Ever had one of those weeks where you feel like the world is on top of you and not the usual “am on top of the world” feeling, boy don’t I miss it. Like all the forces *not dark ones though* are against you and those that are with you as you fight your battles, are at the far end of the sidelines shouting out your name and telling you “take it easy, you can do it, it’ll all come to pass”. While you are in the battle field, everything seems bleak, even when you’re trying to do everything right. Funny enough, what we tend to forget when we’re in any kind of battle is that we’re not perfect beings. I always forget that. I want to do everything to the best of my ability.
Such that even when am doing whatever it is to the best of my ability, I still feel like I need to put in more effort. Maybe it’s not nice, maybe it has errors, maybe I’m not that knowledgeable, maybe it’s just not right, what will they think, how will they find it and on. Perfect example is when handing in a document *my thesis* that I’ve done for a few months
that’s a lie, I meant a few weeks and your supervisor has to review it as you stare blankly thinking, “I hope my research makes sense”…lol. I mean if it doesn’t make sense to him, how will it make sense to anyone else and there are deadlines to be met.
I had a very rough week, to say the least. Through it, I came to realize that sometimes you’re the only one who knows/feels/experiences the pressure you’re undergoing. Everyone else, expects things to be normal or even better than normal. Those are the forces I was talking of, they all pulling you from every corner and you the hub has to be a diamond through it all. You know, still maintain your shine despite the being under all that pressure. Of course, sometimes you’ll break down when you feel like there’s just too much on your plate, I got there and you even wonder how you got there. Then again, I was like am a special kind of girl to have all that kind of pressure and still manage to crack a joke or two, converse, hand in my deliverables (I handed in my thesis research proposal *sigh of relief*). Once you make that 1st step, the rest is shouldn’t be rocket science. Yeah, I’ve given myself that “really?” look on your behalf.
This is the week I caught a bad ass flu, I lacked sleep, I lost my appetite, I felt so exhausted, I cried a lil’ bit here and there, I felt alone, and like I had so much on my plate. No usual, take a chill pill and relax. Well, sometimes you’ve got to take it all in, work around your situations and come out a winner in your own way. Just never say “I cannot do”, because you can. Even when you do it your own way, that’s not the universal way, at least you tried. You have been put in your situation because one way or another you can handle it, it may not seem so obvious then, but it does sooner or later.
On that note, I defend my thesis proposal next week *cringe, prayers please*, this one is one hell-of-a ride. How do people even get the motivation to do a PhD? Good Lord! That piece of document is pure stress. Now add work which is almost as crazy (since half the time I feel like am back to school handing in assignments and so on) and the other aspects of life.
Well this doesn’t sound like the “happy Friday” y’all are used to from bubbly me. It’s actually the best day of my week this week and am glad that I came to the realization that I was stressed to my toes and I need to take it easy. But who knows how to take it easy anyway? Well, at least I can now talk and laugh about it.
In other very unrelated news, it’s my friends hen’s night tomorrow, whoop whoop! To make her last weekend as a bachelorette most memorable. Thank God for awesome mixes – here, that I am currently sit-head-bumping to as I write this post.
Live, laugh and love a little more and be there for those people who matter to you. It’s people who are there for you, not things. Blessings comrades!
Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*