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If You Want To Feel Rich

You know the interesting thing about life? I also don’t. Ha ha kidding, I do. It’s that at the end of the day it’s about your endless dreams and how you can make them happen. It’s about those people you care about and how you want to see them happy. It’s about you and how you can achieve your happiest state. You work to achieve something, something that will make you feel complete, an absolute of sorts. The other day someone asked what can’t money buy? That’s a difficult question seeing as some of us haven’t experienced extreme richness to know what exactly it can’t buy. But with the much I have, I can say those things I am pretty sure it wouldn’t buy me.

You know those things that whether you have money or not, you can still experience them. It’s not money that determines whether you can or cannot get them. Digress, I remember in the course of my first job, I was confident enough that I deserved a raise and off I walked to my ex-bosses office to request for one. With full justification as to why I deserved an increase, we chat away. He’s the kind that could talk you out of what you want and convince you otherwise. So to say the least, I was fully armed. His office, the battle field. Everyone knew that. By all means I deserved a pay rise, so I was going to fight for it. As we chat, he goes like, “Mercy, you know if I decided to start paying you a million every month today you would go crazy”. Ha ha, joke right and I say, “I would be happy with that. Maybe we can try.” Then being the smart man,  he of course tells me the story of how he started out and how he got to where he is.  You learn to manage the little that you have as it’s added in progression, not just pap! Otherwise you won’t get a hold of yourself. I see he was doing my parents a favour, parenting me at work.

Oh boy, I was just seeing my plea go down the drain, somehow disappearing in the horizon as he went on and on. The he goes, “I will add for you this *small amount* first then we see how you do, and you can come back *after this duration of time* for a review”. Not what I had initially asked for, but at least it was something to get me going then. This always gets me looking back and thinking how it is I survived with that money, somehow I did, comfortably. Now back to those things, those ones that make you feel rich even when you’re not money rich, those ones that money cannot buy;

Happy Relationships

With God, with your family, with your spouse. You can’t buy their love or affection towards you and vice versa. Their willingness to do things for you and with you when you need them to, when you don’t need them to or when you least expect them to. The respect that you hold for each other. It’s a world of competition out there, so having this people cheer lead for you and be your front runners. That at the end of the day, you have people who can be held accountable for you and you for them, this is a blessing, not a purchase.

Good Health

It’s by the Grace of God that you’re healthy. That you can do things that other people only wish they could or that you have features that others wish they had, even if just for a day. They may look simple and easy for us, but it’s a blessing that we shouldn’t take for granted. Walking, eating, talking, sleeping, pooping, thinking, hearing, seeing among other things. That you’re not sick and bed ridden. You could have the money to go to the best doctors in the world, but not necessarily get healed. So thank your almighty for good health and long life.

Time … A Really Good Time

Money can enable you to go to the most beautiful and tranquil of places and do things that you’ve only dreamt of. But chances are that you might not even have a good time while at it. It happens. You think this place could give you absolute happiness even if for a moment, then it doesn’t. It probably even stresses you when you think how much you’re spending and what you’re going back to or it could be the company, not withstanding the luxury provided. It gets you whining to no end.

It’s all about having a good time, a great experience, a genuine smile on your face and hearty laughter, the kind that stems from your tummy. Ain’t it? You can have a good time wherever you choose to go or be, not necessarily in the islands or desserts or five star hotels whose décor and furnishings are out of this world. If you can’t afford that right now, you can afford a walk in the park … it’s free. I know I’m pushing it *because I want to go to those islands, desserts and five start hotels*, but a really good time knows no place and no amounts of money. You make it, with what you have.

True friends

There’s the family that’s given to you by virtue of being born into this world, and then there are those you personally choose, your true friends. Money can’t buy you these ones and if it does, the ‘true’ in the ‘true friends’ fizzles out. The love, trust and commitment you accord this ones with and vice versa is miraculous.

The brain and mind

Oh your mind. That there is one powerful object, in case you were searching for super powers. Very powerful, I’m even thinking when people say it’s the heart ‘a bullet to the heart‘, I think they mean the mind. The heart just pumps blood and enables the brain to get blood and oxygen for you to remain sane. It’s the mind that thinks, hurts, feels, cooks things up, makes assumptions, loves and so on. The mind leads you to believing what you want to believe and helps you make your choices, good or bad, whether you have money or not. It’s the source of great ideas and innovations that eventually lead you to making that money.

Money can’t buy you brains, but it can help you make up your mind, when you have them. So the brains came before the money, unless you’re a trust fund baby, lucky bustards … lol

rich

There’s no better way to look at it. This will give you so much peace especially in your mind and help you put some things into perspective. Sometimes we get so drained trying to get rich, that we die trying. Because we see riches as just having money and lots of it, but riches do come in other forms too. What are some of those things you have that money cannot buy?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Caring Too Much … Perhaps?

Sometimes you care so much even when you are not meant to. Not that caring is bad, caring is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. To care about someone, to be cared for, best feeling in the world. If anything, caring is synonymous to love. When you care about someone and someone cares about you just as much or more, then that’s love, genuine love. Or at least that’s what I choose to think is one of the basics components which constitutes love. Caring is selfless, something you give not because it’s an obligation you’re supposed to fulfil or because it’s a duty assigned to you, but because you feel the need to and that the person you care for deserves at least that from you, they are that special.

care

I know you’re wondering where I am getting to with this, I am too. Was just trying to show you that caring is actually good, until it becomes bad. We people are known to care too much. Caring too much even for things and people who don’t really deserve it, people who don’t really matter to us, people who don’t really care about us and neither do we about them. We care about the wrong things from those people, we care not because we actually care for or about them, instead, we care what they think about us, what they say about us, what their opinion of us is or even whether what we do or say pleases them or captures their attention and if they’ll have something good to say about it or us. We even create the illusion that for us to be happy, we must please these people who we don’t really care about by doing or saying things that we normally wouldn’t do or say. We are not ourselves around them in the aim to please them, an extra price to pay for something you don’t need to do in the first place. Sounds familiar?

Not once or twice, I can say that I have tried to please those people who don’t care about me. Saying things I wouldn’t normally say, doing things I normally wouldn’t do, basically going completely out of my way not to be myself, all in the name of trying to make someone else happy. Someone who doesn’t recognize how much effort you have put in whatever it is you’re doing to make sure that they are happy or comfortable. Not being you bites you in the back when you’re very unaware. It’s the same people you try to please who will talk smack about you in your absence, who won’t be straight with you, who will be quick to say what’s wrong instead of what’s right to other people besides you. It’s like throwing a curve ball, you think you’ve scored a goal after a super strike only for it to come back and hit you in the face.  I must have reached a point in life I figured it’s always been about the people I care for and the people who care about me and no one else. The rest usually fall into place, they settle for what the ones you care about get.

Sometimes you want to carry all the weight of the world, but (un)fortunately you have only two hands with some inspiration from “Avicii – Wake Me Up”. I bet God had that in mind when he gave us two hands, you can’t start operating like an octopus. Basically be who you are, do what’s in your ability, be honest with yourself and to those around you, say and do what you feel because those who care about you or matter will definitely not mind and those who don’t care about you or don’t matter … well does it really matter now that they don’t matter? I think it’s a notion we have in our heads that everyone should like us for we who we are. Unfortunately now, the universe doesn’t play easy, so those one who don’t matter shouldn’t bother you, because eventually, they fade away. Difficult one but for an easier win, just know your people!

Care

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Fake Hiatus

Because technically it looks like I was in one but I really wasn’t. I was just a little lazy coupled with a series of blank moments. Oh boy, then I remember there’s blogging in my life, which happens almost all the time, but then I open a blank page and run out things to write or worse think I have lots to share only to start out and go, “nah, maybe I shouldn’t.” The title should have been a day in a bloggers life. We have so much to say, but then we have moments where you question yourself and what you are about to say. You start feeling like every-time you share something you’re exposing yourself.

Does it ever get to a time you just don’t feel like saying anything, you just want to go sit at the corner and see what’s going on around you and probably see if anyone will take notice? I remember it used to happen to me every once in a while when I was growing up maybe it still does just that I haven’t reviewed myself of late. I was the talkative one, but then it would reach a point I would want to take some time out, and consciously or subconsciously I would just retreat. It’s like I’m there but not really there, you know just be invisible for a moment. Maybe to see if there’s someone who cares enough to check up on me or give me stories as well. Such a tease, then of course chances are that no one really did and I get over my “fake hiatus” or “invisible” moment and  go back to my normal chatty self.

In this case, well, I was going through a phase and now I am back with a BANG! July was one hell-of-a cold month and it looks like it’s rubbing off on August already. August needs to shake that off, because my wardrobe and body can’t take it any more, I want the sun. Not the scorching kind though, just enough to keep me warm during the day and allow me not to over-layer clothes. Which is interesting because we human beings have our needs changing more often than baby diapers. One time we want the sun, then when it’s smack right in the middle of your forehead hot enough to fry an egg sunny side up, you want it to rain and when it rains cats and dogs with puddles all over, we want the cold, just the cold and now it’s cold, good grief, I want the sun.

It’s just like life. When you’re presented with one situation, you forget how the other one you were in used to be. And when the one you’re in doesn’t appeal to you as you anticipate(ed) it to, you want to get back to where you were before because you think it was better than what you’re experiencing now. In essence, you were probably looking forward to the situation you’re in just as eagerly. Life is  such a twist. With that, I think the reason God made seasons, is so that we learn to live with each of them.

Learn to persevere through the scorching sun and thunderstorms as well as be content when the suns comes out during the thunderstorm and the rain pops when the sun is scorching.

Other than the cold, I actually managed to try out a few things that I haven’t either done in a long time or just never done before this July, so it wasn’t boring either. At the end of the month when I look back, there’s a lot to smile about more than there is to frown about. Actually, I wouldn’t say there’s anything there is to frown about. God has been good to me, to us, I am more than grateful. Here goes;

Danielle Steel, Books, Good Reads

Gifted book mark by the parents I think during my very 1st graduation…I’ve graduated that many times. Love the message #TreasuredGifts

 A friend recommended the #3books30days challenge and I decided to take it on, easy *read difficult, very* as it sounds. I have done 2 books so far; Brida – Paulo Coelho and Danielle Steel – Big Girl, one more to go,  Lauren Weisberger - Devil Wears Prada ( really  looking forward to reading this one). I had kind of shelved my book (novel) reading because of school and the exhaustion it comes with but it’s like I am now getting my reading mojo back, slow but coming on.

Friends, Friendships, Hosting

The scarf is courtesy of FloEssentials (Facebook). Scarves are her thing, she ties them so effortlessly it’s amazing, while I struggled my way around with it.

Of friends discovered through other friends and turning out to be ah-mah-zing. You know those lose introductions that happen because the person I hang out with also used to hang out with her. Then a few years after, we somehow keep in touch and we decide you know what, maybe we should just link up and catch up. The world just leads you to the people who are meant to be close to you “the touch effect” and we decide to hang out and ta-daaaaa *if you’ve watched Crood you should relate* we’re just insync. They (my friend and the hubby) finally got us to do our first hosting, we feared at first (you think of all the things you don’t have, like serving dishes et al, you know the bachelor-bachelorette lifestyle) and they were the most comfortable and entertaining guests we’ve ever had *actually, the first*, now they don’t feel like guests any more. We ate, drunk, played scrabbled, poker and chatted the night away. They are officially our favorite couple friends, you know you’ve gotta have those. Grateful they found their way into our lives, or vise versa.

Nail Polish, Sunset

You see both rarely, that’s the relation. LOL. There could be no better way to describe me getting my nail polish groove on, but I did. I find it such work, you know the application process, the fanning of your hands for it to dry, the holding things delicately to avoid the much dreaded smudge. Oh but it definitely looks good on me as I type on my key board. I could literally type gibberish just to have a glance at my peach painted nails. I think that’s my motivation for now, let’s hope it lasts long enough to have me purchase a different color.

As for the sunset, I went to visit my folks on the weekend and on my walk I was engulfed by the beautiful view of the sunset. It even looked more beautiful when seeing it through that singled out tree. Picture perfect. If I had a Canon or Nikon camera, trust me this pic would have made it to Mutua Matheka’s wall paper Monday, but I didn’t.

So much more happened of course, but these were the ones I was able to capture, or do you want a novel? Nah. How was your July? Hoping it was great and you would have a thing or more to say about it. The best thing about today (very convenient that it’s 1st August), is that you know something you didn’t know yesterday. Better yet, is you are or will be able to do something you didn’t do yesterday or ever before. That’s the beauty of life, everyday gives you a chance to play it out a little or to a great extent differently from how you did it before. It’s very forgiving in that sense, it holds no grudges, only you do. Have yourself a blessed August.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

My Kind…

Of people. Those people you meet for the first time and you just gel in like you were meant to be.  All of a sudden it feels like you’ve known each other for a lifetime despite you being strangers not so long ago (seconds, hours, days). You have so much in common, so much more than you can comprehend. It gets surprising that most of the stories that you have and choose to narrate, somehow you relate because you’ve either been there done that or are doing it or  just because it makes so much sense to you. It’s almost inexplicable that even in things that you haven’t quite experienced and they have, you can still relate and sort of build a picture. You know the way you read a novel and think the writer had you in mind as they wrote. That kind.

Puzzle

There’s a void they fill no one else yet has. It’s like a puzzle, you know how each piece has its design and hole and there’s just one other piece that can be able to fill and fit its design and hole. These designs or holes could be one thing about us that this person needs in their life. Something that others can’t do as well as you would do in their life and somehow you’re just drawn to each other.

It’s funny how we could have a friend and we want to be everything to them or vice versa. Sometimes I’m being modest with words here, I don’t think it’s possible to be someone’s everything in as much as you would love to be. That’s why puzzles have pieces, and each piece has its function. Unless you really give yourself up and try to live someone else’s life, for you to be able to there for them in all capacities. There’s that one thing or few things that makes someone fit into your life, that piece. Something about their character or trait or ability, one that only suits a certain part of your puzzle which is your life. Then I thought of what “My Kind” is. At least 5 things that have drawn people to me:

Humour – You know those people who make you laugh, laugh and laugh again … despite the situation as it could vary from a not so bad situation to a very bad situation and there’s nothing much left to do. I think it’s what keeps most of us sane, if not all of us. Sometimes you need to laugh some situations away, you know where you narrowly escape due to the humor in your life. I mean, what would you do without some laughing? Or someone making sense of this life in a ‘not so serious’ way?

Non-Judgemental - You want someone who you’ll open up to candidly and they won’t look at you like “how could you” or “no, you just didn’t”. You want to just be you and have them accept you for who you are. Don’t we all look for that? Then if it’s something that needs some intervention or help, they can offer in whichever capacity they can.

Down to Earth – My other name was supposed to be simple, complex nags me, like you have no idea. So the moment I see complexity in a person, I want to take to my ‘heels’ (okay, flats since I’m rarely in heels…lol). I like people who don’t make other people’s lifes difficult. You work with what you have, bila ‘no’ pressure.

Realistic – “Head in the cloud, feet on ground” kind of people are my kind of people. Because then you’re sure that you can make whatever it is that you talk about happen sooner or later. Your ideas and opinions can help the current situation. These are the people who ground you when you’re busy flying away into the unknowns.

Self-Confident – Nothing says to me “good friend” than one who’s confident about themselves; who they are, what they do and what they want. Not bossy though, I can’t stand bossy, they get to my nerves. It basically means, you know yourself, you’re comfortable with yourself and you love yourself enough to accommodate someone else without feeling like you’re losing yourself or being a burden. You can help and motivate each other.

Maybe you could also look at what kind of people you get drawn to and why? That would be a good question to ask yourself for self-evaluation purposes. It was such a random one, this one. For me, it helps me understand the people who I call my friends a little better. You know the ones I have, the ones I once had and lost touch and the one’s I am gaining. Doesn’t make sense having so many people in your life and not knowing why they are there, ain’t it? That creates content for another post.

This one is my #ThrowBackThursday post. It’s taken me back yo! To you, you and you,  now have yourself an ah-mah-zing one won’t you? Your answer best have been a YES!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Of Friendships

Friends

Friends for a moment, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime.

“Just like a nice assortment of chocolates friends come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, backgrounds, religions, and cultures. You never know what you are going to get sometimes as you navigate your way through your box. There are many different friendships to tantalize the “friendship palate”.” Source

Friendship is a thing I believe that’s quite the big deal in our lives, although people like me try to down play it. We’ve called people our friends, best friends, best friends forever and the likes. For you to brand someone that, it’s because there’s something about them that you want to be associated with. There’s something about them that makes you want them to be a part of your life. There’s that saying that goes something like; “with family, you don’t choose, you’re given, but with friends, you have the free will to choose”. So your friends are somewhat the family that you choose, besides your God-given family.

As we grew up, my parents had their friends who we used to visit and used to visit us every so often. They would bring their kids over, or we would go to theirs, have parties and sleep overs. I didn’t know whether we were related or not and didn’t bother to know. As far as we were concerned my parents friends were our uncles, aunties and their kids our cousins. Somehow through my parents, they became like part of our family. You’d be surprised that if you asked me to name my real aunties, uncles and cousins and the family friends feature heavily in that list. There are some of whom I came to realize that we’re not related as late as this year.

Friendship is not a thing that we can just ignore, because like relationships they pretty much define us. It’s those people you communicate with, you socialize with, you hang out with. Those people who challenge you, who you share with your ideas, those people who level you up when you’re a tad unbalanced or irrational, those people who plant your feet back to the ground when your head is busy floating in the sky. They are special people. Not everyone can tolerate you, but friends somehow manage to. Friends are those people who could have talked about you behind your back but instead choose to tell you, because you’re their friend. They are those people who when you get that “can the earth open up and eat me up” feeling, they go ahead to show that their would be a void in their lives if that ever happened, and they help you try to solve the problem at hand.

Friends may not necessarily have all the money in the world to stand by you financially, they could not necessarily be the most connected people to help you get who and what you want, but they are the people with the biggest hearts. You’ve got to love hearts, because they’re not material. The mind could be, it could make you think of all the good things and bad things, but the heart is genuine and what it offers cannot be measured quantitatively. It doesn’t consider what one has and what one doesn’t have, it just goes for who that person is. It accepts the person as is, and strives to be there for them, help them be a better them, give them hope when all seems bleak.

Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I know friendship is somewhere up there in the hierarchy, but it almost also feels like a physiological need (the most basic need). A basic need that you shouldn’t have too much of, because I mean you just need enough of it to satisfy your needs, ain’t it?  So you don’t have to have a million friends. How would you even meet the needs of each one of those or vice versa? You would get so overwhelmed that idea of friends would infuriate you. If you really think about it, you find that those people who actually call your their friends or you call your friends are a handful. The rest, probably are just acquaintances or you know, something like part of your network.  Those, you’ve got to have many, millions so to say. People you think of because a situation has come up,  you need something from them or they just happened to cross your path. No? You’ve got to love all this people, they won’t necessarily always be there for you when you need them (and are not obliged to) but they sure do make the world a better place by all means. Someone may not be your friend, but they could be part of your network. I think that’s where we have a hard time drawing the line, then feel cheated when the network doesn’t play the friends role.

Also, some friends do have terms, unfortunately. Maybe that’s how it’s drawn up by the creator. There are those for a moment, a season or a lifetime. Life happens somewhere midway and those friends that you thought you will have forever somehow vanish. It could be as simple as slipping away as a result of distance, difference in lifestyles and so on or as dramatic as difference in opinions, arguments and fights over, for or against something. When the term for a friendship comes to a close, most of us find it difficult to let go *guiltily raises hand*. In essence, letting go could be the best decision you could make as a friend. It’s a loving thing to do when you see it’s not working out. Instead of dragging them along, just let it be. Things do change, people do change, friendships do change. It’s normal and less burdening, I figure. Then there are those who are there for a lifetime, I live for those. Isn’t it great when you meet someone or people you can grow with, have disagreements and different opinions but still agree or have level ground, have distance between you but still connect in every way and in future let them into your children’s life and have them confuse them for family! Dang!

I think the thing with friendships based on my observation is more of “just let it flow”. When it doesn’t work, let it be, when it works, let it be. Whatever the case, having a friend is a blessing from the almighty to us. After all, what would life be without them? Treasure them, love them.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Friday Snippets

Running Time

Thank God It’s Friday

I think my mind is having a couch potato moment. You know where you have things to write about in your mind but your body is not cooperating with what your mind is feeling. In short, the writing doesn’t quite happen. Then funny thing is how time flies. By the time I’ve gotten to the office I realize it’s already 1:00pm then all of a sudden it’s 4:30pm. When I get home, it’s already 10:00pm. I lay my head to sleep, and the alarm is already buzzing it’s 6:30am. Where’s this time running to or am I the one running away from it?

WATCHING

Remember Sunday (of love and loss of memory. The dude has to fall in love with the lady everyday and the lady has to bear with it…oh love), Side effects (you want to know how someone can pretend, wow, watch this one. It’s unbelievable). House of Lies, this is one interesting management series, tells you all about consultancy and the lies it holds. But hey, who doesn’t want to be a consultant,  it’s in my future plans for sure. Oh plus being a lecturer or a professor you can mark my words here already.

LOVING

The boyfriend. We have been dating for almost 1 year now *ululations*. It closes in this month. I remember my friend counting months for me, like “I’m giving you 6 months, then I’ll know that you’re serious”, of course I was.  It’s a roller coaster but you know how a roller coaster goes. It’s a never ending cycle, always gives you the thrill despite its ups and downs and I never want to step out of this one. It’s quite the fun ride, actually my favorite. My muse!

Love is a decision. It’s not a feeling because feelings get messed up. Sometimes that person you consciously know you love can drive your feelings up the roof and they don’t get back for hours or even a couple of days. But because you love then, you decide that despite them messing up with your feeling, it’s much more than that and you want them there with you, always.

LISTENING TO

Pod casts given by Pastor Bob Coy. Do you love preachings? Go look for them. Do you hate preachings? go look for them. He knows how to cut across the message to everyone and relate it to the bible without sounding so spiritual or religious, if you know what I mean. He relates the bible to life and how we live. He hits the nail on the head, like tells you what you don’t want to hear. It’s amazing.

READING

Still Paulo Coelho – Aleph. Since when did I become such a bad reader. There were days I would read a book in 3 days or less. Now, it’s a whole week or 2 and well, I’m not even mid-way. Bad manners right?

EATING

Some cold fruity milkshake (Yummers! The thought). I don’t really care the flavour right now (but of course not anything chocolate or coffee flavoured).

LOOKING FORWARD TO

Something very random. I don’t know what exactly, but I know I’m game for, oh well, anything that will make me have a good time by all means.

SAVING FOR

Curtains, yes curtains. I think it’s about time I got curtains to match my “colour scheme”. Don’t be surprised, it’s not purple or pink. It’s actually orange and brown. I can be somewhat unpredictable sometimes.

PLANNING FOR

Well not planning per se, but I’ve been blogging for almost 4 years. How I have been able to do that, I don’t know. I think it’s the fact that I feel compelled to share. I am glad that I haven’t reached a point where I want to hang my boots and I hope I will never reach that point. I love this sport.

I like that I am confident in what I do even when I don’t know what will really come off it despite wanting to inspire, impact or influence someone through this. Maybe that’s where the plan should come in right? Yeah, that’s what I’m planning for now…lol

THANKING

How I am a really poor multi-tasker. Is it a skill that’s acquired in future? I think I’m the only woman who’s bad at it. Like if I always find myself concentrating on one thing, putting my mind into it and being oblivious of other things going on. Although I can also be a scatter brain, but poor multi-tasker rules the day. I’m yet to find out whether it’s a bad or good thing.

To more laughing, living and loving. Let your weekend be nothing short of interesting, blessings!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

#overlycool

Relationships are not a walk in the park. You know the kind that you’re used to every other day,  your easy walk, where you know all the cool spots, where you will stop, have a chit-chat, laugh, walk, run do your thing and it makes you have that warm fuzzy feeling because it’s your regular dose. No, no, relationships are not that walk in the park. I would say, it’s more of a trip to the jungle. In a jungle you’ve never been to. It’s a first of its kind.

Big Foot. Small Foot.

Big Foot. Small Foot.

Imagine the thoughts that run through your mind when you’re told that you need to start preparing yourself for a trip to the jungle. I know right. Personally this is what would run through my mind; What do you carry with you, what do you leave behind, what are you going to find there, what will the trip do to you, will you have fun, will you have really scary moments like when you have to face lions, bears, snakes and all those scary animals you could think of that would be found in the jungle, will you find the happy place, like the meadow, where you can watch the beautiful scenery of the jungle, where the animals meet to drink water, where there lake meets the sky and the sun sets in the beautiful horizon.

That’s what a relationship is. You just don’t know what to expect, good things, bad things, confusing things. You are allowed to prepare yourself mentally when you’re getting into one, you can make all these arrangements. Like have a list of qualities you want your significant other to have, what you want your relationship to be like, what you don’t want it to be like. Then you get into it, and you want to apply all this plans you had. Like the jungle, some will work, others just won’t. Sometimes you have to deal with situations as they are, not based on what your plans were, but look at the situation and make judgement there and then. If you wait to ask around or start looking back at your “guide-book” you’ll  miss the point. That’s what relationships bring to the table.

The jungle that is the relationship could be where you find yourself. Where you find what it is that creeps or pisses the hell-out-of you and what it is that makes you happy and content with your current situation. Through this jungle, despite it not being a simple, predictable and a not so smooth journey, you find out whether your partner is the person who you want to experience all these confusions with. The confusion that is the creepiness and the beauty the jungle holds. In life, we all want to be loved, to be happy but we can never do that alone, unfortunately. Humans were created to want and need, to love, to hate, to be scared and all other related things. We have family and friends, but I don’t know how God did this, how he made us to want to have just that one main person. That one person that you connect with in a way that’s different from how you connect with your friends and family. That’s what is overly cool. How far you’d  go to make sure that you make it through the jungle with this other person. It’s in the sacrifices, the compromises, the thoughts, the expectations, the laughter, the tears, the sharing, the loving and the caring. That’s my overly cool. What’s yours?

overlycool

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Lose Yourself. Find Yourself.

Makes me want to start on with Eminem’s - Lose Yourself, although it’s in a different context, but hey takes you back huh?

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

—-

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. ” ~ Eminem

Sometimes we lose ourselves. Lose ourselves in our work, school, relationships, talents basically in situations. We lose ourselves trying to accommodate other things and other people and we forget that we also have ourselves to accommodate. We humans (based on the fact that I am one) were created to want to please everyone we come across. You want to make sure that everyone is happy with you, satisfied with whatever it is that you have to offer. And if they are not, you try your best to make sure that they do. Even if it means losing who you actually are to do so. It’s like your happiness is based on their approval stamp.

losing yourself

We lose ourselves in more ways than one. Through our character, our behaviour and our actions. Where you do things that you also don’t comprehend, things that don’t make you happy, that given a chance, you would rather not do it but the situation doesn’t quite allow or it just forces you to be that way. It’s crazy, because you see yourself leaving yourself, literally. It’s like you’re stretching your hand to reach out for yourself but you slowly slip away. When you realize that is what’s happening, you can either: Just confirm to it or decide, it’s about time you found yourself. Conforming to it means that you’ve let go of yourself, you don’t mind not being you. You’re comfortable being  what your situations expect you to be to please them. Even when it drives you nuts, you would rather go nuts, but make sure the people around you are happy with you. But deep inside, you crush, you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough, like life could be better than it is.

Lose yourself

When you decide to find yourself. Well, you step on some toes. You know what stepping on toes does, some forgive you and move on. Others react and dwell on it. You’ll probably never hear the end of it. They hate you for being you. But to be yourself you need to be able to defend yourself from the harshness (of the world) and be there for yourself always. It doesn’t mean that you’re going against what people expect of you really, it just means that your happiness, your comfort also matters. As much as other people’s matters. Just because someone doesn’t like you, your world won’t stop. Chances are that someone else loves (or will love) you to greater degree for being the same way. It’s a matter of balancing the scale…lol

You could have everything you need in life, but if you’re not yourself then those things wouldn’t make so much sense to you. And that’s probably the source of your happiness. That could be the source of your smile when all else doesn’t look so promising. If you’re not yourself, then you’re definitely someone else ain’t it? It means your own needs won’t satisfy you, because everyone has different needs. It’s a twist. Knowing yourself, your character, your behaviour  your actions is what keeps you sane. You over-do or under-do something and tell yourself, “Kawi, you’ve taken it too far, that’s not you”. You kiss ass too much, and you tell yourself, “Kawi, you don’t have to do that, just be you.” Actually, I think people like you better when you’re yourself. Just that they probably don’t tell you. I could tell you on their behalf. Because then they know that you’re the real deal, that you’re not pretending. That given a situation, this is how you’ll behave. So that someone doesn’t get surprised like, “Oh my gosh, I would have never though Kawi would do something like that.” This will allow me to love you for you or dislike you for you. Not for who you’re not.

losing yourself 1

When a situation pushes you to be someone you’re not, be there for yourself. Stand up for who you are. We expect others to be there for us when sometimes we’re not even there for ourselves. You’re your own V.I.P. Yeah, you deserve the red carpet, the V.I.P treatment. Don’t underestimate yourself. I do that sometimes as well, underestimate myself. I feel little, like I don’t have any impact in the life of others. And I let the voices inside my head convince me so. Then I thought about it figured that you deserve all the good things like the  other person next to you. You’re just as beautiful as the person next to you, if not more. You’re just as intelligent just as the person next to you, if not more. So don’t look at yourself and pity yourself or try to be someone else to please others as well as yourself. There’s a reason you are who you are.

Be Yourself

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~ Nora Ephron.

It’s Monday, there can’t be any better form of motivation than,“ just be yourself”. It sounds like a darn easy assignment. LOL. It’s the hardest. That’s all I’ll tell you to do this week.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Thin Line

If there’s one thing that confuses me or I just seem not to understand is where to draw the line between independence and dependence. So  that you can understand where I am coming from, let me give you my mini-story. I have the most amazing parents, let’s just start there. My baby sister can be the witness. We’ve never lacked what we need. We’re not rich per se, we’re wealthy but not materially. What am trying to say is we have been able to get what we need, not necessarily what we want. While I was growing up, I was under a good shelter in good neighbourhoods,  I ate delish food (save for the githeri days and how I devour it nowadays), went to very good schools, dressed well by my standards. All this was provided by both my parents in their different capabilities. I grew up seeing both my parents work and provide for the family.

independent woman, woman, finances

Miss Independent

Somehow I knew when my parents had money and when they didn’t. They didn’t have to really tell us. It wasn’t rocket science that mid-month was a tricky time to ask for something pricey. My mum was very open about her finances, my dad oh well, you know men. He wasn’t, but he made it clear when he didn’t have and when he got it if whatever it is you’re asking for made sense to him and he had the resource, he would take you to get it. Lucky me huh? I was blessed, still am. The other thing I was indirectly taught was how to budget my money, work around what I have and not live beyond my means.

My dad faithfully gave me money for lunch and transport every single day all through my undergraduate studies. He never asked me to work (unless ironing his shirts, washing his car or serving him food and coffee counts) or find means to get that money. It didn’t probably mean much then but it definitely means more than much now. This is because I know the struggle. After I got my very first job, which was not ‘oh so glorious’ but left me with the best experience, I promised myself that I will never borrow money even from my parents. I will  really work hard to provide for myself. My reasoning being that the two most important people in my life (the parents) have worked their asses off for me to get here so that I can be self-sufficient and independent. That’s just what I always strive to be. I want to be able to take care of them when they old, I want to chip in where I’m need or even sometimes not.

Did that make me who I am today? To a very large extent it did. It influenced my thought process with regards to independence. In my head, it’s make it or make it. There’s no other option. One thing I would never want on me is the inability to provide for (to the very least) myself. I wouldn’t want someone else to be responsible for me. I mean, that’s why my parents worked hard to ensure they’ve armed me with the resources that will ensure I am able to be independent. You get my drift right?

Then here comes the problem, where do you draw that line of independence and dependence when you’re in a relationship or when you’re married? I have attended some bridal showers and girl discussions that put the man in charge of certain things, actually most if not all things. He’s the sole provider, the one who handles the big bills. The woman is the one who takes care of him you know, make sure he’s cleaned up, well fed, happy and such like non-material things. I don’t disagree with this, but that’s how it used to be ages ago. Now we’re evolving. The economy is as well. Does it allow for the woman to be completely dependent on the man? I’m talking about the average man, not the president or the president of a multinational. The man who’s probably at the same level with you work-wise. You have the same fears, struggles, opportunities and so on.

Some may say if you give them that role to be the sole provider, they’ll be more hard-working and they will ensure that there’s bread on the table come rain or sunshine. That’s nice but with so many but’s on my part. What will make the man not look down on you as the woman who’s dependent on him? What if one day he finds it burdensome? What if you’re indebted to him, such that it becomes a blackmail for you to do things for him because he’s the sole provider. These things happen. We are human and we have feelings, especially when most of the pressure is exerted on you.

I’m not for that school of thought, it makes me cringe at the thought. I’m for the school of thought of sharing responsibilities. Why? Because I think it’s only fair. If the man feels like providing much more, thank God *chuckles*. I wouldn’t mind being offloaded some responsibilities. I mean, who wouldn’t? However, I stick to sharing is caring. If you split roles based on your financial ability. When you’re open with each other it’s easier because then someone won’t be overburdened with responsibilities they can’t handle. We need to have two scenarios though for those who are secretive. List down all the bills (not personal bills like the salon, new shirt, new shoes, no), bills that affect both of you (house rent/mortgage , electricity, water, savings, house shopping, school fees, TV e.t.c), then you can decide who does what or how you’ll help each other pay these or achieve these together. Then you can remain with your other money which you’ll use to your own liking. No one in the house will judge you if you decide to do some impulse buys because you’ve handled your stuff. I am probably saying this because am so used to being independent in terms of handling my own responsibilities. I don’t know how it’ll be when I have to split them up with my other half. I will write a post in future and refer to this one.

I hate asking for things especially things money related. I don’t like being told NO, and chances are that if its money related there will be a long explanation probably leading to a NO. That being one of the reason I believe in maintaining my independence. At least I don’t have to ask someone, just consult if what I am investing in is worth while. What about if he offers to provide? I am all for it, I won’t refuse of course. Now I can say that. Before (1 or so years ago) I used to feel weird when someone who’s not my parents buys me something (gifts). I used to think it’s because they want something back or something will be expected back in future. You know how parents can drill that into you so that you don’t rely on other people. To some extent that was true.

As you grow, you have to know how to differentiate those people that give because they expect something in return and those who give just because they love to do so and don’t expect anything in return.

You don’t want to be indebted or owe someone something because you were dependent on them at one point or another. It’s also good to know the kind of person you’re with. Is it someone who willingly shares responsibility with you or is it something you’re forcing on to them. I believe if it’s voluntarily, you won’t feel burdened but if it’s not you’ll need some jail breaking. Also, I think the independence is viewed more material than it is immaterial. We forget we also need independence in our thoughts, skills, abilities and so on. The big conclusion is that while we’re independent we still want our men to be there for us by all means. For the love, support, encouragement, company, protection among very other many things. Don’t you?

independent, dependent, men, women

LOL

NeYo also had something to say about the independent woman. What are your views on this? Miss Independent or Miss Dependent, what’s your take?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Something. About. Me.

LOL. Strange way to start the post, I know. But honestly, it’s hilarious how ones life can change in a couple of days, months, years. It just depends when you’re struck by whatever it is that will create that change. Why I was laughing, because I was reading a previous post that made me cringe, then shake my head in almost disbelief. Like “I really said that, no I didn’t”, “how did I even think that”. If I was to write that all over again, the story has completely changed. You know the 360kind of change. It would qualify for a face-palm moment.

Then again, it shows that I have really grown. The fact that I can read something I wrote a few years back and it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was writing it. It’s amazing when something you did a while back gives you that feeling. That feeling of wow, I have come from far, to bring it closer home, yaani nimetoka mbali. I think of my first graduation, first job, my first house, my first relationship, my first blog post, the constant advisory lectures from the parents (he he they were of course almost one-sided, mostly don’t do this, don’t go there e.t.c) and these are the things that made up my foundation. They are what made me even know what direction to and not to take in life. At that particular time, it was all no big deal. It was just living life and doing what I had to do. Then as life went on, I moved into another job, I moved houses, I started dating someone else, wrote more posts. The parental lectures graduated to discussions (it’s two-sided, I give them my opinions, they give me theirs then I weigh them and make a choice). I’ve grown, still am. Little growing to big. It’s amazing.

That’s why I laughed when I read these posts. That one just covers the relationship perspective, there’s this one when I firstmoved out of home, then another when I graduated from my undergraduate and my first post on here. It takes me back, back to where I started out. I started out from down there, from knowing almost nothing about the world. I was like a cub let loose. For those of you who watch Nat Geo, you know how bad it is out there in the wild. You’re prey. Many await to feast on you, lead you in the wrong direction, give you false promises and so on. You are in charge of yourself. You make your own decision, right or wrong. No one is responsible for that but you. It’s crazy in a beautiful way.

To fend for myself, to face the world without the protection of the parents. That’s almost a lie though, because they are on my speed dial. I always update them on things, both good and bad. I always want their blessings in the things that I do or plan to do. Then there’s my boyfriend, he’s on the receiving end of all this I want to do this that and so on, so his opinions really matter as they’ll affect my decisions in one way or another. Then my friend(s), I have started learning to share things. I am not one to. I know it sounds unimaginable considering I am a chatter-box but surprise, there’s some mystery here. It’s like God leads me to people who will help in my venture for growth, the little experience I have gathered in different aspects of my life is through people. People I have known from the places I have been or people I have met in the weirdest of ways or people I have been introduced to. Super support system. You’ve got to love people.

Slowly I have been moving up, learning a couple of things while at it. The one thing that’s been my constant, though sometimes I tend to under-look it sometimes,  is that I strive to excel. I want to grow. The moves I make or intend to make are so that I can grow, so that I can make me and mine better. While at it, make a difference in the lives of the people I meet along the way or better the places I pitch tent in. I think what would make me feel unsatisfied is if I feel that I am not able to do this. If I feel stagnated, if there’s no sense of growth or there’s nothing I can do to make a difference. If I can’t do any of this, then why am I there or why am I doing what it is am doing in the first place?

That’s a little “Something. About.Me”. Also my very first picture-less post. Strange huh?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*