In My Head

Lord give me a sign!

I don’t know when I ask for a sign I actually expect it to come dressed up in a robe with a golden tiara or in the form of a butterfly or just bird poop on my hair, so that I can end up cursing instead of blessing it. It’s got to be something, like something I can “superstitiously” relate to. Today, if you were wondering what was going through my head as I was walking home since I had mentioned it in my update, that’s what occupied a very small part of it. I am a scatter brain, so I have a million and one things running through my head including what I would do if I was compromised by some strange people…

I started playing the game, “Never again would I…”, and I was like, there are so many things that I have to put on that list. Top of the list was getting involved in undefined things, yes, it had to boil down to dating and relationships. I think emotional roller-coasters with people who don’t deserve it is just a mere waste of time…yes I said it.

Why care so much for someone who probably don’t really care about you? Why think about someone who doesn’t think of you? Why place your heart on your sleeve while someone has it locked up with those non-breakable padlocks? Why be in a relationship that you don’t know what/where exactly you are placed or it’s even headed? Why are you in doubt in the first place about all this?  Well, I happened to blubber this to one of my friends, I don’t think I waited for the answer but I must’ve heard something like he’s not ready. Makes much sense, again I say it was probably a case of Mr. Wrong and classify it as fun times. Let bygones be bygones!

Then again, I’m thinking I’ve heard all the excuses as to why someone wouldn’t be ready to have a relationship defined, such as bad past relationships, they’re in a crisis, they’re scared, they just want to have fun, they want to make money first … among many others. Here, I’m just a young lady *cheeky smile* I wear dresses sometimes, I know if I want something I’ll go for it regardless of the many challenges involved. I’m also damaged in one way or another, I’ve had past relationships, non-relationships, flings, and *I don’t know what this is* that are both good and bad, I want to make money or a living, I’m also scared of getting into defined things, I’m scared of getting damaged again, I’m scared of heart breaks who isn’t?. BUT it remains that if I want something I will make it clear that that’s what I want and brush those fears aside and go for it, and tackle the fears again if they ever arise.

So in the same light, I would expect a man to know what it is they want actually from the time they approach you and decided you know what, I like you.  Despite your fears and what you want to do first, you still know what it is you want and you should go for it. If you don’t, it’s because that’s just not it for you and so there all this excuses to sugar coat the actual thing.

Back to my sign, so I’ve decided to make a vow with myself (i.e. my mind, my feelings, my heart, my emotions) that from today, I am done with the punks *Hi 5* no more stupid flings that are going no where, no more unnecessary emotional roller-coasters, no more undefined relations. Basically boundaries need to be drawn so God please help. Now to reserve the rest for that guy! That’s a HUGE LOAD off my small chest literally…lol *breathes out fresh air*

Considering I’m an all love person, my friends shall remain loved equally. No, I’m not ditching, deleting or terminating anyone, y’all play different roles in making my life all worth living.


This ↓ totally made my day…

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: Entertainment, Food, and Affection.

  • It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection.
  • As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
  • When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.

Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. ~ Judith Martin

True, ain’t it? LOL

ION, you can try watch this video especially if you stay alone and you love your sleep. Only watched to the spider bit, I’ll watch the rest tomorrow…hehehe!

Okay back to reading, which was the initial plan when I switched on my computer … night night, sleep sweet!

Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*

16 thoughts on “In My Head

    • Thanks Nkiro! Ai, it was just about time for me at least. Well, let me just take the plunge, it’s good to try sometimes you just never know where it will lead you. Yeah, definitely letting God can’t be in it all alone.


    • That makes two of us. Its easy to say things, make promises and vows but actualising them becomes the problem. Nice post Kawi… you took the words right out of my head with this one 🙂


      • Di! You know where all this thoughts arose, it must’ve been from one of our random conversations, then I thought *bulb light*…lol. Now to actualizing them…oi!


  1. Kawiria….first time i am reading your blog and all i can say….AMEN!!!! he he he…i made that vow myself a while back and guess what? though no one has decided that I am worth overcoming their fear…yet……..i am much less slimy on account of the frogs that I tell to keep walking!!!!!


    • Hahaha Wairimu. How have you made my day. Really glad that you can relate and now I get some motivation to hear that you tried it out and it’s worked in some way…that’s my intention, it just needs to work 🙂
      Plus, thanks much for passing by.


  2. Thank God ive come across this!!same thing i said to myself after my bday earlier this month…all those undefined *i dont even know whats going on things*im so done!really praying about it:-)great blog girl!


    • Thanks a bunch Tess 🙂 for passing by and dropping a line. I know right! Also really now praying about it. Thought about it a couple of times before and always taken it as a joke, but now I think it’s about time I just did something about it. Seems hard but oh well, nothing comes easy.


  3. By faith let God take full custody of your future & destiny. Let go & walk away from the past & let God steer your life to Victory.


  4. I read your blogs every Friday and check occasionally for those mid week posts….:-)
    Today I feel I have to comment. Last year, June I made that vow, scary but I made that vow to myself and to God and told him I never want to be ‘in an undefined relationship’ after being in one for 2 years. I am still very strong and I am now in a defined one, and the lack of doubt is priceless…..Keep praying. Just had to post, because I have been there and am not there any more…:-)


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