Tag Archive | Friendship

Letting Go Of 2013, To Let In 2014

I’m the kind that forgets easily. It’s good to know thyself. I forget my milestones, the thing that made me extremely happy for a moment, then I moved on with life. Its joys and struggles all together. I guess having been given 2013 to live life, maybe I didn’t do it to fullest because many times I’ve held it down because of well, maybe I thought I should’ve planned it, budgeted it, I had work the following day or now that the cops introduced AlcoBlow (a device that checks your alcohol level and if you’re caught, be ready to part with 100k, such a party popper but almost good because no drunk driving).

Generally, 2013 has been good to me, no complaints whatsoever. Anything that went wrong was a lesson learnt or just to show me that “hey Kawi, this is the world we’re in, it’s got its obstacles so don’t get too comfortable”. There were thorns, but at least they didn’t poke me too hard. Just a few scratches on the surface that taught me how to handle the rose better and in a more gentle way. At least the scars faded.

2013 was my rose

Thank God It’s Friday

A walk through 2013:

  • What a better birthday-mate to have than the boyfriend? Makes everything so much easier, yet so harder because you have to make plans while he’s making plans, buy a gift while he’s buying a gift. The 1st was great, at least we discussed what we wanted to do. Can’t wait for the next one, because no telling. The first we were still getting to know each other.
  • Graduated from Graduate School – Completing that thesis made me feel a lil’ bad ass. It was so frigging involving. I got so stressed sometimes to the point of tears, lecturers can really frustrate a students. Something straight-forward can be so twisted.
  • Had mum finally travel to the States to visit my cousins. She had spoken about it for far too long and it was about time it happened. Really glad it did and she got to see her nieces and nephews. Boy, do we miss them.
  • Saw my dad start and complete building his (our) house upcountry. It’s so beautiful. It was his untold dream, he didn’t tell, but we knew that’s what he really wanted. Now we have a place to go  when we want to go out-of-town and have some R & R. His success, our success and vice versa.
  • Got a new job at the bank, totally unexpected. A great opportunity, with some really cool and amazing colleagues, thank God. That new girl feeling was so short-lived, now it’s like I’m at home. Also made some good friends from my previous work place. It always feels like you’re leaving one relationship and jumping into the next one when you move jobs. It’s an “ouch” feeling, but one’s got to grow. At least for the friends you made, they’ll always be there.
  • Took the boyfriend home to officially meet the folks. Of course he’s met them a couple of times before but there’s something about them knowing what you two are really up to. I found that really admirable and respectful.
  • Spent the 1st Christmas without my family. Felt a little (that’s being modest, a lot) out of touch, damn! But works got be done. The boyfriends family made some really good family time too.
  • I have some really awesome friends. You know those who make you so random. They make you laugh when you feel like cringing, that make you go dancing when you thought you’d be at home asleep. They are for keeps!
  • I had an incident, where I had my essentials stolen (wallet and phone). A bullet through the heart, those are the two material things you feel like you can’t live without. Those thugs got me a good one, but none of that carelessness again.
  • I cut my hair short and I don’t look hideous – thank God. It’s something completely different, no one would do something that extreme. It showed me that I don’t have to be attached to things such as hair, it grows back anyway.

In 2014, I want just basically want to be a better person, better than I have ever been. I want to let go of the rose, because I want a flower garden. I think I’m now ready to handle couple of roses and other flowers. I want to be able to achieve most of the things I have been saying I want to do and have in 2013. Better yet, I spoke a lot in 2013, in 2014, I want to make it happen. What do you want for yours?

In case I am not able to do another post before next year, because I’ll be having so much fun jumping years, may you have a blessed and prosperous 2014. Lets make it happen together #CozWeCan’tStop (Miley Cyrus clearly featured heavily in 2013).

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

If You Want To Feel Rich

You know the interesting thing about life? I also don’t. Ha ha kidding, I do. It’s that at the end of the day it’s about your endless dreams and how you can make them happen. It’s about those people you care about and how you want to see them happy. It’s about you and how you can achieve your happiest state. You work to achieve something, something that will make you feel complete, an absolute of sorts. The other day someone asked what can’t money buy? That’s a difficult question seeing as some of us haven’t experienced extreme richness to know what exactly it can’t buy. But with the much I have, I can say those things I am pretty sure it wouldn’t buy me.

You know those things that whether you have money or not, you can still experience them. It’s not money that determines whether you can or cannot get them. Digress, I remember in the course of my first job, I was confident enough that I deserved a raise and off I walked to my ex-bosses office to request for one. With full justification as to why I deserved an increase, we chat away. He’s the kind that could talk you out of what you want and convince you otherwise. So to say the least, I was fully armed. His office, the battle field. Everyone knew that. By all means I deserved a pay rise, so I was going to fight for it. As we chat, he goes like, “Mercy, you know if I decided to start paying you a million every month today you would go crazy”. Ha ha, joke right and I say, “I would be happy with that. Maybe we can try.” Then being the smart man,  he of course tells me the story of how he started out and how he got to where he is.  You learn to manage the little that you have as it’s added in progression, not just pap! Otherwise you won’t get a hold of yourself. I see he was doing my parents a favour, parenting me at work.

Oh boy, I was just seeing my plea go down the drain, somehow disappearing in the horizon as he went on and on. The he goes, “I will add for you this *small amount* first then we see how you do, and you can come back *after this duration of time* for a review”. Not what I had initially asked for, but at least it was something to get me going then. This always gets me looking back and thinking how it is I survived with that money, somehow I did, comfortably. Now back to those things, those ones that make you feel rich even when you’re not money rich, those ones that money cannot buy;

Happy Relationships

With God, with your family, with your spouse. You can’t buy their love or affection towards you and vice versa. Their willingness to do things for you and with you when you need them to, when you don’t need them to or when you least expect them to. The respect that you hold for each other. It’s a world of competition out there, so having this people cheer lead for you and be your front runners. That at the end of the day, you have people who can be held accountable for you and you for them, this is a blessing, not a purchase.

Good Health

It’s by the Grace of God that you’re healthy. That you can do things that other people only wish they could or that you have features that others wish they had, even if just for a day. They may look simple and easy for us, but it’s a blessing that we shouldn’t take for granted. Walking, eating, talking, sleeping, pooping, thinking, hearing, seeing among other things. That you’re not sick and bed ridden. You could have the money to go to the best doctors in the world, but not necessarily get healed. So thank your almighty for good health and long life.

Time … A Really Good Time

Money can enable you to go to the most beautiful and tranquil of places and do things that you’ve only dreamt of. But chances are that you might not even have a good time while at it. It happens. You think this place could give you absolute happiness even if for a moment, then it doesn’t. It probably even stresses you when you think how much you’re spending and what you’re going back to or it could be the company, not withstanding the luxury provided. It gets you whining to no end.

It’s all about having a good time, a great experience, a genuine smile on your face and hearty laughter, the kind that stems from your tummy. Ain’t it? You can have a good time wherever you choose to go or be, not necessarily in the islands or desserts or five star hotels whose décor and furnishings are out of this world. If you can’t afford that right now, you can afford a walk in the park … it’s free. I know I’m pushing it *because I want to go to those islands, desserts and five start hotels*, but a really good time knows no place and no amounts of money. You make it, with what you have.

True friends

There’s the family that’s given to you by virtue of being born into this world, and then there are those you personally choose, your true friends. Money can’t buy you these ones and if it does, the ‘true’ in the ‘true friends’ fizzles out. The love, trust and commitment you accord this ones with and vice versa is miraculous.

The brain and mind

Oh your mind. That there is one powerful object, in case you were searching for super powers. Very powerful, I’m even thinking when people say it’s the heart ‘a bullet to the heart‘, I think they mean the mind. The heart just pumps blood and enables the brain to get blood and oxygen for you to remain sane. It’s the mind that thinks, hurts, feels, cooks things up, makes assumptions, loves and so on. The mind leads you to believing what you want to believe and helps you make your choices, good or bad, whether you have money or not. It’s the source of great ideas and innovations that eventually lead you to making that money.

Money can’t buy you brains, but it can help you make up your mind, when you have them. So the brains came before the money, unless you’re a trust fund baby, lucky bustards … lol

rich

There’s no better way to look at it. This will give you so much peace especially in your mind and help you put some things into perspective. Sometimes we get so drained trying to get rich, that we die trying. Because we see riches as just having money and lots of it, but riches do come in other forms too. What are some of those things you have that money cannot buy?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Of Friendships

Friends

Friends for a moment, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime.

“Just like a nice assortment of chocolates friends come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, backgrounds, religions, and cultures. You never know what you are going to get sometimes as you navigate your way through your box. There are many different friendships to tantalize the “friendship palate”.” Source

Friendship is a thing I believe that’s quite the big deal in our lives, although people like me try to down play it. We’ve called people our friends, best friends, best friends forever and the likes. For you to brand someone that, it’s because there’s something about them that you want to be associated with. There’s something about them that makes you want them to be a part of your life. There’s that saying that goes something like; “with family, you don’t choose, you’re given, but with friends, you have the free will to choose”. So your friends are somewhat the family that you choose, besides your God-given family.

As we grew up, my parents had their friends who we used to visit and used to visit us every so often. They would bring their kids over, or we would go to theirs, have parties and sleep overs. I didn’t know whether we were related or not and didn’t bother to know. As far as we were concerned my parents friends were our uncles, aunties and their kids our cousins. Somehow through my parents, they became like part of our family. You’d be surprised that if you asked me to name my real aunties, uncles and cousins and the family friends feature heavily in that list. There are some of whom I came to realize that we’re not related as late as this year.

Friendship is not a thing that we can just ignore, because like relationships they pretty much define us. It’s those people you communicate with, you socialize with, you hang out with. Those people who challenge you, who you share with your ideas, those people who level you up when you’re a tad unbalanced or irrational, those people who plant your feet back to the ground when your head is busy floating in the sky. They are special people. Not everyone can tolerate you, but friends somehow manage to. Friends are those people who could have talked about you behind your back but instead choose to tell you, because you’re their friend. They are those people who when you get that “can the earth open up and eat me up” feeling, they go ahead to show that their would be a void in their lives if that ever happened, and they help you try to solve the problem at hand.

Friends may not necessarily have all the money in the world to stand by you financially, they could not necessarily be the most connected people to help you get who and what you want, but they are the people with the biggest hearts. You’ve got to love hearts, because they’re not material. The mind could be, it could make you think of all the good things and bad things, but the heart is genuine and what it offers cannot be measured quantitatively. It doesn’t consider what one has and what one doesn’t have, it just goes for who that person is. It accepts the person as is, and strives to be there for them, help them be a better them, give them hope when all seems bleak.

Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I know friendship is somewhere up there in the hierarchy, but it almost also feels like a physiological need (the most basic need). A basic need that you shouldn’t have too much of, because I mean you just need enough of it to satisfy your needs, ain’t it?  So you don’t have to have a million friends. How would you even meet the needs of each one of those or vice versa? You would get so overwhelmed that idea of friends would infuriate you. If you really think about it, you find that those people who actually call your their friends or you call your friends are a handful. The rest, probably are just acquaintances or you know, something like part of your network.  Those, you’ve got to have many, millions so to say. People you think of because a situation has come up,  you need something from them or they just happened to cross your path. No? You’ve got to love all this people, they won’t necessarily always be there for you when you need them (and are not obliged to) but they sure do make the world a better place by all means. Someone may not be your friend, but they could be part of your network. I think that’s where we have a hard time drawing the line, then feel cheated when the network doesn’t play the friends role.

Also, some friends do have terms, unfortunately. Maybe that’s how it’s drawn up by the creator. There are those for a moment, a season or a lifetime. Life happens somewhere midway and those friends that you thought you will have forever somehow vanish. It could be as simple as slipping away as a result of distance, difference in lifestyles and so on or as dramatic as difference in opinions, arguments and fights over, for or against something. When the term for a friendship comes to a close, most of us find it difficult to let go *guiltily raises hand*. In essence, letting go could be the best decision you could make as a friend. It’s a loving thing to do when you see it’s not working out. Instead of dragging them along, just let it be. Things do change, people do change, friendships do change. It’s normal and less burdening, I figure. Then there are those who are there for a lifetime, I live for those. Isn’t it great when you meet someone or people you can grow with, have disagreements and different opinions but still agree or have level ground, have distance between you but still connect in every way and in future let them into your children’s life and have them confuse them for family! Dang!

I think the thing with friendships based on my observation is more of “just let it flow”. When it doesn’t work, let it be, when it works, let it be. Whatever the case, having a friend is a blessing from the almighty to us. After all, what would life be without them? Treasure them, love them.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Lose Yourself. Find Yourself.

Makes me want to start on with Eminem’s - Lose Yourself, although it’s in a different context, but hey takes you back huh?

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

—-

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. ” ~ Eminem

Sometimes we lose ourselves. Lose ourselves in our work, school, relationships, talents basically in situations. We lose ourselves trying to accommodate other things and other people and we forget that we also have ourselves to accommodate. We humans (based on the fact that I am one) were created to want to please everyone we come across. You want to make sure that everyone is happy with you, satisfied with whatever it is that you have to offer. And if they are not, you try your best to make sure that they do. Even if it means losing who you actually are to do so. It’s like your happiness is based on their approval stamp.

losing yourself

We lose ourselves in more ways than one. Through our character, our behaviour and our actions. Where you do things that you also don’t comprehend, things that don’t make you happy, that given a chance, you would rather not do it but the situation doesn’t quite allow or it just forces you to be that way. It’s crazy, because you see yourself leaving yourself, literally. It’s like you’re stretching your hand to reach out for yourself but you slowly slip away. When you realize that is what’s happening, you can either: Just confirm to it or decide, it’s about time you found yourself. Conforming to it means that you’ve let go of yourself, you don’t mind not being you. You’re comfortable being  what your situations expect you to be to please them. Even when it drives you nuts, you would rather go nuts, but make sure the people around you are happy with you. But deep inside, you crush, you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough, like life could be better than it is.

Lose yourself

When you decide to find yourself. Well, you step on some toes. You know what stepping on toes does, some forgive you and move on. Others react and dwell on it. You’ll probably never hear the end of it. They hate you for being you. But to be yourself you need to be able to defend yourself from the harshness (of the world) and be there for yourself always. It doesn’t mean that you’re going against what people expect of you really, it just means that your happiness, your comfort also matters. As much as other people’s matters. Just because someone doesn’t like you, your world won’t stop. Chances are that someone else loves (or will love) you to greater degree for being the same way. It’s a matter of balancing the scale…lol

You could have everything you need in life, but if you’re not yourself then those things wouldn’t make so much sense to you. And that’s probably the source of your happiness. That could be the source of your smile when all else doesn’t look so promising. If you’re not yourself, then you’re definitely someone else ain’t it? It means your own needs won’t satisfy you, because everyone has different needs. It’s a twist. Knowing yourself, your character, your behaviour  your actions is what keeps you sane. You over-do or under-do something and tell yourself, “Kawi, you’ve taken it too far, that’s not you”. You kiss ass too much, and you tell yourself, “Kawi, you don’t have to do that, just be you.” Actually, I think people like you better when you’re yourself. Just that they probably don’t tell you. I could tell you on their behalf. Because then they know that you’re the real deal, that you’re not pretending. That given a situation, this is how you’ll behave. So that someone doesn’t get surprised like, “Oh my gosh, I would have never though Kawi would do something like that.” This will allow me to love you for you or dislike you for you. Not for who you’re not.

losing yourself 1

When a situation pushes you to be someone you’re not, be there for yourself. Stand up for who you are. We expect others to be there for us when sometimes we’re not even there for ourselves. You’re your own V.I.P. Yeah, you deserve the red carpet, the V.I.P treatment. Don’t underestimate yourself. I do that sometimes as well, underestimate myself. I feel little, like I don’t have any impact in the life of others. And I let the voices inside my head convince me so. Then I thought about it figured that you deserve all the good things like the  other person next to you. You’re just as beautiful as the person next to you, if not more. You’re just as intelligent just as the person next to you, if not more. So don’t look at yourself and pity yourself or try to be someone else to please others as well as yourself. There’s a reason you are who you are.

Be Yourself

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~ Nora Ephron.

It’s Monday, there can’t be any better form of motivation than,“ just be yourself”. It sounds like a darn easy assignment. LOL. It’s the hardest. That’s all I’ll tell you to do this week.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Something. About. Me.

LOL. Strange way to start the post, I know. But honestly, it’s hilarious how ones life can change in a couple of days, months, years. It just depends when you’re struck by whatever it is that will create that change. Why I was laughing, because I was reading a previous post that made me cringe, then shake my head in almost disbelief. Like “I really said that, no I didn’t”, “how did I even think that”. If I was to write that all over again, the story has completely changed. You know the 360kind of change. It would qualify for a face-palm moment.

Then again, it shows that I have really grown. The fact that I can read something I wrote a few years back and it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was writing it. It’s amazing when something you did a while back gives you that feeling. That feeling of wow, I have come from far, to bring it closer home, yaani nimetoka mbali. I think of my first graduation, first job, my first house, my first relationship, my first blog post, the constant advisory lectures from the parents (he he they were of course almost one-sided, mostly don’t do this, don’t go there e.t.c) and these are the things that made up my foundation. They are what made me even know what direction to and not to take in life. At that particular time, it was all no big deal. It was just living life and doing what I had to do. Then as life went on, I moved into another job, I moved houses, I started dating someone else, wrote more posts. The parental lectures graduated to discussions (it’s two-sided, I give them my opinions, they give me theirs then I weigh them and make a choice). I’ve grown, still am. Little growing to big. It’s amazing.

That’s why I laughed when I read these posts. That one just covers the relationship perspective, there’s this one when I firstmoved out of home, then another when I graduated from my undergraduate and my first post on here. It takes me back, back to where I started out. I started out from down there, from knowing almost nothing about the world. I was like a cub let loose. For those of you who watch Nat Geo, you know how bad it is out there in the wild. You’re prey. Many await to feast on you, lead you in the wrong direction, give you false promises and so on. You are in charge of yourself. You make your own decision, right or wrong. No one is responsible for that but you. It’s crazy in a beautiful way.

To fend for myself, to face the world without the protection of the parents. That’s almost a lie though, because they are on my speed dial. I always update them on things, both good and bad. I always want their blessings in the things that I do or plan to do. Then there’s my boyfriend, he’s on the receiving end of all this I want to do this that and so on, so his opinions really matter as they’ll affect my decisions in one way or another. Then my friend(s), I have started learning to share things. I am not one to. I know it sounds unimaginable considering I am a chatter-box but surprise, there’s some mystery here. It’s like God leads me to people who will help in my venture for growth, the little experience I have gathered in different aspects of my life is through people. People I have known from the places I have been or people I have met in the weirdest of ways or people I have been introduced to. Super support system. You’ve got to love people.

Slowly I have been moving up, learning a couple of things while at it. The one thing that’s been my constant, though sometimes I tend to under-look it sometimes,  is that I strive to excel. I want to grow. The moves I make or intend to make are so that I can grow, so that I can make me and mine better. While at it, make a difference in the lives of the people I meet along the way or better the places I pitch tent in. I think what would make me feel unsatisfied is if I feel that I am not able to do this. If I feel stagnated, if there’s no sense of growth or there’s nothing I can do to make a difference. If I can’t do any of this, then why am I there or why am I doing what it is am doing in the first place?

That’s a little “Something. About.Me”. Also my very first picture-less post. Strange huh?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

February Favorites

We are allowed to extend our birthdays to the month, ain’t it? So that I can still say it’s my birthday month. Sometimes you have to look for ways to still remain the centre of attention even after your happy birthday haha trust me say that ADD much.  We’re just 9 days in to it but this is more of my birthday update. What I was up to. Am sure there’s some curious on lookers. This goes to my mental journal as my best birthday. Just how I’d imagined it. I am not much of a party person (okay that’s a big lie, I am sort of, but for special events, I prefer small and intimate).

February, Favorites

  1. He came to pick me up as I was working on that day and I planted a BIG kiss on his cheek *read lips* to tell him Happy Birthday. I’m being very modest here…lol
  2. I heart this girl. One of my closest friends.
  3. The boyfriends cousin and friend. And boy they have mastered the art of eating the “all you can eat meat”. While us the normal people were having see-saw moments with our tummies because of how full we were, they were still doing meat rounds.
  4. What’s a birthday without a cake?
  5. When stuck in traffic, and it’s your birthday, you can pull of such poses. No one will judge you.
  6. Whoever thought I would share the same birthday with the boyfriend and we will blow candles the same time. Never in my wildest dreams. I think I was too excited I forgot to make a wish. I will get used to it with time. On that note, it will always be 2 candles because if we were to put as many as our ages combined…hehe we would be eating candle wax instead.
  7. My close friend was getting married the day after our birthday (02/02/2013). So happy for her, she’s like my sister from another mother.
  8. Fun times at her evening party with my close friends, double celebrations on our part…lol since we had to hold it back on 1st for her wedding on 2nd. Let loose!
  9. No goofy faces = No fun pics. That’s what we were up to right before my friend’s wedding. That’s what happens when you are too early for an event.
  10. My beloved birthday gift. I love!

What I would want for the next one:

  1. To be out of town.
  2. If in town *hmmmm thinking* we’ll have to make it worth the while. There’s a whole year to think it out and maybe just maybe surprise him.

Besides that, I love, love, loved it. Thanks for all the beautiful messages with good wishes and blessings, you made my day more than special. For again, what’s a birthday without those?

Hope you’re having a kick-ass weekend? Mine’s pretty chilled out tending more towards lazy but relaxing all the same.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Happy Birthday Mum

Oh yeah today is my mum’s birthday and I’m thinking, “I had almost missed it”. I have to explain this scenario because it was hilarious. So we are in a meeting with my colleagues and we’re talking about careers and how one of my colleagues is in the medical field but she quit after some hear-wrenching experience during the 1998 bomb blast. And am here, saying how my mum is in the medical field and I think she’s been through it all but she has a deep passion for it. Basically she’s the family’s go to person when anyone has any problem health related and non-related, because she’s also a psychologist…yeah I know, she came as a full package.

So as we continue talking and am saying how I think being in the medical field is a calling, I look at the calendar on my laptop just our of the blues (1/10/2013), and I almost get a mini heart-attack…lol. Yeah, my colleagues asked me, “are you  ok, anything wrong?” and I go like, “crap, it’s my mum’s birthday and I almost forgot.” Of course I do the necessary, which in my opinion is one of my roles as a first-born. Call my dad to remind him. He never remembers any, whose dad does anyway? He deserves a trophy just for that. And here, we girls expect our boyfriends to remember every date, birthday, anniversary and so on. All the best, or just get kids (daughters) and have them be your reminders ideal solution for the men out there.

So, after making the necessary calls, I call my mother dearest. To give her the biggest hello and happy Birthday. And guess what? She had also forgotten it’s her birthday…hehe. That’s a win on my part, because then thank God the day had not passed and she won’t catch a feeling. So I’ll definitely make my arrangements to make her day beautiful via my sibling and dad. Then my part comes in tomorrow.

Mum, Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Mum

She turns 55, but you would never guess that’s her age, that’s a challenge to me. That no matter how old you are just keep your heart and spirit young and that’s just how you’ll turn out. Don’t let the complexities of life pull you down or make you feel any less. You are stronger than you know. She is the most amazing woman I know, how she juggles her roles is what totally gets me. She’s a super mum, best friend, doctor, teacher, nanny, chef, care taker, organizer, super wife and the list goes on.

I am who I am today because of the disciplines and lessons she has instilled in me and I thank God everyday for her. I hope she lives to see me and my sister get married and have kids, so that she can be able to take care of them just like she does us. I hope and pray that the clinic she is starting up, which is her current dream and desire, comes up, starts running and she can reach out to the community at Kahawa Wendani. Oh, if you live in that area, you’ll have the best clinic in your neighborhood, will let you know when you can start visiting.

Otherwise, this is the woman who means the world to me, Cla (baby sister) and my dad. Yeah, life would be upside down without you. You should see how everyone gets jittery when you say you have to travel, even if it’s for a few days. I hope I get to be half the woman you are when I become a mom sometime. I love you!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

New Year and Friendly Things

9th January, whoopsie, hope am not too late. Looks like the new year came with so much on my plate, that blogging came off for a moment there as luxury. Chasing up deadlines as with regards to my school thesis, am the last-minute kind of person but I’ve been meaning to change that about me. I think am getting too old *cough* to deal with that pressure, plus the so much at stake here, so I can’t take chances with being the extreme last-minute person that I once was.

Then there’s work, which at the moment is all kinds of depressing for me. I know, it’s probably just for the moment because of a task I’m expected to do *cringe* among other related things, it’s all rosy with the thorns pricking. Some fun aspect popped up out of the blues which is awesome, like a light in the middle of the tunnel. Let’s see how it all goes. Meeh! Such is work though, trying to be positive here *woooosaaah*. Besides that life is doing me good, other aspects of it are at the least tip-top.

The other day we were talking with a friend about the “best friend” concept. I know the best friend word has been thrown around but there are some people who actually live up to it and I’m most definitely not one of them. Though, I would have or since I’ve not, I would love to be a good “best” friend to someone. I can’t say it’s because I do not have friends, I actually have a couple who I could have as a best friend, just that the process of keeping has to involve so much commitment, communication, opening up and trust.

By this I don’t mean your spouse (partner/boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend) of course those by default are your besties because you connect in all those ways. I’m talking about just a friend who you touch base on almost everything that’s going in your life. If you’re happy, you call to say how happy you are, if you’re depressed they give you a shoulder to cry on and you say whatever it is without a second doubt that it will be the new news in town.

An excerpt from our said conversation went something like this:

Kawi: I find it so cool when guys have a person they call all the time when something pops up, good or bad ( that’s because she has that kind of friend and I find it cool how they do their thing, calling each other almost always, being open with each other, being there for each other and so on)

Friend: You actually don’t have someone you do that with?

Kawi: No. I just really suck at communication you know the frequent texting or calling, am not that open…

Friend: Like seriously O_O so who do you talk to?

Kawi: No one really, myself. I have friends for different things, mostly happy things. But no one I share with the whole package.

Alone

Friend: Gosh, as in no one. (then she thinks and goes like) But you’re close to your boyfriend…lol

Kawi: Well, yeah I guess. Actually he’s the one who gets the fair part of what goes on in my life.

Friend: It’s nice to have someone to tell stuff, of course other than your boyfriend, I mean a girlfriend who understands you and would be there for you through it all.

Kawi: … (conversation continues on to other things)…

Well, haven’t found someone who I’d feel comfortable going all “this is what’s going on with me at the moment” with or so I think. It all happens in my head where I try to sort it out all by myself with no one else’s advice or explanations, it’s easier. But then I got thinking, crap, maybe just maybe, you actually need someone like that. One could go crazy when you keep all things to yourself, you know, like having conversations with yourself crazy. Problem is that today coming across someone who’s genuinely nice and wants good things for you, you know, someone you can trust, at least try be open with, understand you and vice versa without looking at you from the sidelines is not quite an easy one. Maybe am way past that age of acquiring such a friend or maybe I have but am still too skeptical or not to sure how to go about it? Yeah, laugh at me, am also thinking it kind of sounds funny, but really.

Do you have a friend like that? Do you think it’s too late to get one that kind? When did you find your best friend(s) or what was the differentiating factor from the rest of your friends?

Best Friend

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.

If you have answers to all these, you need to tell-a-tale to some of us. Maybe we can learn a thing two. If you don’t, we still have hope right? At least we’ve realized there’s a void, good start. Super day comrades!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*