Tag Archive | My Story

Back to Life

Let me tell you something we (bloggers) don’t tell you; sometimes, we run out of things to say, then we get a sudden epiphany or an inspiration from the people or things around us. Other times, you have things to say but you question its validity. Considering everyone has their own personal opinion on that thing that you’re about to write on, yet you’re putting your opinion out there for it to be judged. It’s a tough hobby this one, but fun all the same because you put your mind out there.

Where the old school people at? Remember Soul II Soul’s – Back to Life? They had such cool rhythms and flows then, that when you think of a word, the lyrics all come flowing, even if you’re poor at cramming lyrics like I am. I just thought of “back to life” and the next thing that came along was “back to reality” and a tune to back it up. Also, made me think of LPs and how cool they were and if they’re available anymore, even on the olx.com.gh’s of this world, they’d make good keepsake’s now. Took me back for a moment there.

Anyhow, I divert. This weekend we did our 1st traditional visit – I was in the clouds, now I’m back to life. You know where the fiancé comes over with his boys and his uncles to book his girl (for lack of a better way to say it), state their intentions and discuss the way forward in terms of dowry and the marriage that follows. It was a new experience and quite interesting too given the . Life is about learning, unlearning and re-learning – that’s one thing I appreciate about it. There are things they never teach you in school and this weekend I got a dose of what they didn’t teach me, our culture and its importance.

I always wondered why folks made a big deal about the culture. I didn’t think it’s necessary at some point, I thought it was just a way of them making the process hard for you, you know like their parents did. At the mention of culture I cringed, because of the stories I’ve heard. Stories about the bride’s family extorting the groom’s family. I always wondered why people in the western world just went ahead and dated, engaged and got married without any internal processes taking place. Maybe I got that wrong, because I’ve never actually been in one or know a friend who told me the story, it’s what I saw in movies.

I won’t lie, I wasn’t nervous at first because I know my family. I know my parents, my aunties and my uncles, but the more I let the thought of “what if the stories I hear come closer home”, I started becoming nervous. Then I expressed my fear to my parents and aunts and I loved how they taught me this lesson.

Like a girl attending a basics class on tradition and culture 101, they first explained to me how theirs went down. They were all so funny, because none of them were even there, their parents are the ones who carried out the process because they were far but had identified their spouses, but for them to go ahead and get married, the families first had to meet, know where each other is from and create a bond. And this is what the introduction, dowry and many other process did.

Every society has a culture. Culture is made up of traditions, beliefs, and ways of life, from the most spiritual to the most material. It gives us meaning, a way of leading our lives. Without which we’ll lose ourselves and the core of who we really are. Culture is just not another adornment or accessory that we human beings can use, it’s what makes us human. Culture helps us to define our relationships and engagements with our immediate family and the society at large. It’s also what helps us grow the bond between the different societies, by allowing them to identify with others of similar mindsets and backgrounds. The meeting and mutual respect between two different cultures and how they merge to become one big family.

This weekend, I am proud that my family finally connected with my fiancé’s family and that by living up to our different cultures, we were united. And truth be told, now that it all makes so much sense, when I have kids, I will make sure that we do the same. It’s something to be proud of, especially when done with respect and love … it depicts appreciation to the parents for raising you and that you still want your family (from both sides) to be a part of you. This was just the beginning of many more to come, looking forward.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

 

You’ve Got To Start Somewhere

The other day I bumped into one of my childhood friends and as we were catching up, we start talking about how it is living on our own. I’m slightly older than she is so I’d been out in the woods a little longer. This got me thinking of my journey, because I just didn’t wake up one day and find myself where I am today, I ain’t no rocket.

I started somewhere. That somewhere sure wasn’t the top either. You know how we sing along to that “started from the bottom, now we’re here” song in the club, it pretty much comes to perspective. I haven’t reached there yet, but at least I believe I’m on the right tangent that’ll eventually lead me there, my own house.

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Back to where I started, she asked me about my 1st house. First, my 1st house was like a miracle, because I looked for it out of desperation. I wasn’t being chased out of home per se, but my parents were moving to a place that was going to be a little too far from my work place. Plus, I was going back to school, so the commute would have taken a toll on me. Basically, the only other solution was to get a place and move out. I honestly never imagined that moving out would require such little convincing, I thought my dad would flatly refuse. I searched around and through my mums network I was directed to an SQ at Ngumo. I liked the house despite it having its shortfalls – water issues, the bathroom was outside (gave me the creeps a couple of times), zero natural light into the house, overnight rent inflation, non-refunded deposit and so on.

How I furnished the house, I recall, I didn’t get everything at once, but I had saved enough to pay my deposit, rent and shop for necessary items. I also had my little monthly income (weh, that was an experience on learning how to manage the little you have…lol). I worked with a list that indicated things in order of priority. For instance, I sat on cushions and watched movies on my laptop the 1st few months (so a couch and TV were bottom on the list). I got some “hand me downs” from my mum, while my dad played a huge role in sponsoring and ensuring that I acquired the things that were flagged *important* especially those pertaining to food – his biggest worry was that I should be able to cook and store my food when it remains, so for him a cooker and fridge were top priority (it’s funny when I think of it now).

All the same, I loved my little first house, I made it habitable. Time came for me to move out of there after a year and some months when my landlord experienced some issue with the main landlord (rental house issues). It was unexpected, and looking for a house is no easy feat. I prayed about it and voila, asking around, my friend linked me up with an agent in Kilimani who showed me a house that I fell in love with at first sight. It solved all the problems I had with my first SQ. This one was an extension with water than never run out; normal internal bathrooms; signed agreement – no rent inflation and deposit is refunded minus maintenance; excess light, with a sun roof in my bedroom, it’s like the landlord was going green; much bigger, everything fit perfectly.

Somewhere along the way, in as much as I loved my little light haven, I felt like I was growing out of it. Like I would like to move in to a bigger space, that’s not within someone’s compound, an apartment. I respected my feeling and urge to look for another house. After a few searches here and consultations there, a prayer and some more, I found the house I now live in. It’s just what I wanted. Now the next feeling, I sense it from afar, is to own a house.

Just like I found my way around different houses that meet my growing needs, or just like I progressed from one stage to another and learnt along the way, that’s how life is in general. My inner being nudges me to grow in the different spheres of my life and pushes me to seek for more even when it almost seems impossible. I believe that’s how you #ChaseYourDreams. With dreams, they don’t come easy, you’ve got to start somewhere.

Happy Hump Day!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Million Dollar Question?

Even after I said “YES”, the first question that ran through my mind was, “how did you know the size of my finger?” I was too curious, because that would have been my only selling point.

The story, now that’s the question everyone has been asking of late. I’m not the best at narrating the same story over and over. But it seems for this season that I’m in, I need to get used to it and, that this bling sure does bring a lot of attention. I didn’t see myself in this phase this soon, and maybe that’s why the mister managed to sneak away with it. I was being very futuristic, I didn’t want to give him pressure in as much as all of you out there gave me pressure *looks at you, you and you*. I just wanted to go with the flow.

And with the flow I went. He’s a sneaky one, because on that Saturday 19th April, it was my turn on the rotter to work. He diligently dropped me at work, no signs whatsoever except him booking me for the day and night. All through work, I felt like I was in a daze, which made me think with the weather change I could be in the process of catching a cold. However, I wrote a post too, it was too pressing, I had learnt a couple of things that week through him and with him. Time to go home, I call him just to give him a heads up, and he offers to come back and pick me up. He’d done this a couple of times before so again, it felt normal.

When he picks me up, he hands me a gift bag and inside is perfume. WOW! He had chosen a yummy scent that I immediately adopted as My Scent. I was still in a daze. Let me explain the state, “happy and floaty for no reason, so it just feels a little awkward”. Does that make some sense?

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So we go grab something to bite and go home to watch some flicks looking forward to dinner. This Easter was pretty chilled out with no out-of-town plans (contrary to what we had earlier planned). So I was looking forward to the food, he was clearly looking forward to other grander things. If only I knew. I would have bought a new dress…lol. When evening reaches, he nudges me and tells me to dress-up. With his special line “we can’t be late for this one.” You know we women and our delaying tactics, I got it from my mum.  I was on time this time round, funny enough I didn’t even  give him a hard time getting dressed up. Normally I’d be in jeans but that day, I was very willing to dress up.

Out we went, where? “It’s a surprise,” he says. We check in to Serena and I’m like aha, but the “Captains Table at The Mandhari Restaurant” AHA! I only see all that attention in movies. And the attention is from when you check in to when you’re leaving the building. God bless those lovely waiters.  With a whole bottle of Moet to ourselves, if I knew what was going on, I’d have had a photographer on speed-dial. We just had make do with what we had by ourselves and the new fad – selfies to make memories. I loved the privacy, he knows me too well.

KawiSnippets, Engaged

1. I, very clueless  2. The Mandhari Restaurant Menu 3. Moet, 4. So sparkly, champagne ain’t the yummiest beverage at first but the taste grows on you. 5. The Master of selfies, takes us one. 6. Healthy starter – with wheat, nuts and all things healthy. 7. Mushroom Soup 8. Chicken Soup, 9. with a Quail egg to compliment (even with all the hype, I’d never eaten one yet, there’s a 1st for everything) – It had a name, I can’t remember. 10. Chefs special – Shrimp (with things in it) – I could have eaten more of those, too yummy for just one. 11. Creamy Au Gratin Potatoes – Pure yumminess in a cup plate. I’m now a potato person – being the person who hated potatoes in her food, but with cheese & butter anything is possible. 12. Pork Ribs. 13. Lamb Chops. 14, 15, 16. Those are two happy & grateful people.

It looks like my main word is yummy. It’s either yummy or not yummy. In a nut shell that’s how the evening went down of course followed with a nigh-out with a couple we look up to (not the parents haha, Mr & Mrs Ngigi). I was overwhelmed with joy. Too overwhelmed that we forgot to take pics of the dessert which the waiter said “comes served very hot.” Eh it was hot when she flung open the lid and I saw petals, a box ring and my boyfriend down on one knee.

No, I didn’t cry, not just yet. I think I was too surprised that he decided that it’s about time he “put a ring on my fatty-fatty finger”. I had asked God to give me someone I’ll be ready to spend the rest of my interesting life with. And with him, I felt that this was it. We have been together through the murks and the light as well, we’re growing together, we try up lift each other when either of us is down, we share the same values, beliefs and principles, he loves me all the time, even when I get to his nerves – like when I give completely wrong directions. He’s my all-weather friend. What more could I ask for? I am thankful to God that he’s taken his time to bring closer to me my life partner and we’re on the same page.

Engagement

For the next chapter, there’s no pressure. We’ll arrange it how we know it best, with the help of those who want the best for us. In all honesty, I’m the most clueless of bride-to-be, but we’ll sail through with God’s blessings. Can’t wait for that day and the lifetime to follow though.

To him,

Have a lovely week, now won’t you? To a wonderful journey we’ll have on here. Lot’s of love, light & peace from us to you.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

1st Date: Figuring Him Out

I had done as a Guest Post on Here while ago. I knew a time would come when I’d re-post it. This is it.

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The other day, a mutual friend I share with the boyfriend and who’s one of my best friends asked me, “how did you know he was serious?”The question did catch me off-guard and all I responded was, “he told me so”. Then I thought that’s pretty stupid of me considering actions speak louder than words. I felt that maybe I need to explain to her a little further on how it transpired. Just so that she’s not told by someone who’s trying to woe her, that he’s serious, get’s into it and he turns out to be a douche. I am very territorial when it comes to people I love and I never want to see them get hurt. If only it was in my ability.

So this is what transpired. I was single for a while, in this time I met all kind of guys and from each I met, even if nothing was intended per se, I would kind of size them up then ask myself, “can I handle this one or is this the kind of person I want to be with for the rest of my life?”.  Yes, I was sizing up anyone who showed interest in me and it’s the answer to this BIG question that used to slap me back to reality. The reality that told me, “keep off”. It even got to a point my family and friends wondered if I was serious and I would get worried lectures. In my head, I’m like; “it’s me who’s in the playground, not you”. Of course I didn’t tell them that but I totally downplayed the situation.

Sad thing then but good thing now, is I knew what I wanted in a guy. So when I didn’t see it coming, why bother? I wasn’t looking for perfection because I know there isn’t but there are those basic things I wanted to see and experience, that is commitment, ambition, openness and attraction not necessarily in that order but at least they should be featured. Commitment,  in his relationships and work. Ambition in the sense that he’s working towards something, he’s visionary. Openness in that he feel obliged to share with me everything in his past and present, it boils down to respect and humility. Attraction, nothing is happening if there’s none. From how he talks, looks, basically how he is, physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s like a magnet, you either attract or repel.

When I met my boyfriend (sounds like a novel story), I had known him from a while back but we had never had conversation past hi and probably, “it’s a pleasure meeting you”. In my mind, I had decided that I’m going on a sabbatical from men – no dates, no meet up’s etcetera and while at I was praying for a man, my man. I mean, I don’t want to grow old and grey alone, who does? I think I was just fed up by a certain breed of men that I kept attracting. The kind that didn’t fulfil the basic requirements of the man I’d like to be with. It was not amusing, if anything it was quite disheartening. So, even when we started chatting, I was just doing it because he was (still is) pretty interesting. We’re like kindred spirits, so our conversations were in sync. I am not the best at keeping in touch especially via chat or text but he knew how to get me responding and hooked while at it. Then we meet up for date 1 and all my basic requirements bulb lights just blink tick, tick, tick, tick. If I could, I would have asked him out, but I’m traditional, so I took a chill pill.

We talked about everything and anything there was to talk about. I don’t know if there’s a date rule for don’t tell him/her everything on the first date. We went all out, you know like, disgusting example but it’s the best I can think of to describe the situation right now. You know how you feel like farting and you have to hold it in for a while because … ‘lady in the streets’ and when you reach the bathroom or a secluded place you let it all out with such relief. That’s how it was, such a relief and the “fart” went something like, “I’ve finally met you, I don’t have anything to lose, so let me just let it all out … take me as I am or leave me.” That’s how I knew he was serious. The fact that he knew what he wanted, he wanted me and made that pretty clear without a wince or a doubt. I mean what else do I want to hear? If that wasn’t God playing match maker, I don’t know, because apparently he’d also been praying for woman, his woman.

1st Anniversary

1st gig together … 1 year later

It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s definitely worth the stay in the park. In the park, there are banana split rides, roller coasters, all with their highs and lows. We are different, each with our own strengths and weakness that get us to be so mad at each other but also get us to be so in love with each other.  Balancing the highs and lows is very important. We’re as real as we get especially with each other. If you make me mad, you do and I let you know. If you make me happy, you do and I let you know, if it gets boring, it is, we figure what to do to make it more interesting. It’s not as easy as it sounds written but I’m happy I have someone to experience this with. My overlycool. You LIVE, you LEARN, you LOVE.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Simplicity Equals Functionality

Normally, I don’t go back to read on what I have written before, because it’s awkward reading what I’ve written. You know the same way it’s awkward listening to your voice. I don’t know if you find it awkward, do you? I already know I wouldn’t make a good radio presenter. I cringe when I hear my voice somewhere in an audio/video (not that it’s bad, don’t burst my bubble just yet, it’s just … awkward).

Anyhow, I decided to just go back and see what I’m usually on about and I figured I really underestimate myself. I still don’t think I’m really good at whatever I do. I’m confident I can do it, but that’s just about where it ends.  Looking back, I actually do say things that make sense even days and years after.

I forget what I wrote about, when I wrote it, why I wrote it and what I was going through when I wrote it.

Every post has its account. There’s a reason I decide to take a particular angle and not another or why one I decide to say this and not that. Maybe that’s why I don’t revisit them, because I go through a situation, learn my lesson and move on. But I have come to realize that most of the stuff that happens in most cases is not new. It’s the same old experience regenerating itself, in a lesser or a greater way. And the same lessons you learnt then, are the same lessons you learn now. Only difference is that maybe your maturity level has increased and you’re able to handle the situation better.

This could be anything ranging from family, friendships, relationships, career, personal experiences, or general life things. The posts are also a reminder that I’ve grown, even how I process things. I like it when people read the articles and interpret the story by themselves without trying to figure out why I wrote what I did or what drove that thought. I love it when someone can relate a story to their life and even more when it helps them through a situation. Many at times, I also look for inspirations from others through their books, blogs and conversations.

In other related news, one of my “new year” i.e. Birthday resolutions, was to make my life more functional. To me, functionality = simplicity. You can use sites such as OLX Free Classifieds to fix something or buy something that’s functional and reduce the clutter, then you have made your life a little simpler.

Kawi Snippets

That couch – got a carpenter to make one for me, can’t wait for it + the decor on there is just it … ideas). Fixed a cupboard my mum had handed down to me, now it looks fancier. Finally got a cooker – baking can become a reality.

For some reason, I like keeping stuff, but at the same time, I hate clutter and I value space. When I gave this some thought, I figured what I needed is functionality, hence the resolutions. Now, have yourself a lovely 4-day week and #ChaseYourDream.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Growing Up With Eczema

 Eczema is a term for a group of medical conditions that cause the skin to become inflamed or irritated. The most common type of eczema is known as atopic dermatitis, or atopic eczema. Atopic refers to a group of diseases with an often inherited tendency to develop other allergic conditions, such as asthma and hay fever. Source

I was just explaining to my friend how I grew up with a bad case of atopic eczema and I thought, maybe I should let you in on that one too. It all started when I was barely 2 months. That’s when my eczema broke out as my mum would tell me. It was dermatologist to dermatologist to figure out what was going on because I would have insistent rushes on my body. They established it was atopic eczema but none of them gave proper treatment that would cure the skin allergies. It got worse every time the weather changed or I wore certain kinds of clothing.

Boshori, Child Headgear

She told me how she once bought a cute woolen headgear (otherwise known as “boshori”). She was so excited to have it on me,  little did she know that my delicate skin was not so welcoming to certain cloth materials. As cute as it looked, it looked even cuter on me, but the itching was in excess and when she got it off, there was a collection of rushes on any part of my face the headgear had touched.

In most of my kid photo’s, my skin was patched, a little lighter here, darker there, rushy here. It was not pretty (at least that’s what I felt then), not on pictures and I guess not in person too. I think I plucked & hid so many pictures from the album so that my friends don’t see them and make rough comments or ask who that was. It reached a point after many appointments and many ointments, that she decided to take matters to her own hands. She’s nurse by profession, a good one at that. She did her concoctions and somehow, it worked for the better part of my life. It would heal then recur with seasons (when it’s hot, when it’s cold), environmental changes (occurrence of pollen, dust), food (we tried weaning off many foods – dairy, wheat, protein, but never quite identified anything I was allergic to), clothes materials (wool, silk, net). I had somehow already gotten used to it.

The eczema was mainly on my face and joints (back of my legs, on my hands, neck – technically, the rashes would appear anywhere but those were the most concentrated areas). How I handled it? I think I owe it to my mum because it would’ve easily been worse. She explained to me from a young age what eczema was and what it wasn’t. She told me it wasn’t contagious and it wasn’t a disease (contrary to what other kids would tell me in school). She told me it was allergy, allergy to certain things which we were slowly discovering together. Of course sometimes I would turn a blind eye to things I was told to avoid. Like when I was told to avoid eggs. I was that kid at birthday’s asking, “does the cake have eggs”, it was always yes, but I sneaked a bite or two. You can only deny a kid so much.

It became my way of life and I got used to it. When it recurred, I would apply the ointments then it subsides and life goes on. At some point, I used to thank God it’s eczema I have and not something else. I came to accept it. Even though at times when the skin gets dry & flaky I’d try conceal it. Sometimes I’d just expose and prepare myself to explain to anyone who asked why my arms have rashes or my face patches. It was the story of my life.

In high school, I got away with eating special diet and not touching dirty water, which meant I didn’t do difficult duties. Reason, I was “allergic” to them. I didn’t even have to get a note from the doctor as it was evident on the skin. I kinda used it to my advantage. By then I was so used to managing it, since I always had my ointments with me. Also lotions were a no-no, most of them were watery which didn’t get along with my skin. So Vaseline and it’s variants worked just fine. Make up, also a no-no, because I could easily react to the chemicals.

Then for some reason, I out grew it. The eczema cleared off. My skin color became even, no patches. There was no trace of eczema. Isn’t that miraculous? Sometimes I get a slight reaction and it bugs me. The small doses of it – from small rashes from reactions to the unknown, allergies (eye itches, sneezing), but they’re manageable and containable. Sometimes, I forget what it felt like to be that girl with heavy rash patches on my joints. It’s easy to forget, when you can pose for a pic with flawless skin or zero patches. I don’t take it for granted, because at one point in my life, I experienced the stigma that comes with eczema.

If you’re going through that phase, you’ll get past it, it’s not permanent and even if it is, that’s just part of who you are. Visit a good dermatologist (in my 27 years I’ve never gotten one that I can vouch for), get an ointment that your skin approves of (and that’s devoid of steroids or that you can apply systematically), an oil that blends with your skin and let it run its course. Don’t let it affect your personality or self-esteem. Those that love you, will look past your skin.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Life Happens

No, life is not what happens when you’re busy making plans because plans are part of what is life is about. Only problem is that the plans that we make here (on earth, that is) sometimes don’t match the plans that our maker has (or had) for us. Does that mean you don’t make plans? No, it doesn’t. It just means we make plans knowing that our plans are not the ultimate ones. That they will not necessarily turn out to be what we wanted them to be, because they sometimes could conflict with what our maker has in store for us.

*** Life happens.

Sometimes the maker’s plans, works for us and other times against us. For us, when we are successful in how we planned it out and then some more. When a simple software program made in your dorm room becomes the most sought after program in the world. When anyone purchases a device, the one program they want to install without a doubt is, Facebook (and now WhatsApp, lucky chap). His plans, they totally worked out for him. I used the most universally known example for it to make sense. Don’t we all want to be the next Mark Zuckerberg in our different capacities. A young over-achiever? Especially when it comes to your career or whatever it is your passionate about, Oprah or Gordon Ramsay among very many other, did it too.

But unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that for everyone. It’s different for each person. Everyone’s’ plan is architectured differently. You’d find that most of the people who built the software programs with Mark Zuckerberg or those that assisted in its roll out in one way or another are not on his much admired lane. They’re in different lanes; some are successful in their other ventures, others are struggling to find their breaking point, others are not there any more, others are just, well, just there.

***  Life happens.

Then there’s the complete downside of life, the loss of it. Your future could seem oh-so bright. And as you see yourself getting where you’ve always wanted to be, then your life is cut short. I have seen some friends lose life at such a tender age. You know when you have so much working out for you or in your favor. It just doesn’t make sense. Why would your maker get you to that level, then yank you out of the face of the earth before your revel in it, through accidents, terminal illnesses among other causes. Doesn’t he know that you have people who look up to you, people who love you, people who don’t necessarily love you but admire your ambitious self and people who don’t know you, but know about you and the potential you have (or had, now that you’ve been yanked out). Painful, huh?

***  Life happens.

The saddest or scariest part is that you just don’t know what happens after life happens. Even now as you live, you don’t know. You know the next thing you want for yourself, but you don’t know the next thing the maker wants from you, for you or with you. Sadly, “the world is not our home we are just passing through”. It’s not something that we’ll probably ever accept or even quite understand, but since the length of our visit is unnumbered and our time here is unknown, let’s make use of what we have and make the best out of it. Ain’t it?

“Let’s not limit ourselves :-

  • Plan like you’re living for many years and years to come that you die of old age;
  • Love like your life depends on what or who you’re loving on;
  • Learn all you can – there’s no excess learning but there’s ignorance which is not bliss;
  • Laugh when something’s funny, even when others don’t get the joke, they’re probably slow, they’ll catch up;
  • Eat healthy when you can, junk when you can’t, basically, don’t starve yourself;
  • Work hard and have some good fun while at it;
  • Dance like you’re the best even if you have two left legs;
  • Allow yourself to entertain and be entertained;
  • Treasure your family and friends, they are priceless! Always make them feel like a million bucks while you have them around and while they have you around;
  • Pamper yourself once in many whiles, because you’ll always deserve it.
  • Express yourself and stand for what you believe in, even when they don’t get you, they eventually will.”
  • Lastly, selfies will make you happy for a moment. Take a moment, take a selfie!

~ Kawiria

*** Because, that’s how life happens.

Selfies, #TeamSelfies

Selfies are good for your SUNity!

Wishing you nothing short of a blessed weekend, with a dose of SUNshine to light up your life xo!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Big Chop

I chopped my hair. All of it. Ok, not the baldy-like chop, but more than 3/4 of it went down. I had been thinking about it for the longest time. This is me when I want something, I talk about it, like really talk about it. I talk about it to anyone who’s willing to hear. I create scenarios, see the pros and cons, get opinions (not that I take all of them in, but I listen) and all that comes with talking about it. It kind of helps me in making my decisions (good or bad, but I believe most are good). You know someone might know something I don’t, and I’m there plunging in to the same hole that they’re stuck in. Well, shows I’m not quite the risk taker, I try to mitigate them as much as I can, then take it up – different strokes for different folks. While at it,  I also talk about it to those who are close to me, to sell the idea even if it comes out vaguely. Then once I feel like it’s sold even without their knowledge, boom! Decision made – I do it. It’s good to know thy self.

black hair, chopped hair

Chop…chop…chop…because what’s a selfie-collage without a duck face.

Anyhow, with a different look, comes different questions. The first thing my hair-dresser asked me when I told him I’m booking an appointment for us to deal with my hair is, “have you been dumped” and “are you going through something bad”. Not knowing, that’s what everyone else will ask or imagine. I feel like I have to defend my hair chop. While the only reason I did it is *drum rolls* so that I can stand under the shower and have water run through my hair – true story. Plus I mean, I get to reduce on the ridiculous amounts of money and time I spent in the salon. It’s such a relief, you’re allowed to envy me.

Of course this whole process got me thinking about what the big deal in hair is. Now I can say, if only you asked me my opinion of hair a few months days actually back. It’s just hair. You cut it, then it grows, thank God. That’s a great gift by the way. The value or fear we put in our hair lengths is amusing. I was cringing at the thought of how I’d look in chopped hair. I was even saying if it backfires, my plaiting lady should be on stand-by then she could braid me long enough to conceal this look. I searched for my head shape and how people look when they have short hair I love my forehead. LOL. They all looked lovely, I think the thought of wanting my hair chopped had blinded me by then. Even on the streets, I was already seeing so many women with short hair do looking lovely, my mum topping it up.

Well, I feel good, really good. At least it felt good standing under the shower head and my hair touching water without me wincing. For those who know me, this is BIG, such a BIG and strange change. No one would have ever imagined me in short dyed hair, me too. It’s good to surprise yourself and others (waiting to see my folks reactions, my sisters was priceless, my boyfriend, he had to come to terms with in a very smart and loving way) once in a while. Now that the thought (which was becoming more of a burden and I was tired of carrying it around) has been executed and it doesn’t look bad, at least in my books. I can continue thinking and talking of other strange and unbelievable things I want to do, then they happen.

black hair, chopped hair

Rocking it short and natural!

PS: A tick off my unwritten bucket list.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

While Away…

Grabs door handle, slowly pushes it open and peeks into the room engulfed in darkness as the poor squeaky door begs for some grease and constant use. Inside, cob webs hang pretty like chandeliers and boy aren’t the arachnids and insects having a field day. It’s a party up in there, until the pooper pops in with the a dusting broom *sneeze…cough*. Dem! That was one-hell-of-a mound of dust!

woman-opening-door

You know when you’ve been away for a while, but somehow you want that when you come back there’s someone home still waiting for you. This is me hoping that there’s someone still here. I hope you’ve been well though? Sometimes life is just too fast-paced or almost complicated that we are unable for one reason or another to just chill out and smell the coffee or jot down a post.

While away, I was thinking about ‘anonymity’ or ‘getting yourself out there’. There are times you want to be that person under the rock. Living in your own world the way you know best. No one is looking at you or up to you, no one wants to know what’s going on, you’re just as private as you get. You want to look at the world, but you don’t want to look back at you. That’s being anonymous. Then there are other times, you want to be that person standing on the same rock. You want people to see you for who you are, for them to know that you’re there, look up to you for your strengths, look for you even. That’s getting yourself out there.

We tend to think that either of the two actions are linked to your personality. Like if you’re the introvert, you’re most likely into being anonymous and if you’re the extrovert, you’re want to get yourself out there. Well, I think it’s more about how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking of yourself at a particular time or moment, more than it is someone’s personality which almost a constant. At least I tend to think that of myself. If it’s personality wise, then I am an in-between-er, with a little more extrovert traits than introvert traits – then again, nah, that sounds so serious.

I want to ‘get myself out there’ when I am confident in myself, who I am and what I do. I can comfortably say it without having doubts in what I am saying, because I can always back it up with my actions. I don’t mind someone complimenting me or looking up to me, because if I were them, I would also feel the same about me. It’s me on a high, with the “I can’t take up anything that comes my way, just bring it on” attitude. And it somehow translates to my mood as well, that’s the day I’m all chatty, smiley, splashed with colour, you know just out there.

It’s like a woman, a pretty woman to be precise (not that I say there are any ugly ones). You know women with make-up, we put it on to make us feel a little more beautiful. It enhances some of our features or conceals some others, basically it helps us flatter ourselves. When you compliment a woman’s look with her make-up on, if she believes in herself, she’ll be take in the compliment and it’ll make her feel better about herself – if she could, she would conquer the world. But when she doesn’t believe in herself, she’ll think you just complimented her because she has make-up on and not because she actually really looks the part – she’ll go back to the mirror to confirm what you just said or there’s a possibility of some lipstick stain on her tooth.

The times that I want to be anonymous, is when I’m just flatly unsure of myself, you know not sure what I’m up to or about  – lots of self-doubt, kinda like the woman who goes back to the mirror.  I want to crawl under that rock and stay there until I can figure myself out. I don’t want people to see me for what I’m not, or something I don’t want be. I don’t want someone to look up to me where I’m also not getting it right, I want to get it right first or be sure that I’m on the right course. Definitely me on my low, I just want to keep to myself and share the least possible with people.

For a moment there I was trying to be anonymous and it’s not working. I miss being here, and now I’m getting out there again. For the one – two compliments on the snippets, thank you! It definitely made me think it’s about time I just gathered my wits, changed the music I was listening to (same playlist for a couple of days, OK weeks, maybe that another way I deal with my kind of low) and go back to sharing my thoughts.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Things Undone

With the current trend of the internet you wonder if there’s anything unthought, untold or unwritten. Basically, anything you try search for on the internet, someone has either thought it and searched it (because it would automatically give you options of what you intend to type out based on searches done before or what the database holds and goes ahead to ask you “Did you mean something alternative” if what you typed is not what they have), talked or written about it and if it’s doesn’t get weird enough, they’ve probably sang about it.

This got me thinking about things undone. What has not yet been done? Because most of the time we say, “don’t reinvent the wheel”. Any time you want to come up with ideas, strategies, policies, solutions … something, anything. Of course some situations have already been researched on and turned into methodologies that set the standards of how certain things should be done, in a certain systematic or procedural way. Then there are those things you can do based on your free will. Given that opportunity, you wonder how to exercise your own free will. You want to go back to the internet and see what others have done. Maybe borrow a thing or two, or more. Others will even opt to, you know, copy paste the damn thing, because free will – why am I re-inventing the wheel. It even makes you feel like what you’re thinking or what you just said is wrong or uncool, because someone else did it differently.

There are things that are not yet done. Not yet done, at least by you. Just because someone else has done something that you had wanted to do, doesn’t mean that you also don’t it for yourself or for others. The fact that you have gone ahead to it, that only, makes it different. You know that saying, “different strokes for different folks” . After all, great minds think alike ain’t it? But doesn’t mean that they execute the thought the same way. With all the people in this world, chances are that you’re not going to be the only one thinking what you’re thinking. The difference between you and the other person(s), is who actually does it and how they do it. God is a clever one, I don’t know how he created us to be so similar yet so different. It baffles me.

Many are the times I am sharing an experience with friends and they’ve gone through the same experience I have. The situations, circumstances, actions and outcomes might have been different but the thought that drove us to doing whatever it was, was the same. Nothing amazes me as much as that does. Most of the time I find it unbelievable. It’s like God is trying to communicate that you’re special, but then again you’re not too special to be going through something alone, good or bad. Everyone is given an opportunity to be, to be in their own special (different) way despite the similarities.

There are so many things I think, I say, I write and I eventually want to do. Nothing is special per se or really out of this world, most of them have been done by others, but when I think of it that way, it’s not motivating at all. So, I’m leading myself to thinking and believing that despite them being done by others, there are so many things I haven’t yet done. And if I don’t do those things, I will regret not doing them at one point or another.

Things Not Done

I just need to PUSH my self a little to the EDGE of the cliff because I’m sort of GLUED to where I’m currently STANDING and get the courage to JUMP and FLY, even though I am SCARED of heights or what the DEPTHS of the cliff might HOLD. Things have got to be done.

An almost similar post I had done earlier, Into the Unknown. As I was writing, I just figured this feeling sounds a bit too familiar. Like something I’d have thought, said or written before. It wasn’t such a far-fetched thought.

Signing Off ~~ *Kawi*