boyfriends cousin and friend. And boy they have mastered the art of eating the “all you can eat meat”. While us the normal people were having see-saw moments with our tummies because of how full we were, they were still doing meat rounds.
  4. What’s a birthday without a cake?
  5. When stuck in traffic, and it’s your birthday, you can pull of such poses. No one will judge you.
  6. Whoever thought I would share the same birthday with the boyfriend and we will blow candles the same time. Never in my wildest dreams. I think I was too excited I forgot to make a wish. I will get used to it with time. On that note, it will always be 2 candles because if we were to put as many as our ages combined…hehe we would be eating candle wax instead.
  7. My close friend was getting married the day after our birthday (02/02/2013). So happy for her, she’s like my sister from another mother.
  8. Fun times at her evening party with my close friends, double celebrations on our part…lol since we had to hold it back on 1st for her wedding on 2nd. Let loose!
  9. No goofy faces = No fun pics. That’s what we were up to right before my friend’s wedding. That’s what happens when you are too early for an event.
  10. My beloved birthday gift. I love!

What I would want for the next one:

  1. To be out of town.
  2. If in town *hmmmm thinking* we’ll have to make it worth the while. There’s a whole year to think it out and maybe just maybe surprise him.

Besides that, I love, love, loved it. Thanks for all the beautiful messages with good wishes and blessings, you made my day more than special. For again, what’s a birthday without those?

Hope you’re having a kick-ass weekend? Mine’s pretty chilled out tending more towards lazy but relaxing all the same.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Friday Quickie

I had a “I doubt it’s Friday” moment while heading to work today morning. You know where you question your conscience, like “what if today is not Friday O_O, I’m in jeans and I am already excited it’s T.G.I.F. Snap, it could be Thursday and I got the days wrong”. It was serious to an extent I postponed updating my status in one of the  sites saying “Thank God tomorrow is Saturday” lest it’s not. I know, you’re probably thinking am going to the other side, the nutsy side that is. But really, has that ever happened to you?

TGIF, Friday

I think it’s because I was feeling happy despite the muddy terrain on my way to work which on a normal day would get me all cursy and mad at the weather man. I mean can’t he just wait for the road construction next to my house to complete, then make it rain. If you have passed by Yaya Center, you definitely know the road am talking about. It’s been dug out and the soil there is clay soil, they have been on it for a while. So when it rains, it gets all sticky and almost impassable, it’s my short cut and seeing as am not willing to wake up a few minutes earlier to use the long way…I have to live with it.

Otherwise, what’s good, what’s not?

  • My baby sister (feels awkward calling her the baby, but she’ll always be. She’s taller, bigger, a bully and very demanding, but I love her all the same…lol). She’s finished her O’ Levels. Congratulation young girl. Now we can hang out much much more. Ps: But it’ll be awkward if you introduce me to your boyfriend if you have one at the moment, not sure I can handle that thought yet.
  • Boyfriend came back from the short travel. Somebody say goodies. I got yummy goodies, maybe the source of all the Friday excitement. I can assure you today it’s on a different level.
  • Work is fine. I was assigned a work mentor. I know right. I think I actually needed someone to share to my developments other than my folks and the bf. Maybe to guide me, we young ones can get lost in translation or in trying to understand what’s going on around us or within us, especially at work and other things related or unrelated. Let’s see how this one goes, since am not the sharing type. She could be the break through.
  • School, exams are coming up, bleurgh! But thesis proposal defense was postponed to January 2013 *whoop whoop*. Okay, that’s not a good thing because that means my December will be kind of screwed up. Imagine me reading instead of watching flicks with others or not lazing around, that’s our Christmas culture. That gives me the motivation to work on it now more than ever.
  • Parents, are super-duper. I always ask God to bless them with their heart desires. I have never seen people so selfless like my parents, they definitely deserve all that and more.
  • Friends, I try to keep up. I try to check up on you as much as I can knowingly or unknowingly (thank God for platforms like twitter, Facebook, blogs, LinkedIn and whatsapp). I know am not the best there is, but I believe I’m sufficient no? But so that you know, I’m the kind that you catch up where we left off. So if you haven’t checked up on me, yes you can.
  • Of days, the year is coming to an end. Can you believe it’s like 5 weeks to NEW YEAR? LOL, looking back at my beginning of the years’ post and it just feels like yesterday but with some changes midway.
  • Readers, how you find this one here interesting is beyond amazing. You’re presence keeps me and my humble *blog* abode going. I hope to always share things that’ll impact your life positively or just make you feel like your reading what you needed read. (Ever had a moment where someone talks to you and tells you something that you needed to hear but no one was saying it? Yes?, then you get me here).

Since we’re also in the Thanks Giving spirit. If you’re alive, healthy, have at least one reason to smile (notice I didn’t ask you for 100, just 1), a place to call home at the end of the day, family and/or friends (it could be even 1, you’d be surprised that the people who are actually your real friends are just a handful), something you’re passionate about, access to good music. Then dude, you have every reason to say thank you to God and your people for making all these things possible for you.

Inspiration for the day,

Today, Friday, TGIF, Thanksgiving, Positive

Have a super-duper weekend and in the Thanks Giving spirit, staff a kuku (chicken), Turkey is not so Kenyan, eat, drink and make merry. Basically live, laugh and love more, because I know you already do.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*