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What Next?

Dreaded question? It could very easily be mine.

One of those that fall under the “best and worst question”, all in the same intensity. Best when I know what’s coming next, like I have it all planned out, with the answers at my fingertips, more like a – bring it on – kind of scenario. Worst when I’m trying to figure it out. Chances are that I haven’t even given it a thought or talked about it yet because I fear the answer is “I don’t know”. I was brought up being told to never say “I don’t know”. I’d rather give you a tentative plan or an “I’ll get back to you”. I can’t recall where I picked up that habit from, and I don’t think it was not home, because I was never harassed for not knowing. Maybe school. Well, at least it helped because I never left any blank answers during exams. I’d rather cook up an answer than admit that I don’t know, then find out later what that was all about.

What Next?

What Next? Is that kind of question that’s hooked to the human DNA. We usually feel the need to ask it especially after receiving some good news. You’re never given that honeymoon period to gloat in your glory. The moment you share something exciting, the next thing is, “What Next?” I’m guilty of doing the same thing to others and even to myself. Someone just got engaged, so when’s the wedding? Someone just got married, so when’s the baby coming? Someone gets a baby, so when’s the next one? Someone gets a job, so what are you looking for next? Someone graduates, so what will you study next? Someone chops their hair, so what will you do with it next? Someone buys new shoes … ? It’s crazy, the little heaven here on earth is always so short-lived.

I got my Post-Graduate certificate … finally! It’s one thing to graduate, but it’s another to actually get a clean bill of health from the University and receive the certificate. The excitement lasted as long as the hand over.  We can measure that in seconds. As soon as I received, the question I asked myself was, what next? Then I bump into my friend and share the same news right outside the school gate and she asks me, so what next? PhD?

Graduation, MBA, Strategic Management,  Daystar University, Thesis

I told her, kids, but of course I was kidding (see what I did there). Truth be told though, I had a plan to do a PhD, I even know what it’ll be on – that was in my young and school-loving days, but today, I’m not entirely ready. The thought of lectures, assignments, evening classes, quarterly exams, dissertations – I’m just not ready for that kind of torture just yet. Unless, I’m the one on the front side of the class making other people feel that way *smirk*.

Sometimes, I wish we had the answers to all things future. That we always knew what next or even where and what you want to be? So that when someone asks you, you don’t look like you just swallowed a hot potato. It could very well be a conversation starter, a tough one though. Same thing as asking someone, what their 5 year or 10 year plan is. Now that I’ve mentioned;

What’s your 5/10 year plan? (10 if you think 5 is too shortsighted. I’ll accommodate y’all). Let’s think about it together, then individually jot it down somewhere (a permanent place that is, like a notebook, not your phone, technology is tricky  – it could crash or become obsolete. It’s a funny thing that books still live and last longer).

Then 5/10 years down the line, we’ll retrieve it and see if we’ll have gotten there. If we stuck to the same plan, changed course or well, it just didn’t work out and you did something different. Because we never give up, yes?

Have a Super-Charged Week Champs!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

You’ve Got To Start Somewhere

The other day I bumped into one of my childhood friends and as we were catching up, we start talking about how it is living on our own. I’m slightly older than she is so I’d been out in the woods a little longer. This got me thinking of my journey, because I just didn’t wake up one day and find myself where I am today, I ain’t no rocket.

I started somewhere. That somewhere sure wasn’t the top either. You know how we sing along to that “started from the bottom, now we’re here” song in the club, it pretty much comes to perspective. I haven’t reached there yet, but at least I believe I’m on the right tangent that’ll eventually lead me there, my own house.

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Back to where I started, she asked me about my 1st house. First, my 1st house was like a miracle, because I looked for it out of desperation. I wasn’t being chased out of home per se, but my parents were moving to a place that was going to be a little too far from my work place. Plus, I was going back to school, so the commute would have taken a toll on me. Basically, the only other solution was to get a place and move out. I honestly never imagined that moving out would require such little convincing, I thought my dad would flatly refuse. I searched around and through my mums network I was directed to an SQ at Ngumo. I liked the house despite it having its shortfalls – water issues, the bathroom was outside (gave me the creeps a couple of times), zero natural light into the house, overnight rent inflation, non-refunded deposit and so on.

How I furnished the house, I recall, I didn’t get everything at once, but I had saved enough to pay my deposit, rent and shop for necessary items. I also had my little monthly income (weh, that was an experience on learning how to manage the little you have…lol). I worked with a list that indicated things in order of priority. For instance, I sat on cushions and watched movies on my laptop the 1st few months (so a couch and TV were bottom on the list). I got some “hand me downs” from my mum, while my dad played a huge role in sponsoring and ensuring that I acquired the things that were flagged *important* especially those pertaining to food – his biggest worry was that I should be able to cook and store my food when it remains, so for him a cooker and fridge were top priority (it’s funny when I think of it now).

All the same, I loved my little first house, I made it habitable. Time came for me to move out of there after a year and some months when my landlord experienced some issue with the main landlord (rental house issues). It was unexpected, and looking for a house is no easy feat. I prayed about it and voila, asking around, my friend linked me up with an agent in Kilimani who showed me a house that I fell in love with at first sight. It solved all the problems I had with my first SQ. This one was an extension with water than never run out; normal internal bathrooms; signed agreement – no rent inflation and deposit is refunded minus maintenance; excess light, with a sun roof in my bedroom, it’s like the landlord was going green; much bigger, everything fit perfectly.

Somewhere along the way, in as much as I loved my little light haven, I felt like I was growing out of it. Like I would like to move in to a bigger space, that’s not within someone’s compound, an apartment. I respected my feeling and urge to look for another house. After a few searches here and consultations there, a prayer and some more, I found the house I now live in. It’s just what I wanted. Now the next feeling, I sense it from afar, is to own a house.

Just like I found my way around different houses that meet my growing needs, or just like I progressed from one stage to another and learnt along the way, that’s how life is in general. My inner being nudges me to grow in the different spheres of my life and pushes me to seek for more even when it almost seems impossible. I believe that’s how you #ChaseYourDreams. With dreams, they don’t come easy, you’ve got to start somewhere.

Happy Hump Day!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Million Dollar Question?

Even after I said “YES”, the first question that ran through my mind was, “how did you know the size of my finger?” I was too curious, because that would have been my only selling point.

The story, now that’s the question everyone has been asking of late. I’m not the best at narrating the same story over and over. But it seems for this season that I’m in, I need to get used to it and, that this bling sure does bring a lot of attention. I didn’t see myself in this phase this soon, and maybe that’s why the mister managed to sneak away with it. I was being very futuristic, I didn’t want to give him pressure in as much as all of you out there gave me pressure *looks at you, you and you*. I just wanted to go with the flow.

And with the flow I went. He’s a sneaky one, because on that Saturday 19th April, it was my turn on the rotter to work. He diligently dropped me at work, no signs whatsoever except him booking me for the day and night. All through work, I felt like I was in a daze, which made me think with the weather change I could be in the process of catching a cold. However, I wrote a post too, it was too pressing, I had learnt a couple of things that week through him and with him. Time to go home, I call him just to give him a heads up, and he offers to come back and pick me up. He’d done this a couple of times before so again, it felt normal.

When he picks me up, he hands me a gift bag and inside is perfume. WOW! He had chosen a yummy scent that I immediately adopted as My Scent. I was still in a daze. Let me explain the state, “happy and floaty for no reason, so it just feels a little awkward”. Does that make some sense?

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So we go grab something to bite and go home to watch some flicks looking forward to dinner. This Easter was pretty chilled out with no out-of-town plans (contrary to what we had earlier planned). So I was looking forward to the food, he was clearly looking forward to other grander things. If only I knew. I would have bought a new dress…lol. When evening reaches, he nudges me and tells me to dress-up. With his special line “we can’t be late for this one.” You know we women and our delaying tactics, I got it from my mum.  I was on time this time round, funny enough I didn’t even  give him a hard time getting dressed up. Normally I’d be in jeans but that day, I was very willing to dress up.

Out we went, where? “It’s a surprise,” he says. We check in to Serena and I’m like aha, but the “Captains Table at The Mandhari Restaurant” AHA! I only see all that attention in movies. And the attention is from when you check in to when you’re leaving the building. God bless those lovely waiters.  With a whole bottle of Moet to ourselves, if I knew what was going on, I’d have had a photographer on speed-dial. We just had make do with what we had by ourselves and the new fad – selfies to make memories. I loved the privacy, he knows me too well.

KawiSnippets, Engaged

1. I, very clueless  2. The Mandhari Restaurant Menu 3. Moet, 4. So sparkly, champagne ain’t the yummiest beverage at first but the taste grows on you. 5. The Master of selfies, takes us one. 6. Healthy starter – with wheat, nuts and all things healthy. 7. Mushroom Soup 8. Chicken Soup, 9. with a Quail egg to compliment (even with all the hype, I’d never eaten one yet, there’s a 1st for everything) – It had a name, I can’t remember. 10. Chefs special – Shrimp (with things in it) – I could have eaten more of those, too yummy for just one. 11. Creamy Au Gratin Potatoes – Pure yumminess in a cup plate. I’m now a potato person – being the person who hated potatoes in her food, but with cheese & butter anything is possible. 12. Pork Ribs. 13. Lamb Chops. 14, 15, 16. Those are two happy & grateful people.

It looks like my main word is yummy. It’s either yummy or not yummy. In a nut shell that’s how the evening went down of course followed with a nigh-out with a couple we look up to (not the parents haha, Mr & Mrs Ngigi). I was overwhelmed with joy. Too overwhelmed that we forgot to take pics of the dessert which the waiter said “comes served very hot.” Eh it was hot when she flung open the lid and I saw petals, a box ring and my boyfriend down on one knee.

No, I didn’t cry, not just yet. I think I was too surprised that he decided that it’s about time he “put a ring on my fatty-fatty finger”. I had asked God to give me someone I’ll be ready to spend the rest of my interesting life with. And with him, I felt that this was it. We have been together through the murks and the light as well, we’re growing together, we try up lift each other when either of us is down, we share the same values, beliefs and principles, he loves me all the time, even when I get to his nerves – like when I give completely wrong directions. He’s my all-weather friend. What more could I ask for? I am thankful to God that he’s taken his time to bring closer to me my life partner and we’re on the same page.

Engagement

For the next chapter, there’s no pressure. We’ll arrange it how we know it best, with the help of those who want the best for us. In all honesty, I’m the most clueless of bride-to-be, but we’ll sail through with God’s blessings. Can’t wait for that day and the lifetime to follow though.

To him,

Have a lovely week, now won’t you? To a wonderful journey we’ll have on here. Lot’s of love, light & peace from us to you.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Simplicity Equals Functionality

Normally, I don’t go back to read on what I have written before, because it’s awkward reading what I’ve written. You know the same way it’s awkward listening to your voice. I don’t know if you find it awkward, do you? I already know I wouldn’t make a good radio presenter. I cringe when I hear my voice somewhere in an audio/video (not that it’s bad, don’t burst my bubble just yet, it’s just … awkward).

Anyhow, I decided to just go back and see what I’m usually on about and I figured I really underestimate myself. I still don’t think I’m really good at whatever I do. I’m confident I can do it, but that’s just about where it ends.  Looking back, I actually do say things that make sense even days and years after.

I forget what I wrote about, when I wrote it, why I wrote it and what I was going through when I wrote it.

Every post has its account. There’s a reason I decide to take a particular angle and not another or why one I decide to say this and not that. Maybe that’s why I don’t revisit them, because I go through a situation, learn my lesson and move on. But I have come to realize that most of the stuff that happens in most cases is not new. It’s the same old experience regenerating itself, in a lesser or a greater way. And the same lessons you learnt then, are the same lessons you learn now. Only difference is that maybe your maturity level has increased and you’re able to handle the situation better.

This could be anything ranging from family, friendships, relationships, career, personal experiences, or general life things. The posts are also a reminder that I’ve grown, even how I process things. I like it when people read the articles and interpret the story by themselves without trying to figure out why I wrote what I did or what drove that thought. I love it when someone can relate a story to their life and even more when it helps them through a situation. Many at times, I also look for inspirations from others through their books, blogs and conversations.

In other related news, one of my “new year” i.e. Birthday resolutions, was to make my life more functional. To me, functionality = simplicity. You can use sites such as OLX Free Classifieds to fix something or buy something that’s functional and reduce the clutter, then you have made your life a little simpler.

Kawi Snippets

That couch – got a carpenter to make one for me, can’t wait for it + the decor on there is just it … ideas). Fixed a cupboard my mum had handed down to me, now it looks fancier. Finally got a cooker – baking can become a reality.

For some reason, I like keeping stuff, but at the same time, I hate clutter and I value space. When I gave this some thought, I figured what I needed is functionality, hence the resolutions. Now, have yourself a lovely 4-day week and #ChaseYourDream.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Growing Up With Eczema

 Eczema is a term for a group of medical conditions that cause the skin to become inflamed or irritated. The most common type of eczema is known as atopic dermatitis, or atopic eczema. Atopic refers to a group of diseases with an often inherited tendency to develop other allergic conditions, such as asthma and hay fever. Source

I was just explaining to my friend how I grew up with a bad case of atopic eczema and I thought, maybe I should let you in on that one too. It all started when I was barely 2 months. That’s when my eczema broke out as my mum would tell me. It was dermatologist to dermatologist to figure out what was going on because I would have insistent rushes on my body. They established it was atopic eczema but none of them gave proper treatment that would cure the skin allergies. It got worse every time the weather changed or I wore certain kinds of clothing.

Boshori, Child Headgear

She told me how she once bought a cute woolen headgear (otherwise known as “boshori”). She was so excited to have it on me,  little did she know that my delicate skin was not so welcoming to certain cloth materials. As cute as it looked, it looked even cuter on me, but the itching was in excess and when she got it off, there was a collection of rushes on any part of my face the headgear had touched.

In most of my kid photo’s, my skin was patched, a little lighter here, darker there, rushy here. It was not pretty (at least that’s what I felt then), not on pictures and I guess not in person too. I think I plucked & hid so many pictures from the album so that my friends don’t see them and make rough comments or ask who that was. It reached a point after many appointments and many ointments, that she decided to take matters to her own hands. She’s nurse by profession, a good one at that. She did her concoctions and somehow, it worked for the better part of my life. It would heal then recur with seasons (when it’s hot, when it’s cold), environmental changes (occurrence of pollen, dust), food (we tried weaning off many foods – dairy, wheat, protein, but never quite identified anything I was allergic to), clothes materials (wool, silk, net). I had somehow already gotten used to it.

The eczema was mainly on my face and joints (back of my legs, on my hands, neck – technically, the rashes would appear anywhere but those were the most concentrated areas). How I handled it? I think I owe it to my mum because it would’ve easily been worse. She explained to me from a young age what eczema was and what it wasn’t. She told me it wasn’t contagious and it wasn’t a disease (contrary to what other kids would tell me in school). She told me it was allergy, allergy to certain things which we were slowly discovering together. Of course sometimes I would turn a blind eye to things I was told to avoid. Like when I was told to avoid eggs. I was that kid at birthday’s asking, “does the cake have eggs”, it was always yes, but I sneaked a bite or two. You can only deny a kid so much.

It became my way of life and I got used to it. When it recurred, I would apply the ointments then it subsides and life goes on. At some point, I used to thank God it’s eczema I have and not something else. I came to accept it. Even though at times when the skin gets dry & flaky I’d try conceal it. Sometimes I’d just expose and prepare myself to explain to anyone who asked why my arms have rashes or my face patches. It was the story of my life.

In high school, I got away with eating special diet and not touching dirty water, which meant I didn’t do difficult duties. Reason, I was “allergic” to them. I didn’t even have to get a note from the doctor as it was evident on the skin. I kinda used it to my advantage. By then I was so used to managing it, since I always had my ointments with me. Also lotions were a no-no, most of them were watery which didn’t get along with my skin. So Vaseline and it’s variants worked just fine. Make up, also a no-no, because I could easily react to the chemicals.

Then for some reason, I out grew it. The eczema cleared off. My skin color became even, no patches. There was no trace of eczema. Isn’t that miraculous? Sometimes I get a slight reaction and it bugs me. The small doses of it – from small rashes from reactions to the unknown, allergies (eye itches, sneezing), but they’re manageable and containable. Sometimes, I forget what it felt like to be that girl with heavy rash patches on my joints. It’s easy to forget, when you can pose for a pic with flawless skin or zero patches. I don’t take it for granted, because at one point in my life, I experienced the stigma that comes with eczema.

If you’re going through that phase, you’ll get past it, it’s not permanent and even if it is, that’s just part of who you are. Visit a good dermatologist (in my 27 years I’ve never gotten one that I can vouch for), get an ointment that your skin approves of (and that’s devoid of steroids or that you can apply systematically), an oil that blends with your skin and let it run its course. Don’t let it affect your personality or self-esteem. Those that love you, will look past your skin.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Kawiria Writes – Let’s Dream

This season we’re talking dreams, it’s all about chasing your dreams. This got me wondering what my dream is. This is some serious *excuse my French but…* shit. I don’t know what my Big *Everest* Dream is. Or rather I can’t say it out loud to anyone, which simply means, I don’t know. I have small goals, you know the 3 year, 5 year, 10 year plans – that cater for my lifestyle – career, family and status things. I know where I want to be and at what point but what’s that thing that everything I do, think and say, guide me to?

On giving it a little thought, I think it has something to do with writing or better yet blogging. I love it and enjoy it while at it. My mind wanders, and then settles. Writing takes me to some place, my little piece of nirvana, as I’d like to call it. It’s what I’d like to be identified with. Kawiria writes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to write a book. I am pathetic at sticking to a story line that’s longer than blog post, unless of course I have a blogook – A book that will be a collection of all my “to go” posts. But honestly, my unpackaged dream is to inspire through my life lessons, or life lessons learnt through others and put them into perspective. I may not be the most exposed or experienced person on earth, but I believe that there’s a reason for my existence don’t we all.

Blogging, Dream, #ChaseYourDream

Now what I need to do is package that dream into something that’s appealing and that I can say and make some sense out of. Something SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time Bound. Right now it’s very vague. So Kawiria writes, writes what? Let’s work on it, that will be my personal assignment in April. To figure out my Big “Everest” Dream. Maybe I’ll be on a TED Talk telling you about my journey to realizing my dream. A girl can dream, so let’s dream #ChaseYourDream. Have you figured yours out yet?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Valentines Day’s Surprises

I was looking through my Valentine’s posts to see what I used to say on the last few ones for the few years I’ve been blogging. Honestly though, since my birthday is 2 weeks before, or thereabout, Valentines day has never been a day that I’m really keen on. It’s still Birthday month, the excitement is still there. Plus, I think it’s over rated. And so does my boyfriend.

Why?

Because, I’m of this school of thought, “if he/she doesn’t show you or display love every other day, why choose one day to do it?” That’s my reservation. I’ve always thought love is something that’s consistent, always. Whether you’re happy or mad, love is somewhere in there. It’s not a one day thing. Then again, maybe that’s the day that the world choose to acknowledge love in a loud way. With a touch of red to signify some passion of sorts, so I’m not complaining.

For me, it’s always a normal day because, well, nothing about me really changes. We’re still handling the same stuff, loving the same people, so there’s nothing to hate about the day. Besides, it’s always nice to wish someone something fun and different like #HappyValentines. I think I told everyone I talked to on phone #HappyValentines until my office desk-mate was like, what’s up with that? But, Why not that? It’s an act of kindness and concern. Ha! I’m that babe.

Anyhow, the boyfriend, who is not for all things valentines, like me. Now that we share a birthday and as mentioned above, excitement is still on board. He really surprised me. Let’s start with the part that, everyone knows I’m not a big fan of roses or anything that calls for attention, and flowers really do. They make me cringe,  feel like hiding under the table and many other things that shy people feel yes internally, I’m very shy. He’d didn’t take that too seriously, thank God, or he chose to try and see my reaction, I don’t know. But, he sent flowers over, with a card and my favorite white chocolates *slurp*.

How it unfolded: The cleaning lady came over to tell me I have a visitor. I didn’t have any meetings booked for that time of the day. So I ask her, “a dude or a chic” and she’s like “a dude” of course not in that lingo, but “a man”. Ai! And she goes like “he also has a package”. Haha, I didn’t expect a visitor and especially not one with a package. But I’m nice I really am, vanity, so I decided, “let me just go confirm that it’s Kawira not Kawiria”. People have a habit of confusing those two names.

I go to the reception, and I see a bouquet of roses, with a card and chocolates O_o. I’m not saying that my boo ain’t romantic or anything, he is. But that package, we’re not valentines people, at least not like that. I’d even let him off on such. My birthday and Christmas, those are a no brainer, but valentines, nah, that can pass. Then I see his handwriting on the card, but I still need to confirm the name and phone number, you know, just in case.

And, they were MINE! I once said I hate flowers and surprises but all that hate flew out of the window. I love flowers and surprises, from him, I more than love them. That was a super surprise. He wins!

MyV

Later on in the evening, we went for dinner at Peppers Restaurant with our friends. He was our valentine’s date, that was 4 and ½ (our little Diva) girls, with lots of good food and laughter. Nothing beats sharing that with friends, it’s a day not necessarily just for couples, but also for friends too. Show them some love, because they are all-so-deserving. Enough to call it a day perhaps because I was too full, but not to full to do an informal photo shoot at the parking lot. And that wrapped up the week. How was your day?

To make your weekend even better, here’s a link to a play list. It’s everything … for a pop & R&B head like me! You can try the 2014 one after.

Have an amazing weekend. Lot’s of love, light & peace from the person behind the screen.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

No Pressure Zones

Huh! Who are my kidding, no pressure? I just wanted to get some attention. There’s always pressure; external pressure, self-induced pressure and sometimes just underlying pressure. It’s placed neither here nor there but it exists, whether you try to get rid of it or not. It comes hungering for us, because chances are that we make such edible prey since most of us are susceptible to it anyway. That’s how we then end up hurting even when it’s unnecessary.

It then reaches a point where you just want to feel “no pressure”? For me the most amazing thing to happen to me in 2014, was almost always being reminded that, especially by the people around me. Of course it doesn’t mean that you just lax and do nothing. It means, just be you and be the best you can be without feeling like anyone is pressuring you to be or to do.

As I try to figure where I’m heading to with this, let me save myself the struggle and do what I’ve been really good at doing lately, lists. So a list of the “No Pressure” zones that I have managed to develop.

My Wardrobe.

This is me every morning … struggle to wake up, do the necessaries (go to the loo, stare at the mirror, brush my teeth), shower, oil thy self  and then stand in front of the closet and stare blankly. Wondering how I just don’t have clothes in a wardrobe full of clothes. A few lot of minutes into it, I pick something up, try, if it looks good, yaaay me. If it doesn’t, repeat process. Though I eventually get dressed, and to my standards, not so badly dressed, I keep thinking I want more clothes. It occupies my mind.

It got worse (or better now that I’m used to it) when I got a job at the bank because ¾ of my wardrobe had to change. Suits all day, every day. You can only own so many especially in month 1. I wondered how my colleagues had done it. Then as I interacted with them, I discovered that almost everyone had experienced the same feeling. It’s a transition, an expensive one. The one thing that always features is, don’t let it bug you, just work with whatever you have. They even give you tips on how to go about it and it makes one just feel adequate “zero pressure”.

What to eat for dinner.

If you’re a bachelor, well, a female bachelor to be precise, you probably feel the need to not eat junk food day in day out. It goes without saying, a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips with lots of regret. So what you’re eating for dinner can stress the life out of you. Sometimes you’ve not shopped for it or if you had, you’ve gotten home at some odd hours. At that time, all you want to do is to throw yourself on the couch and do lots of nothing unless say pass out. You might love cooking, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Then I figured, why stress about a meal, just go home and go with the flow. Worst case scenario, have milk and cereal in the fridge. It’s healthy.

What they think of you.

Don’t we all? You always want to please and please away, but technically that’s not possible. Accept that and live on. It’s as simple as that in words, then in life, it gets really complicated … in your mind. What to do? Tame my mind to see things as they are and not complicate things . Also, to try not read into someone else’s mind because in most cases, you read your own things. Feel me?

Wants that are not necessarily needs.

Guilty pleasures, they rule. You know in your mind and in your heart that you don’t need it (whatever it is) that much, but the desire to have it is insurmountable. That’s what I felt towards owning another phone, either similar to what I had or an upgrade. And guess what, I eventually got one today, because “no pressure” wrong example, but something’s gotta give. It was a cheaper upgrade (from S to V). I don’t know how Xperia is doing it, but they’re doing it well. You give in to your non-important wants, it makes you temporarily happy. Now I’m thinking, maybe I should have stuck to my budget plan…haha!

Pressure, Diamonds

Pressure will always be there, quite inevitable. Let your pressure come from events, things or circumstances that will only make you worthy, and make smooth the roughs in your life. It might look tough but embrace the toughness. I try to, sometimes I wonder why life has to be tough on me when it is, then after a some self-evaluation, I think why not. Plus, someone once said, “the tougher the lesson, the bigger the blessing.” All you need to realize, is that you managed to go through (whatever it is) and now you have the chance to do it better (isn’t that a blessing already?).

Nighty night lovelies. I missed you much enough to do a post on a Saturday night … XO!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Like a Big Book

Like a big book being read by different people, and as the chapters keep being flipped, that’s its life. Once it’s been placed on the shelf, the person interested in it, will eventually pull it out, it could take a day or years. It could be because they’ve heard it’s a nice book or because for some (un)apparent reason appeals to them. What someone does with it is up to them. The best thing about a book is that its content, once written, it doesn’t change. The story builds on, but what’s written stays. It’s our mind that chooses how to interpret the story.

Thank God It's Friday

Thank God It’s Friday

 

However, before people decide to take ownership of the book, they check it out, read the synopsis and decide whether it’s worth it. It’s like a first date, from the conversations, the looks, the connection, you evaluate and make a choice – to keep or to shelf. Should one decide to keep, some read and understand the core essence of the book and treasure it like it’s supposed to be, others try to read into it – they might not get it, but they at least they try to. For others, they read to the end but it just feels like a waste of time (boring story line perhaps or it didn’t turn out how you had anticipated), others peruse through the pages just to get to the end – sort of – I have the book, so I might as well read it whether I like or not, others don’t even get past the synopsis. They like the book but the time isn’t right for them to read it (or they’re just not feeling it at that time – ever happened to you?). You’ve been dying to read a book but when you get to the book store and read the synopsis you just don’t feel it.

When you pick the book and decide to keep it, people treat the book in different ways; others fold the ends *create doggy ears*, others tear off the pages, others write on them maybe to mark something that was of interest to them, others pen down their name because they now own the book (and they sure don’t share), you want a book, buy yours! (I have a friend or two who love their books to death and they’d rather buy you a book than give you theirs).

Life is just like a book. Just like a book, there are those people who will treasure you, there are those who will be there but not really there, there are those who will trash you, there are others who will want you all to themselves. It’s an interesting turn out. As a book on the shelf, you don’t know who will pick you or what journey you’ll take once you’re out of the shelf. But as a book, you can tell who’s treating you like you deserve to be treated, who’s mis-treating you, only you the book can tell. Unlike the book, you have a life and you can make a choice how someone interprets your story.

You can tell it, like you want it to be. Books can’t speak, you can. Books can’t express, you can. Books can’t feel, you can. Books can’t move, you can. You definitely have the upper hand. You probably won’t write your story as it’s already written (again, the bible says) but how you strive to live it, makes all the difference.

ION, Just to let you know that I’m still here, I have not disappeared into thin air. Trying to organize myself and figuring out my time, especially how to wake up early. I wold love to do the posts early in the morning doesn’t everyone, but yikes, waking up! My mind wants but my body will just never coöperate. Even when I don’t have any sleep, which is a very rare occurrence. Looking forward to an awesome weekend, besides having work tomorrow #YOLO

To more laughing, living and loving. Let your weekend be nothing short of interesting, blessings!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

While Away…

Grabs door handle, slowly pushes it open and peeks into the room engulfed in darkness as the poor squeaky door begs for some grease and constant use. Inside, cob webs hang pretty like chandeliers and boy aren’t the arachnids and insects having a field day. It’s a party up in there, until the pooper pops in with the a dusting broom *sneeze…cough*. Dem! That was one-hell-of-a mound of dust!

woman-opening-door

You know when you’ve been away for a while, but somehow you want that when you come back there’s someone home still waiting for you. This is me hoping that there’s someone still here. I hope you’ve been well though? Sometimes life is just too fast-paced or almost complicated that we are unable for one reason or another to just chill out and smell the coffee or jot down a post.

While away, I was thinking about ‘anonymity’ or ‘getting yourself out there’. There are times you want to be that person under the rock. Living in your own world the way you know best. No one is looking at you or up to you, no one wants to know what’s going on, you’re just as private as you get. You want to look at the world, but you don’t want to look back at you. That’s being anonymous. Then there are other times, you want to be that person standing on the same rock. You want people to see you for who you are, for them to know that you’re there, look up to you for your strengths, look for you even. That’s getting yourself out there.

We tend to think that either of the two actions are linked to your personality. Like if you’re the introvert, you’re most likely into being anonymous and if you’re the extrovert, you’re want to get yourself out there. Well, I think it’s more about how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking of yourself at a particular time or moment, more than it is someone’s personality which almost a constant. At least I tend to think that of myself. If it’s personality wise, then I am an in-between-er, with a little more extrovert traits than introvert traits – then again, nah, that sounds so serious.

I want to ‘get myself out there’ when I am confident in myself, who I am and what I do. I can comfortably say it without having doubts in what I am saying, because I can always back it up with my actions. I don’t mind someone complimenting me or looking up to me, because if I were them, I would also feel the same about me. It’s me on a high, with the “I can’t take up anything that comes my way, just bring it on” attitude. And it somehow translates to my mood as well, that’s the day I’m all chatty, smiley, splashed with colour, you know just out there.

It’s like a woman, a pretty woman to be precise (not that I say there are any ugly ones). You know women with make-up, we put it on to make us feel a little more beautiful. It enhances some of our features or conceals some others, basically it helps us flatter ourselves. When you compliment a woman’s look with her make-up on, if she believes in herself, she’ll be take in the compliment and it’ll make her feel better about herself – if she could, she would conquer the world. But when she doesn’t believe in herself, she’ll think you just complimented her because she has make-up on and not because she actually really looks the part – she’ll go back to the mirror to confirm what you just said or there’s a possibility of some lipstick stain on her tooth.

The times that I want to be anonymous, is when I’m just flatly unsure of myself, you know not sure what I’m up to or about  – lots of self-doubt, kinda like the woman who goes back to the mirror.  I want to crawl under that rock and stay there until I can figure myself out. I don’t want people to see me for what I’m not, or something I don’t want be. I don’t want someone to look up to me where I’m also not getting it right, I want to get it right first or be sure that I’m on the right course. Definitely me on my low, I just want to keep to myself and share the least possible with people.

For a moment there I was trying to be anonymous and it’s not working. I miss being here, and now I’m getting out there again. For the one – two compliments on the snippets, thank you! It definitely made me think it’s about time I just gathered my wits, changed the music I was listening to (same playlist for a couple of days, OK weeks, maybe that another way I deal with my kind of low) and go back to sharing my thoughts.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*