Lose Yourself. Find Yourself.

Makes me want to start on with Eminem’s - Lose Yourself, although it’s in a different context, but hey takes you back huh?

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

—-

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. ” ~ Eminem

Sometimes we lose ourselves. Lose ourselves in our work, school, relationships, talents basically in situations. We lose ourselves trying to accommodate other things and other people and we forget that we also have ourselves to accommodate. We humans (based on the fact that I am one) were created to want to please everyone we come across. You want to make sure that everyone is happy with you, satisfied with whatever it is that you have to offer. And if they are not, you try your best to make sure that they do. Even if it means losing who you actually are to do so. It’s like your happiness is based on their approval stamp.

We lose ourselves in more ways than one. Through our character, our behaviour and our actions. Where you do things that you also don’t comprehend, things that don’t make you happy, that given a chance, you would rather not do it but the situation doesn’t quite allow or it just forces you to be that way. It’s crazy, because you see yourself leaving yourself, literally. It’s like you’re stretching your hand to reach out for yourself but you slowly slip away. When you realize that is what’s happening, you can either: Just confirm to it or decide, it’s about time you found yourself. Conforming to it means that you’ve let go of yourself, you don’t mind not being you. You’re comfortable being  what your situations expect you to be to please them. Even when it drives you nuts, you would rather go nuts, but make sure the people around you are happy with you. But deep inside, you crush, you feel inadequate, like you’re not enough, like life could be better than it is.

When you decide to find yourself. Well, you step on some toes. You know what stepping on toes does, some forgive you and move on. Others react and dwell on it. You’ll probably never hear the end of it. They hate you for being you. But to be yourself you need to be able to defend yourself from the harshness (of the world) and be there for yourself always. It doesn’t mean that you’re going against what people expect of you really, it just means that your happiness, your comfort also matters. As much as other people’s matters. Just because someone doesn’t like you, your world won’t stop. Chances are that someone else loves (or will love) you to greater degree for being the same way. It’s a matter of balancing the scale…lol

You could have everything you need in life, but if you’re not yourself then those things wouldn’t make so much sense to you. And that’s probably the source of your happiness. That could be the source of your smile when all else doesn’t look so promising. If you’re not yourself, then you’re definitely someone else ain’t it? It means your own needs won’t satisfy you, because everyone has different needs. It’s a twist. Knowing yourself, your character, your behaviour  your actions is what keeps you sane. You over-do or under-do something and tell yourself, “Kawi, you’ve taken it too far, that’s not you”. You kiss ass too much, and you tell yourself, “Kawi, you don’t have to do that, just be you.” Actually, I think people like you better when you’re yourself. Just that they probably don’t tell you. I could tell you on their behalf. Because then they know that you’re the real deal, that you’re not pretending. That given a situation, this is how you’ll behave. So that someone doesn’t get surprised like, “Oh my gosh, I would have never though Kawi would do something like that.” This will allow me to love you for you or dislike you for you. Not for who you’re not.

When a situation pushes you to be someone you’re not, be there for yourself. Stand up for who you are. We expect others to be there for us when sometimes we’re not even there for ourselves. You’re your own V.I.P. Yeah, you deserve the red carpet, the V.I.P treatment. Don’t underestimate yourself. I do that sometimes as well, underestimate myself. I feel little, like I don’t have any impact in the life of others. And I let the voices inside my head convince me so. Then I thought about it figured that you deserve all the good things like the  other person next to you. You’re just as beautiful as the person next to you, if not more. You’re just as intelligent just as the person next to you, if not more. So don’t look at yourself and pity yourself or try to be someone else to please others as well as yourself. There’s a reason you are who you are.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” ~ Nora Ephron.

It’s Monday, there can’t be any better form of motivation than,“ just be yourself”. It sounds like a darn easy assignment. LOL. It’s the hardest. That’s all I’ll tell you to do this week.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

The Thin Line

If there’s one thing that confuses me or I just seem not to understand is where to draw the line between independence and dependence. So  that you can understand where I am coming from, let me give you my mini-story. I have the most amazing parents, let’s just start there. My baby sister can be the witness. We’ve never lacked what we need. We’re not rich per se, we’re wealthy but not materially. What am trying to say is we have been able to get what we need, not necessarily what we want. While I was growing up, I was under a good shelter in good neighbourhoods,  I ate delish food (save for the githeri days and how I devour it nowadays), went to very good schools, dressed well by my standards. All this was provided by both my parents in their different capabilities. I grew up seeing both my parents work and provide for the family.

Miss Independent

Somehow I knew when my parents had money and when they didn’t. They didn’t have to really tell us. It wasn’t rocket science that mid-month was a tricky time to ask for something pricey. My mum was very open about her finances, my dad oh well, you know men. He wasn’t, but he made it clear when he didn’t have and when he got it if whatever it is you’re asking for made sense to him and he had the resource, he would take you to get it. Lucky me huh? I was blessed, still am. The other thing I was indirectly taught was how to budget my money, work around what I have and not live beyond my means.

My dad faithfully gave me money for lunch and transport every single day all through my undergraduate studies. He never asked me to work (unless ironing his shirts, washing his car or serving him food and coffee counts) or find means to get that money. It didn’t probably mean much then but it definitely means more than much now. This is because I know the struggle. After I got my very first job, which was not ‘oh so glorious’ but left me with the best experience, I promised myself that I will never borrow money even from my parents. I will  really work hard to provide for myself. My reasoning being that the two most important people in my life (the parents) have worked their asses off for me to get here so that I can be self-sufficient and independent. That’s just what I always strive to be. I want to be able to take care of them when they old, I want to chip in where I’m need or even sometimes not.

Did that make me who I am today? To a very large extent it did. It influenced my thought process with regards to independence. In my head, it’s make it or make it. There’s no other option. One thing I would never want on me is the inability to provide for (to the very least) myself. I wouldn’t want someone else to be responsible for me. I mean, that’s why my parents worked hard to ensure they’ve armed me with the resources that will ensure I am able to be independent. You get my drift right?

Then here comes the problem, where do you draw that line of independence and dependence when you’re in a relationship or when you’re married? I have attended some bridal showers and girl discussions that put the man in charge of certain things, actually most if not all things. He’s the sole provider, the one who handles the big bills. The woman is the one who takes care of him you know, make sure he’s cleaned up, well fed, happy and such like non-material things. I don’t disagree with this, but that’s how it used to be ages ago. Now we’re evolving. The economy is as well. Does it allow for the woman to be completely dependent on the man? I’m talking about the average man, not the president or the president of a multinational. The man who’s probably at the same level with you work-wise. You have the same fears, struggles, opportunities and so on.

Some may say if you give them that role to be the sole provider, they’ll be more hard-working and they will ensure that there’s bread on the table come rain or sunshine. That’s nice but with so many but’s on my part. What will make the man not look down on you as the woman who’s dependent on him? What if one day he finds it burdensome? What if you’re indebted to him, such that it becomes a blackmail for you to do things for him because he’s the sole provider. These things happen. We are human and we have feelings, especially when most of the pressure is exerted on you.

I’m not for that school of thought, it makes me cringe at the thought. I’m for the school of thought of sharing responsibilities. Why? Because I think it’s only fair. If the man feels like providing much more, thank God *chuckles*. I wouldn’t mind being offloaded some responsibilities. I mean, who wouldn’t? However, I stick to sharing is caring. If you split roles based on your financial ability. When you’re open with each other it’s easier because then someone won’t be overburdened with responsibilities they can’t handle. We need to have two scenarios though for those who are secretive. List down all the bills (not personal bills like the salon, new shirt, new shoes, no), bills that affect both of you (house rent/mortgage , electricity, water, savings, house shopping, school fees, TV e.t.c), then you can decide who does what or how you’ll help each other pay these or achieve these together. Then you can remain with your other money which you’ll use to your own liking. No one in the house will judge you if you decide to do some impulse buys because you’ve handled your stuff. I am probably saying this because am so used to being independent in terms of handling my own responsibilities. I don’t know how it’ll be when I have to split them up with my other half. I will write a post in future and refer to this one.

I hate asking for things especially things money related. I don’t like being told NO, and chances are that if its money related there will be a long explanation probably leading to a NO. That being one of the reason I believe in maintaining my independence. At least I don’t have to ask someone, just consult if what I am investing in is worth while. What about if he offers to provide? I am all for it, I won’t refuse of course. Now I can say that. Before (1 or so years ago) I used to feel weird when someone who’s not my parents buys me something (gifts). I used to think it’s because they want something back or something will be expected back in future. You know how parents can drill that into you so that you don’t rely on other people. To some extent that was true.

As you grow, you have to know how to differentiate those people that give because they expect something in return and those who give just because they love to do so and don’t expect anything in return.

You don’t want to be indebted or owe someone something because you were dependent on them at one point or another. It’s also good to know the kind of person you’re with. Is it someone who willingly shares responsibility with you or is it something you’re forcing on to them. I believe if it’s voluntarily, you won’t feel burdened but if it’s not you’ll need some jail breaking. Also, I think the independence is viewed more material than it is immaterial. We forget we also need independence in our thoughts, skills, abilities and so on. The big conclusion is that while we’re independent we still want our men to be there for us by all means. For the love, support, encouragement, company, protection among very other many things. Don’t you?

LOL

NeYo also had something to say about the independent woman. What are your views on this? Miss Independent or Miss Dependent, what’s your take?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Stupendous Snippets

Ever had those days that you don’t expect something magical to happen, then voilà! Out of the blues someone, something happens. It could be a brilliant “out of the ordinary” idea, an awesome find, a delicious something, a successful plan, some awesome company, or a SALE. Not because it’s out of this world, but because it is just what it is.

My girlfriend E discovered a sale on some shoes then when she was going to show me hers I spot a two pair  as well. They were on sale, got them without putting too much thought into it. After all, at the back of my head I have been saying I need some extra pair of heels to rock my dresses that I will add to my small collection. Plus the heel was just right, can’t walk in 6″ heels, I’ll gully creep after a few steps…lol

Red and Black Pumps…

All these good things were happening on Friday, including these rubber shoes. I was on my way home and I happened to pass through the mall, I think I’m a supermarket addict. Sometimes I just go just because it’s there. Then of  course I buy something that I didn’t really need. Bata had just opened a new branch at the mall so I walked in just to see what they had in stock without the intention of buying anything. Then as I looked around, I see rubber shoes. Black ones. They were cheap and on 20% discount, why not have them? Okay, I got them.

Bata Rubber Shoes…

It wasn’t all about shoes though. If you recall, I moved to a normal house…lol, you know what I mean. One with a full sitting room, and I had wondered how I’ll be accommodating people who come visit me. See I care about you, I can’t just subject you to the carpet. I only had one seat and that wasn’t enough. Getting extra seats is an expensive affair and I wasn’t going to invest in that at least this month or the next. So what to do? My parents being old school were saying plastic seats O_o, ah ah! My sister was like no never, haha! Then the boyfriend suggested poofs … BRILLIANT! I call my furniture guy, he gets my concept and fixes me something to my liking.

Poofs, my alternative to seats for now.

There are those people who make your rather boring weekend or days rather interesting. You know how they bug you, they bully you, they care for you, they make you laugh, the piss you off, they make it up, they love you, they enjoy being around you, they want your attention, they don’t want it, they’re complicated, but I understand them. The two munchkins here are those people for me. They’re a hand-full and they both happen to be lastborns, gosh the pressure! They look spoilt yah?

The Lastborns and the Firstborn Me

Remember the FREE medical check up out reach I was telling you about the other day? Well, it happened this Sunday and I am proud to say that it was a success as the turn out was pretty good for a start. Considering our target was mainly the women and mothers in Kahawa Wendani community and surrounding areas. It could have been far for you but they’ve got to start from somewhere ain’t it? To bigger better and closer to you next time. I would like to urge people to push their people to go for these random medical check ups. They may seem not so important, but they are. Even if you’re not doing it for you, at least do it for your loved ones.

FREE Medical Check Up Out Reach at Rithika Medical Centre

I saw this one on the internet and I am definitely stealing that design. I can see myself in it already. A girl’s got to show a bit of leg you know. It looks absolutely stunning, and the lady in it has definitely done it some well deserved justice.

What do you think?

Other things I was up to over the weekend:

Watching

The voice. This is one is way better than Idols, which is way better than our local project fame. The artiste is judged  by their voice (talent) and not how they look. Then once they’re in, they’re coached by grammy award artistes. The likes of Adam Levine *swoon*, Cello Green, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton. I was literally glued to the T.V. It’s an amazing show. It shows you how people go through stuff, but still hold on to their talent.

It also goes ahead to bring out the importance of family and friends who are like family. They’re the only ones who stand by you when you’re hitting rock bottom, and when you’re soaring in the skies.

Doing

Housework. I discoverd that I get so many ideas running through my mind when I am busy doing housework. That’s when I think of what I want, where I want to be, what I want to do and such like things. Strange huh? But getting there always needs some extra mojo, who likes doing housework anyway? Plus it’s a form of exercise or so I’d like to convince myself.

Listening

To Size 8 – Mateke and Sauti Sol – Still the One. The new local singles that have just been released. I like, totally like!

Wanting

A stereo! I want one I don’t know why, but I really want one.

Wishing

That what you’ve hoped for comes to be. Sometimes our hopes and wishes may take a while to come to be, maybe they’re giving us time to be sure that that’s what we want, just in case we change our minds or it was just a thing of the moment. Because when they come to be, they come in ten fold. Like you’ve got to pinch yourself to make sure that what is happening is really happening and you’re not dreaming.

Has that ever happened to you? It’s happened to me a couple of times, and I’m still looking forward to more and more. My hope tank is still full…lol. Thanking God everyday.

The weather may be dull and blue but may your Monday and the rest of your week be full of sunshine. Blessings!

Signing Off ~~~*Kawi*

Something. About. Me.

LOL. Strange way to start the post, I know. But honestly, it’s hilarious how ones life can change in a couple of days, months, years. It just depends when you’re struck by whatever it is that will create that change. Why I was laughing, because I was reading a previous post that made me cringe, then shake my head in almost disbelief. Like “I really said that, no I didn’t”, “how did I even think that”. If I was to write that all over again, the story has completely changed. You know the 360^o kind of change. It would qualify for a face-palm moment.

Then again, it shows that I have really grown. The fact that I can read something I wrote a few years back and it makes me wonder what I was thinking when I was writing it. It’s amazing when something you did a while back gives you that feeling. That feeling of wow, I have come from far, to bring it closer home, yaani nimetoka mbali. I think of my first graduation, first job, my first house, my first relationship, my first blog post, the constant advisory lectures from the parents (he he they were of course almost one-sided, mostly don’t do this, don’t go there e.t.c) and these are the things that made up my foundation. They are what made me even know what direction to and not to take in life. At that particular time, it was all no big deal. It was just living life and doing what I had to do. Then as life went on, I moved into another job, I moved houses, I started dating someone else, wrote more posts. The parental lectures graduated to discussions (it’s two-sided, I give them my opinions, they give me theirs then I weigh them and make a choice). I’ve grown, still am. Little growing to big. It’s amazing.

That’s why I laughed when I read these posts. That one just covers the relationship perspective, there’s this one when I firstmoved out of home, then another when I graduated from my undergraduate and my first post on here. It takes me back, back to where I started out. I started out from down there, from knowing almost nothing about the world. I was like a cub let loose. For those of you who watch Nat Geo, you know how bad it is out there in the wild. You’re prey. Many await to feast on you, lead you in the wrong direction, give you false promises and so on. You are in charge of yourself. You make your own decision, right or wrong. No one is responsible for that but you. It’s crazy in a beautiful way.

To fend for myself, to face the world without the protection of the parents. That’s almost a lie though, because they are on my speed dial. I always update them on things, both good and bad. I always want their blessings in the things that I do or plan to do. Then there’s my boyfriend, he’s on the receiving end of all this I want to do this that and so on, so his opinions really matter as they’ll affect my decisions in one way or another. Then my friend(s), I have started learning to share things. I am not one to. I know it sounds unimaginable considering I am a chatter-box but surprise, there’s some mystery here. It’s like God leads me to people who will help in my venture for growth, the little experience I have gathered in different aspects of my life is through people. People I have known from the places I have been or people I have met in the weirdest of ways or people I have been introduced to. Super support system. You’ve got to love people.

Slowly I have been moving up, learning a couple of things while at it. The one thing that’s been my constant, though sometimes I tend to under-look it sometimes,  is that I strive to excel. I want to grow. The moves I make or intend to make are so that I can grow, so that I can make me and mine better. While at it, make a difference in the lives of the people I meet along the way or better the places I pitch tent in. I think what would make me feel unsatisfied is if I feel that I am not able to do this. If I feel stagnated, if there’s no sense of growth or there’s nothing I can do to make a difference. If I can’t do any of this, then why am I there or why am I doing what it is am doing in the first place?

That’s a little “Something. About.Me”. Also my very first picture-less post. Strange huh?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

 

Social Media in Relationships – Toxic or Not?

I was once a junkie. A certified junkie of social media and all that comes with it. You know how you want to share every aspect of your life with other friends and strangers online. You’ve woken up, you’re working, you have too much work, the music you’re listening to, you’re bored, you’re shopping, your location, you’re eating, you’ve gone to bed and the likes. It was fun to say the least, while it lasted. You didn’t have to quite go out of your way to communicate, because this is information that you’re freely divulging, no one is pressuring you for it or telling you how to go on about it. It’s like you’re in relationship with your phone (or gadget) and you’re the one in control. The social media sites are your journals where you say what’s going on in your life at a particular point.

My friends would also comment on how I was into social media. Well, it hadn’t occurred to me to say the least. Especially since what I was doing wasn’t wrong. If anything, I was just being the social animal that I am. So I would just brush it off. They would say about the number of friends and followers I had, but still nah. It was good for me in the sense that while socializing I got to learn a few tricks here and there that we could use for business to gain some competitive advantage, make new friends and the best of all, kill bore-dome. Talk of making your lifestyle somehow work for you and enable you to make ends meet in more ways that one.

Then of course, things get a bit more serious. There’s school and work. In as much as social media was part of my JD, it wasn’t the fun-filled life updates no more. This one comes with targets, KPI’s, you can’t just post whatever comes to your mind. It’s basically different. To some extent it taught me that I should be responsible for what I expose online, how far should I go in. Is what I’m posting necessary, what impact will it have on those people who follow me or those who are my friends. So much thought process goes into it. Such that a simple post could be expected to do a lot. For business purposes, it should create awareness and push a customer to purchase your goods or service.

Bearing this in mind, I also became a follower and a reader (observer). I would like to know what other say about something before blindly posting. Sometimes I just want to be on the sidelines and read what others have to say. It’s somewhat interesting, it’s like you’re gossiping with imaginary friends, getting updates on what’s going on with your real friends and strangers, getting news on what’s happening around the world. So sometimes I could find myself so deeply engrossed.

Then came something I didn’t quite have before. A relationship. Now, a relationship means that there’s this person who wants your attention and needs some time out of the ordinary to get to know you better. A bit better than the rest know you. This is because that’s the other person you spend lots of time with, they foresee a future with you. Now, when was it that we used to access social media the most? After work and school. Now, here’s this special person who’s craving your attention. This person you have to kind of please by making some delish dinner once in a while. Before, I would reach home so exhausted, throw myself on the couch, grab my phone follow-up on “social media news updates or better yet gossip and things that don’t quite add value to my life”. Before I know it, it’s so late that the best I can feed on is cornflakes or milk and bread and an egg or baked beans to make it a tad bit healthier.

It’s just interesting. Of course it didn’t take me a day to realize that social media can be addictive and it can also be quite an anti social behavior. Until the mister pointed it out. It was more like, “you spend so much time on the phone and especially on social media”, or once or twice in an argument he made a random statement like “you can just talk to your online friends, they listen to you better”. Of course me in my defensive nature, I didn’t get the point then. I was like “how can you even say something like that? *sob*” It’s later I asked him what he meant by that statement because it kept ringing and ringing at the back of my mind.

Source

Then he says, it’s like you’re more comfortable talking to your online friends, giving them updates more than you are telling me or talking to me. I know right, it came as a shock to me as well. Took me a while to even accept that he would think that. Of course that’s the reality that was. I just wasn’t ready to accept it. This is the life am used to. When you’re alone, there’s no one to share your stuff with, so you resort to strangers – social media. When you say something people would comment or say something in addition and make some fun out it. It’s better than talking to walls ain’t it?

Social media is not so social when it comes to relationships.

Well, that was a problem. Social media can be a problem. It can be a problem when there’s someone sited next to you, someone hanging out with you or someone trying to get your attention. That other person feels like they’re the ones talking to a wall. Like you want to share certain aspects of your life online but whatever it is that you’re telling other people online you can also tell them. Why not? Is it they won’t catch the joke or is it that you have more fun with this other people, that you probably don’t even know than you do with them. Or you have a problem between the two of you and you all go your separate ways and update you status with some subtle hints to your significant other. Such that when they read they know it’s directed to them. Why not just tell them, text them privately.

Source

Social media becomes a middle man in relationships, the communication hub between spouses. The one who says he said this, she said this. Or the third wheel, you know that friend who tags along on your dates even when uninvited.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be on social media and be in a relationship. LOL. Would I survive? Just kidding. It just means that you have to respect your “you time”. You have to set your own boundaries. When you’re hanging out, put away the phone. When there’s something interesting to update, share with your significant other (because they are there with you) then you can even go like let me share this one *on your preferred social media platform*. It just goes ahead to show that you’re free with them and that they’re also fun to hang around with. It gives you time to catch up, talk about your lives, your expectations and other important things that relate to you and your lives. It doesn’t make sense that you can post your location on social media but you find it weird that your spouse wants to know where you are or they would like to at least be updated on the same. He/She cares, people on social media really don’t.

If it’s an issue in your relationship, the subtle hints posted as notes or updates on social media hurt more than they pass the message along. So instead of telling your online friends, why not just communicate between the two of you and try solve whatever it is without people prying into your business? I think it ends up better than when you air out your dirty linen. We’re all human and we all have dirty linen, unless you’re perfect. How you handle your problem or clean your linen is what makes all the difference.

Let people see your linen hung on the lines sparkling clean and not dirty. They even don’t need to know how the linen got dirty, if it got dirty or how it was cleaned. That’s none of their business. But they do care that you’re both cool with each other.

Source

I didn’t learn this in a day and also not in the easiest of ways. Oh, neither am I an expert on relationships. But I eventually did, still am, that’s what that matters. Making a mistake ‘big or small’ and learning from it, then sharing it with you.

For those in a relationship, what has been your experience on the same? For the singles, do you ever think this will be a problem when you start dating?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Of Roses and Love

It’s about sharing, being selfless, forgiving and looking beyond our weaknesses and flaws. These are the few things that make us love less or even not like the day that gives the slightest hint of love. Love is a beautiful thing, and it doesn’t mean because I say that it doesn’t have its downside. Oh, it does. Once you expose yourself to it, it’s like you’re lying in the middle of the road hoping no truck runs you down. Or handing out your heart to someone and hoping they handle it with care.

What are the chances are that a truck will run you down but there’s one that will notice that there’s something that’s making you do this, and they get off to find out what it is before taking figuring out what to do with you. What are the chances that they’ll squash your heart, because it either doesn’t fit into their hand well, or it fits well but at first they’ll have some trouble as they could squash your heart a little here and there not because they want to hurt you, but because they’re trying to figure out to handle it, then with time, they know how to handle it with the care it deserves.

Basically, love has it moments. When it’s so rosy, that all you can do is smell it and smile with the world because of how good it makes you feel. When it’s so thorny, that all it does is poke you and make you pout because of how sad it makes you feel.

Love endures it all. It’s in the beauty of the rose petals and the harshness of the thorns that makes a rose what is, a beautiful flower. It’s also through the feel-good moments and the pouting moments, that makes love what is, true love. So you could be smelling the roses or being poked by thorns, but as long as you have love, you’re doing it right. Also remember it’s all about sharing, being selfless, forgiving and looking beyond your flaws.

A rose doesn’t impact anyone unless its shared (given out), it’s not so much that it’s a rose but it’s what it make you feel when you receive it, you won’t see it’s beauty unless you forgive it for having thorns that could poke you and despite its color, shape, number of petals it remains a rose and that’s what people see.

Happy Valentine’s Day Fellas and Ladies! On that note, I got a surprise I wasn’t quite expecting … YUMMERS! Some Belgium Chocolates and delish cupcakes, man got game! I was totally caught off-guard. If I was to give him brownie points for this, he gets 25 points for catching me off-guard, considering he’s the anti-valentines day kind of guy I’m thinking yeah right…lol, am sure he went out of his usual way to make a girl happy, then 50 points for making me feel special.

Lastly, 5 points for no roses, they give me the creeps. I can’t handle that attention the bouquet comes with, unless I don’t have to carry them around or we’re getting them for aesthetics. What do you think of this day by the way. Are you anti or pro Valentine’s Day? and of roses?

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

February Favorites

We are allowed to extend our birthdays to the month, ain’t it? So that I can still say it’s my birthday month. Sometimes you have to look for ways to still remain the centre of attention even after your happy birthday haha trust me say that ADD much.  We’re just 9 days in to it but this is more of my birthday update. What I was up to. Am sure there’s some curious on lookers. This goes to my mental journal as my best birthday. Just how I’d imagined it. I am not much of a party person (okay that’s a big lie, I am sort of, but for special events, I prefer small and intimate).

1. He came to pick me up as I was working on that day and I planted a BIG kiss on his cheek *read lips* to tell him Happy Birthday. I’m being very modest here…lol
2. I heart this girl. One of my closest friends.
3. The boyfriends cousin and friend. And boy they have mastered the art of eating the “all you can eat meat”. While us the normal people were having see-saw moments with our tummies because of how full we were, they were still doing meat rounds.
4. What’s a birthday without a cake?
5. When stuck in traffic, and it’s your birthday, you can pull of such poses. No one will judge you.
6. Whoever thought I would share the same birthday with the boyfriend and we will blow candles the same time. Never in my wildest dreams. I think I was too excited I forgot to make a wish. I will get used to it with time. On that note, it will always be 2 candles because if we were to put as many as our ages combined…hehe we would be eating candle wax instead.
7. My close friend was getting married the day after our birthday (02/02/2013). So happy for her, she’s like my sister from another mother.
8. Fun times at her evening party with my close friends, double celebrations on our part…lol since we had to hold it back on 1st for her wedding on 2nd. Let loose!
9. No goofy faces = No fun pics. That’s what we were up to right before my friend’s wedding. That’s what happens when you are too early for an event.
10. My beloved birthday gift. I love!

What I would want for the next one:

1. To be out of town.
2. If in town *hmmmm thinking* we’ll have to make it worth the while. There’s a whole year to think it out and maybe just maybe surprise him.

Besides that, I love, love, loved it. Thanks for all the beautiful messages with good wishes and blessings, you made my day more than special. For again, what’s a birthday without those?

Hope you’re having a kick-ass weekend? Mine’s pretty chilled out tending more towards lazy but relaxing all the same.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

25 Going On 26

I know I’ll be too excited to do a post tomorrow, so let me do it now as it’s become sort of a tradition. Still comfortable saying my age, but now that am tipping to the other side of the scale, I think I should start learning to be discrete about it. Until say 40 when am still looking young and not anything close to it. I am 25 going on 26, I don’t know what to write *cue in that Sound of Music song*. But really, I don’t know what to write but I need to write something. Let’s see, I think I will go with the few things I figured while at the tender age of 25.

I undervalue myself most of the time. You know how others get impressed by your achievements or doings but you end up missing the point, moving on and working a lil’ harder harder for more. Yes, I do celebrate my milestones, but then the excitement is short-lived because from that milestone there’s another one that’s supposed to be achieved. As I concentrate on what needs to be achieved next, I forget that this is how far I have come from and I almost just almost have everything that I need (resource-wise) to get me going. That’s a blessing.

Relationships are molded. No relationship comes already formed and through the process, there’s those bits and pieces that need to be beaten back for it to be in shape, it’s painful but once you’re over that, it becomes beautiful. Even roses have thorns right? Basically, you have to compromise and sacrifice a few things without losing yourself though. Learn to meet in the middle and accommodate each other, know which role is played by who and respect each other while laughing, loving and living. Yes, it’s work in progress, always is. That’s being submissive.

I am very defensive of myself. Sometimes, you need to hear others out. They see you from the outside, they’re not very subjective in their opinions of you, but objective in their judgement based on how they relate to you and how they know you. That’s one thing I’m struggling with. Accepting I am wrong, even when I don’t think I am..I mean who thinks they are ever wrong? *if you agreed with me, that’s the problem right there*. That’s being humble.

Make many plans, so that even if some fail, at least you’ll have a couple of others you’ve managed to achieve. Plans are also not cast on stone, so they can change at different times of your life and in different situations. I didn’t succeed in all the plans I had set out during my age 25 tenure, others changed too, but I am content and grateful for all the ones that came to be. That’s being honest and ambitious.

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26 does sound like a super year. Especially if I think of it like those read-the-future-kind-of-people, it’s a double of the year we are currently in (2013 … so 13*2 = 26). Ha ha trust me to do that, sometimes you’ve got to imagine the light of the end the tunnel before you get to it. It gives you a peace of mind. So for this year, I expect things to double for me . Point in case: I would like to graduate, get a salary increase, get a pair of 6-inch heels (though I know I will almost never wear them) or better yet re-stock my shoe rack and closet, get a bigger house, save for a car, those are just but a few that I know within my control, there others that aren’t but it’s the doubling year ain’t it? at least according to the theory that I just derived.

This moment looked so far and now it’s here. Last but not least, it’s also my boyfriends birthday, yeah on the same day. I know how awkward that seems and even feels now that the d-day is here *did I just make it sound like we’re getting married?*.

I would actually like to take this moment *how I sound like am receiving an Oscar or Grammy Award…lol too many moments of sounding like something today* to tell him ↓ and that he made my 25 worth the while. I hope it’ll be the same for the many years to come. ILY to Dions!

Happy Birthday to my fellow Aquarians, keep on keeping it real, you know how we roll. Thanking God, for giving us another year to see his goodness and share it with the rest of the world.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

New Year and Friendly Things

9th January, whoopsie, hope am not too late. Looks like the new year came with so much on my plate, that blogging came off for a moment there as luxury. Chasing up deadlines as with regards to my school thesis, am the last-minute kind of person but I’ve been meaning to change that about me. I think am getting too old *cough* to deal with that pressure, plus the so much at stake here, so I can’t take chances with being the extreme last-minute person that I once was.

Then there’s work, which at the moment is all kinds of depressing for me. I know, it’s probably just for the moment because of a task I’m expected to do *cringe* among other related things, it’s all rosy with the thorns pricking. Some fun aspect popped up out of the blues which is awesome, like a light in the middle of the tunnel. Let’s see how it all goes. Meeh! Such is work though, trying to be positive here *woooosaaah*. Besides that life is doing me good, other aspects of it are at the least tip-top.

The other day we were talking with a friend about the “best friend” concept. I know the best friend word has been thrown around but there are some people who actually live up to it and I’m most definitely not one of them. Though, I would have or since I’ve not, I would love to be a good “best” friend to someone. I can’t say it’s because I do not have friends, I actually have a couple who I could have as a best friend, just that the process of keeping has to involve so much commitment, communication, opening up and trust.

By this I don’t mean your spouse (partner/boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend) of course those by default are your besties because you connect in all those ways. I’m talking about just a friend who you touch base on almost everything that’s going in your life. If you’re happy, you call to say how happy you are, if you’re depressed they give you a shoulder to cry on and you say whatever it is without a second doubt that it will be the new news in town.

An excerpt from our said conversation went something like this:

Kawi: I find it so cool when guys have a person they call all the time when something pops up, good or bad ( that’s because she has that kind of friend and I find it cool how they do their thing, calling each other almost always, being open with each other, being there for each other and so on)

Friend: You actually don’t have someone you do that with?

Kawi: No. I just really suck at communication you know the frequent texting or calling, am not that open…

Friend: Like seriously O_O so who do you talk to?

Kawi: No one really, myself. I have friends for different things, mostly happy things. But no one I share with the whole package.

Friend: Gosh, as in no one. (then she thinks and goes like) But you’re close to your boyfriend…lol

Kawi: Well, yeah I guess. Actually he’s the one who gets the fair part of what goes on in my life.

Friend: It’s nice to have someone to tell stuff, of course other than your boyfriend, I mean a girlfriend who understands you and would be there for you through it all.

Kawi: … (conversation continues on to other things)…

Well, haven’t found someone who I’d feel comfortable going all “this is what’s going on with me at the moment” with or so I think. It all happens in my head where I try to sort it out all by myself with no one else’s advice or explanations, it’s easier. But then I got thinking, crap, maybe just maybe, you actually need someone like that. One could go crazy when you keep all things to yourself, you know, like having conversations with yourself crazy. Problem is that today coming across someone who’s genuinely nice and wants good things for you, you know, someone you can trust, at least try be open with, understand you and vice versa without looking at you from the sidelines is not quite an easy one. Maybe am way past that age of acquiring such a friend or maybe I have but am still too skeptical or not to sure how to go about it? Yeah, laugh at me, am also thinking it kind of sounds funny, but really.

Do you have a friend like that? Do you think it’s too late to get one that kind? When did you find your best friend(s) or what was the differentiating factor from the rest of your friends?

A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.

If you have answers to all these, you need to tell-a-tale to some of us. Maybe we can learn a thing two. If you don’t, we still have hope right? At least we’ve realized there’s a void, good start. Super day comrades!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

Friday Fives

Thank God It’s Friday … more sore because I am in solidarity with the rest of you who are toiling. However, I can’t quite tell what day of the week it is, because am on leave. Okay enough, don’t envy me much because I have exams. Can’t wait to be done with school though, it’s on top my New Year wishlist (Ps: it’s 24 days remaining). It’s not fun going to class every evening and thinking of school books, assignments and projects every other time. On that note, congratulations to those graduating today.

1. Oopsies!

It’s Christmas time already! Hello, December. Like seriously, it’s unbelievable how time flies. I’m on my second-last semester in school. This is such a blessing.

I’m not one to count days and months but hey  I’ve been dating for a while now *whoop whoop*. Let’s say good relationships are not formed in a day and am lucky to be with someone who really wants to be with me come rain or sunshine and vice versa. To love *cheers*.

My sister finally finished school (O’ Levels), jeez! And with all these school stuff going on, haven’t quite gotten a chance to hang out with her. Congratulations Cla, that’s just the 1st step into independence. You’re still under daddy’s wings and nest…lol. There’s no escaping. I still am.

Our company (Mo DE – Mobile Decisioning) won the inaugural African leg of the IBM Smartcamp contest. How cool is that? Thanks for voting!

2. Weekly Crackers

Is it just me or is the air in the Urban bites package more than the crisps themselves? Remember Krackles as well, same thing. What would happen if they filled up the air bit with crisps? But couldn’t resist getting me some, goes so well with ribena.

3. Faves and Craves

I am at that point in life where I feel like I need some restructuring of sorts. Like I need to re-furnish my house or even get a bigger house. Oh gosh! So I’ve been having this thoughts that I can’t quite put to paper. Looks like I’ll start that change from my couch, slowly by slowly and see how that goes. I really wish we had an IKEA furniture store in Kenya though or does someone know a good carpenter? Maybe we can work something out. I just see their stuff and ogle.

4. Stupendous Snippet

Most of the things that happen in our life are seasonal, especially the ones that we find difficult to deal with. The ones that make you wonder why you have been put in that situation at that time. And in most cases, it gets you to learn something, appreciate something or best yet, know that in life there has to be things that shake you up a bit, more like testing you or give you a challenge. Else, we become complacent.

Truth be told, I hate tough times, but considering that’s how life is, we should always brace ourselves. Also knowing that if we work at it, it always comes to pass and leaves us beaming and glad that we’re over it. No one has it smooth all the way (reminds me of that Embassy advert way back … lol), even the ones that we think have it all sorted out.

5. T.G.I.F Inspiration

True ain’t it? Considering that no one’s perfect, and no one has it all put together. It’s amazing when someone knows you, your flaws and still thinks the world of you. It gives you the morale to even better yourself.

Let me cut myself short now before I bore you… hehe, hope you didn’t agree to that *I see you*. To living, laughing and loving more each day. Have a super weekend.

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*