Do you ever find yourself getting worried or anxious about later, about tomorrow, about the future? Like you don’t know what will happen next, where and when you’ll get this to do that, whether whatever it is will work out or not and if it does or doesn’t then what next? I do. I think I’ve always gotten worried or anxious about most things in my life, at least from when I started fending for myself. Before I guess the only thing that really used to get me worried sick (okay not so) were exams. Now there’s a lot of stuff to think about, besides exams. Like how to get bread and butter on my table, all of which are not free, including the table. Funny how even when I should be rejoicing about a certain achievement, somewhere in the far off corner of my mind, there’s that black pitless hole that keeps blocking that faculty that should get rid of any anxiety or worry. Just when I tell myself, “cross that bridge when you get there”, the hole, swallows it up and out of the blues am thinking, a few weeks from now, one month from now, 5 years from now.
You know how you can be driving on a road, actually let me give you an ideal example. We used to live in Lower Kabete and just right before Spring Valley there was a valley
oh wow duh, yeah and it almost looked like a bridge with those sideline thingies. However, they were dented and had fallen out parts of the sideline poles either due to old age or accidents. For me, that was my black spot. Every time I’d think that we’re going to pass there every bad thought that could cross my mind did. Like what if we have an accident and plunge into the river, drown and die *cringe*. Of course that never happened, but those thoughts used to totally cloud my mind. For a very long time. Then at one point because I had now gotten used to passing there and nothing happening, I got over that phobia. It became pointless being anxious or worried about it. It became my favorite road actually to the point I thought I could drive with my eyes closed that remains a thought.
Now comes life, the same thing happens. We get so anxious and worried about so many things, even things that we shouldn’t burden ourselves with. Of course it’s good to take precaution and all for the future. Like work towards making it as comfortable as possible. Yet again tomorrow shouldn’t be our worry as long as we are doing what we’re supposed to do today in the best of our ability. Ain’t it? Aren’t you jealous of the birds? How they fly around so carefree and perch wherever they feel like even at your porch. I guess it’s because their main worry is how they are going to get through their day. They build nests like everywhere they go and I’m pretty sure building a nest is not an easy job as well. If only birds could speak and tell us their story. But I like how they travel light, no worry at all, just let it be. You should see my handbag now, you’d think I’m carrying stones in it. Living by the scouts motto, be prepared. You carry for if ‘this and that’ happens. Or if I’m travelling and I pack everything in doubles, just in case (I see you there, you do the same huh?)
Sometimes I don’t want to worry or be anxious about tomorrow, but then again I’m just human. I think we have an inbuilt the “be anxious and worry” function. At least I have come to realize that when I find myself feeling that way, I tell myself, “the bridge is too far to worry about it, let’s deal with it when we get there”. That bridge might be a strong one, enough to hold you and all your problems then. But if you worry about it today, there’s nothing you’re really changing about that bridge…makes a bit of sense
Today already has enough problems of its own that when you start foreseeing the problems that are yet to come, we miss the good things and opportunities that today has to offer.
Having a good week so far? It’s already half month, wow! Have a good one. A silent prayer for all those friends who’ve lost their loved ones, who are unwell or have a close friend or family member that’s unwell, and those that are just sad for one reason or another. May God bless y’all.
Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*