Tag Archive | Encouragement

Go For It. Even When It Seems Impossible.

“Sometimes we forget where we forget where we’ve come from, until someone reminds us”.

Ever been in a situation where someone tells you “if someone had told me this when I was your age, things would have been different?” My folks told me that a lot and for that reason, I always remember. It’s a pity statement, but it has so much impact. It says you have potential that no-one bothered to tap. Sometimes we need that drive, you know someone to tell you, “Go for it” or “You can do it”, simply because you can. It’s so easy to lose hope in yourself and in things around you when you’re faced by an obstacle.

The folks, they didn’t have it easy in their time and they made that very clear. There was no one to give them tips on how they should go about handling the different situations that faced them. Be it school, profession, dating, marriage, parenting … you name it. They always told me that they followed their instincts on whatever felt right and if it turned out wrong, you just work your way through it, alone. There was no one to tell them how to do what they did, there were barely any mentors or even people to motivate them, like we do now.

Tweet, Empower, Youth, Mentorship

The thing that amazes me most about them is that they never forget where they came from. They look back and see what they lacked and they want to make it different for the next generation. They tell us the stories, but they don’t dwell on them. They tell us so that we can be better than they were and do better than they did. They tell us that we have greater opportunities than they did and that we’re better off because we have them to guide us. Your folks have so much knowledge it’s ridiculous. If you say you don’t have a mentor, turn to your folks, your uncles, your aunties, your older friends. They might not be billionaires but they have a wealth of experience and knowledge that can help you become that billionaire that they didn’t become.

Why do you think they ensure that you go to good schools, that they check your report forms and performance in school and bash you when you’re not doing so well? That they want you to figure out what you want to be when you grow up early enough so that you can work towards it? Now it hits me that the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was not asked in vain. It comes in handy when we’re chasing our dreams. Dreams are built from a tender age. You might not be what you said you want to be, but at least it helped give you direction. I wanted to be a chef, then a doctor, look at me now, I’m a content girl.

Does that mean I haven’t gotten to where I wanted to be, I don’t think so. I cook some delish food and I’m still learning. I make home remedies and take care of anyone who’s unwell in my presence. But the fact that I had something I wanted to be, had me working hard even if not to be that, at least in the end of it, I found out what I was passionate about. My folks, they didn’t drill me into it. They guided me, and allowed me to be. But with guidance and constant check up’s on how I’m fairing in whatever I delve into. And for that, I really appreciate.

What made me actually think of this, is my baby sister and the tweet up there. She called and told me how school is just tough and draining, the exams, and how she’s scared of ever failing or not getting a first class honors because that would be letting down the folks. This made my heart sink a bit, because I was once in her shoes, same size, color, texture. Exactly the same.

School was tough. Heck, from primary school, secondary school, undergraduate, postgraduate and certifications. They were all so tough. I’m a last minute person (very bad trait) and I work best under pressure, so sometimes I would end up trans-nighting for exams, because failing wasn’t an option. Oh, I burnt that mid-night oil. School is just school, it never gets easy and you never get used to it. Life, life is also tough, the challenges are in excess. Sometimes I look back and the fact that I got through a certain stage, just makes me smile. Because I realize I’m actually stronger than I think I am and most times, more intelligent than I think I am.

School can make you under-rate yourself, life can make you under-value yourself. But if you encounter and engage the right people, people that empower you, they change how you perceive yourself and you become an over-achiever.

When you feel it’s so tough, because it was tough, school is not the end of the world. Many times, I did an exam that was so hard and I saw stars, but when the results came, I hadn’t done that bad, that made me feel better. Pressure is good, really good, because it give you a push, but don’t succumb to it. Don’t let pressure get to you, you get to it. This also reminds me of a time I was clueless in my programming classes, I just didn’t know how to code. But somehow I cracked it, but I was feeling like I just can’t do this anymore.

The folks, the ones who bash you when you feel like school is just crap, they were there, they just sat beside me as I did my project, asked what the system does because that’s all they could do to encourage me. That alone, gave me psyche to learn, to ask my friends for help, to do better. Let me not blow my trumpets but it went uphill. When work sucked and I just felt like I’ve had enough, the folks talked to me and told me of their experiences and that of their friends, and boy! Did I feel much better? People have gone through worse. Your case is just representative of a fraction. And they, those people they tell you about, those people that went rock-bottom, plus themselves too, they pulled through. You will pull through too.

So today, I just want to tell you, “Go for It, Even When It Seems Impossible. Simply because you can.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

It’s Just Material Stuff

I had a rather interesting week last week. Interesting in both a good and bad way. It taught me some tough lessons, which instead of breaking me, have made me rather stronger. I experienced the much told “Nairobi Experience”. The one about the pick pockets in public transport. Yes, they do exist. I was living in a bubble, thinking that would never happen to me, how now? That was a tell-tale to me. I mean how can someone just steal from you under your nose and you don’t realize? You feel so stupid, because when you look back, you see all the signs that you just let pass or all the things you did wrong. I couldn’t even sleep that day as I kept thinking of all the what if’s.

What happened you wonder? I took a matatu like I always do. Only on this fateful day, it was properly loaded with pick pockets. My innocent self went ahead to use my phone, I mean I was safe in the moving vehicle (note that I’d been warned of this behaviour so many times). When time came to pay my fare, I removed my wallet, got the money and paid, though the guy next to me was really looking into it. I was in my little happy-go-lucky bubble. I mean, life is beautiful, what is there not to be happy about? I put back my wallet in my rather “open” bag. It didn’t even cross my mind to make sure that it’s tucked in well. I go ahead with my business, but clearly it was our business.

Along the way there were funny signs where the dude from behind says he’s lost his sim/memory card and the good person I am, helps to search. All the while the guy next to me has rummaged my bag to get my wallet. Then when I’m about to alight, the guy in front of me, tells me to keep my phone safe because it might be stolen. And guess what I do, of course I put it back in my bag. Thinking, this people do care about my welfare. Not, because as I put my phone in the bag, this other dude was on the receiving end. Like they deserved my phone and wallet more than I did. I didn’t realize until I alighted. That shit *excuse my French* makes you disoriented. I couldn’t believe I’ve been played out like that. You feel like searching every corner and crevice for your stuff, you feel like those people should know how much you’ve worked and struggled for the little you have. That they should have some Mercy and at least return the essentials (you know, your ATM cards, ID, Medical Cards, Access Cards). For the phone I had accepted its fate (but next time insurance is my friend).

Then it dawns on you, these are thieves. The last person they care about, is you and your petty essentials. I kept telling the boyfriend to try call them. You know maybe they will pick up and tell me to pick my stuff up from somewhere. And he used my words on me, “that’s just material stuff.” If I’ve ever told you that, I know the pain of those words even better now. You think of the cost of your phone, wallet, ‘essentials’ and the materials bit, just doesn’t cut it. True to those words though, they’re just material things. They’re replaceable, some as soon as possible, others in the near future. As long as you’re healthy and alive, how you got them once, you’ll get them again. Even better. That was a set back in more than one away, but such a minor one. If you’ve been through the same, believe it’s a minor set back and you’ll strike back bigger and better.

That was just one of the lessons. Besides that, I also learnt that I need to be aware of my environment. Not everyone in this world is nice, not everyone is genuine and not everyone cares about you, tough love. So I need to in certain circumstances, if not all, put my safety first and always be careful and most of all trust my judgement, good or bad. After all, the judgement is mine. Such experiences should just toughen us. It was a sore and painful experience but such an eye opener too.

Material Things

While at it, I discovered that some friends have walked in your shoes. So they know what you’re going through or what you’re feeling. Somehow, they find ways to make you feel better about your situation because they’ve been through the same if not worse. And after sharing my story, I came to realize mine was not an isolated case. This has happened to so many of my friends. Sometimes you know all the rules to the games, but since you’re on the play-field any way, the thugs use the same old tricks on you (some which you were aware of, but you’re caught off-guard) and they win. That’s just a small win. Eventually, you have the big win because you can play better next time now that you’re more aware.

Have yourself an amazing week. When you’re about to have a bad one, just think of someone else who is in a worse state than you, and yet they can afford a smile. Then look deep within and dig out that smile from the hole it’s buried in. Blessings lovelies.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Outgrowing Them

I have become good friends with my tailor lately. Why, you ask? No, we don’t have much to talk about, unless it’s about how he’s going to adjust my clothes to fit me. The manufactures actually leave some allowance for that, I found out. It’s funny how I can’t see the weight I’ve gained or rather I’m ignoring it, but my clothes, well, they are just becoming tighter, you can’t beat that. It’s like trying to ignore a kid screaming to your ear as you try to sleep. It’s in the extra inch on my hips or thighs or chest or waist. I’m outgrowing them. I don’t want to accept that. I’m the kind that still wears clothes from 10 years ago, believe it or not, I don’t change much. But I am growing and I can’t stop my body from shaping itself. This also means a dent to my wallet because I find myself having to either adjust some clothes to fit or just buy some new ones.

Source

Source : This looks like me when I decide to fit clothes I haven’t worn in a long time. The disappointment.

Adjust, because that attachment with the old clothes for some reason comes on strongly when you realize you can’t wear them any more. While before, they would sit in the closet gathering dust . Some feel like vintage, and they are getting into fashion once again. My suit pants *wails*. I discovered that most of my suit trousers don’t fit (tight on certain areas), the coats fit perfectly but the bottoms, good Lord. More depressing when I think I have to get others while I have this ones (this is where my good tailor comes in). The needs becomes greater when you realize you need to use them for certain “official” occasions.

That’s just me and my clothes, but we outgrow so many things. Some of which we even don’t know ourselves. It could be material things, people, work, name it. It gets to a point where you cannot stay as you were. It’s like you’re transforming or being morphed into something and it’s either you adjust those things to fit into your life or just let go of them so that you can acquire new things that fit into your current state. Such is life.

Don’t struggle to fit in where you’re not fitting in, into clothes too. It’s not a must you fit into everything, even life won’t let you, that’s asking for a bit too much. When times comes for you to move to the next step or size, get with it, that’s what living is about. It’s about allowing yourself to grow, to become a better version of you, one that you are comfortable with at every stage. After all, it’s for your own comfort. And what’s life without comfort, lemons perhaps. Bitter as it gets. With comfort, it’s lemonade on the go or a shot of tequila with the said lemon and salt to loosen you up, much better. I kid, don’t drink, I kid again, one shot is good, just one!

Outgrowing

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Caring Too Much … Perhaps?

Sometimes you care so much even when you are not meant to. Not that caring is bad, caring is the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. To care about someone, to be cared for, best feeling in the world. If anything, caring is synonymous to love. When you care about someone and someone cares about you just as much or more, then that’s love, genuine love. Or at least that’s what I choose to think is one of the basics components which constitutes love. Caring is selfless, something you give not because it’s an obligation you’re supposed to fulfil or because it’s a duty assigned to you, but because you feel the need to and that the person you care for deserves at least that from you, they are that special.

care

I know you’re wondering where I am getting to with this, I am too. Was just trying to show you that caring is actually good, until it becomes bad. We people are known to care too much. Caring too much even for things and people who don’t really deserve it, people who don’t really matter to us, people who don’t really care about us and neither do we about them. We care about the wrong things from those people, we care not because we actually care for or about them, instead, we care what they think about us, what they say about us, what their opinion of us is or even whether what we do or say pleases them or captures their attention and if they’ll have something good to say about it or us. We even create the illusion that for us to be happy, we must please these people who we don’t really care about by doing or saying things that we normally wouldn’t do or say. We are not ourselves around them in the aim to please them, an extra price to pay for something you don’t need to do in the first place. Sounds familiar?

Not once or twice, I can say that I have tried to please those people who don’t care about me. Saying things I wouldn’t normally say, doing things I normally wouldn’t do, basically going completely out of my way not to be myself, all in the name of trying to make someone else happy. Someone who doesn’t recognize how much effort you have put in whatever it is you’re doing to make sure that they are happy or comfortable. Not being you bites you in the back when you’re very unaware. It’s the same people you try to please who will talk smack about you in your absence, who won’t be straight with you, who will be quick to say what’s wrong instead of what’s right to other people besides you. It’s like throwing a curve ball, you think you’ve scored a goal after a super strike only for it to come back and hit you in the face.  I must have reached a point in life I figured it’s always been about the people I care for and the people who care about me and no one else. The rest usually fall into place, they settle for what the ones you care about get.

Sometimes you want to carry all the weight of the world, but (un)fortunately you have only two hands with some inspiration from “Avicii – Wake Me Up”. I bet God had that in mind when he gave us two hands, you can’t start operating like an octopus. Basically be who you are, do what’s in your ability, be honest with yourself and to those around you, say and do what you feel because those who care about you or matter will definitely not mind and those who don’t care about you or don’t matter … well does it really matter now that they don’t matter? I think it’s a notion we have in our heads that everyone should like us for we who we are. Unfortunately now, the universe doesn’t play easy, so those one who don’t matter shouldn’t bother you, because eventually, they fade away. Difficult one but for an easier win, just know your people!

Care

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

China Utensils and Fragile Hearts

Remember when we were kids and there were special china utensils tucked away in a locked cabinet? With the fear that your butter fingers could have them tumbling down with just one touch. Which was the case anyway. It’s like kids had magical powers, instead of the “midas touch”, it was more like the “break touch”. These utensils would only be unleashed when visitors and I mean important visitors are coming over. This is after you’ve been given the subtle warning that you are not to use those dishes. Just use your usual ones even when the visitors are busy clinking them away with forks, knives and spoons. Thank God my mother wasn’t that kind though. Or maybe it’s because well our plates were ordinary but they looked pretty in the cabinet which was never locked, you could pick whichever tickles your fancy. We also had this ‘bad’ habit of calling dibs on utensils, “That’s my plate/ mug/spoon” because you thought it to be really pretty.

Glass Heart

Sometimes in life we look at things and deem them fragile and you try to keep them away from anyone who has the possibility of breaking them. Not knowing that those things that we look at with so much fragility, have their own inner and outer strength enough to protect themselves.  Not giving them the opportunity to be admired by others or offer their services to people who would really appreciate them or whose presence would make them feel special. Sometimes we lock away the best of ourselves somewhere in our inner cabinets and save that for the people we think deserve our best not knowing that those that we think don’t deserve also do. Expose the best of you to people closest to you because they’re the ones who will appreciate you most. They know how fragile and delicate you are and will treat you as such. Unlike the other people who know and feel like they deserve the best of you but don’t know anything about you.

Basically, given the chance, be the best that you can because that person you’re locking inside and saving for an opportunity to display is dying inside and getting wasted when they could be out there being recognized for who they are, beautiful, delicate but strong to handle anything that comes their way. Ain’t it? And no more hiding china’s in the cabinet, let your children use them, let them have that confidence of using fine things without being instilled that fear of breaking them. Let them break them in case their butter fingers are slippery, punish them a little, and teach them how to handle the fragile things. With that, they’ll learn to respect people and their fragility. They’ll know that they’re also special because they are exposed to the same things that special people are exposed to. Let them know that china utensils can be broken and bought but hearts cannot be re-bought once broken.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

You got this

What are you up to over the weekend? Mine’s wedding things, one of my friends is getting married and I am on the line up. It’s been a long time since I was on one, so will definitely let you in on how it goes. Tomorrow is a HOLIDAY, thanks to our Muslim brothers and sisters. This post was done in a hush hush…lol have a blessed day. Work has to be done now. *Excuse me if there’s any grammatical errors, to be corrected.*

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Fake Hiatus

Because technically it looks like I was in one but I really wasn’t. I was just a little lazy coupled with a series of blank moments. Oh boy, then I remember there’s blogging in my life, which happens almost all the time, but then I open a blank page and run out things to write or worse think I have lots to share only to start out and go, “nah, maybe I shouldn’t.” The title should have been a day in a bloggers life. We have so much to say, but then we have moments where you question yourself and what you are about to say. You start feeling like every-time you share something you’re exposing yourself.

Does it ever get to a time you just don’t feel like saying anything, you just want to go sit at the corner and see what’s going on around you and probably see if anyone will take notice? I remember it used to happen to me every once in a while when I was growing up maybe it still does just that I haven’t reviewed myself of late. I was the talkative one, but then it would reach a point I would want to take some time out, and consciously or subconsciously I would just retreat. It’s like I’m there but not really there, you know just be invisible for a moment. Maybe to see if there’s someone who cares enough to check up on me or give me stories as well. Such a tease, then of course chances are that no one really did and I get over my “fake hiatus” or “invisible” moment and  go back to my normal chatty self.

In this case, well, I was going through a phase and now I am back with a BANG! July was one hell-of-a cold month and it looks like it’s rubbing off on August already. August needs to shake that off, because my wardrobe and body can’t take it any more, I want the sun. Not the scorching kind though, just enough to keep me warm during the day and allow me not to over-layer clothes. Which is interesting because we human beings have our needs changing more often than baby diapers. One time we want the sun, then when it’s smack right in the middle of your forehead hot enough to fry an egg sunny side up, you want it to rain and when it rains cats and dogs with puddles all over, we want the cold, just the cold and now it’s cold, good grief, I want the sun.

It’s just like life. When you’re presented with one situation, you forget how the other one you were in used to be. And when the one you’re in doesn’t appeal to you as you anticipate(ed) it to, you want to get back to where you were before because you think it was better than what you’re experiencing now. In essence, you were probably looking forward to the situation you’re in just as eagerly. Life is  such a twist. With that, I think the reason God made seasons, is so that we learn to live with each of them.

Learn to persevere through the scorching sun and thunderstorms as well as be content when the suns comes out during the thunderstorm and the rain pops when the sun is scorching.

Other than the cold, I actually managed to try out a few things that I haven’t either done in a long time or just never done before this July, so it wasn’t boring either. At the end of the month when I look back, there’s a lot to smile about more than there is to frown about. Actually, I wouldn’t say there’s anything there is to frown about. God has been good to me, to us, I am more than grateful. Here goes;

Danielle Steel, Books, Good Reads

Gifted book mark by the parents I think during my very 1st graduation…I’ve graduated that many times. Love the message #TreasuredGifts

 A friend recommended the #3books30days challenge and I decided to take it on, easy *read difficult, very* as it sounds. I have done 2 books so far; Brida – Paulo Coelho and Danielle Steel – Big Girl, one more to go,  Lauren Weisberger - Devil Wears Prada ( really  looking forward to reading this one). I had kind of shelved my book (novel) reading because of school and the exhaustion it comes with but it’s like I am now getting my reading mojo back, slow but coming on.

Friends, Friendships, Hosting

The scarf is courtesy of FloEssentials (Facebook). Scarves are her thing, she ties them so effortlessly it’s amazing, while I struggled my way around with it.

Of friends discovered through other friends and turning out to be ah-mah-zing. You know those lose introductions that happen because the person I hang out with also used to hang out with her. Then a few years after, we somehow keep in touch and we decide you know what, maybe we should just link up and catch up. The world just leads you to the people who are meant to be close to you “the touch effect” and we decide to hang out and ta-daaaaa *if you’ve watched Crood you should relate* we’re just insync. They (my friend and the hubby) finally got us to do our first hosting, we feared at first (you think of all the things you don’t have, like serving dishes et al, you know the bachelor-bachelorette lifestyle) and they were the most comfortable and entertaining guests we’ve ever had *actually, the first*, now they don’t feel like guests any more. We ate, drunk, played scrabbled, poker and chatted the night away. They are officially our favorite couple friends, you know you’ve gotta have those. Grateful they found their way into our lives, or vise versa.

Nail Polish, Sunset

You see both rarely, that’s the relation. LOL. There could be no better way to describe me getting my nail polish groove on, but I did. I find it such work, you know the application process, the fanning of your hands for it to dry, the holding things delicately to avoid the much dreaded smudge. Oh but it definitely looks good on me as I type on my key board. I could literally type gibberish just to have a glance at my peach painted nails. I think that’s my motivation for now, let’s hope it lasts long enough to have me purchase a different color.

As for the sunset, I went to visit my folks on the weekend and on my walk I was engulfed by the beautiful view of the sunset. It even looked more beautiful when seeing it through that singled out tree. Picture perfect. If I had a Canon or Nikon camera, trust me this pic would have made it to Mutua Matheka’s wall paper Monday, but I didn’t.

So much more happened of course, but these were the ones I was able to capture, or do you want a novel? Nah. How was your July? Hoping it was great and you would have a thing or more to say about it. The best thing about today (very convenient that it’s 1st August), is that you know something you didn’t know yesterday. Better yet, is you are or will be able to do something you didn’t do yesterday or ever before. That’s the beauty of life, everyday gives you a chance to play it out a little or to a great extent differently from how you did it before. It’s very forgiving in that sense, it holds no grudges, only you do. Have yourself a blessed August.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Fresh Perspective

When you go through a certain situation, good or bad, there’s a way that everyone who is something in your life has something to say about that situation. Some see it like, ‘there’s a reason why things happen’, ‘there’s something better in store for you’, ‘you’re totally screwed’, , ‘you’re so lucky’, ‘you totally deserved it’, ‘I’m so happy for you’, ‘let’s work this one this out’, ‘you won’t be a able to’, ‘you will make it through’, ‘don’t worry, it’ll be okay’ … most of the time the reactions are completely different, they come in all forms positive, negative, encouraging, supportive, dismissing, concerned and helpful ones. Don’t we always want people to be leaning towards the positive reactions, you know agree with what we say or do, offer assistance and so on? I do.

Fresh_Perspective

However, besides having other people responding to your situations, there’s the way you also see it. It could be a situation where you want others to react positively to, but whether or not people give their opinions about it at the end, it’s about what you think about it yourself. How you view it, your perception of it. Good things could be happening to you, but you fail to realize because you wanted more or you were really interested in other things besides the good that’s happening to you. Such that your perception of that good thing seems not so good after all. For example, you could have gotten a good job, with a good pay so to say, but when you evaluate you see that money won’t be enough to handle your bills and it gets downhill from there. Instead of you being thankful that you have a good job and you’re getting some good experience and exposure; and you are able to put a roof over your head and food on the table, you think how bad it is that you don’t have extra for vacays, outings or for expensive clothes and shoes. Been there, done that. Forgetting that I am favoured to have a great job or there’s much more to look forward to than the simple pleasures that money can buy.

It could also be something bad that has happened to you *God forbid* and we have every right to have negative reactions. Feel bad for ourselves and wonder why it happened to us, not thinking if it didn’t happen to us it could probably be happening to someone else, and they would also feel as bad as you are. It’s good to feel bad, but then how we take it up from our feelings, is what determines the outcome. You could look at it from the point of; Why? You’re totally crushed! You just don’t know what to do next! Your world has come to an end. On the other hand, you could look at it as an opportunity to work harder, to do it differently so that you don’t get the same results again or if it’s something that’s beyond of your control, know that for everything that happens there is an inherent reason why that you don’t necessarily have to know (that sucks though). I am one of those firm believers that God has it all planned especially for those negative things that happen to us in as much as I would never want anything bad to happen to me and my loved ones, but again it’s out of our control. It could be losing someone or something, accidents, heart-breaks, diseases, failures, disappointments and so on. Since it’s merely out of your control, look  for people who will support you, give you hope, have faith in you. Last but not least, believe in God and depend on him for things to get better for you. There are some things that don’t make sense, never will, and the more you dwell on get answers to them, the more it becomes frustrating.

Perspective is everything. It’s your outlook of life, how you choose to see things, even when you’d rather be blind to them. It’s not about eye-sight though, it’s mind-sight. Sometimes your mind can see things that your eyes have not yet seen. And if you can dream it, think it, then at some point I am pretty sure you will actually get to see it … literally! All the best in your endeavours.

Special shout out to my mum who just started running a clinic. After many years of working for and with organisations, helping others start their dreams, she resigned to follow her own dream of having her own clinic. I know it’s not easy but I totally love your fresh perspective on it. We can’t see it physically now, but your mind has and I believe that what you see will come to be. Plus I’ll support you all through in whichever way I can and make every effort even when I feel I can’t.

Perspective

How’s July coming along? Yet to update you on last month. It was an awesome one by all means.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Of Friendships

Friends

Friends for a moment, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime.

“Just like a nice assortment of chocolates friends come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, backgrounds, religions, and cultures. You never know what you are going to get sometimes as you navigate your way through your box. There are many different friendships to tantalize the “friendship palate”.” Source

Friendship is a thing I believe that’s quite the big deal in our lives, although people like me try to down play it. We’ve called people our friends, best friends, best friends forever and the likes. For you to brand someone that, it’s because there’s something about them that you want to be associated with. There’s something about them that makes you want them to be a part of your life. There’s that saying that goes something like; “with family, you don’t choose, you’re given, but with friends, you have the free will to choose”. So your friends are somewhat the family that you choose, besides your God-given family.

As we grew up, my parents had their friends who we used to visit and used to visit us every so often. They would bring their kids over, or we would go to theirs, have parties and sleep overs. I didn’t know whether we were related or not and didn’t bother to know. As far as we were concerned my parents friends were our uncles, aunties and their kids our cousins. Somehow through my parents, they became like part of our family. You’d be surprised that if you asked me to name my real aunties, uncles and cousins and the family friends feature heavily in that list. There are some of whom I came to realize that we’re not related as late as this year.

Friendship is not a thing that we can just ignore, because like relationships they pretty much define us. It’s those people you communicate with, you socialize with, you hang out with. Those people who challenge you, who you share with your ideas, those people who level you up when you’re a tad unbalanced or irrational, those people who plant your feet back to the ground when your head is busy floating in the sky. They are special people. Not everyone can tolerate you, but friends somehow manage to. Friends are those people who could have talked about you behind your back but instead choose to tell you, because you’re their friend. They are those people who when you get that “can the earth open up and eat me up” feeling, they go ahead to show that their would be a void in their lives if that ever happened, and they help you try to solve the problem at hand.

Friends may not necessarily have all the money in the world to stand by you financially, they could not necessarily be the most connected people to help you get who and what you want, but they are the people with the biggest hearts. You’ve got to love hearts, because they’re not material. The mind could be, it could make you think of all the good things and bad things, but the heart is genuine and what it offers cannot be measured quantitatively. It doesn’t consider what one has and what one doesn’t have, it just goes for who that person is. It accepts the person as is, and strives to be there for them, help them be a better them, give them hope when all seems bleak.

Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I know friendship is somewhere up there in the hierarchy, but it almost also feels like a physiological need (the most basic need). A basic need that you shouldn’t have too much of, because I mean you just need enough of it to satisfy your needs, ain’t it?  So you don’t have to have a million friends. How would you even meet the needs of each one of those or vice versa? You would get so overwhelmed that idea of friends would infuriate you. If you really think about it, you find that those people who actually call your their friends or you call your friends are a handful. The rest, probably are just acquaintances or you know, something like part of your network.  Those, you’ve got to have many, millions so to say. People you think of because a situation has come up,  you need something from them or they just happened to cross your path. No? You’ve got to love all this people, they won’t necessarily always be there for you when you need them (and are not obliged to) but they sure do make the world a better place by all means. Someone may not be your friend, but they could be part of your network. I think that’s where we have a hard time drawing the line, then feel cheated when the network doesn’t play the friends role.

Also, some friends do have terms, unfortunately. Maybe that’s how it’s drawn up by the creator. There are those for a moment, a season or a lifetime. Life happens somewhere midway and those friends that you thought you will have forever somehow vanish. It could be as simple as slipping away as a result of distance, difference in lifestyles and so on or as dramatic as difference in opinions, arguments and fights over, for or against something. When the term for a friendship comes to a close, most of us find it difficult to let go *guiltily raises hand*. In essence, letting go could be the best decision you could make as a friend. It’s a loving thing to do when you see it’s not working out. Instead of dragging them along, just let it be. Things do change, people do change, friendships do change. It’s normal and less burdening, I figure. Then there are those who are there for a lifetime, I live for those. Isn’t it great when you meet someone or people you can grow with, have disagreements and different opinions but still agree or have level ground, have distance between you but still connect in every way and in future let them into your children’s life and have them confuse them for family! Dang!

I think the thing with friendships based on my observation is more of “just let it flow”. When it doesn’t work, let it be, when it works, let it be. Whatever the case, having a friend is a blessing from the almighty to us. After all, what would life be without them? Treasure them, love them.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Crossing the Bridge

Do you ever find yourself getting worried or anxious about later, about tomorrow, about the future? Like you don’t know what will happen next, where and when you’ll get this to do that, whether whatever it is will work out or not and if it does or doesn’t then what next? I do. I think I’ve always gotten worried or anxious about most things in my life, at least from when I started fending for myself. Before I guess the only thing that really used to get me worried sick (okay not so) were exams. Now there’s a lot of stuff to think about, besides exams. Like how to get bread and butter on my table, all of which are not free, including the table. Funny how even when I should be rejoicing about a certain achievement, somewhere in the far off corner of my mind, there’s that black pitless hole that keeps blocking that faculty that should get rid of any anxiety or worry. Just when I tell myself, “cross that bridge when you get there”, the hole, swallows it up and out of the blues am thinking, a few weeks from now, one month from now, 5 years from now.

Cross the Bridge

You know how you can be driving on a road, actually let me give you an ideal example. We used to live in Lower Kabete and just right before Spring Valley there was a valley oh wow duh, yeah and it almost looked like a bridge with those sideline thingies. However, they were dented and had fallen out parts of the sideline poles either due to old age or accidents. For me, that was my black spot. Every time I’d think that we’re going to pass there every bad thought that could cross my mind did. Like what if we have an accident and plunge into the river, drown and die *cringe*. Of course that never happened, but those thoughts used to totally cloud my mind. For a very long time. Then at one point because I had now gotten used to passing there and nothing happening, I got over that phobia. It became pointless being anxious or worried about it. It became my favorite road actually to the point I thought I could drive with my eyes closed that remains a thought

Now comes life, the same thing happens. We get so anxious and worried about so many things, even things that we shouldn’t burden ourselves with. Of course it’s good to take precaution and all for the future. Like work towards making it as comfortable as possible. Yet again tomorrow shouldn’t be our worry as long as we are doing what we’re supposed to do today in the best of our ability. Ain’t it? Aren’t you jealous of the birds? How they fly around so carefree and perch wherever they feel like even at your porch. I guess it’s because their main worry is how they are going to get through their day. They build nests like everywhere they go and I’m pretty sure building a nest is not an easy job as well. If only birds could speak and tell us their story. But I like how they travel light, no worry at all, just let it be. You should see my handbag now, you’d think I’m carrying stones in it. Living by the scouts motto, be prepared. You carry for if ‘this and that’ happens. Or if I’m travelling and I pack everything in doubles, just in case (I see you there, you do the same huh?)

worry, anxiety, birds

Sometimes I don’t want to worry or be anxious about tomorrow, but then again I’m just human. I think we have an inbuilt the “be anxious and worry” function. At least I have come to realize that when I find myself feeling that way, I tell myself, “the bridge is too far to worry about it, let’s deal with it when we get there”. That bridge might be a strong one, enough to hold you and all your problems then. But if you worry about it today, there’s nothing you’re really changing about that bridge…makes a bit of sense no?

Today already has enough problems of its own that when you start foreseeing the problems that are yet to come, we miss the good things and opportunities that today has to offer.

Having a good week so far? It’s already half month, wow! Have a good one. A silent prayer for all those friends who’ve lost their loved ones, who are unwell or have a close friend or family member that’s unwell, and those that are just sad for one reason or another. May God bless y’all.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Looking for Inspiration?

We look for all inspiration from what we do, hear, say, see ain’t it? Just like when we pluck an eye lush or see a lonely star (save for a shooting star) or blow the candle(s) on the birthday cake, we actually make that wish hoping with all our fingers and toes crossed that it will come true. At least I genuinely do. I met with my baby sister yesterday (though it happens every other day now that she’s doing something in the CBD as she waits to enter campus and boy isn’t she demanding…lol), a mid my busy schedule *cough cough* I can actually afford to say that without flinching, and I was telling her, “It would be nice if I could make lots of money without having to work so hard.”  Of course we laughed it off, I mean, like seriously?!

Inspiration is

Source

So after she lays down her case as to why I should take her for lunch, this was done in a professional way mind you, these kids. We go for lunch, chit chats and all, watch her gobble down everything ha ha, and when I go back to the office, I think of that statement I’d brushed off earlier as a joke. We actually do look for inspiration? In all cracks and crevices, in people and things both existent and non-existent. As we look for it, our hopes are raised for a moment there and we feel like we’re close to grabbing it or getting it right. Then something slaps us back to reality or gets us to strike that iron while it’s still hot. The thing with inspiration, just like excitement, is that it dies out faster than you can squeal, “yaaay”. So you really have to be with it, take it and use it before it escapes you.

How we cling on to that source of inspiration we have instantaneously connected with such that the moment it doesn’t appeal to you as had expected it to you end up feeling disappointed, let down, too expectant and all things related. Like when you get the slightest form of criticism you crawl back into your shell, or when no one gives a helping hand, you feel bad. It’s human, am human, it happens to me. It’s because you are depending on that source to give you the energy to start that thing you’ve been dying to do, or that thing that needs to be done but psyche to do it is negative, more like that spark that will start the fire.

But what’s a spark without a purpose or without anything to fuel it? It will eventually go off or just keep sparking and doing nothing. Give that spark life, something to make it develop into a flame or a fire. You are the one who decides what you want it to be based on what you want it to do. Do you want it to cook, warm you up, give light, burn stuff? That spark is your inspiration, it’s better when it catches you working, then it gives you psyche, and not catching you off guard because then it won’t be of use. It’s the spark that’s the source of inspiration for the fire that follows, and it has to work its way into creating a fire that will last long enough to serve its purpose. This could be by having enough gas, fanning or blowing it so as to expose the fire/heat.

Inspiration is not magic or some voodoo,  it’s there with you, you just need to cultivate it. When you look for it, chances are that it will elude you. So you just do your thing, find within you the energy or zeal to do what it is that you’re dying to do, inspiration will find you. I say this because many times, am caught in the endless search for inspiration, I want to sit there and still find it, of course that never happens. I find that I have to start the task then somewhere mid-way I am so in to it, that the passion and desire to get it done overwhelms me, I equate that to my inspiration. The people that help you while at it, give a hand or two, give you positive sentiments, criticism, that’s inspiration. The abstract things that you place your hope on while you do your task, those wishes, those expectations, the unfounded thoughts, that’s inspiration.

Inspiration

You don’t find inspiration, it finds you!

You don’t find inspiration, inspiration finds you! Feels like a Chuck Norris statement.

Inspiration has its source in the oddest of forms, but as long as you experience it. Isn’t that what matters? Besides that, is there something you’ve been dying to do and you just didn’t have that psyche for doing it? Now is the time to start, then along the way, Mr (Mrs). Inspiration will catch up with you.

Pink always wins me over with her music (kind of relates to what I was saying, but from another perspective) and weirdness. How do you like this one? Can you believe it’s just 15th January, how’s it that time is flying, but when you look at the calendar the days are dragging. Is it just me or have you made that observations? I guess that’s how January rolls, but we need to cramp its style sometime. Maybe 2014.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*