Tag Archive | Relationships

Irreplaceable Values in Friendships

I have been silent, guilty as charged. I’ve also felt it. It wasn’t by choice as the other areas of my life were seeking pretty much a huge chunk of my attention. The remaining 10% of which I could have stolen a chance to write, mostly in the evenings, I dozed off, watched a movie with the mister (which means, dozed off) or hosted friends over for dinner (which means, mini-party). However, I’m 100% well, which I’m thankful for, and so are the people dear to me. It feels like we should say AMEN already.

In other news, remember the What Next post. Well, I’m planning to make sure I have answers to your ‘what next’ questions about my life plans. You know things like, “when’s the wedding”. Now that we’re starting on the traditional bit, that’s some good progress. Truth be told, I never imagined that I’ll be thinking such big things (like marriage and a wedding) this soon. I smile every time I remember that we have a wedding to plan, yet I have no clue how to go about it. But that should never be a bother, we have a wealth of experience around us – to think we already have a designer and wedding planner in the family.

I remember the mister once telling me that I was the 1st girlfriend to actually take him to a wedding or traditional wedding (ruracio). Sometimes I have goldfish memory, but that one stuck in my mind. For once, when he told me (I must’ve just aww’ed then, however this is the real feeling), I felt like I have made a difference in my partner’s life. In an insignificant way to me (because to me, it was just another traditional wedding or wedding) but in a significant way to him (because to him, it’s something he’d always wanted to do but an opportunity had never presented itself). On the upside, at least he never got an old person poking him and telling him “you’re next”. Now, he has a person to point to if that questions ever comes his way.

Just before you wonder what I value in our friendrelationship, let me tell you just one before I drop down a long list. He was my first cooking and now baking buddy. He taught me how to grill (or basically use the oven) – at least I’d mastered the pan, so food-wise he was sorted out. We also baked our first cupcakes together – Google was the teacher. No pans or sufuria’s have been thrown to the other in the process so far. That’s a good thing, considering we still cooperate even when the recipes get confusing or when one thinks they can do it better than the other but figure how to accommodate each other’s expertise.

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That got me thinking of values. Do you ever think of what value you add to the person(s) you meet or the people you spend your days with? Because what’s friendship if you don’t add some value to someone? If you don’t feed off each other? Yes, friendship is a symbiotic relationship. I usually say that if I meet someone and we hit it off, at least let us have a conversation that will somehow build each in one way or another, even if for humors sake. Like leave someone laughing their guts out or happy about themselves or what they do.

What makes someone irreplaceable is not who they are or seem to be as individuals, but the value they bring to your life, even if for the moment you interact with them.

There are people you meet and you feel like they’re sucking the life out of you, like you’re offering too much of yourself yet you’re getting nothing in return. While there are others you meet that speak life into you and the moment you part ways, you feel reenergized, and given a chance, you’d not want to let them go. What are those things you value in your friendships?

Happy Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

What Are You Doing For Others?

Just imagine you’re on traffic and you want to join the next lane, but this person keeps on blocking you from joining his lane. Annoying right? Well your mind goes on an overdrive, “*throws some curse words their way* stingy blocker, they just don’t want me to prosper.” That’s what runs through your mind, no? At least that’s what we say about the people who just can’t bare seeing you ahead of them or successful.

Then, there’s this person that just paves the way for you. You indicated that you want to join his lane and he just gives you way struggle-free and life moves on. Not that you deserve it, they’re either just generally courteous or they felt that desire to momentarily put their needs aside and give you a hand in handling yours. Sometimes you’re the road hog and you think that your business is more important than the other persons’, or that you are more deserving (which means, at that moment you think they’re not).

We forget to then that reason we get through a couple of circumstances is because someone somewhere paved the way for you. Not necessarily giving you way in traffic, but that counts too. Like going out of their way to make sure that you’re sorted out if you had an issue; taking time out of their tight schedule to be there for you, it could be through a visit, a call, a text saying “hi” or simply, liking their Facebook status; finding out what disturbing your friend/acquaintance and giving them your ear even if for a moment; biting the bullet for your team-mate and walking with them through a tough situation.

This may go unnoticed. Actually, in most cases it always does, at least by the public, but it makes a humongous difference for the person directly impacted. You that feeling when the person in traffic paves way for you and you want to; get out of the car and shake his hand, or wave frantically, or give them a big “THANK YOU” shout out. Now imagine if we generated that kind of feeling in all the places we grace or the people we rub shoulders with?

Kawi Snippets, Paving The Way

Doing something for someone (small or big) without necessarily expecting recognition or a return of the favor, but just because you want to see them ease-up and smile, even if for a moment. Those are the things that keep me awake at night. Most of the time.

Happy Hump Day!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Where Did You First Meet?

Have you watched the video by Train – Marry Me? The 1st time I watched it, it made me look back at how I would tell our story. And boy, don’t we all have different stories to tell? They make beautiful memories.

It’s one of those questions you can only escape for so long. Your friends always want to know the story. Even when you feel it sounds boring and you’re tempted to spice it up a little more. There are people with really interesting stories though, truth be told. Some met in a bus or a flight or on transit; others were high-school or campus sweethearts or neighbors or church-mates, while others in random places like supermarkets, barbecues or Facebook (and other social media channels – Instagram, Twitter … name it). Most of these are usually by chance, the world does the magic for you and your lucky stars are aligned for your paths to meet (or cupid for those of you who believe there’s a chubby kid shooting love arrows around). There’s some awww’ness in the versatility of these stories, from the simplest to the complex ones.

I think with our busy schedules these days, it’s possible to miss these chances that used to be our rather obvious ways to meet. I don’t know if it’s because work is more than it used to be or it’s because that’s the kind of life we’ve chosen. But, for some reason most people are too preoccupied to open their eyes and look out for those kind of connections. It doesn’t stop there, someone out there noticed this gap and developed a platform for you. Innovation I tell you. An online dating platform, yes, you heard that right. I know what you’re thinking, I thought that too.

Dating, Relationships, Online Dating

I have always thought online dating sites to be dodgy or for lack of a better word just creepy. We all have that ↑  negative perception about meeting someone online. Plus after watching “Dates from Hell”, you forever have second and third thoughts about ever being on a blind date. Anyhow, back to our dating site, it’s a Kenyan one by the way and the 1st of its kind. Ian Isherwood (Kenyan, born & raised in Mombasa), the founder of the DateMe Kenya, says this idea came about when his friends complained about how hard it is to meet like-minded people in Nairobi when you’re juggling professional responsibilities. He’s seen it work in the Western countries (America and Europe), so why not in Kenya? The site aims to provide an exclusive, hustle-free platform for busy professionals to meet compatible partners and experience quality online dating in a safe, secure and private online environment.

Personally, I still have my reservations. Let’s blame the movies. If I was not taken, my timid self would still stick to the traditional way. I must have either known you or met you somewhere (either by my own means or through friends) but a blind meet, nah nah!

What’s your take on this kind of platform? Do you think it’ll fly in Kenya? Would you be open to meet or search for “your person” online? If someone told you they met their spouse online, what would you think? Do tell.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Million Dollar Question?

Even after I said “YES”, the first question that ran through my mind was, “how did you know the size of my finger?” I was too curious, because that would have been my only selling point.

The story, now that’s the question everyone has been asking of late. I’m not the best at narrating the same story over and over. But it seems for this season that I’m in, I need to get used to it and, that this bling sure does bring a lot of attention. I didn’t see myself in this phase this soon, and maybe that’s why the mister managed to sneak away with it. I was being very futuristic, I didn’t want to give him pressure in as much as all of you out there gave me pressure *looks at you, you and you*. I just wanted to go with the flow.

And with the flow I went. He’s a sneaky one, because on that Saturday 19th April, it was my turn on the rotter to work. He diligently dropped me at work, no signs whatsoever except him booking me for the day and night. All through work, I felt like I was in a daze, which made me think with the weather change I could be in the process of catching a cold. However, I wrote a post too, it was too pressing, I had learnt a couple of things that week through him and with him. Time to go home, I call him just to give him a heads up, and he offers to come back and pick me up. He’d done this a couple of times before so again, it felt normal.

When he picks me up, he hands me a gift bag and inside is perfume. WOW! He had chosen a yummy scent that I immediately adopted as My Scent. I was still in a daze. Let me explain the state, “happy and floaty for no reason, so it just feels a little awkward”. Does that make some sense?

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So we go grab something to bite and go home to watch some flicks looking forward to dinner. This Easter was pretty chilled out with no out-of-town plans (contrary to what we had earlier planned). So I was looking forward to the food, he was clearly looking forward to other grander things. If only I knew. I would have bought a new dress…lol. When evening reaches, he nudges me and tells me to dress-up. With his special line “we can’t be late for this one.” You know we women and our delaying tactics, I got it from my mum.  I was on time this time round, funny enough I didn’t even  give him a hard time getting dressed up. Normally I’d be in jeans but that day, I was very willing to dress up.

Out we went, where? “It’s a surprise,” he says. We check in to Serena and I’m like aha, but the “Captains Table at The Mandhari Restaurant” AHA! I only see all that attention in movies. And the attention is from when you check in to when you’re leaving the building. God bless those lovely waiters.  With a whole bottle of Moet to ourselves, if I knew what was going on, I’d have had a photographer on speed-dial. We just had make do with what we had by ourselves and the new fad – selfies to make memories. I loved the privacy, he knows me too well.

KawiSnippets, Engaged

1. I, very clueless  2. The Mandhari Restaurant Menu 3. Moet, 4. So sparkly, champagne ain’t the yummiest beverage at first but the taste grows on you. 5. The Master of selfies, takes us one. 6. Healthy starter – with wheat, nuts and all things healthy. 7. Mushroom Soup 8. Chicken Soup, 9. with a Quail egg to compliment (even with all the hype, I’d never eaten one yet, there’s a 1st for everything) – It had a name, I can’t remember. 10. Chefs special – Shrimp (with things in it) – I could have eaten more of those, too yummy for just one. 11. Creamy Au Gratin Potatoes – Pure yumminess in a cup plate. I’m now a potato person – being the person who hated potatoes in her food, but with cheese & butter anything is possible. 12. Pork Ribs. 13. Lamb Chops. 14, 15, 16. Those are two happy & grateful people.

It looks like my main word is yummy. It’s either yummy or not yummy. In a nut shell that’s how the evening went down of course followed with a nigh-out with a couple we look up to (not the parents haha, Mr & Mrs Ngigi). I was overwhelmed with joy. Too overwhelmed that we forgot to take pics of the dessert which the waiter said “comes served very hot.” Eh it was hot when she flung open the lid and I saw petals, a box ring and my boyfriend down on one knee.

No, I didn’t cry, not just yet. I think I was too surprised that he decided that it’s about time he “put a ring on my fatty-fatty finger”. I had asked God to give me someone I’ll be ready to spend the rest of my interesting life with. And with him, I felt that this was it. We have been together through the murks and the light as well, we’re growing together, we try up lift each other when either of us is down, we share the same values, beliefs and principles, he loves me all the time, even when I get to his nerves – like when I give completely wrong directions. He’s my all-weather friend. What more could I ask for? I am thankful to God that he’s taken his time to bring closer to me my life partner and we’re on the same page.

Engagement

For the next chapter, there’s no pressure. We’ll arrange it how we know it best, with the help of those who want the best for us. In all honesty, I’m the most clueless of bride-to-be, but we’ll sail through with God’s blessings. Can’t wait for that day and the lifetime to follow though.

To him,

Have a lovely week, now won’t you? To a wonderful journey we’ll have on here. Lot’s of love, light & peace from us to you.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

1st Date: Figuring Him Out

I had done as a Guest Post on Here while ago. I knew a time would come when I’d re-post it. This is it.

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The other day, a mutual friend I share with the boyfriend and who’s one of my best friends asked me, “how did you know he was serious?”The question did catch me off-guard and all I responded was, “he told me so”. Then I thought that’s pretty stupid of me considering actions speak louder than words. I felt that maybe I need to explain to her a little further on how it transpired. Just so that she’s not told by someone who’s trying to woe her, that he’s serious, get’s into it and he turns out to be a douche. I am very territorial when it comes to people I love and I never want to see them get hurt. If only it was in my ability.

So this is what transpired. I was single for a while, in this time I met all kind of guys and from each I met, even if nothing was intended per se, I would kind of size them up then ask myself, “can I handle this one or is this the kind of person I want to be with for the rest of my life?”.  Yes, I was sizing up anyone who showed interest in me and it’s the answer to this BIG question that used to slap me back to reality. The reality that told me, “keep off”. It even got to a point my family and friends wondered if I was serious and I would get worried lectures. In my head, I’m like; “it’s me who’s in the playground, not you”. Of course I didn’t tell them that but I totally downplayed the situation.

Sad thing then but good thing now, is I knew what I wanted in a guy. So when I didn’t see it coming, why bother? I wasn’t looking for perfection because I know there isn’t but there are those basic things I wanted to see and experience, that is commitment, ambition, openness and attraction not necessarily in that order but at least they should be featured. Commitment,  in his relationships and work. Ambition in the sense that he’s working towards something, he’s visionary. Openness in that he feel obliged to share with me everything in his past and present, it boils down to respect and humility. Attraction, nothing is happening if there’s none. From how he talks, looks, basically how he is, physically, mentally, spiritually. It’s like a magnet, you either attract or repel.

When I met my boyfriend (sounds like a novel story), I had known him from a while back but we had never had conversation past hi and probably, “it’s a pleasure meeting you”. In my mind, I had decided that I’m going on a sabbatical from men – no dates, no meet up’s etcetera and while at I was praying for a man, my man. I mean, I don’t want to grow old and grey alone, who does? I think I was just fed up by a certain breed of men that I kept attracting. The kind that didn’t fulfil the basic requirements of the man I’d like to be with. It was not amusing, if anything it was quite disheartening. So, even when we started chatting, I was just doing it because he was (still is) pretty interesting. We’re like kindred spirits, so our conversations were in sync. I am not the best at keeping in touch especially via chat or text but he knew how to get me responding and hooked while at it. Then we meet up for date 1 and all my basic requirements bulb lights just blink tick, tick, tick, tick. If I could, I would have asked him out, but I’m traditional, so I took a chill pill.

We talked about everything and anything there was to talk about. I don’t know if there’s a date rule for don’t tell him/her everything on the first date. We went all out, you know like, disgusting example but it’s the best I can think of to describe the situation right now. You know how you feel like farting and you have to hold it in for a while because … ‘lady in the streets’ and when you reach the bathroom or a secluded place you let it all out with such relief. That’s how it was, such a relief and the “fart” went something like, “I’ve finally met you, I don’t have anything to lose, so let me just let it all out … take me as I am or leave me.” That’s how I knew he was serious. The fact that he knew what he wanted, he wanted me and made that pretty clear without a wince or a doubt. I mean what else do I want to hear? If that wasn’t God playing match maker, I don’t know, because apparently he’d also been praying for woman, his woman.

1st Anniversary

1st gig together … 1 year later

It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s definitely worth the stay in the park. In the park, there are banana split rides, roller coasters, all with their highs and lows. We are different, each with our own strengths and weakness that get us to be so mad at each other but also get us to be so in love with each other.  Balancing the highs and lows is very important. We’re as real as we get especially with each other. If you make me mad, you do and I let you know. If you make me happy, you do and I let you know, if it gets boring, it is, we figure what to do to make it more interesting. It’s not as easy as it sounds written but I’m happy I have someone to experience this with. My overlycool. You LIVE, you LEARN, you LOVE.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

What Makes Up The Best Relationships?

“The best relationships are by those people who’ve been in the murk, together. Walked right through it and seen each other step into the light, together.” ~ Kawi

Technically, relationships are not easy. I always say that, because they are not. We want to make it easy, but the people in it are complicated. Generally, people are complicated, even those that say they’re not guilty. People are different. We’ve been brought up in different set-up’s and backgrounds, we have different personalities, we have different needs and wants, we see things from a different perspective and have our own standing opinions, which we want to be heard and believed, we have different principles, some or most of which differ. It’s crazy. Just think about it that way. Then these two people are supposed to love each other effortlessly and easily … no drama, no disagreements, and no differences, that’s impossible. Isn’t that the perfect relationship for you?

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

Let me burst the bubble, I’m sure many have before, but there’s no perfect relationship. There are no two people you can look at and say these two are the S.I Unit of a perfect relationship. Don’t go into a relationship thinking that it’s going to be perfect; don’t even try to make it perfect. Truth is, it can never be, unless you’re dating yourself. I don’t mean to be a pooper, I’m just being honest. When you get into a relationship, or you’re thinking of getting into one, be realistic. Be realistic with yourself and the person who you’re getting in to the relationship with. Realistic = Happy People.

In life, I love learning. In as much as sometimes it can be piercing, tear jerking and very humbling. At the end of the day, the lessons make you a better person, makes you see things in different light, and while at it, they make your heart lighter.

You see, in relationships, there are two people. Two people who live differently, because you’re your own person. You’re different in all ways except the part where you’re interested in each other. So how do these two people connect? How do they understand each other and know what the other person need and wants? What makes up the best relationships?

Communication

It’s key. Sometimes we make assumptions about the other person or want the other person to read your mind and actions and miraculously know what’s running through your mind. Unless you have special powers, that’s unrealistic. You need to talk to each other and understand where someone is coming from or why they are making this decision and not the other.

Zero Pride

Your ego, it’s big, it keeps growing. That’s how it’s meant to be, but for the relationship, it needs to be contained. You need to humble yourself. The moment you’re in a situation and you think of “I” before “other person”, that’s pride. Cancel that thought and think about “the other person” and then “I”. I learn this the hard way, but it’s a lesson worth learning. Sometimes I wonder, “why am I doing this and he also didn’t do this” or if he asks why I didn’t do something, instead of being apologetic and correcting that, I am like “why didn’t you do that for me as well.” Haha, you do that too huh?

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

Non – Judgmental

You’re in this person’s space and they’re in yours. The least you can do is let them be without looking at them with judgmental eye. They want to tell you stuff but you shut them down or over-react. Relationships are about extended friendships (like a friend but now with exclusive perks). The same way you’d tell your friend something and you don’t expect them to judge you is the same way it should be in a relationship. I don’t know why when we’re in relationships we become overly sensitive and tacky over anything your person says. The feelings are caught faster than a 737 take off, maybe we need to just calm down and relax.

Enjoy Each Other

Yup, just as it is. Involve each other in your plans, share your dreams and enjoy each other’s company. Introduce them to your friends and vice versa. Let them into your life and them into yours. It makes everything easier, because you won’t feel like you’ve been left outside the box and everyone is having a sick party inside the box. This world can be lonely, but don’t let it be lonely for the person by your side. At least not when you’re there.

Relationships, Life, Life Lessons

There’s no winner or loser in your arguments or opinions. They all matter, so air them and hear each other out. It’s not a competition, you’re in the same team, remember. We forget this, I forget this. This is a reminder, let’s support and correct each other in love.

Thanking the boyfriend for taking us to a place where we learn these things together. Some of these things, you can never sort out alone. If you’re in a relationship, it takes two to tango.

Happy Easter lovelies, keep safe. Lots of Love, Light and Peace!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

And You let Her Go

You know that grown up feeling that overcomes you for a moment. It’s like an epiphany of sorts and you see something in different light. Something that one point you actually believed that that’s how it should be done. However, given the chance to re-think again today, you’d be like “No, how now?”. Some thoughts or opinions you had before, if revisited can give you a mini heart-attack. I don’t think it’s growing up that caused the change of heart as I’d said at the beginning, but exposure and experience. And that could be why those two are important even as you seek for jobs. Experience and exposure help influence your opinion on certain things, and that’s why…

…opinions are only valid for the duration they’re shared. They could change as soon as you put the full stop.

Anyhow, this epiphany happened as I listened to a current song that I rather like; Passenger – Let her go. Sometimes I listen to songs because of the beats, but when I see myself slowly getting the lyrics in (because I can listen to a song a million times but the lyrics don’t get in, it’s a rare disease called #ijustcantcramlyrics lol), I start to think about what it the artist is trying to bring out. Yeah, I can sing along but maybe I’m chanting illuminati, just kidding, but you know what I mean.

So as I listened on and sang along, I thought “wait a minute, what’s this guys saying?”. Makes sense from the quote “when you love something, let it go, if it was meant to be, it’ll come back, if it doesn’t, it never loved you…” Now, that doesn’t make sense to me anymore, so let me tell you a little something about love, my kind of love. Not necessarily the lover kind of love, just general love. For your family, friends and things.

Clara

You know it when you get it, and you don’t have to let go to know that you have it. Love doesn’t need proof by leaving and seeing whether they’ll (or it’ll) come back. Love just needs a few actions that express what you feel and what the other persons feels for you. Love doesn’t have seasons. Love is not like weather, it’s a constant through out the seasons. Love makes those seasons bearable. What happens within the seasons are feelings. Feelings, which are always bound to change depending on the situation you’re met with. If it’s rainy and it’s muddy and wet, you’ll hate it and wish for the sun, then when the sun is too scotchy, you’ll wish for the cold.

Love like other things in life, have rules, mostly unwritten. A few written. If you read the bible, it makes it easier for you to break the code. That’s why you’d find friends becoming (fri)enemies because of overstepping a love rule. If you disrespect me, then how do we get along? If you don’t forgive me for my shortcomings, then how do you expect this relationship to work out? If you keep my record of wrongs and keep reiterating them, that’s really annoying, just let go and move on, if you’re jealous of my achievement then how do we help each other? If you’re impatient with me, then how do we grow and be there for each other through the highs and lows?

That’s love. Don’t let her go when you love her, keep her instead. Love is about forgiveness, working it out, growing, letting go of baggage and moving on and while at it, the one thing that should stay, is that thing or that person(s) you love. Stupid, would be listening to the quotes and lyrics and letting go to see if the said person or thing will come back, even butterflies don’t. They fly away and find other places where they’ll fit in.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*