Yesterday I sat back and just thought about myself, I’ve been doing that of late. Sometimes, we’re so self-absorbed that we think that we’re the best there ever could be. And the truth is that maybe you are, at least from your point of view. Why should you think any less of yourself? That would be doing yourself injustice. You should think of yourself highly. So highly that when anyone tells you otherwise, it doesn’t faze you.
You’re like a cup filled with your favorite beverage. Such that even when some spills, you’ll feel the pinch, but it doesn’t worry you so much because what’s left will still quench your thirst. And every time you empty that cup, you have to constantly keep filling it with your favorite beverage for later when you need it.
Your favorite beverage in this case being those things that keep you going, those things that give you life. I remember there’s someone (actually, now that I think of it, not one but two people) who told me … Firs one, “You know you always think that you never do anything wrong. You think of yourself as a saint” and the other, “You know you just think everyone likes you, but you would be surprised.” Well, I don’t think I responded to either, because I was busy swallowing the large potato that had stuck on my throat, low blow! Of course I knew it was to taunt me, and I took it in with humility, because I’m susceptible to defending myself. So all this time, it’s been somewhere at the back of my mind. Up until yesterday when I took the time to think about it. Who I really am, based on what I love – which is what keeps me going and really gives me life.
- I am generally a happy-go-lucky person. I like seeing people around me lively, and I will try my best to pass that spirit around. Whether it’s greetings, encouragement, up beat interjections … I just go for it – except when I’m dealing with my lows – I always try to mask it, but it shows – fail.
- I love being happy, and just the idea of it gets me going. For me, happiness means that I am content with myself really, because everything else outside me is pretty much not in my control. And so I try to enjoy the moment, and when I am not, I try by all means to pick myself up. I look for things that will get me back to that state of happiness – even if just in my mind and not physically – like I might not be bubbly on the outside at that moment but in my mind I’ve really given myself a serious pep talk on how happy I should be.
- I love loving and being shown some love, saying it too. I love laughing, I love talking, I love dancing, and I love sharing my opinions on things.
- I love arguing over those opinions – especially with people who have differing ones – even though sometimes I am wrong – I still believe there is some right in there, but I want to be convinced otherwise.
- I love understanding things – and my next automatic question if I don’t get it would be ‘but I don’t understand why…’ and for that reason, I’m quite inquisitive too.
- I love my personal space, and that sometimes makes me a loner – even though in the same breath I love people, and I enjoy hanging out with them – especially ones that involve good food, good music, good flicks and good vibes.
- I love work, house or otherwise, basically anything that would keep my thoughts extremely occupied and focused – so that I don’t worry over unnecessary things; and also so that I feel valuable. I love my sleep too.
- I love being on people’s good side. I don’t like enemies or generally having bad vibes around me. Whenever there’s a hint of it, I feel like I need to right the situation. And so I find that I’m the one who’s always quick to say sorry even when I don’t need to be or try to review the situation to see where things went wrong, and approach it the best way I can. It’s usually quite a delicate balance – because sometimes I totally get it wrong and mess it all up; wrong time, wrong place, wrong person type of scenarios. It could be a complex…lol, but over time I have learnt that I can’t please everyone – and sometimes it’s okay to just let it go and let it be.
- I love stories – and I can quiz someone until they tell a story they weren’t anticipating to narrate, which I figured is mostly annoying. That fuels my love for reading and watching movies. Since I can’t experience everything, when I read, listen to or watch other peoples experiences, it makes me feel like I have experienced it too.
- I love writing, because it’s my therapy – when I think too much and I can’t talk about it, I’d rather write it out.
What this made me realize is that in as much as all these things give me so much life, these same things are the ones that bring out my good side and my flaws in the same measure; and I have had to accept that’s what makes me who I am. It also made me realize that,
Everyone is fighting their own personal battles every single moment. Some may seem better, others worse, others bigger, others smaller, others short term, others long term; but nonetheless it’s a battle and we’re just warriors trying to come out victors.
So today I pray that God gives you the strength to face your battles, fight them if need be, or even embrace them. That you may find peace in the midst of it all; and that you may have compassion for those you encounter in your path, because you don’t know what battle they’re fighting.
Be that victorious warrior.
To love, light & peace!
What are some of the things that give you so much life; yet at the same time, they’re what sums up your good side and your flaws to make you who you are? Do share 🙂
Signing Off ~~~ *Kawi*