Living or Surviving?

F.H.L

I was just wondering at what point do we stop living and start surviving? Yeah, we are alive as long as we’re breathing, moving or doing something that signifies the presence of life. Of course I don’t mean that kind of living. I mean the kind where you are content with who you are, what you’re doing, the people that surround you and you have something to look forward to. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we do that we don’t realize these things. We think just because we wake up, do our normal routines and maybe one or two new or not-so-new things in the day, we’re living it. Sometimes at the end of the day you would look back and you wonder how the day has come to an end and nothing has changed about you, within you or around you. It’s like time flies, but funny enough it doesn’t because apparently we are all given 24hrs in a day. That’s equality at its best. I mean for the person who does nothing all day and the president of America.

I won’t even deny that am one of those people. One of those people who complains time is flying and at the end of the day I can’t quite account for it. It’s probably all chalked out on some board somewhere. I doubt even the person or angel handling my board… Oh wait a minute, I diverse just a little. I somehow, well you know everyone has a kid in them you don’t?, the kid in me thinks the angels have a kick-ass time up there betting on how our lives will go. Like draw a routine then place bets if they’ll change and such like things. The things the mind thinks. Any how, back to surviving. Sometimes we just survive by the day.

But hey again,  this stuff seems harder than rocket science I say. Managing your life is actually harder than any course work or job you’re given (aye or nay?…I could be saying my own things). I’m not one to say when to stop surviving and start living. But I think the source of living is a pinch of faith, sprinkle of hope, some sacrifice and  a cup full of love. We don’t have everything we want, neither are we also in most cases where we would like to be for one reason or another. But what makes you think you can’t get there?

It’s in the lack of faith and in the loss of hope that makes us think that we’re not good enough or we don’t have what we need or we won’t get there (where we want to be). In actual sense, you actually can and you’re good enough. It’s just in the change of our attitude. To learn not to be belittled by what we don’t have but instead let what we don’t have be our drive.

In my honest opinion, I don’t even think living means doing new things per se. Sometimes we’re not in a position to change our situation at that particular time because of certain limitations. However, you could delimit them by incorporating something in your routine that makes you feel satisfied with yourself. You know what I mean? Something that makes you feel like you’ve not wasted a whole day. Something that will or could contribute towards your tomorrow. Start living. Surviving means that there’s nothing you’re looking forward to, so there’s nothing you’re really working for. You’re just doing it because you have to for your survivals sake. You’re complacent where you are and with what you have, you don’t look beyond. Your fuel has run out and that spark has fizzled out. Stop Surviving.

Start Living. Stop Surviving

ION, here’s my 2 proposal yes 2 defense story.

The other day I was doing my proposal and boy is that thing not easy. I had to defend it in the end to get approval to move on to data collection and analysis so that I can finish my thesis *someone say an AMEN*.  Well, I was scheduled for a defense, dates and all. I’ve never been to one before and I had never gotten the opportunity to attend one. So I wasn’t sure how one gets grilled and all. I had done my proposal to the “best of my ability”. “” because I really hadn’t. Then I went to the defense room and I was grilled…a good one. People are grilled, they make you look and feel like, “that’s all you did?”, “where is this, where is that…”. The corrections were quite a couple, so I was asked to go work on them and come back to re-defend a few weeks later.

Crushed and feeling like maybe am not so bright after all, okay that’s my ego talking. You know how failing in something feels. It’s not the best feeling in the world. Then I thought wait a minute, I’ve not failed, it’s a freaking re-defense! It’s basically a second time to shine and prove to my lecturers I accept mistakes, I can work on correcting them and I can produce something really good. I decided I will do my research, follow-up with my sources of study and work with my supervisors. All this time with a bucket full of hope and faith not the sprinkles and pinches I was talking about earlier. Of course a few sacrifices here and there and viola, I passed my re-defense *ego boost* but it doesn’t end there. I still have so much work to do, but I know I’ll manage for sure. I can see myself at my graduation party (if I choose to have) doing that speech…lol.

Thanking God for that and thats it’s FRIDAY! This week just needed to end. It’s been a long one, up and down but totally worth all the efforts. I am grateful. But does this up and down ever end anyway? The weekend is jam-packed, but it’s the weekend. I think the gist is in the name, end makes you want to heave a sigh of relief.

Signing ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Of Roses and Love

It’s about sharing, being selfless, forgiving and looking beyond our weaknesses and flaws. These are the few things that make us love less or even not like the day that gives the slightest hint of love. Love is a beautiful thing, and it doesn’t mean because I say that it doesn’t have its downside. Oh, it does. Once you expose yourself to it, it’s like you’re lying in the middle of the road hoping no truck runs you down. Or handing out your heart to someone and hoping they handle it with care.

What are the chances are that a truck will run you down but there’s one that will notice that there’s something that’s making you do this, and they get off to find out what it is before taking figuring out what to do with you. What are the chances that they’ll squash your heart, because it either doesn’t fit into their hand well, or it fits well but at first they’ll have some trouble as they could squash your heart a little here and there not because they want to hurt you, but because they’re trying to figure out to handle it, then with time, they know how to handle it with the care it deserves.

Basically, love has it moments. When it’s so rosy, that all you can do is smell it and smile with the world because of how good it makes you feel. When it’s so thorny, that all it does is poke you and make you pout because of how sad it makes you feel.

Love endures it all. It’s in the beauty of the rose petals and the harshness of the thorns that makes a rose what is, a beautiful flower. It’s also through the feel-good moments and the pouting moments, that makes love what is, true love. So you could be smelling the roses or being poked by thorns, but as long as you have love, you’re doing it right. Also remember it’s all about sharing, being selfless, forgiving and looking beyond your flaws.

A rose doesn’t impact anyone unless its shared (given out), it’s not so much that it’s a rose but it’s what it make you feel when you receive it, you won’t see it’s beauty unless you forgive it for having thorns that could poke you and despite its color, shape, number of petals it remains a rose and that’s what people see.

Happy Valentine’s Day Fellas and Ladies! On that note, I got a surprise I wasn’t quite expecting … YUMMERS! Some Belgium Chocolates and delish cupcakes, man got game! I was totally caught off-guard. If I was to give him brownie points for this, he gets 25 points for catching me off-guard, considering he’s the anti-valentines day kind of guy I’m thinking yeah right…lol, am sure he went out of his usual way to make a girl happy, then 50 points for making me feel special.

Lastly, 5 points for no roses, they give me the creeps. I can’t handle that attention the bouquet comes with, unless I don’t have to carry them around or we’re getting them for aesthetics. What do you think of this day by the way. Are you anti or pro Valentine’s Day? and of roses?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Love Without Limits *Guest Post*

To see and hear other peoples views of the world and its happenings  is more than amazing, that’s one thing that always gets me. @Dyrants my very noisy desk-mate and friend decided to do a guest post here *yaaay*. No, I didn’t tell her what to write about, so this is all her…

“It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.” ~ Bette Midler

There is no perfect way to live. There is no right way to live. Our parents/guardians teach us good values to guide us through life. Teachers give us knowledge and information to get us through life; kind of like equipping us with practical skills to help us survive. On the other hand the society at large has an idea of how you should live life; what you should do and what you shouldn’t do. ‘The society’ disguises itself as friends, relatives, colleagues and acquaintances that we come across in our day to day lives. They pass judgement and question our beliefs, ideologies, choices, options and even go as far as offering solutions to the problems that they have created. These are people you trust or relate with daily and slowly their ideologies replace yours, their choices soon become your choices and your beliefs fade away. We start to live someone else’s life. At the back of our minds however our ideologies never really die. They just coil due to the pressure from external forces. They try to speak up but fear of ridicule wins that fight and we find ourselves doing what is expected of us and not what our heart really desires. Some might call this reason; I choose to call it fear, cowardice.

I love this quote by Bette Midler because it encourages me to be who I am and not what I am expected to be. I love even when I know I’m loving the wrong person/thing or for the wrong reasons. I love because it’s what my heart wants; because in that moment and time it’s what makes the most sense. Some may call this a weakness but I love without judgement until given reason to. Everyone deserves a chance to be loved and love back. I am not afraid to love because I know that if my heart does break, I’ll still live to see another day. I’ll proudly walk away and say, at least I got the chance to meet person ‘X’ The scars on my heart can tell their own story of sleepless nights and the tears but they can also tell a victory story. Of lessons learnt.

Time heals all wounds they say. We just don’t realise how true this is until we’re faced with a situation that we thought we’d never recover from. Love. It’s the only chance you’ll ever get plus YOLO (shoot me) if your heart does break, fix it! Bandage it! Walk away with your head held up high, you loved, you learnt and I’m sure it was worth it while you were in it.

Author : @Dyrants

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Never Meant To Be

There’s something called ‘accepting and moving on swiftly’. Yes, sometimes you have to create motto’s for yourself to abide by or you’ll forever be caught in situations that leave your heart frustrated but in essence they are completely out of your control. There’s just nothing you can do, if it’s not meant to be, it’s just not meant to be. There’s no better way to sugar coat it.

Credits

Think of it like we are puppets and there’s the puppeteer. Up there the puppeteer manipulates the objects with the bars and strings. Then for this two objects (the puppets), there’s that one bar that totally keeps the them apart so no matter what they do to come together, the efforts are futile. Oh tell me you have not experienced this and you must either be a lucky one or there’s something wrong somewhere.

You know how you meet someone and you hit it off from the beginning. Much to talk about, much in common and all those mush things. I mean, you even end up really liking the person and get ideas. But there’s a problem, in as much all this looks and feels amazing there’s something missing. Well, I don’t know what because at that particular time, you’re thinking it’s something that could actually work out. At the same time, there’s that one thing or two that as small as they seem makes you think nah, let’s give it time and see.

As you give it time and try to work against those odds of being together, you just don’t seem to understand each other at a certain point. It just doesn’t work out because there’s always something going wrong, someone trying too hard, it could be from one side or from both. It’s like the puppeteer is trying to give you signs but you’re trying your best to ignore them. The more you try to be together, the more apart you get for some strange reason. Yes, it’s that bar not the place, but the object that’s keeping you apart. Maybe nothing about you is actually compatible like you thought. You’re just working with feelings and the bar is acting as the middle man trying to prevent you from getting yourself into trouble, from heart aches and other related issues.

I know right, that’s how it makes sense best. Sometimes you just need to obey nature. If it clearly shows you something won’t work and your gut feeling to some extent tells you the same, as difficult as it may seem, listen and obey. I mean even magnets don’t attract everything you know, if anything ” like poles repel and unlike poles attract each other”. Thank God for the options of friends, that’s one of the ways you get friend zoned. Plus I don’t think it’s malice or anything, friendship is a good thing and you know as a person, you can’t be emotionally attached to everyone, it’s only reserved for one person really. So as you can see, the friend zone is not such a bad zone after all. At least you’re indirectly or directly involved in someones life anyway.

The problem with people is when they take this the wrong way and you become enemies, which in my case doesn’t cut it, actually, I would find that lame. If your live by certain codes then ‘it’s never that serious’ does really make a lot of sense. If it’s not working out, just be a normal friends and lead a normal life…the phrase ‘it’s easier said than done’, doesn’t work here because it’s actually easier said and done as well. Did you know keeping enemies is a task all together? It’s actually much easier to keep a friend than to keep an enemy, because with enemies you have to pretend so much. No talking, no smiling, no jokes, no laughter, loads of tension…yikes too much! It’s never that serious.

Oi it’s mid week … a few days to Friday, keep strong! Have a productive week and strive to do something awesome, blessings!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

In My Head

Lord give me a sign!

I don’t know when I ask for a sign I actually expect it to come dressed up in a robe with a golden tiara or in the form of a butterfly or just bird poop on my hair, so that I can end up cursing instead of blessing it. It’s got to be something, like something I can “superstitiously” relate to. Today, if you were wondering what was going through my head as I was walking home since I had mentioned it in my update, that’s what occupied a very small part of it. I am a scatter brain, so I have a million and one things running through my head including what I would do if I was compromised by some strange people…

I started playing the game, “Never again would I…”, and I was like, there are so many things that I have to put on that list. Top of the list was getting involved in undefined things, yes, it had to boil down to dating and relationships. I think emotional roller-coasters with people who don’t deserve it is just a mere waste of time…yes I said it.

Why care so much for someone who probably don’t really care about you? Why think about someone who doesn’t think of you? Why place your heart on your sleeve while someone has it locked up with those non-breakable padlocks? Why be in a relationship that you don’t know what/where exactly you are placed or it’s even headed? Why are you in doubt in the first place about all this?  Well, I happened to blubber this to one of my friends, I don’t think I waited for the answer but I must’ve heard something like he’s not ready. Makes much sense, again I say it was probably a case of Mr. Wrong and classify it as fun times. Let bygones be bygones!

Then again, I’m thinking I’ve heard all the excuses as to why someone wouldn’t be ready to have a relationship defined, such as bad past relationships, they’re in a crisis, they’re scared, they just want to have fun, they want to make money first … among many others. Here, I’m just a young lady *cheeky smile* I wear dresses sometimes, I know if I want something I’ll go for it regardless of the many challenges involved. I’m also damaged in one way or another, I’ve had past relationships, non-relationships, flings, and *I don’t know what this is* that are both good and bad, I want to make money or a living, I’m also scared of getting into defined things, I’m scared of getting damaged again, I’m scared of heart breaks who isn’t?. BUT it remains that if I want something I will make it clear that that’s what I want and brush those fears aside and go for it, and tackle the fears again if they ever arise.

So in the same light, I would expect a man to know what it is they want actually from the time they approach you and decided you know what, I like you.  Despite your fears and what you want to do first, you still know what it is you want and you should go for it. If you don’t, it’s because that’s just not it for you and so there all this excuses to sugar coat the actual thing.

Back to my sign, so I’ve decided to make a vow with myself (i.e. my mind, my feelings, my heart, my emotions) that from today, I am done with the punks *Hi 5* no more stupid flings that are going no where, no more unnecessary emotional roller-coasters, no more undefined relations. Basically boundaries need to be drawn so God please help. Now to reserve the rest for that guy! That’s a HUGE LOAD off my small chest literally…lol *breathes out fresh air*

Considering I’m an all love person, my friends shall remain loved equally. No, I’m not ditching, deleting or terminating anyone, y’all play different roles in making my life all worth living.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

This ↓ totally made my day…

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: Entertainment, Food, and Affection.

• It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.
• As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
• When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.

Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. ~ Judith Martin

True, ain’t it? LOL

ION, you can try watch this video especially if you stay alone and you love your sleep. Only watched to the spider bit, I’ll watch the rest tomorrow…hehehe!

Okay back to reading, which was the initial plan when I switched on my computer … night night, sleep sweet!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

This L.O.V.E Thing

This L.O.V.E thing

What do you mean when you say it?

Where does it come from?

What faculty registers it?

How do you say it?

When is the right time to say it?

Who do you say it to?

Do they appreciate it when you say it?

What do you feel when you have love?

Well, this love has a way of making you question everything. The who, what, when, where, how? In my view, love is supposed to be unconditional, it’s not supposed to arouse doubt. You don’t really have to say it for one to know that you love them, sometimes it’s all in the actions more than in the words. Saying it is just a form of affirmation, to make known what is already known and felt.

My reference for love is always the bible. That’s the definition of love that makes the most sense, it’s what I like relating to.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love ~ 1st Corinthians 13:13

Don’t we all look love directly or indirectly from our family, friends, spouses? Yes, it does make your world go round, believe it or not. So embrace it everyday after all even God is love. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to love, I think it’s a pretty admirable quality.

Now that my friend sent me this, that’s what we are celebrating today *insert cheeky grin* it’s never that serious. I mean not all of us have ‘valentine dates’ so we might as well embrace the situation…lol

Song of the day

Is’n't Toya DeLazy just amazing! That’s my psyche song for the day —–> “The more I know, the more I grow cause life is beautiful I don’t regret this road. I’ve lived to know one life, one love, one flow you just gotta know. You know this life can crush your goals you gotta know you’re not alone. It’s in your mind you jail your soul fly free and live life”

Quote of the day

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4

Okay let me just suck it up. Happy Valentines *choke* Day to all my people, said with lot’s L.O.V.E … xo!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Pure Love

What is pure love???

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ” 1st Corinthians 13:4-7

Am not trying to be religious or anything, but that to me signifies Pure love by all means. I expect that if someone says they love me, they will do the above, otherwise you just don’t, there’s no two ways about it. I don’t even think there’s anything really complicated about Love, it’s just what it is, it’s the people who are complicated and as a result blame it on love.

Just to make it clear, the love am talking about is in general, like love between friends, between siblings, between couples between parents and children and so on. God’s love for us is pure love, for sure, God shows and clearly proves His(own) love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So I wonder, for us humans if its possible for us to actually love, like truly and purely love.

Like the song, Last Flight Out – Plus One, this song talks about a guy who loves a girl so much that he’s willing to take the red-eye flight for her, no matter what his personal cost. The lyrics reveal a vulnerable side:

Last Flight Out – Plus One

I’m so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me
I’m so scared of letting go
That the pain I’ve hid will show

I know you want to hear me speak
But I’m afraid that if I start to
I’ll never stop

[c h o r u s]
I want you to know
You belong in my life
I love the hope
I see in your eyes
For you I would fly
At least I would try
For you I’ll take
The last flight out

I’m afraid that
You will leave
As my secrets
Have been revealed
In my dreams
You’ll always stay
Every breathing moment from now

I know you want to hear me speak
But I’m afraid that if I start to
I’ll never stop

[c h o r u s]

I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long
Although it’s hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more

Ever thought of those people you would take the last flight out for, and who would reciprocate? Who is it that purely loves you and who do u love back in the same way? #Questions to ponder?

Live, Love, Laugh … Life is short, Live it to the maximum.

Signing off — *Kawi*