Lose Yourself. Find Yourself.

Makes me want to start on with Eminem’s - Lose Yourself, although it’s in a different context, but hey takes you back huh?

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

—-

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. ” ~ Eminem

Sometimes we lose ourselves. Lose ourselves in our work, school, relationships, talents basically in situations. We lose ourselves trying to accommodate other things and other people and we forget that we also have ourselves to accommodate. We humans (based on the fact that I am one) were created to want to please everyone we come across. You want to make sure that everyone is happy with you, satisfied with whatever it is that you have to offer. And if they are not, you try your best to make sure that they do. Even if it means losing who you actually are to do so. It’s like your happiness is based on their approval stamp.

We lose ourselves in more ways than one. Through our character, our behaviour and our actions. Where you do things that you also don’t comprehend, things that don’t make you happy, that given a chance, you would rather not do it but the situation doesn’t quite allow or it just forces you to be that way. It’s crazy, because you see yourself leaving yourself, literally. It’s like you’re stretching your hand to reach out for yourself but you slowly slip away. When you realize that is what’s happening, you can either: Just confirm to it or decide, it’s about time you found yourself. Conforming to it means that you’ve let go of yourself, you don’t mind not being you. You’re comfortable being  what your situations expect you to be to please them. Even when it drives you nuts, you would rather go nuts, but make sure the people around you are happy with you. But deep inside, you crush, you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough, like life could be better than it is.

When you decide to find yourself. Well, you step on some toes. You know what stepping on toes does, some forgive you and move on. Others react and dwell on it. You’ll probably never hear the end of it. They hate you for being you. But to be yourself you need to be able to defend yourself from the harshness (of the world) and be there for yourself always. It doesn’t mean that you’re going against what people expect of you really, it just means that your happiness, your comfort also matters. As much as other people’s matters. Just because someone doesn’t like you, your world won’t stop. Chances are that someone else loves (or will love) you to greater degree for being the same way. It’s a matter of balancing the scale…lol

You could have everything you need in life, but if you’re not yourself then those things wouldn’t make so much sense to you. And that’s probably the source of your happiness. That could be the source of your smile when all else doesn’t look so promising. If you’re not yourself, then you’re definitely someone else ain’t it? It means your own needs won’t satisfy you, because everyone has different needs. It’s a twist. Knowing yourself, your character, your behaviour  your actions is what keeps you sane. You over-do or under-do something and tell yourself, “Kawi, you’ve taken it too far, that’s not you”. You kiss ass too much, and you tell yourself, “Kawi, you don’t have to do that, just be you.” Actually, I think people like you better when you’re yourself. Just that they probably don’t tell you. I could tell you on their behalf. Because then they know that you’re the real deal, that you’re not pretending. That given a situation, this is how you’ll behave. So that someone doesn’t get surprised like, “Oh my gosh, I would have never though Kawi would do something like that.” This will allow me to love you for you or dislike you for you. Not for who you’re not.

When a situation pushes you to be someone you’re not, be there for yourself. Stand up for who you are. We expect others to be there for us when sometimes we’re not even there for ourselves. You’re your own V.I.P. Yeah, you deserve the red carpet, the V.I.P treatment. Don’t underestimate yourself. I do that sometimes as well, underestimate myself. I feel little, like I don’t have any impact in the life of others. And I let the voices inside my head convince me so. Then I thought about it figured that you deserve all the good things like the  other person next to you. You’re just as beautiful as the person next to you, if not more. You’re just as intelligent just as the person next to you, if not more. So don’t look at yourself and pity yourself or try to be someone else to please others as well as yourself. There’s a reason you are who you are.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~ Nora Ephron.

It’s Monday, there can’t be any better form of motivation than,“ just be yourself”. It sounds like a darn easy assignment. LOL. It’s the hardest. That’s all I’ll tell you to do this week.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Thin Line

If there’s one thing that confuses me or I just seem not to understand is where to draw the line between independence and dependence. So  that you can understand where I am coming from, let me give you my mini-story. I have the most amazing parents, let’s just start there. My baby sister can be the witness. We’ve never lacked what we need. We’re not rich per se, we’re wealthy but not materially. What am trying to say is we have been able to get what we need, not necessarily what we want. While I was growing up, I was under a good shelter in good neighbourhoods,  I ate delish food (save for the githeri days and how I devour it nowadays), went to very good schools, dressed well by my standards. All this was provided by both my parents in their different capabilities. I grew up seeing both my parents work and provide for the family.

Miss Independent

Somehow I knew when my parents had money and when they didn’t. They didn’t have to really tell us. It wasn’t rocket science that mid-month was a tricky time to ask for something pricey. My mum was very open about her finances, my dad oh well, you know men. He wasn’t, but he made it clear when he didn’t have and when he got it if whatever it is you’re asking for made sense to him and he had the resource, he would take you to get it. Lucky me huh? I was blessed, still am. The other thing I was indirectly taught was how to budget my money, work around what I have and not live beyond my means.

My dad faithfully gave me money for lunch and transport every single day all through my undergraduate studies. He never asked me to work (unless ironing his shirts, washing his car or serving him food and coffee counts) or find means to get that money. It didn’t probably mean much then but it definitely means more than much now. This is because I know the struggle. After I got my very first job, which was not ‘oh so glorious’ but left me with the best experience, I promised myself that I will never borrow money even from my parents. I will  really work hard to provide for myself. My reasoning being that the two most important people in my life (the parents) have worked their asses off for me to get here so that I can be self-sufficient and independent. That’s just what I always strive to be. I want to be able to take care of them when they old, I want to chip in where I’m need or even sometimes not.

Did that make me who I am today? To a very large extent it did. It influenced my thought process with regards to independence. In my head, it’s make it or make it. There’s no other option. One thing I would never want on me is the inability to provide for (to the very least) myself. I wouldn’t want someone else to be responsible for me. I mean, that’s why my parents worked hard to ensure they’ve armed me with the resources that will ensure I am able to be independent. You get my drift right?

Then here comes the problem, where do you draw that line of independence and dependence when you’re in a relationship or when you’re married? I have attended some bridal showers and girl discussions that put the man in charge of certain things, actually most if not all things. He’s the sole provider, the one who handles the big bills. The woman is the one who takes care of him you know, make sure he’s cleaned up, well fed, happy and such like non-material things. I don’t disagree with this, but that’s how it used to be ages ago. Now we’re evolving. The economy is as well. Does it allow for the woman to be completely dependent on the man? I’m talking about the average man, not the president or the president of a multinational. The man who’s probably at the same level with you work-wise. You have the same fears, struggles, opportunities and so on.

Some may say if you give them that role to be the sole provider, they’ll be more hard-working and they will ensure that there’s bread on the table come rain or sunshine. That’s nice but with so many but’s on my part. What will make the man not look down on you as the woman who’s dependent on him? What if one day he finds it burdensome? What if you’re indebted to him, such that it becomes a blackmail for you to do things for him because he’s the sole provider. These things happen. We are human and we have feelings, especially when most of the pressure is exerted on you.

I’m not for that school of thought, it makes me cringe at the thought. I’m for the school of thought of sharing responsibilities. Why? Because I think it’s only fair. If the man feels like providing much more, thank God *chuckles*. I wouldn’t mind being offloaded some responsibilities. I mean, who wouldn’t? However, I stick to sharing is caring. If you split roles based on your financial ability. When you’re open with each other it’s easier because then someone won’t be overburdened with responsibilities they can’t handle. We need to have two scenarios though for those who are secretive. List down all the bills (not personal bills like the salon, new shirt, new shoes, no), bills that affect both of you (house rent/mortgage , electricity, water, savings, house shopping, school fees, TV e.t.c), then you can decide who does what or how you’ll help each other pay these or achieve these together. Then you can remain with your other money which you’ll use to your own liking. No one in the house will judge you if you decide to do some impulse buys because you’ve handled your stuff. I am probably saying this because am so used to being independent in terms of handling my own responsibilities. I don’t know how it’ll be when I have to split them up with my other half. I will write a post in future and refer to this one.

I hate asking for things especially things money related. I don’t like being told NO, and chances are that if its money related there will be a long explanation probably leading to a NO. That being one of the reason I believe in maintaining my independence. At least I don’t have to ask someone, just consult if what I am investing in is worth while. What about if he offers to provide? I am all for it, I won’t refuse of course. Now I can say that. Before (1 or so years ago) I used to feel weird when someone who’s not my parents buys me something (gifts). I used to think it’s because they want something back or something will be expected back in future. You know how parents can drill that into you so that you don’t rely on other people. To some extent that was true.

As you grow, you have to know how to differentiate those people that give because they expect something in return and those who give just because they love to do so and don’t expect anything in return.

You don’t want to be indebted or owe someone something because you were dependent on them at one point or another. It’s also good to know the kind of person you’re with. Is it someone who willingly shares responsibility with you or is it something you’re forcing on to them. I believe if it’s voluntarily, you won’t feel burdened but if it’s not you’ll need some jail breaking. Also, I think the independence is viewed more material than it is immaterial. We forget we also need independence in our thoughts, skills, abilities and so on. The big conclusion is that while we’re independent we still want our men to be there for us by all means. For the love, support, encouragement, company, protection among very other many things. Don’t you?

LOL

NeYo also had something to say about the independent woman. What are your views on this? Miss Independent or Miss Dependent, what’s your take?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Stuck in a Box?

Yesterday as I was walking home I had one of those moments of deep thought. I was thinking about fear, doubt, indecision and all those things that come to you when you’re supposed to do something that is to some extent out of your comfort zone. It’s like we have as part of our factory settings that function called “FEAR”. This leads you to lack belief in whatever you’re engaging in, doubt that you’ll be able to go through it or even do it, and indecision, you can’t seem to know which direction to take, what to do.

I think this function incapacitates you for a moment. If you allow it, it could be for a life time. It’s like you’re stuck in a box and you think how there’s no life outside it. Or rather how will you manage life outside that box that you’re oh so used to? It’s already comfortable, it’s enough. Then why go ahead and try out something that doesn’t necessarily promise you the comfort of this box? Many of us live inside that box, we do everything in our ability to convince ourselves that that box is all we need and anything past that is not that necessary. But is that the case really?

We humans were born curious but also inherently fearful of things both known and unknown. It’s good when you fear God, but bad when the fear hinders you from exploring your curiosity. It’s that curiosity that will tell you, “that box is growing too small for you” or “there’s something called ‘claustrophobia’ and that box could be the cause”. You know those things that will make you do everything in your ability to want to get out of that box. This box, it’s just not a box. Just think of all those things that you think of or imagine of doing and they make you cringe even at the thought of it. It could be anything.

For instance, the thought of starting my thesis gave me the total creeps. I wondered about the topic, where I will get the research stuff, how I will write it up, how I will defend it, how I will do the questionnaires, how I will analyze them and finally how I’ll defend the final thesis. It was all about the why’s, where’s and how’s. Surprisingly, I am past half the trouble. I tell you the fear is real, up until you remove the doubt and make that decision that gets you out of your comfort zone and work at make those things work for you. That’s just one example. There are so many others things or situations that still get me thinking, “hmmm, how will I even do that or how will I get there.”

Are you stuck in a box and wondering how you could ever kick yourself out of it? Just do it, Nike couldn’t have said it better. Outside the box will at some point become inside the box once you adapt to it. You build comfort over time. Then you’re at your curious stage once again, where you get bigger than the box. It’s a vicious cycle.

I highly doubt there’s a point someone will be completely at peace in their comfort zone, even at the point of self-actualization (recall Maslow’s hierarchy of needs). We’re always looking for more successful, more satisfying, more and more things. Your wanting list grows exponentially. If that’s the case, is it fit to be called a comfort zone? It doesn’t seem so comfortable after all, because even when we think it is, we’re yearning for more comfort as we chase what’s outside our box.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Stupendous Snippets

Ever had those days that you don’t expect something magical to happen, then voilà! Out of the blues someone, something happens. It could be a brilliant “out of the ordinary” idea, an awesome find, a delicious something, a successful plan, some awesome company, or a SALE. Not because it’s out of this world, but because it is just what it is.

My girlfriend E discovered a sale on some shoes then when she was going to show me hers I spot a two pair  as well. They were on sale, got them without putting too much thought into it. After all, at the back of my head I have been saying I need some extra pair of heels to rock my dresses that I will add to my small collection. Plus the heel was just right, can’t walk in 6″ heels, I’ll gully creep after a few steps…lol

Red and Black Pumps…

All these good things were happening on Friday, including these rubber shoes. I was on my way home and I happened to pass through the mall, I think I’m a supermarket addict. Sometimes I just go just because it’s there. Then of  course I buy something that I didn’t really need. Bata had just opened a new branch at the mall so I walked in just to see what they had in stock without the intention of buying anything. Then as I looked around, I see rubber shoes. Black ones. They were cheap and on 20% discount, why not have them? Okay, I got them.

Bata Rubber Shoes…

It wasn’t all about shoes though. If you recall, I moved to a normal house…lol, you know what I mean. One with a full sitting room, and I had wondered how I’ll be accommodating people who come visit me. See I care about you, I can’t just subject you to the carpet. I only had one seat and that wasn’t enough. Getting extra seats is an expensive affair and I wasn’t going to invest in that at least this month or the next. So what to do? My parents being old school were saying plastic seats O_o, ah ah! My sister was like no never, haha! Then the boyfriend suggested poofs … BRILLIANT! I call my furniture guy, he gets my concept and fixes me something to my liking.

Poofs, my alternative to seats for now.

There are those people who make your rather boring weekend or days rather interesting. You know how they bug you, they bully you, they care for you, they make you laugh, the piss you off, they make it up, they love you, they enjoy being around you, they want your attention, they don’t want it, they’re complicated, but I understand them. The two munchkins here are those people for me. They’re a hand-full and they both happen to be lastborns, gosh the pressure! They look spoilt yah?

The Lastborns and the Firstborn Me

Remember the FREE medical check up out reach I was telling you about the other day? Well, it happened this Sunday and I am proud to say that it was a success as the turn out was pretty good for a start. Considering our target was mainly the women and mothers in Kahawa Wendani community and surrounding areas. It could have been far for you but they’ve got to start from somewhere ain’t it? To bigger better and closer to you next time. I would like to urge people to push their people to go for these random medical check ups. They may seem not so important, but they are. Even if you’re not doing it for you, at least do it for your loved ones.

FREE Medical Check Up Out Reach at Rithika Medical Centre

I saw this one on the internet and I am definitely stealing that design. I can see myself in it already. A girl’s got to show a bit of leg you know. It looks absolutely stunning, and the lady in it has definitely done it some well deserved justice.

What do you think?

Other things I was up to over the weekend:

Watching

The voice. This is one is way better than Idols, which is way better than our local project fame. The artiste is judged  by their voice (talent) and not how they look. Then once they’re in, they’re coached by grammy award artistes. The likes of Adam Levine *swoon*, Cello Green, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton. I was literally glued to the T.V. It’s an amazing show. It shows you how people go through stuff, but still hold on to their talent.

It also goes ahead to bring out the importance of family and friends who are like family. They’re the only ones who stand by you when you’re hitting rock bottom, and when you’re soaring in the skies.

Doing

Housework. I discoverd that I get so many ideas running through my mind when I am busy doing housework. That’s when I think of what I want, where I want to be, what I want to do and such like things. Strange huh? But getting there always needs some extra mojo, who likes doing housework anyway? Plus it’s a form of exercise or so I’d like to convince myself.

Listening

To Size 8 – Mateke and Sauti Sol – Still the One. The new local singles that have just been released. I like, totally like!

Wanting

A stereo! I want one I don’t know why, but I really want one.

Wishing

That what you’ve hoped for comes to be. Sometimes our hopes and wishes may take a while to come to be, maybe they’re giving us time to be sure that that’s what we want, just in case we change our minds or it was just a thing of the moment. Because when they come to be, they come in ten fold. Like you’ve got to pinch yourself to make sure that what is happening is really happening and you’re not dreaming.

Has that ever happened to you? It’s happened to me a couple of times, and I’m still looking forward to more and more. My hope tank is still full…lol. Thanking God everyday.

The weather may be dull and blue but may your Monday and the rest of your week be full of sunshine. Blessings!

Signing Off ~~~*Kawi*

Your State House

We spent 9th April 2013, following up on the presidential inauguration process for those of us who weren’t able to attend it physically. Well, because we didn’t receive V.I.P invitation cards…lol. Truth be told though, there’s no way I would squeeze my way into the crowd to watch it and the media has ensured that the whole event was being aired live. I think you even get to witness it better when watching it from the comfort of your couch. You can switch channels when a boring choir comes on or when there’s a delay in arrivals, better yet snooze then wake up for the speeches or go grab some snacks in the kitchen you get what I mean. All the same, a historical moment that will go down the books happened. So it’s a date worth remembering. Also, for the sake of your kids, you’ll probably have to narrate this story sometime in future.

On a non-serious note depends on how you look at it I like that our president and vice presidents are eloquent. You know, very convincing, audible, precise and most of all young and hip aka “the dynamic duo”. There will be no more cringing during national or informal speeches. Is it just me or did you ever have moments of “I don’t know what you’ll say next, but please be subtle” when Kibaki made informal speeches. I know they were humorous and all, but I think I’m kind of relieved. I don’t have to wonder anymore how he converses with dignitaries and the likes. Things that keep you up at night…ha ha!

Source: Outgoing President Mwai Kibaki hands over instruments of Power and Authority (the Commander-in-chief’s ceremonial sword and the constitution) to President Uhuru Kenyatta during the State Installation of the 4th President of Kenya at Kasarani Sports Complex, Nairobi.

We saw the new president-elect being sworn in as Hon. His Excellency President Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta and the Deputy President William Ruto. I’m happy that this finally came to be. It had been a long time coming. With so many doubts and unsurities along the way we were able to come to an agreement of who deserves what. I guess fair trial in the end. I wasn’t also so sure about how everything will turn out but since inception I had prayed for the best outcome and for a peaceful election. I didn’t know who was the best presidential candidate, we all had our opinions and a choice of 8. As you know, for each person, their opinions rules and politics is pretty sensitive. If there’s one discussion I didn’t enjoy, it’s that of politics. I hated the analysts on T.V. too I don’t know why the bring them on. They didn’t help my judgement in any way, the debates on the other hand really did.

I’m glad that whole politics things especially in regard to elections is over. Who’s with me here? Now we can deal with more pertinent matters. Like how to make better our economy, fix things. The new government has made promises, many promises. The frameworks, the policies, but most of all the reforms. I am one of those hopeful Kenyans. I want to see and experience how all these promises will be executed and how they will involve the common mwananchi who doesn’t have links in the government while at it.

Congratulations Kenyans for a job well done and for the bright future ahead of us.

As Uhuru enters the national State House he already did, also enter your own State House and run with it. Yours is not the actual presidential State House *quips* with the a million and one rooms, I mean the proverbial one. You’re the president of your life. I don’t know where in the bible it says but I’ve definitely seen it and read it. That God gave you dominion over your life (the power and the authority to govern and control it). So even as we wait and expect the government to develop the country, they will probably play their role in doing so, I believe. But they will not come to you as an individual and develop you. You have to do it yourself. You have to work harder than ever, you have to push yourself to the limits.

Nothing comes easy. You want a good life? You have to chase it. It’s that girl who plays “hard to get” or that man who’s not akin to commitment. Quite slippery, but it can be caught eventually.

If you think about it critically, even the president worked quite hard to get to where he is. His team mates worked even harder to make sure that they get him to where he is. So we are no exception. The reforms they’ll make will create opportunities for us, which will mean that someone has to take them on. Opportunities are like a gold mine, do nothing and nothing will come off them. It will just be land like any other. Do something and you’ll have gold and other minerals at your disposal. Dig deeper and deeper until it becomes the opportunities become something tangible, that have a positive effect in your life.

I’m also not too sure how this will go for me as well but I am all macho. Let me start thinking how I can develop my personal and professional life via this opportunities. LOL, definitely not the babies one at least for now, they said free maternity in public hospitals and free laptops for class 1 kids in public schools. I foresee a baby boom next year. Wololo, there’s more to babies than that don’t be deceived. Don’t forget to analyse some of these opportunities before taking them up. All the best while at it and God bless Kenya!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Something. About. Me.

LOL. Strange way to start the post, I know. But honestly, it’s hilarious how ones life can change in a couple of days, months, years. It just depends when you’re struck by whatever it is that will create that change. Why I was laughing, because I was reading a previous post that made me cringe, then shake my head in almost disbelief. Like “I really said that, no I didn’t”, “how did I even think that”. If I was to write that all over again, the story has completely changed. You know the 360^o kind of change. It would qualify for a face-palm moment.

Then again, it shows that I have really grown. The fact that I can read something I wrote a few years back and it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was writing it. It’s amazing when something you did a while back gives you that feeling. That feeling of wow, I have come from far, to bring it closer home, yaani nimetoka mbali. I think of my first graduation, first job, my first house, my first relationship, my first blog post, the constant advisory lectures from the parents (he he they were of course almost one-sided, mostly don’t do this, don’t go there e.t.c) and these are the things that made up my foundation. They are what made me even know what direction to and not to take in life. At that particular time, it was all no big deal. It was just living life and doing what I had to do. Then as life went on, I moved into another job, I moved houses, I started dating someone else, wrote more posts. The parental lectures graduated to discussions (it’s two-sided, I give them my opinions, they give me theirs then I weigh them and make a choice). I’ve grown, still am. Little growing to big. It’s amazing.

That’s why I laughed when I read these posts. That one just covers the relationship perspective, there’s this one when I firstmoved out of home, then another when I graduated from my undergraduate and my first post on here. It takes me back, back to where I started out. I started out from down there, from knowing almost nothing about the world. I was like a cub let loose. For those of you who watch Nat Geo, you know how bad it is out there in the wild. You’re prey. Many await to feast on you, lead you in the wrong direction, give you false promises and so on. You are in charge of yourself. You make your own decision, right or wrong. No one is responsible for that but you. It’s crazy in a beautiful way.

To fend for myself, to face the world without the protection of the parents. That’s almost a lie though, because they are on my speed dial. I always update them on things, both good and bad. I always want their blessings in the things that I do or plan to do. Then there’s my boyfriend, he’s on the receiving end of all this I want to do this that and so on, so his opinions really matter as they’ll affect my decisions in one way or another. Then my friend(s), I have started learning to share things. I am not one to. I know it sounds unimaginable considering I am a chatter-box but surprise, there’s some mystery here. It’s like God leads me to people who will help in my venture for growth, the little experience I have gathered in different aspects of my life is through people. People I have known from the places I have been or people I have met in the weirdest of ways or people I have been introduced to. Super support system. You’ve got to love people.

Slowly I have been moving up, learning a couple of things while at it. The one thing that’s been my constant, though sometimes I tend to under-look it sometimes,  is that I strive to excel. I want to grow. The moves I make or intend to make are so that I can grow, so that I can make me and mine better. While at it, make a difference in the lives of the people I meet along the way or better the places I pitch tent in. I think what would make me feel unsatisfied is if I feel that I am not able to do this. If I feel stagnated, if there’s no sense of growth or there’s nothing I can do to make a difference. If I can’t do any of this, then why am I there or why am I doing what it is am doing in the first place?

That’s a little “Something. About.Me”. Also my very first picture-less post. Strange huh?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Social Media in Relationships – Toxic or Not?

I was once a junkie. A certified junkie of social media and all that comes with it. You know how you want to share every aspect of your life with other friends and strangers online. You’ve woken up, you’re working, you have too much work, the music you’re listening to, you’re bored, you’re shopping, your location, you’re eating, you’ve gone to bed and the likes. It was fun to say the least, while it lasted. You didn’t have to quite go out of your way to communicate, because this is information that you’re freely divulging, no one is pressuring you for it or telling you how to go on about it. It’s like you’re in relationship with your phone (or gadget) and you’re the one in control. The social media sites are your journals where you say what’s going on in your life at a particular point.

My friends would also comment on how I was into social media. Well, it hadn’t occurred to me to say the least. Especially since what I was doing wasn’t wrong. If anything, I was just being the social animal that I am. So I would just brush it off. They would say about the number of friends and followers I had, but still nah. It was good for me in the sense that while socializing I got to learn a few tricks here and there that we could use for business to gain some competitive advantage, make new friends and the best of all, kill bore-dome. Talk of making your lifestyle somehow work for you and enable you to make ends meet in more ways that one.

Then of course, things get a bit more serious. There’s school and work. In as much as social media was part of my JD, it wasn’t the fun-filled life updates no more. This one comes with targets, KPI’s, you can’t just post whatever comes to your mind. It’s basically different. To some extent it taught me that I should be responsible for what I expose online, how far should I go in. Is what I’m posting necessary, what impact will it have on those people who follow me or those who are my friends. So much thought process goes into it. Such that a simple post could be expected to do a lot. For business purposes, it should create awareness and push a customer to purchase your goods or service.

Bearing this in mind, I also became a follower and a reader (observer). I would like to know what other say about something before blindly posting. Sometimes I just want to be on the sidelines and read what others have to say. It’s somewhat interesting, it’s like you’re gossiping with imaginary friends, getting updates on what’s going on with your real friends and strangers, getting news on what’s happening around the world. So sometimes I could find myself so deeply engrossed.

Then came something I didn’t quite have before. A relationship. Now, a relationship means that there’s this person who wants your attention and needs some time out of the ordinary to get to know you better. A bit better than the rest know you. This is because that’s the other person you spend lots of time with, they foresee a future with you. Now, when was it that we used to access social media the most? After work and school. Now, here’s this special person who’s craving your attention. This person you have to kind of please by making some delish dinner once in a while. Before, I would reach home so exhausted, throw myself on the couch, grab my phone follow-up on “social media news updates or better yet gossip and things that don’t quite add value to my life”. Before I know it, it’s so late that the best I can feed on is cornflakes or milk and bread and an egg or baked beans to make it a tad bit healthier.

It’s just interesting. Of course it didn’t take me a day to realize that social media can be addictive and it can also be quite an anti social behavior. Until the mister pointed it out. It was more like, “you spend so much time on the phone and especially on social media”, or once or twice in an argument he made a random statement like “you can just talk to your online friends, they listen to you better”. Of course me in my defensive nature, I didn’t get the point then. I was like “how can you even say something like that? *sob*” It’s later I asked him what he meant by that statement because it kept ringing and ringing at the back of my mind.

Source

Then he says, it’s like you’re more comfortable talking to your online friends, giving them updates more than you are telling me or talking to me. I know right, it came as a shock to me as well. Took me a while to even accept that he would think that. Of course that’s the reality that was. I just wasn’t ready to accept it. This is the life am used to. When you’re alone, there’s no one to share your stuff with, so you resort to strangers – social media. When you say something people would comment or say something in addition and make some fun out it. It’s better than talking to walls ain’t it?

Social media is not so social when it comes to relationships.

Well, that was a problem. Social media can be a problem. It can be a problem when there’s someone sited next to you, someone hanging out with you or someone trying to get your attention. That other person feels like they’re the ones talking to a wall. Like you want to share certain aspects of your life online but whatever it is that you’re telling other people online you can also tell them. Why not? Is it they won’t catch the joke or is it that you have more fun with this other people, that you probably don’t even know than you do with them. Or you have a problem between the two of you and you all go your separate ways and update you status with some subtle hints to your significant other. Such that when they read they know it’s directed to them. Why not just tell them, text them privately.

Source

Social media becomes a middle man in relationships, the communication hub between spouses. The one who says he said this, she said this. Or the third wheel, you know that friend who tags along on your dates even when uninvited.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be on social media and be in a relationship. LOL. Would I survive? Just kidding. It just means that you have to respect your “you time”. You have to set your own boundaries. When you’re hanging out, put away the phone. When there’s something interesting to update, share with your significant other (because they are there with you) then you can even go like let me share this one *on your preferred social media platform*. It just goes ahead to show that you’re free with them and that they’re also fun to hang around with. It gives you time to catch up, talk about your lives, your expectations and other important things that relate to you and your lives. It doesn’t make sense that you can post your location on social media but you find it weird that your spouse wants to know where you are or they would like to at least be updated on the same. He/She cares, people on social media really don’t.

If it’s an issue in your relationship, the subtle hints posted as notes or updates on social media hurt more than they pass the message along. So instead of telling your online friends, why not just communicate between the two of you and try solve whatever it is without people prying into your business? I think it ends up better than when you air out your dirty linen. We’re all human and we all have dirty linen, unless you’re perfect. How you handle your problem or clean your linen is what makes all the difference.

Let people see your linen hung on the lines sparkling clean and not dirty. They even don’t need to know how the linen got dirty, if it got dirty or how it was cleaned. That’s none of their business. But they do care that you’re both cool with each other.

Source

I didn’t learn this in a day and also not in the easiest of ways. Oh, neither am I an expert on relationships. But I eventually did, still am, that’s what that matters. Making a mistake ‘big or small’ and learning from it, then sharing it with you.

For those in a relationship, what has been your experience on the same? For the singles, do you ever think this will be a problem when you start dating?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Living or Surviving?

F.H.L

I was just wondering at what point do we stop living and start surviving? Yeah, we are alive as long as we’re breathing, moving or doing something that signifies the presence of life. Of course I don’t mean that kind of living. I mean the kind where you are content with who you are, what you’re doing, the people that surround you and you have something to look forward to. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we do that we don’t realize these things. We think just because we wake up, do our normal routines and maybe one or two new or not-so-new things in the day, we’re living it. Sometimes at the end of the day you would look back and you wonder how the day has come to an end and nothing has changed about you, within you or around you. It’s like time flies, but funny enough it doesn’t because apparently we are all given 24hrs in a day. That’s equality at its best. I mean for the person who does nothing all day and the president of America.

I won’t even deny that am one of those people. One of those people who complains time is flying and at the end of the day I can’t quite account for it. It’s probably all chalked out on some board somewhere. I doubt even the person or angel handling my board… Oh wait a minute, I diverse just a little. I somehow, well you know everyone has a kid in them you don’t?, the kid in me thinks the angels have a kick-ass time up there betting on how our lives will go. Like draw a routine then place bets if they’ll change and such like things. The things the mind thinks. Any how, back to surviving. Sometimes we just survive by the day.

But hey again,  this stuff seems harder than rocket science I say. Managing your life is actually harder than any course work or job you’re given (aye or nay?…I could be saying my own things). I’m not one to say when to stop surviving and start living. But I think the source of living is a pinch of faith, sprinkle of hope, some sacrifice and  a cup full of love. We don’t have everything we want, neither are we also in most cases where we would like to be for one reason or another. But what makes you think you can’t get there?

It’s in the lack of faith and in the loss of hope that makes us think that we’re not good enough or we don’t have what we need or we won’t get there (where we want to be). In actual sense, you actually can and you’re good enough. It’s just in the change of our attitude. To learn not to be belittled by what we don’t have but instead let what we don’t have be our drive.

In my honest opinion, I don’t even think living means doing new things per se. Sometimes we’re not in a position to change our situation at that particular time because of certain limitations. However, you could delimit them by incorporating something in your routine that makes you feel satisfied with yourself. You know what I mean? Something that makes you feel like you’ve not wasted a whole day. Something that will or could contribute towards your tomorrow. Start living. Surviving means that there’s nothing you’re looking forward to, so there’s nothing you’re really working for. You’re just doing it because you have to for your survivals sake. You’re complacent where you are and with what you have, you don’t look beyond. Your fuel has run out and that spark has fizzled out. Stop Surviving.

Start Living. Stop Surviving

ION, here’s my 2 proposal yes 2 defense story.

The other day I was doing my proposal and boy is that thing not easy. I had to defend it in the end to get approval to move on to data collection and analysis so that I can finish my thesis *someone say an AMEN*.  Well, I was scheduled for a defense, dates and all. I’ve never been to one before and I had never gotten the opportunity to attend one. So I wasn’t sure how one gets grilled and all. I had done my proposal to the “best of my ability”. “” because I really hadn’t. Then I went to the defense room and I was grilled…a good one. People are grilled, they make you look and feel like, “that’s all you did?”, “where is this, where is that…”. The corrections were quite a couple, so I was asked to go work on them and come back to re-defend a few weeks later.

Crushed and feeling like maybe am not so bright after all, okay that’s my ego talking. You know how failing in something feels. It’s not the best feeling in the world. Then I thought wait a minute, I’ve not failed, it’s a freaking re-defense! It’s basically a second time to shine and prove to my lecturers I accept mistakes, I can work on correcting them and I can produce something really good. I decided I will do my research, follow-up with my sources of study and work with my supervisors. All this time with a bucket full of hope and faith not the sprinkles and pinches I was talking about earlier. Of course a few sacrifices here and there and viola, I passed my re-defense *ego boost* but it doesn’t end there. I still have so much work to do, but I know I’ll manage for sure. I can see myself at my graduation party (if I choose to have) doing that speech…lol.

Thanking God for that and thats it’s FRIDAY! This week just needed to end. It’s been a long one, up and down but totally worth all the efforts. I am grateful. But does this up and down ever end anyway? The weekend is jam-packed, but it’s the weekend. I think the gist is in the name, end makes you want to heave a sigh of relief.

Signing ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Friday Fives

Some Thank God It’s Friday Loving! The beginning of the month couldn’t come on a better day than Friday. Maybe that’s a sign that March will be an easy breezy month. Plus we get off all week next week, work can’t get any cooler that huh! Hoping that after elections life resumes back to normal on Tuesday so that we can relax for the remaining days.

1. Oopsies!

Yesterday was my baby sisters (Clara’s) birthday. And she turned the age that gives here lot’s of gateway *wait for it* 18. Are you one of those culprits who scream out “18 till I die” when Bryan Adams song comes on? Haha well, she should take advantage of this age, 18 only comes once and the rest of the time, we just pretend to live life out like an 18 year old. I can’t believe she’s grown up that fast, just the other day we were telling her what to wear, what not to. Now she’s shopping by herself, taking herself places and so on, we freak out sometimes most of the time but then let her be. I can assure you that we’re still in denial but absorbing it bit by bit.

Then, her results were coming out today. So you can imagine she spent her birthday all tensed up. I was even thinking at some point maybe I’d made her mad, or someone had. And then *bulb light* the results were to be announced today. Poor girl! They’re now out and she totally Aced it, way better than I did during my young’in days. So I see I set the pace well and she’s definitely the upgraded version of me, you can almost imagine my JOY. I love that girl. Oh and my parents are more than proud. CONGRATULATIONS!

2. Weekly Crackers

What’s cracking you up this week? February was an awesome month and short for that matter. On a normal month today would be 29th with 1/2 more days to go. Then again, we’re not complaining.

Check out this song – Kamua Leo Remix – Kidis ft Amileena, Wyre and DNA. That’s my Friday Jam, very much on replay … LEGOOOO!

3. Faves and Craves

Shoes…shoes…shoesazy *shoe crazy* I want some nice pair(s) of stiletto pumps. I decided, well not really I, but with some external intervention by him, to give out most of the shoes on my rack. Why? Because I don’t wear more than half of those pairs. Why? Because I just don’t feel some of them, others are worn out, others I’ve outgrown their sense of style. So am stocking up litto by litto. Just in case you feel philanthropic, am a size six (6) or thirty nine (39) and I can’t walk with 6″ heels, so either 3″ heels or kitten heels *cheeky grin*.

Wouldn’t mind me one or all of these beauties.

On that note, a big S/O to all philanthropists (I try to be once in a while) out there. It’s not easy to give up your own stuff to others and have them look pretty in them…lol but that’s the beauty of it. Knowing that you made someone else happy even if for a moment.

4. Stupendous Snippet

Of late it’s been almost all political, and boy is it real. Politics is real, a lot comes off from it. We have watched the debates, and the more I watch the more I get confused about who’s the ideal person to lead the country (of course execpt Dida) because they all have their own strengths and weaknesses. It’s sad how how politics is dividing, not just in Kenya but everywhere. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on who you think is the best leader based on your own reasons, which we all have. However, I don’t think that should be so personal to the extent you hate someone or ruin the life of another.

In all honesty, they say the the power of the vote is in me as a voter, but I think it’s in the people of the country as a whole. It’s not much about my choice, but about who comes off as president at the end of the day. So putting aside all our opinions and our political stands, let’s vote wisely and peacefully. Then pray that once that’s done, we’ll all accept the outcome and start making better our Country. Ain’t it? There’s life beyond politics, that’s what we shouldn’t forget.

5. T.G.I.F Inspiration

Don’t be belittled by things you don’t have, if you really want something, you will get it, not necessarily now, but you will eventually! That’s because you will work towards getting it. So don’t lose hope, it’s somewhere around the corner.

Sometimes life operates like a road with traffic lights. It’s not every-time you’re on the go, sometimes you’ve got to wait and other times you need to stop and give others way or even help them get to where they’re going. “You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”~ Zig Ziglar

To more laughing, living and loving. Let your weekend be nothing short of interesting, blessings!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Human Side

I was perusing through my twitter and Facebook timeline earlier in the day just to catch up with current news and know what’s going with the people around and not so around me. You know, kind of like that lap of honour the watchman takes in the estate every so often, sometimes to make sure that everything and everyone is secure, then other time just to get the estate gossip first-hand.

At some point, I found myself laughing at what I was doing because from a few updates and photos I get to find out so much about different people. Like this person got married, got a baby, broke up, is having a rough day or an amazing day, is dating someone among other things.  From those updates, you want to dig just a bit deeper to know when that happened, what’s been going on, who are those other people, do I know them, if not just maybe I can get a sneak peek of who they are.

All this while, that is none of my business. I mean, it shall not add any value to my life if I knew how an acquaintance is progressing, whether he/she is happy, sad, dating, expecting. Unless of course it’s something that requires complements, sympathy or my contribution, otherwise, I’m just being nosy trying to satisfy the ever-growing curiosity.

That’s just the social sites, how about the magazines we buy every month to read someone’s story. Or for those of us who don’t buy because we have them at the salon and we spend the entire time reading about other people, what they’ve been through, what they are going through, how they live and what they do. For those who are not curious readers. I can bet you can find yourself getting updates on people through conversation, not necessarily people you know, it could be people you probably know by proxy or even some you don’t know at all and whose information you don’t necessarily need, but sure does sound interesting or you can relate to in one way or another.

I then figured that the essence of all these social tools both off-line and on-line  is to enable us to show our human side. The vulnerable side that we so much want to hide but feels better when let it out or when we see that we are not alone in certain situations. To some extent the social bit is like a survival tactic in a world that’s sometimes so technical and mechanical.

Even after this thought, I wouldn’t want to stop being curious or knowing things that sometimes I have no business knowing. I could learn something from it *perfect excuse*. However, I will equate social tools to a buffet that offers a choice of delicious dishes. It’s now my role to decide what I’ll serve on my plate, how much of it, how I’ll chew it and how much time I’ll spend on that meal. For example I choose Facebook, I’ll go through my timeline but be smart enough not to become “mouse happy” and click away into people’s profiles/pictures I don’t know or snoop into an update.

I think knowing is good, we were born curious and wanting to be all-knowing. However, sometimes we get greedy and what to know everything even the irrelevant (unimportant) which in turn takes up the time that could be used to do other important things *says this pointing to self*. Strive to know what you think will give you a competitive edge, build you as an individual, enable you to help/minister/inspire someone else and so on, at least something with a purpose, but if it’s knowing just for *poking your nose* purposes you’re allowed to judge yourself … very harshly*wink*

Our most precious human gift: The wonder of curiosity. The insatiable thirst to know more about what we know … and to speculate about what we don’t — and to explore this vast realm. ~ David Bin

 

Valentines Day 

Now that it’s tomorrow, what will guys be up to? Just looking at my previous Feb 14th posts (here and here) and the three things that  stand out are:

• I was single
• I did believe in love, the love that the bible describes in 1st Corinthians 13
• The day was just another day in the life of Kawi

This time round, let’s see what’s changed about that:

• I am not single, we’re double trouble *woop woop*
• I definitely still strongly believe in love, the same kind of love. Plus my “guinea pig” to experiment it on…lol
• I don’t intend on making a big deal out of the day, never have. Buuut, am not one to refuse anything special that comes my way in any form or gesture and vice versa.

Happy Hump Day Comrades and Pre-Valentines Day just in case I get caught up tomorrow.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*