Dealing With Problems: Some Mistresses Here and Some Scandal There

Have you watched Mistresses, the U.S version? I love it. Anyhow, I was feeling a little on the down low yesterday (let’s just blame it on female hormones) and I decided to watch something. And what better than a series with lots of females with female problems in it…lol. That’s atrocious but it’s such an entertaining distraction. I’m on Ssn 2 Ep 13. I can’t wait for it to continue, too much drama up in that space.

The thing with movies is that there’s some level of truth in them. There’s always something to learn from them. Especially those that try to demonstrate a reality of sorts. I believe that the writers and directors didn’t just imagine some of these things. The scripts are derived from another persons story, personal experience or an observation, even if to some extent exaggerated to make it juicier.

As I watched, I got to the part where Karen (one of the “Mistresses”) experiences a health scare as a result of her bar-hopping, bed-hopping phase. One of the men (Ben) that she had had “bad manners” with was diagnosed with AIDS and there was a possibility if she didn’t use protection while they did the deed that she had also gotten it. Thing is, she couldn’t even remember. Problems.

While she shares her problem with one of the girlfriends, Joss (another of the crazy mistresses. Oh! This one’s on a different level of crazy, she ditched her fiancé for the sister’s ex-hubby as he waits for her on the aisle at the engagement party cum wedding…if that’s not complicated, I don’t know what is), well, she tries to console her. I really like how she did it though. And that’s what informs my post today.

Mistresses, Life, Life Lessons, Series

When you have a problem, chances are that you don’t need to someone to tell you what to do to solve it. That could be why shrinks don’t tell you what to do, because you already have it in you. Chances are also that, they (the shrinks, your friends, your family) don’t even have the answer to your problems, or even if they do, it’s their solution, not yours. Naturally, somewhere within you, you know what you should do about it. You just need someone to speak the reality to you and give you a gentle push towards believing in what you think you should do.

So as they chat, Joss asks her what she does when she’s feeling overwhelmed. She says she prefers to go to the beach. Why? Karen answers, “because when you’re at the beach and you’re facing the ocean, you realize that your problem is so small compared to the big ocean” and it almost fades away, the problem that is.

Sometimes we magnify our problems and make them look so HUGE. To rub salt to the already existing wounds – that are the problems, we dwell on them for a minute, making us even more sore. They overwhelm us and eat us up. While in essence, as is the case of the ocean, our problem is equivalent to a grain of sand on the shore/beach. How small is that? As we think that the world is against us, the world is going on with its business. Sad reality, but goes to show us that problems, they come and go and those that stick around we can handle them. We all have some “Olivia Pope” in us. If you have a problem, you fix it, you handle it how you know best.

To cut story short, she eventually went ahead to get tested, which is what she wanted to do from the beginning but was scared of the result. She wanted to be ready for the results, whatever they were.

In other non-related news, I’m currently reading The Fault in Our Stars. I don’t know what to feel just yet. My baby sister told me the movie is really sad, so I’m not watching it till I finish the book. I’m on chapter 3 and I’m like, God, thank you so much for good health. Cancer is such a bitch! Will tell you how that goes.

Now that I mentioned the beach, I definitely need a vacay. Having a better week than mine I hope :-) Happy Hump Day!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

My “3 in 1″ Pet Peeves

Pet Peevees

The Pet everyone has, meet Peeves.

There are those things about people that totally annoy you or get your “not so good side” shaken up. Like you just want to rip their faces off (that’s horrific though, but you get my point of irritation). Your pet peeves. They drive you up the wall and make you think of ways you can make their life’s just as miserable because they’ve crossed that line. Yes, we all have that imaginary line drawn on so many things, on different levels though. Because you’d find something that gets to this persons nerves that don’t necessarily get to another. Or one person is extremely sensitive, another just doesn’t give a damn, another comes on guns blazing.

Mine, happens to be – LIARS, THIEVES and people who DISRESPECT other people’s hustle. My 3 in 1 pet peeves. Well, the most likely people to have all at once happen to be con men. It really ticks me off, because I have encountered them both directly and indirectly. These people make me sin because of all the bad things I wish upon them or if I had the ability, I would do to them. The pathological liars, the pick pockets/petty thieves/big thieves (are they graded or something?), the launderers, the hoarders – I don’t get how they do this with a straight face, no flinches. I don’t even understand how they sleep at night knowing that someone they accosted is suffering grief and loss whether in a big or small way.

But then again, is that really worth it? That’s two wrongs, which don’t make a right. Not that it would benefit me in any way.  So I really thought of how else to handle that “anti-con men” feeling. Maybe it’s just about time I drew down what who I’d categorize a con man as. Because most of us have the idea of a con man being someone who fleeces or swindles some money out of you in an intelligent way (that’s one of them though, because they do).

It’s not necessarily the person who fleeces you, it could be the person who doesn’t pay you your dues when they told you they will. For businesses, that’s a trip. Because maybe that payment is the capital for the next project. It could the person who sells you an “out of this world” idea, promises heaven but eventually delivers hell. It could be the person who leeches on you, benefits so much from you but gives absolutely nothing back. What to do? I also asked myself.

I think ignorance and trust makes us get conned. Not knowing your facts and as a result, not exercising them. You get fleeced in contracts, in flowery words, in “castle in the air” ideas that look doable but unbelievable. Cons are intelligent people, so are thieves. Your psychology is on their fingertips the moment you they pass by you, it rubs off on them and they will wow you. So besides knowing your facts, don’t trust what anyone tells you.

Be smart. Be smarter than the cons. Just don’t trust anyone, let someone proof to you why you should trust them. Trust is not short-term, its long-term. Take your time to make decisions. Especially decisions that affect you financially and emotionally.

I told myself the next time I get conned, it’s because I let it happen. You should too. Nothing sucks like a loved one getting conned – financially, mentally, emotionally, name it. It actually hurts more than it hurts if it was done to you. Let’s play with their psychologies too.

What are your pet peeves?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

It’s Just Material Stuff

I had a rather interesting week last week. Interesting in both a good and bad way. It taught me some tough lessons, which instead of breaking me, have made me rather stronger. I experienced the much told “Nairobi Experience”. The one about the pick pockets in public transport. Yes, they do exist. I was living in a bubble, thinking that would never happen to me, how now? That was a tell-tale to me. I mean how can someone just steal from you under your nose and you don’t realize? You feel so stupid, because when you look back, you see all the signs that you just let pass or all the things you did wrong. I couldn’t even sleep that day as I kept thinking of all the what if’s.

What happened you wonder? I took a matatu like I always do. Only on this fateful day, it was properly loaded with pick pockets. My innocent self went ahead to use my phone, I mean I was safe in the moving vehicle (note that I’d been warned of this behaviour so many times). When time came to pay my fare, I removed my wallet, got the money and paid, though the guy next to me was really looking into it. I was in my little happy-go-lucky bubble. I mean, life is beautiful, what is there not to be happy about? I put back my wallet in my rather “open” bag. It didn’t even cross my mind to make sure that it’s tucked in well. I go ahead with my business, but clearly it was our business.

Along the way there were funny signs where the dude from behind says he’s lost his sim/memory card and the good person I am, helps to search. All the while the guy next to me has rummaged my bag to get my wallet. Then when I’m about to alight, the guy in front of me, tells me to keep my phone safe because it might be stolen. And guess what I do, of course I put it back in my bag. Thinking, this people do care about my welfare. Not, because as I put my phone in the bag, this other dude was on the receiving end. Like they deserved my phone and wallet more than I did. I didn’t realize until I alighted. That shit *excuse my French* makes you disoriented. I couldn’t believe I’ve been played out like that. You feel like searching every corner and crevice for your stuff, you feel like those people should know how much you’ve worked and struggled for the little you have. That they should have some Mercy and at least return the essentials (you know, your ATM cards, ID, Medical Cards, Access Cards). For the phone I had accepted its fate (but next time insurance is my friend).

Then it dawns on you, these are thieves. The last person they care about, is you and your petty essentials. I kept telling the boyfriend to try call them. You know maybe they will pick up and tell me to pick my stuff up from somewhere. And he used my words on me, “that’s just material stuff.” If I’ve ever told you that, I know the pain of those words even better now. You think of the cost of your phone, wallet, ‘essentials’ and the materials bit, just doesn’t cut it. True to those words though, they’re just material things. They’re replaceable, some as soon as possible, others in the near future. As long as you’re healthy and alive, how you got them once, you’ll get them again. Even better. That was a set back in more than one away, but such a minor one. If you’ve been through the same, believe it’s a minor set back and you’ll strike back bigger and better.

That was just one of the lessons. Besides that, I also learnt that I need to be aware of my environment. Not everyone in this world is nice, not everyone is genuine and not everyone cares about you, tough love. So I need to in certain circumstances, if not all, put my safety first and always be careful and most of all trust my judgement, good or bad. After all, the judgement is mine. Such experiences should just toughen us. It was a sore and painful experience but such an eye opener too.

Material Things

While at it, I discovered that some friends have walked in your shoes. So they know what you’re going through or what you’re feeling. Somehow, they find ways to make you feel better about your situation because they’ve been through the same if not worse. And after sharing my story, I came to realize mine was not an isolated case. This has happened to so many of my friends. Sometimes you know all the rules to the games, but since you’re on the play-field any way, the thugs use the same old tricks on you (some which you were aware of, but you’re caught off-guard) and they win. That’s just a small win. Eventually, you have the big win because you can play better next time now that you’re more aware.

Have yourself an amazing week. When you’re about to have a bad one, just think of someone else who is in a worse state than you, and yet they can afford a smile. Then look deep within and dig out that smile from the hole it’s buried in. Blessings lovelies.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Last Minute Disease

I’m pretty sure you can relate with that disease and it has no cure, we’re still searching. The one that makes you want to do everything at that very last minute. You know just right before the deadline. All through, you have known that you’re supposed to do this and it has been at the back of your head. What is lacking is that motivation to get your hands dirty on it just yet. So you procrastinate, and procrastinate, you give your excuses. Then when d-day is here, things go bonkers. You’re trying to juggle 5 balls *read projects* all together, and boy, we all ain’t expert jugglers.

last minute

You have just been given an assignment, you have been told it’s due in a few weeks. You want to start the assignment but there is just no morale to do it. Everything looks complex, time is evasive, you’re extremely busy doing other things, even those things that are not relevant suddenly become more important. You’re breezed out, but at the back of your head you know there’s something you’re meant to be doing even as the days close in. Then. The d-day is here. The assignment is due tomorrow at 10.00am and it’s 10:00pm and your word document is blank. LOL. Funny at that moment, all thoughts come rushing through. You feel like a combination of Dexter (Dexters Lab) and Professor Utonium (Powerpuff girls). Very lethal combination by the way. Although you come up with the best ideas then, the pressure experienced is also real. I don’t think these other pressures have got anything on it. It works well for some, others get panic attacks.

Last minute mood

You’ve been told of a meeting days before. Then the hours before the meeting is when you remember you had some action points allocated to you O_O and you’re supposed to give feedback. It’s an hour to, and you start calling clients, writing reports. This is the time your colleague comes to say hi and bug you and you don’t hear a thing they’re saying. And if they press any further you could detonate. You’re like sitting time bomb.

You were supposed to go to some place by a particular time and you over-estimate the amount of time you have to get there or under-estimate the traffic you will encounter on your way there. Then you get stranded in traffic. You look at your watch and you think if I just alighted and walked I’d make it right on time. Then somehow the traffic moves and you’re there. It’s like your faith moves it, if it doesn’t just walk. In as much as you’re not a good time-keeper, the last-minute saves.

If it wasn’t for that last-minute, many of us would falter in so many ways and things. Especially when it comes to dealing with deadlines. Maybe this was the source of deadlines. Humans figured that they can’t be trusted to do things at their own pace and deliver without being pressed or put under pressure. If there was no deadline, nothing will be done.

It’s like deadlines are a motivator and last-minute the much-needed adrenaline rush.

I used to say I want to get healed of the last-minute disease, but then am thinking how it has helped me meet so many deadlines. Even those I never thought I would meet. The adrenaline rush makes me feel like a Miss.SmartyPants, but really, my mind goes on an overdrive. That feeling like I can conquer the world. While if you asked me when the assignment or project was first being given, I would probably be like, “this shiii be so difficult”.

last minute

Are you one culprits taking advantage of that last minute? Does it work for you?  Or would like to be healed…lol. Our scientists are still looking for the cure, once we concoct some, it’ll be shared. Have a super Friday!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

In My Defence

Defense or Defence … Defensive or Defencive? To be American or British in spelling? Maybe we should just Africanise to eliminate this unnecessary tough decisions…lol

There are those times when you feel the need to protect yourself from other people’s thoughts? When you say something and someone gets it all wrong or they something about you and you feel, “No! I am like that because of this?”.

I have this trait called “in my defence”, where I want to display my case and explain it a bit further, just to make things a bit clear, be judged a bit less or worse, try to seem perfect. So that we can at least be on the same wavelength, catch the same frequency and all that comes with it. However, that’s not how it is in the real world, that happens in my head. It plays out pretty well so to say.

In my quest to making you understand what I am trying to say, instead of making things better. You guessed that right, I make things wrong. I dissect my thoughts and bring out aspects that the other party hadn’t even thought of and it just gets worse with every explanation. As innocently as it came out, guilt engulfs it and it gets twisted all over again. Which now makes me wonder, “in my defence” is not working as intended or not defending me as I thought.

Holding onto that wonder, it comes to my attention that one can never be perfect, in as much as you try to be. You’ll always look imperfect in the eyes of other people and almost always to your yourself … except of course when you beat your expectations, for a moment there your feel like a ninja. This is whether you like it or not, so best get used to it soon enough. To you, everything could be alright but to others you’re doing it all wrong. Basically, your goodness to someone or anyone is very subjective, you can only do so much. The rest is dependent on what they think or perceive of you or even the mood they are in.

Do things to the best of your ability, put your mind and heart into it, past that, there’s nothing more you can do to get through to someone. Just let it it be and let them react as is. If they are happy with you, awesome. If not, at least you did your best. Ain’t it?

Now that I have reached my brink with this trait, this is me wanting to drop that defensive habit. To see if the earth will continue rotating if I do. Let’s make it achievable and say at least for two weeks, I should make it my objective. I say what I mean and let the recipient think on their own. If they think what I don’t mean, too bad; if they relate to what I am saying, even better.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

A Lil’ Random

Well, totally depsyched to do the TGIF thingie today. Youtube was blocked…oh and facebook…and anything else that’s under the ‘dating and matrimony’ or ‘entertainment’ *laugh at me now*. Why do they do that, I just listen to music, not watch the videos and I try not to misuse facebook and I bet am a nice employee by all means *sob sob*. Anyhow, now am stuck to songs on my iPod, getting in touch with my kind once again. There must be a reason I (or my baby sister) populated the library, thank God, so am just getting accustomed to it.

In the same spirit, I’ll do things differently. Like an ‘I wish upon a little star’ kind of thing. Remember the Disney song,

“…When you wish upon a star /Makes no difference who you are / Anything your heart desires / Will come to you / If your heart is in your dream / No request is too extreme / When you wish upon a star /As dreamers do / Fate is kind / She brings to those who love / The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing / Like a bolt out of the blue / Fate steps in and sees you through / When you wish upon a star / Your dreams come true…”

When it rains and you don’t want the rain to reach to you, when you wish there were umbrella’s covering all your paths or you were just in the mood to dance in the rain and have no care if you got wet, cold or caught a flu. That’s me speaking in parables right there, but you can just take the surface meaning, I mean that too.

Some random thoughts, wishes, tell-a-tale … just something writable.

Getting to understand someone else who is not you and you want a life together, making some decision together, considering them in whatever you do and so on, is the most ‘roller-coaster-y’ ride ever. Let’s just say there’s times you’re on a high and there’s times you’re on a low and there’s times you’re just easy like on normal level. You have to contain all those moments and at the end of the day be happy with the world. That my dear friends, is what a relationship is, and this is just theory…lol. You just need two people who always want to work it out, that’s what it is.

On that note my parents celebrated their 28th wedding anniversary on 1st September *whoop whoop*. They are my living proof that two people who are completely different can be there for each other and with each other for that long. Through basically everything.

We all have weaknesses no?I bet it’s something we can’t avoid. It’s something that other people won’t like in us or something even we don’t like in ourselves. What if we worked on those weaknesses and either turned them into strengths or found a way in which they can work to our advantage.

I saw some really HOT bag sometime ago and I’ve been really thinking about it you know at the back of my head, then I was like, I’ll just give it time and when I go check again and it’s still there, then it’s really meant to be mine. Today over lunch, I went to check it out as a by the way just to show my friend and guess what? It was still there. The universe is speaking to me, plus the price was lesser and am planning to bargain for lesser than lesser…hehe

I am starting my thesis this semester *cringe* am at that point where you come up with your topic and select a supervisor. So by the end of this semester I need to have a proposal and defend it *cringe again*. I hope and wish that it’ll be a swish for me and I’ll make a killer proposal and that I finish the whole thing in due time.

I wish we were we given the freedom to come up with our own language or lingo, because I pretty much make up my own weird words. It makes whatever am saying sound more interesting. It’s like adding sugar and spice to the words that flow out of my mind and through my mouth and fingers…am that culprit and am less guilty.

Word are just that, words. Actions are what determine if the words have meaning. Although words also make or break, so just be ware of what you say, to whom you say it to and when you say it. Like they say, there’s a time for everything. I’m learning to hold my tongue in cheek when I am about to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I’m one of those people who just says because it needs to be said without much care I must have gotten that from my dad…lol.

Sometime I feel like am the worst friend, am I the only one who’s bad in keeping in touch? Someone please console me. I do try though. It doesn’t help that also communicating with people is not my forte. Ps: that when I am physically there with people am like AWESOME ha ha but emails, chats, texts someone shoot me or maybe just call me. I need to style up and be all rounded, right? Anyway, I’m working on that.

Thanking God for who I am and all I’ve got. There are some people who pray for just a portion of what you have and you just don’t know, so don’t take anything for granted.

“’Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding” ~ Alice Walker

Enough of exposing myself. It’s a super day, so Thank God It’s Friday. Despite no Youtube, the song of the day courtesy of the iPod is :  Nick Lachley – What’s Left of Me, I love! Ps: I hope the link I’ve put is the right one, I just googled it.

Quote of the day

And as usual, have an awesome one full of living, loving and laughing. No sad faces, okay, just gotten instant psyche, coffee has nothing on it. Be blessed!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*


You know the quotes we hate are those that clearly outlay our weaknesses to rest of the world. You feel like it’s literally undressing you and you just want to cover yourself up because it’s a tad bit embarrassing. I mean in front of all my mates??? That’s just uncool. So you just read through the quote and pass by it like it didn’t exist. Worse, if you read it and decide to analyse it and it’s there throwing daggers at you, like you, ‘yeah, you ain’t got that or you ain’t doing that right’…cringe!

Do you have any of those? Here is one of mine,

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

Am not one to show people I need them, although I actually do am human…lol so in most cases, most if not all of my friends don’t also show me that they need me. Am thinking it’s a sort of ‘I do you, you do me’ kind of thing. Every time I see that quote up there, this fact always hits me hard. I don’t go breaking people’s walls, because I don’t know how to insist on things, on people or anything that makes me look like am desperate for attention. If I try once and you put me off, am the kind that goes back to my shell. So in the same spirit, I put up my walls and don’t really expect anyone to break them.

#ihatethisquote because it puts a spotlight on my awkward trait. It also acts as my opener, it makes me think of this other side of me that I mostly avoid.  Like one of those things I haven’t managed to do yet and am still working at doing it. I can bet that’s the reason we hate some quotes. That in as much as they inspire you, you haven’t been able to apply it or you know you’re far away from getting there. You even find yourself asking if the people who share these quotes even do that? guilty as charged. There are so many things I say here, that I don’t do, but I have figured out that they are the key to many other things and I aspire to do them some day if not now. I guess so is the case of the quotists .

Hey, but there’s hope people. I still love me my quotes and hate me some. Just because I hate some quotes, doesn’t mean that I won’t try. After all it’s all about trying, failing then starting all over again. You just never know.


Happens to be Thursday, that day if you have forgotten to be thankful and truthful throughout the week, it gives you a chance. Good day good people’s.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*