Are you the kind of person who when complimented, says ‘Thank You’ and welcomes the compliment OR the kind that looks for a reason to water down the compliment because you feel it’s a little too much for you? Given the chance, you would throw your hand out and say, “Stop that now,” and not as a form of a flirt expression, but because you actually mean it. Even when compliment is genuine and it’s clear that it’s coming from a good place.
If you fall under the former category, then good for you man or giiirl! You’re doing such a great job with yourself. Your confidence levels are over the top, no one can take off your cool. If you fall under the latter category, then this is for you, because I fall under that category too. It’s not that I am not confident in myself or my abilities, I am, exceedingly. It’s just that when someone else brings it out, it feels like they have seen a part of me I haven’t. Yet I live with it. It’s like when someone brings it out, they’re unleashing a part of me that I want people to know but to just keep it to themselves. It’s quite a complicated feeling.
And so during my moments of reflection, which happen best when I am doing chores, like washing dishes. I love washing dishes. I know, odd right? I thought about this thing I do about stopping people mid complimenting me, or how I feel like I would want the earth to open up and swallow me when they say, “Kawi, you’re really good at this.” I don’t know how to say, ‘thank you’ and move on. I feel like I need to explain some more why I am good at whatever it is or how I managed to do whatever it is I did.
I just feel overwhelmed by the compliments. And I believe that’s why you won’t find me saying, “I am good at this.” Yet I know, “I ace this without a doubt.” I will always subtly include myself in something, or offer support where I can; but I won’t out rightly shout out that, hey I run with this; I did this; or I handled this, because sometimes it feels right just being in the background of things; it feels lighter to have people expect less of me and for me to give more – you know more like under promise and over deliver.
Then I realized that the people who really make it are people who put themselves out there. People who take that risk to have their name written all over something, even if they were involved in the smallest of ways. Its people who over promise and over deliver; and even when they under deliver, they don’t fuss, they look for alternative ways to deliver – over and under is not definitive. People who out rightly say that this is what they’re doing, this is what they’ve done, this is what they handled, this is what they were involved in. People who get compliments, and say thank you without bothering to explain why they deserve it, because they know that they deserve it, regardless.
People like me, we beat ourselves over and over; and honestly, for things we deserve, but that we feel are too aggrandizing or too close for comfort. And now that I have realized that I am that person, I will practice to say ‘Thank You’ without explaining why I deserve the compliment. I will practice to say this is what I am the best at, because I am.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel they have not said enough. ~ Mark Twain
Mark Twain had no chills! For who? When I grow up, I want to have that kind of confidence – and feel embarrassed when the compliments aren’t enough. Doh!
Wishing you a productive week ahead. May you give and receive some compliments; and do it wholeheartedly!
Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*